"The sky is blue and the sun is shining. So my tears are even more noticeable.

Why is it you? Why it have to be you? Why can't I leave you?"

- I Need U.

A nightmare. That what had woke him up from his sleep. Hoseok was woken up from his nightmare with a pounding heart, convinced that he had only imagined it wasn’t reality. It was the same nightmare; the nightmare that haunted him ever since three months ago.  In his dream, he could see two figures standing right next to each other, cherishing the other, holding hands and smiling sweetly at each other, before their lips touched passionately.

He really wanted to scream, yell or do something every time the images of the newfound lovers ran across his mind. He wanted to yell at them to stop them and to prevent them from displaying their affection for each other in his presence... but he just couldn’t. Every single word that lingered in his mind was stuck in his throat, unable to be spoken out. All he could do was stare at them helplessly with a searing pain in his heart as he continued to watch them from far. When she suddenly turned her body away from his trusted friend and noticed his existence, while slowly calling for his name that was filled with guilt and regret…he was awake, and once again…it was just merely a nightmare, a nightmare that held a feeling of reality in it.

Hoseok leaned his tired body on the pillow placed behind his back, rubbing his face and hair miserably before he wiped off a cold sweat around his neck and forehead. He titled his head slightly to the right, as he grabbed a picture frame that was placed on a table next to his bed. Hoseok stared at the picture as his lips began to form a smile, a bitter and rotten smile. Without even realizing, he shed his tears and whispered to the picture as if it had an ability to hear or to reply to his feelings, his bitter confessions. That was what he started to do three months ago; when he suddenly woke up in the middle of night because of the nightmare. The delicate picture frame would be his companion, listening to all of his heartbroken sobs and words... and it was the sole witness to every single drop of his tears.

‘…Do you know that feeling…the feeling of being alive and dead, both at the same time? When it seems like you are just going through with different notions of life, without actually living it. I do, I know that feeling very well. I live with it, eat with it and often sleep with it….I hate you…no…I wish I do…

There are times I hate you because I can’t erase the times you hurt me and put tears on my face…even though you’re gone from my life, I've constantly tried to hate you, to forgive you, mostly to just forget you, but it seems that my weak heart is telling me that I'm only capable of loving you. You're tattooed onto my skin, and the more I try to erase you, the deeper you sink in…and the more you sink in, the more it hurts when I try again.

I did the searching and remembering, all you did was disappearing and forgetting…So it’s true, when all is said and done, grief is the price we pay for love…. And tonight I’m lying down on my bed, missing you so badly as always….’

He closed his eyes, before his gaze returned to the picture. He frantically stood up; throwing the framed picture off his balcony just to hear his own heart shatter. He remained heartbroken, which meant only one thing; his love was pure, true and earthshakingly significant. Hoseok stared at the picture covered with glass shards on it before he looked away, screaming to his heart's content; trying to let all painful memories out from his mind and mainly from his heart, but he knew he couldn’t. He tried pushing all those memories down... down into the deepest part of his heart. That way, one would be able to see it. If he crushed it, maybe it would eventually go away. That's what he hoped for every day. But what could he do? He didn't really want to lose these memories at all…because his love for her was still alive and it never stopped growing, for his heart and mind only yearned for her. Her touch, her sound, her...presence. 

Staring at the picture helplessly, Hoseok sat at the corner of his bed, knees tucked into his chest and his arms wrapped around his quivering shoulders. And so, the sky went from dark gray to almost black. Suddenly, a loud thunder boom accompanied the first few raindrops that fell but he could honestly care less that the glass door that separated his room and the balcony was still left widely open. The rain fell like dead bullets shooting straight into his heart. Each drop hurt more than the previous and the more drops that fell, the more he felt his beating heart slowly tear apart piece by piece. He looked down, roughly wiping his hot tears and slowly moved to the balcony.

He stepped on the broken glass unknowingly, causing his bare foot to bleed, but he ignored the pain and tried to pick the picture that was already soaked by the rain drops when he suddenly froze. His ears caught a loud sound that came from outside of his room, he thought it was  the striking sound of thunder, only to be  surprised when it wasn't. Slowly, he walked out from his room and headed straight to the front door. The moment he opened the door, a small figure suddenly fell right into his embrace. Hoseok was taken aback, examining the half-conscious body covered by wet cloth as his eyes widened. Was he hallucinating or was this just another part of his nightmares?

“Ji-Hye?!”

