surprise. yes it's really an update. not a notice.

length: about 3.7k~

enjoy~

 

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He tried so many times to recollect himself but all his effort was in vain.

 

No matter how many times he tried to fix himself, he just couldn’t. He was just too broken.

 

Another day came, another day wasted, and Chanyeol spent more and more of his time drowning in self-pity and regret.

 

Ever since Baekhyun left, his life was pretty much a wrecking mess. Visits to the bars became more frequent and his drinking habit had gotten much worse. It wasn’t about the taste and how it lingered in his mouth but it’s about its’ effectiveness in making him feel numb. It devoured the pain.

 

When he’s just too tired to even drag himself out from his apartment, he took out his stocks of beer from the fridge and drunk himself out. Cans after cans after cans.

 

He tried to stop, pull himself together and somehow get out of this hole of mess. But what was he thinking? How could he get out if Baekhyun’s not there anymore to reach out his hand? How could he change for the better when the only source of his light wasn’t there anymore?

 

And then there’s that painful feeling again in his chest. The hard blow to his gut. The throbbing and awful headache. Soon, he was crying. Again. He’d lost count of how many sleepless nights he’d spent crying over his other half. He even wondered why at this point his tears hadn’t run out.

 

. He just wanted all of this to stop.

 

Stop being such a cry-baby and move the on. It’s been years anyway, so get a grip, Chanyeol. Baekhyun’s out there somewhere, spending time with his new lover and you should too. Get over him, get a new lover. If there’s a slight chance where Baekhyun might have still cared about you, he would want you to move on too, yes?

 

Y-Yes. No. Maybe? How could I possibly know when Baekhyun obviously doesn’t care anymore?

 

That’s the truth that Chanyeol had been trying to put through his thick head, that Baekhyun didn’t care anymore, that he’s with someone new and wasn’t going to look back at him, ever.

 

 

 

---

 

 

 

The day when he saw Baekhyun with that someone—what’s his name? ah yes, Sehun—it burned deeply inside Chanyeol’s mind. It got to the point where every time it resurfaced, it’s like he forgot for a second how to breathe. It was suffocating.

 

Some people said that it may hurt to let go, but sometimes it hurts more to hold on. So Chanyeol did just that.

 

 

He let go.

 

 

He let go of everything. He let Baekhyun go.

 

It hurt. It hurt like hell but he chose to let go. All that mattered to him was Baekhyun’s happiness. If Baekhyun couldn’t be happy with him then he had to let go. For him, Baekhyun was his everything, his world, his universe. But if Baekhyun didn’t feel the same way, then it’s okay. He would be okay. As long as Baekhyun’s happy then everything would be okay. Eventually.

 

But he would be lying if he never hoped that maybe there’s a tiny little chance that Baekhyun would come back to him. It’s a wishful thought and he knew it was impossible, but his heart somehow secretly yearned for it.

 

 

 

---

 

 

 

He made his resolution. He promised to himself to let go of his habit, to cut back all the drinks and pull himself out from the mess. It’s hard, but he told himself that he wasn’t a quitter. He wanted to change for the better so he had to fight for it. They were baby steps and he’s doing fairly well—

 

 

—until the wedding news came to him.

 

 

It wasn’t supposed to hurt because he had let him go. He was supposed to be happy because this was what he wanted, right? For Baekhyun to be happy?

 

But it hurt. A lot. He knew that crack in his heart but this time it felt worst. He could feel the burn in his heart and the sting that came with it.

 

But he didn’t cry. Not a single tear fell down from his eyes.

 

Maybe that was it, the moment where he had gone numb. The pain was short-lived and then there’s nothing. He couldn’t feel anything. Either it’s because he had truly let Baekhyun go and genuinely felt happy for him or he was just so broken that nothing could possibly break him even more.

 

No more tears, but he’s back with his drinking.

 

The love of his life was getting married and there’s nothing he could do to change that. Nothing.

 

 

 

---

 

 

 

Chanyeol could’ve just stayed. It didn’t have anything to do with him anymore so he could’ve just stayed in place and continued with his own life. But he didn’t know why there’s this sudden urge to just get the hell out of the country. He needed to get out from there, fast. He didn’t care where he was going to but he needed to escape. It’s ridiculous and unreasonable but it, I’m running away.

