Hongbin made the team in the fall and became popular instantly. Everyone saw the quiet boy for what he was, and that was an extremely nice guy and an amazing soccer player. Except, now everyone could see what Jaehwan already knew. And they realized he was cool. Cool enough to be friends with more people.

Jaehwan went to all of the games. He would hover in the back, sometimes by the food stand or high - up on the bleachers. And he would watch Hongbin be popular. Praises on the field, and socializing when getting water. Sometimes Jaehwan would leave early.

He was at the field less, and he was too tired to play even when he was free. They hung out once and awhile. Watch movies or play videogames. But Hongbin would fall asleep during the shows and get sloppy during the games. It just wasn't the same.

I helped him with homework every once and awhile, which was weird because he was smarter, but also a top player so he couldn't do his homework as much. I would do it for him, or let him copy. His grades were dropping, but I was helping him keep it up.

This year he was changed. More talkative. I cornered him one day.

“You're still my best friend, Jae.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

During Choseok break, that was when we got to play. We went to the field, raking the leaves to make piles to jump in. And we wrestled, giggling and squirming like we were five. And it was good. It felt good. I had him back. Deep down, he was my best friend.

But he was...more than that. We had more skinship. Hugging, touching. And my heart would get fluttery. I didn't make much of it until it would go on. Flutter. Flutter. Flutter. His hand brushing mine, his leg rubbing against mine.

And I would think of him. A lot. Like “a lot a lot.” I heard of guys liking other guys, and that gay word and homouales but I never considered myself one. I mean. I couldn't like a guy. But his perfect smile and musical laugh. It wasn't normal.

Maybe I was a little gay for him.

And yet I wanted more from him.