Her eyes opened slightly and weakly, whispering his name soullessly with tears began to flow on her reddish cheeks. Hoseok froze. He didn’t know what to do or how to react to her sudden reappearance. Should he chase her away? Should he hug her and comfort her just like what he used to do when they were still together? Should he-

“…I-…sorry…I’m truly sorry…It's all my fault...”

Hoseok could hear those words clearly, and instead of replying her; Hoseok wrapped his arms around her as he carried her into his room. Changing her wet cloth into his, he laid her down on his bed and covered her cold, shivering body with a blanket. Her cold body was burning, and at the corner of her eyes, he could see tears… tears that he wished he never would have to see. With Jihye suddenly appearing in front of his house in the middle of that rainy night, Hoseok found himself desperately seeking for a solution to the mind-racking and confusion filled situation.

What had brought her here? What had happened to her? She looked awfully rotten, hurt, and miserable and it shattered his heart even more. Hoseok hadn't met back with her after their painful break up three months ago and he thought she’d be living happily with Seokjin. Hoseok guessed he was wrong, completely wrong.  She looked completely different from what he had imagined.

Hoseok sighed in silence, looking at her motionless figure. Whether she already fell asleep or was still unconscious, Hoseok couldn’t decide. He was confused. He missed her but he couldn’t bring himself to say it. He couldn’t express his feelings because he was afraid of getting hurt in other ways. Putting all the feelings of confusion and depression aside, he eventually ended up taking care of someone that he thought he would never see or hear from ever again.

“Why do our stories have no ending?” Hoseok muttered, hoping that she could hear him, but he knew she couldn't. She was still motionless with her eyes tightly shut; only her heavy breathing was heard in the room filled with an awkward silence. Sometimes, her forehead furrowed as if she was having a terrifying nightmare.

“…I loved you.” He continued, whispering right into her ears.

 “…and I cared for you when no one else did and you turned around, ripped it up and threw it back at my face like it meant nothing to you .....And now, you came back…What do I do now? I didn’t think my heart could break any more than it already has. The pieces still inside of me feel like broken glass. Every time I take a breath, they stab into me. It never ends.... You did love me, just not the same way I loved you. When I say I'm going to forget you, I know it's impossible and that I am only trying to comfort my own mind and heart. It is practically impossible to forget someone I once knew, especially when that person filled up a big space in my heart, my heart that is now being torn apart because of her. What I want is to erase you from my thoughts and purge you from my memories. I'm saying it's what I wish for, not what is or could ever be…..and I wish you could hear me now….”

His eyes were still on her face, cherishing her flushed cheeks and silky hair. Before he could go any further, he backed off trembling; walking out of the room and trying to find some peace elsewhere. He realized that he was leaving her alone in the dark room.

The bedroom door was shut from outside, and at that time…Jihye opened her eyes, watching Hoseok's silhouette faded away. Her head was aching, dizzy and painfully hurt, but her heart felt more than that. She could felt a gentle hand touching her hair and she was awoken by that. It shattered her heart to million pieces when she barely heard every single word that Hoseok spoke. She realized that what had brought her to him on that night.

‘I can hear you, I know I’m the one who has shattered the perfection that was our souls as one and… I still love you...and I reciprocate what you feel…’

He couldn’t close his eyes for even a second, and Seokjin eventually got up from his bed. It wasn't due to insomnia, it was because of him…he forced his tired body to not fall asleep as his mind kept replaying what had happened last night. The meeting between Jihye and him last night…that  was what had been bothering him mentally and physically since he put his head on the pillow. The heavy rain last night forced Seokjin's already worn out mind to stay awake and wonder about Jihye.

What if something bad happened to her? If that really happened, then there would be no one else more fit to take the blame and accept the consequences except for himself. He really wished he had the courage and power to stop her from leaving him last night, but he had no right to do it anymore. In fact, he never had that right in the first place.  He wasn’t someone who had an authority to act that way anymore. He was nobody right now, nobody to her and even to his closest friend; Jung Hoseok. The fact that the couple made in heaven were suffering because of his stupid mistake and lack of awareness haunted him. He was just merely a stranger or a nuisance to their broken relationship, he knew that well enough to be able to say it in his painful slumber.