 

Several things that could distract him from all of his problems were college, work and drinks. It worked before… right? It cost him Baekhyun—how could he forget? So he’s going to do it again.

 

He told his parents that he’s going to continue his studies abroad, saying that the schools were better there and maybe he would get better chances and stuff. They were reluctant at first, arguing that there were also great schools in Korea but eventually they let him go abroad.

 

Europe, to be exact.

 

So with that, Chanyeol arranged everything for his Master degree and finally booked a ticket to Italy. He chose the flight on the same day as Baekhyun’s wedding day. Gosh, Chanyeol, you just have to relate everything to him, don’t you? He shook his head and chuckled to himself. You’re pathetic, Chanyeol.

 

Maybe, yes, I am pathetic. But take it as a new beginning, a fresh start. It’s like an official date where we separate ways. From now on, he’s going to live his own life and I’m going to live mine. We won’t interfere with each other lives again.

 

 

 

---

 

 

 

The day came and it happened.

 

Chanyeol boarded the plane while Baekhyun walked down the aisle.

 

 

 

---

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Baekhyun, what the hell are you doing?!”

 

“Jongdae, I—Chanyeol.. I need Chanyeol.”

 

“Baek—“

 

“I need him, Jongdae.”

 

“Baekhyun—“

 

“I need to talk to him. I need to apologize. I need to say sorry.”

 

“Baekhyun, stop.”

 

“Jongdae, please. I need—“

 

“Baekhyun, listen to me. You can’t.”

 

“W-what..?”

 

“You can’t because you won’t find him.”

 

“Wait—what? What do you mean I won’t find him? He’s probably at home playing his guitar or something.”

 

“No, Baek.”

 

“Jongdae—“

 

“You won’t find him in his apartment. You won’t find him at work. You won’t find him anywhere because he’s already gone, Baek. His plane took off an hour ago.”

 

Baekhyun was drenched in cold sweat, hands were trembling and tears were ready to fall.

 

“P-Plane..?”

 

Jongdae nodded.

 

“Ah—“  Baekhyun let out a nervous laugh, “I know. He’s on vacation, right?”

 

To this, Jongdae shook his head. “No, Baek. He.. just left. Gone. Out of the country.”

 

“No.. He’s—no. You’re joking, right?” Baekhyun let out a dry laugh. “…Right?”

 

“...I’m not joking.”

 

“Well did he tell you where he’s going?”

 

“I’m sorry, Baek.. But, no. He didn’t tell me or any of our friends. He just said that he’s going somewhere.. far.”

 

Baekhyun couldn’t hold it any longer so he let his tears strolled down his cheeks.

 

Where is he going? What does he mean somewhere far? Will he be okay? Will he be safe?

All of these thoughts were clouding his mind and he felt suffocated.

 

“Baekhyun..” Jongdae’s touch on his shoulder pulled him out from his thoughts. “Baek, it’s Sehun..”

 

Ah, that’s right. I was about to get married, was I?

 

“Baekhyun,” Sehun’s voice was stern yet confused, “Baekhyun, what’s going on?”

 

“Sehun, I—“ Baekhyun paused to take a deep breath, “I’m so s-sorry.. But I can’t do this. I can’t.. I can’t marry you..”

 

“What do you mean you can’t marry me? What’s wrong? Did something happen?”

 

“No, nothing happened. It’s just..” Baekhyun was having a hard time to choose his words. Like, how could you possibly explain to your current fiancé that you suddenly realized that you’re still in love with your ex, moments before you exchange your vows? Even if he chose his words carefully, Sehun would still be hurt in the end.

 

Was this some sort of his habit now, always hurting the ones he loved?

 

“Baekhyun, talk to me.”

 

“I’m sorry, Sehun.. I’m really really sorry..”

 

Strike two. Way to go, Byun Baekhyun.

 

“I need to be somewhere else right now.. I’ll explain to you later..” I hope you’ll somehow understand, was what he wanted to say but chose to leave that part for some other time.

 

He then grabbed Jongdae’s wrist, ran out of the church, hailed a cab and just like that, he’s gone out of everyone’s sight, ignoring the shouts of his name.

 

It’s ironic how he kept running away when Chanyeol desperately tried to reach him, but now that he finally stopped running to look back, Chanyeol had already turned away, walking to the opposite direction, leaving him alone.

 

 

 

---

 

 

 

“Are you sure his plane took off an hour ago? Maybe you heard it wrong.“

 

“Baekhyun, calm down—“

 

“Maybe he’s still at the boarding gate. Do you think we’ll make it in time to the airport?”

 

“Baekhyun, stop.”

 

“Excuse me, Sir, could you take us to the airport, please?”

 

“Baekhyun, stop.” Jongdae shouted. He gripped Baekhyun’s trembling shoulders. “He called me, Baek. He called me to tell that he’s boarding the plane and he’s leaving the country. There’s no way he got the time wrong. Even if we go to the airport now, you’re not going to find him. He’s gone, Baek, he’s gone!”

 

Baekhyun was stunned by his outburst and for the nth time, Jongdae sighed. He didn’t mean to shout at his best friend but he got to stop him from making things even more complicated. He loosened his grip on Baekhyun’s shoulders. The boy was still trembling. “Baekhyun.. I don’t know why you’re doing this but you need to calm down.. You can’t think straight if you’re frantic like this.”

 

 

 

---

 

 

 

Eventually, they arrived at Jongdae’s place. Baekhyun sat on the couch and Jongdae retrieved a glass of water from the kitchen and handed it over to him. He drank it slowly and ended it with a sigh. He leaned back on the couch and so did Jongdae.

 

“Why do I feel like it’s a déjà vu?” Jongdae glanced at his best friend.

 

“It’s because I’m running away again…” Baekhyun brought both of his hands to cover his face.

 

“Ah, that’s right. You need to stop running away from things .“

 

“I know. I think it has become my habit.”

 

“And you have to let it go. You can’t run away forever, Baek. Sooner or later, you’ve got to deal with it. First of all you need to apologize to Sehun and explain things. He must be confused as hell right now.”

 

 

 

---

 

 

 

Chanyeol didn’t know what was happening back in Korea because he cut the ties to everything so he wasn’t informed, he wasn’t updated. All he knew was that Baekhyun was married and he’d become a husband to another man.

 

He didn’t know that Baekhyun had backed out, that Baekhyun had run away, that Baekhyun was running back to him.

 

He continued with his life just like he promised. He continued his studies, he found new friends there and even though every now and then he still had thoughts about Baekhyun, the pinch to his heart was bearable. He would just brush it off and smiled it away.

 

He’s still struggling with his drinking habit though. He still stored cans and cans of beers in his fridge just in case he needed them. Some nights he would just drink them all up but some other nights he would stay sober enough to stop. He realized—although it’s very late—that he didn’t want to waste his life like this. He desperately needed to stop—

 

 

—and that’s where he met Kyungsoo.

 

 

The boy was one of his Korean friends he met in his new school. Although they took different majors but they clicked instantly. He was wonderful. He was beautiful. He was very patient and was always concerned of Chanyeol’s being. He was smart too. He was simply amazing but that’s the case—he reminded him of Baekhyun so much. Even their height was about the same. The only difference was that Baekhyun was a bubbly, cheerful type of person while Kyungsoo was more quite and calm.

 

It’s not fair. I’ve travelled thousands of kilometers just to forget you but here I am, seeing you in another person.

 

It’s not fair either for Kyungsoo. He’s the first person among his new friends to know about his drinking habit. He’s the one who stayed late at night or even stayed until the sun rose just to make sure that Chanyeol was doing fine. He’s the one who helped Chanyeol to pull through, he’s there for him 24/7.

 

He’s a whole different person yet all Chanyeol could see was Baekhyun, Baekhyun, and Baekhyun.

 

One time when Chanyeol was drunk and Kyungsoo had to help him to get to the bed, he accidently murmured Baekhyun’s name in his sleep. It brought a frown upon Kyungsoo’s forehead so it was inevitable that on the next day, Kyungsoo carefully asked him who Baekhyun was. He had no choice other than to tell him about his past—how could he not when Kyungsoo was just so concern and looking at him with those big, round eyes of his—about Baekhyun and how all of those started his drinking habit.

 

Kyungsoo looked at him with so much sincerity that it made him feel guilty to think that Kyungsoo was Baekhyun. The boy even promised that he would help him let go of his habit no matter how hard it was and would always be there for him. He embraced the latter and murmured a soft thank you.

 

You have to appreciate what he’s doing for you, Chanyeol. Remember what you did to Baekhyun? He’s done so much for you yet you chose to be an . You closed him off and you made him leave. Don’t repeat the same mistake. Make Kyungsoo stay.

 

How he wished to turn back time where he could cherish what Baekhyun had done for him. If he was better, he would never ever let Baekhyun go. If he was given the chance, he would snatch Baekhyun back in a blink of an eye.

 

But it was all too late. He couldn’t turn back the time so he just had to cherish what he had now.

 

He had to cherish Kyungsoo.

 

 

 

---

 

 

 

A year through their close friendship, Chanyeol could say that he’s doing pretty well. He’s slowly turning back to his old self—the jokester among his friends, the mood booster, that one positive guy. He’s back being Chanyeol, The Happy Virus, and it’s mainly because of Kyungsoo.

 

Holiday came and Chanyeol decided to go back home to Korea with Kyungsoo. The latter was delighted and agreed immediately.

 

They took turns having sleepover in each other house but most of time, Kyungsoo spent time in Chanyeol’s. They played games, watched movies and cooked dinner together. Yes, Kyungsoo was also an amazing cook.

 

They also spent time with their own families so when Kyungsoo wasn’t around, Chanyeol finally had the time to actually be alone and drown in his own thoughts.

 

He’s back in Korea and maybe just several miles away from his old friends. He might run into them on his way to the supermarket or maybe in the mall or something. He might run into Kai, Luhan, Lay-hyung, Suho-hyung, Minseok-hyung, Jongdae and …Baekhyun.

 

Right, Baekhyun.

 

He hadn’t thought about him for the last couple of months and now he’s slightly afraid that he might actually run into the boy and maybe his husband. He didn’t know how to react if it happened. Should he take another route? Should he run? Should he pretend that he didn’t see him? Or should he smile and pretend that nothing ever happened between them? Like ‘they’ never happened.

 

He pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. He’s over him, right? So this shouldn’t be a problem to him. He could just smile and pass him. Yeah, he could do that.

 

Leaving Baekhyun aside, he thought he owed Jongdae an apology, for leaving all of the sudden, so abruptly and didn’t tell the guy where he’s going. He knew Jongdae was searching for him, trying to contact him back when he just landed in Italy but he chose to ignore the calls and changed his phone number. After that, there were no calls at all and he preferred it to stay that way.

 

He opted to give Jongdae a text or a call to apologize or at least to inform him that he’s back in Korea. He knew that there’s a chance that the latter might not answer him but it’s worth a try.

 

He decided to text him saying that he’s back and he’s doing fine. To his surprise, Jongdae answered just a couple minutes later, starting with, “Chanyeol? Park Chanyeol? Is that you?” and ended with, “. Where have you been you ? Don’t you ing know how worried I am? It’s been a year man and you chose to only contact me now? Dammit Park, where are you? Let me punch your perfect face.”

 

Chanyeol almost spit out the water he’d been drinking but he chuckled anyway. Yes, same old Jongdae, still cursing a lot.

 

He was about to text back an answer when a call came. Jongdae.

 

The moment he answered the call, he was greeted with the latter’s loud voice and curses. He slightly flinched but he missed this. He missed talking to Jongdae. They exchanged several words, asking about this and that, promising to meet each other soon when the time’s right.

 

 

 

---

 

 

 

Eventually, the news about Chanyeol reached to Baekhyun and it was Jongdae who cautiously told him. Park Chanyeol’s going to kill me for this but Jongdae thought that Baekhyun deserved to know.

 

It was like the world around him suddenly stopped revolving. He waited for a year and now the man he loved was back. He wanted to see him but didn’t know what to say. Would Chanyeol want to see him though after all the times he closed the giant off? Would Chanyeol want to see him after all the times he made the giant desperately wait? Would Chanyeol want to see him after he left him and said his goodbyes? He’s not sure but he wanted to know if Chanyeol’s okay.

 

“Baek, I know that he’s back but are you sure about this? You’ve never contacted him in the last five years..”

 

“I know but I need to see him, Dae. I need to apologize. I need him back.”

 

“Baek—just.. wait. Give him some time. Give yourself some time. Think about the choices and the outcomes. I assure you that he’s doing fine. He’s okay now.”

 

“But—“

 

“I promise I’ll give you his new address, but you have to think rationally, Baek. Think about how he feels about this. Will he be okay if you confront him? Will he be okay if you ask him about personal things, about the past, about both of you? Think about those things. I don’t want you or Chanyeol getting hurt all over again.”

 

Baekhyun contemplated Jongdae’s words and eventually agreed. He needed to give both of them time to sort out things.

 

 

 

---

 

 

 

It was two weeks later that Baekhyun finally had the courage to go and talk to Chanyeol. He took the bus and maybe he picked the wrong day because in the middle of the ride, the rain poured heavily. It was dark and hazy and he didn’t bring an umbrella. So from the nearest bus stop to Chanyeol’s house, he had to walk under the heavy rain. He was drenched in the cold and he really hoped that Chanyeol’s at home or else, this was all for nothing.

 

He eventually found the latter’s house and after double-checking the address he summoned up his courage to knock on the door. He hesitated at first but he’s not backing out now. He’s done with running away and this time he chose to settle everything for once.

 

He knocked once. He knocked twice. When he’s about to knock for the third time, the door suddenly opened…

 

 

 

---

 

 

 

“Do you hear that, Yeol?” Kyungsoo straightened up his body. “I think I heard knocks on the door.”

 

Chanyeol frowned a little but then he heard the knocking sound himself.

 

“Were you expecting someone?”

 

Chanyeol tried to recall whether he had invited someone over that evening but, “No. I didn’t invite anyone.”

 

“Hmm. I didn’t invite anyone either. I’ll go take a look then.” With that, Kyungsoo got out from Chanyeol’s bed and headed towards the front door.

 

Maybe it was the mailman or one of their friends stopping by for a surprise visit, but there stood a dishevelled boy, soaked in the cold rain.

 

“Chanyeol? Oh—“ Baekhyun felt his heart drop.

 

 

W-Who are you..?

 

 

The man in front of him was gorgeous. His eyes were big and round, his lips were heart-shaped, he’s about the same height as himself and what is he doing in Chanyeol’s house?

 

“I’m—I’m sorry but is Chanyeol home?”

 

Kyungsoo tilted his head in confusion, “Yeah but I’m sorry.. You are..?”

 

Before Baekhyun could introduce himself—

 

—“ Kyungsoo.”

 

Baekhyun froze. He knew that voice. “Who is it?”

 

His heartbeat fastened, his breath quickened. The cold weather didn't help at all. He was shaking and shivering.

 

And when Chanyeol got to the door, everything just stopped.

 

 

It’s the first time he saw Chanyeol in five years and the boy was still painfully, breathtakingly beautiful.

 

 

“B-Baekhyun?”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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hey guysss omg i've finally updated *O* i know it's lame and poop but I UPDATED. HAH.

for those who are constantly waiting for an update, THANK YOU. i know it's been a while so i'm sorry if my writings aren't satisfying... ;_;

(although i'm pretty sure no one's waiting for an update though... ha ha)

anyways, i got a week of holiday so i was determined to at least post an update. i miss writing and i miss updating so here it is.

so.. what do you guys think? /sweats nervously/ ha ha. give me your honest opinion guys. lol.

 

again, i truly apologize for any grammatical errors, mistakes and typosss i'll edit them as soon as i spot them ;_;

anyways as usual, comments are HIGHLY APPRECIATED ♥♥♥

 

i'm working on the next chapter but again, i don't know when i will be able to post it. I'M SORRY OKAY D':

put the blame on college. nah just kidding. actually no, YES PUT THE BLAME ON COLLEGE. HAHA. /just ignore this/ /please/

 

that's all i guesssss so i'll see you soon lovelies! :-----) ♥

*** talk to me on twitter *** //w\\

keep supporting CHANBAEK and EXO!

♥ @yourelephantsky

 

 

 

OMG DID YOU SEE THE V LIVE WHERE EXO WENT BOWLING?????

CHANBAEK ARE SO BOYFRIENDS LIKE YOU CAN'T DENY IT THEY'RE SO LOVELY OMG I CAN'T STOP SQUEEAAALINGGG!!! ♥♥♥♥♥

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