Seokjin walked back and forth, wandering around his living room anxiously. He couldn’t stay still and his mind didn’t stop thinking about something that shouldn’t happen for even a second…he couldn’t bear it anymore! Everything ended in the way that he never wished or imagined it could be.  Tidying his messy hair and preparing himself, Seokjin headed straight to the door house with a mind setting to look for Jihye. He was awkwardly frozen the moment he opened the door; Hoseok was right in front of his doorstep, probably waiting for him to come out or maybe already had plan to knock the door. Seokjin was just one step ahead, just like he was one step ahead of Hoseok when Jihye needed comforting while at her worst.

“Hoseok-ah!” Seokjin exclaimed, taking a few step backward, back into his house as Hoseok followed in silence. Waiting for Hoseok to start the conversation, Seokjin glanced at Hoseok before he looked away. He didn't look well in Seokjin eyes for his body gestures were sudden and filled with force. His haggard look was further enhanced by his tired eyes that were shaking uncontrollably and his face that was a sickly pale color. Hoseok's cheekbones jutted out from his once rosy and perky cheeks. It looked like he had lost weight, a little too much weight for Seokjin's liking. Then again, what Seokjin liked probably meant nothing more than a whispering gush of wind to Hoseok's ears. 

“…What is actually happening, hyung?” Hoseok finally spoke up, looking straight into Seokjin eyes and giving away the fact that he was desperately in need of an answer. That was the first time after three months since he last talked to Sueokjin. Hoseok even avoided meeting Seokjin at the university too but only for this time, he couldn’t avoid the inevitable confrontation anymore. He needed to find out what was actually happening between Seokjin and Jihye. With that thought, he decided to meet Seokjin that early in the morning; sneakily leaving Jihye who was still sleeping in his room.

“I…”

“What have the hell you’ve done to Jihye?! Aren’t you supposed to make her happy; provide for her the love that I couldn’t?! How come all I see you doing is making her cry!” Hoseok exploded furiously as he grabbed Seokjin’s neck and almost punched him on the face before he suddenly stopped, trying to regain his self-control. Seokjin didn’t show any reaction, he didn’t even try to avoid Hoseok's flying fist when his friend almost punch him.

“Go on! Do it! Why did you stop?! Hit me! Curse me for being the bastard that ruined your perfect fairytale relationship!! I know, I deserved that after ruining your love life, I deserve all those things!!! Heck, why the hell are you still calling me Hyung? Shouldn't my new name be traitor? I was hoping that you’d punch me the day when you saw Jihye and myself, but you didn’t; all you did was leave in silence and gave up on her without even trying to claim her back! That’s what made me feel even guiltier! I don't think I can live with this feeling anymore... It's torturing me!”

Listening that, Hoseok slowly backed off; distancing himself from Seokjin and eyed his friend wearily. He closed his eyes for a few seconds, inhaling. Opening his eyes to face the reality, he calmly spoke.

“We have nothing to do with each other anymore. Everything is over and she’s no longer owns my heart…I don't know what she is to me now; a stranger, mostly. It's as if she has become a part of a different world, one that doesn't include me anymore....She came to me last night but she doesn’t look good. To pick her up and send her home, or give her a ride back to her home with you.  That’s all I wanted to do. Other than that, I don’t care anymore!” Hoseok muttered coldly, and it was obviously a lie. He tried hard in faking the truth but it wasn’t sounded convincing enough in Seokjin’s eyes.

“Sometimes, it's easier to pretend you don't care than to admit that it's killing you.”

Seokjin replied, knowing it was a lie but Hoseok stayed silent, not trying to deny or admitting the unspeakable truth. He could see that from Hoseok’s expression.

“I just want to know what had happened to both of you last night! Stop saying those unnecessary words like you actually know what is going through my head.”

“…A break up…if that is even a suitable phrase to describe what happened to Jihye and I last night, because I never felt like we’re truly lovers to start with… Because I never really had Jihye at all, I didn't think it would hurt this much to lose her.”

“You left her?!”

“We decided to move on, without each other…”

“But she loves you!”

“Correction, she loves you ...Hoseok. She has only ever loved you and I can surely promise you that she still does…”

"Bull!"

“You two are bound to one another. You always have been…and you can't run away from what you are. No matter where you go, your feelings for her are going to follow you.  Maybe I was destined to forever fall in love with people I couldn’t have. Maybe there’s a whole assortment of impossible people waiting for me to find them, waiting to make me feel the same impossibility over and over again. Three months ago, if you asked me, I would have told you that if you really loved someone, you’d let them go. But now I look at you, and I dreamed about Jihye, and I see that I’ve been wrong. If you really love her, I think you have to take her back.”

“No, hyung…you’re-”

“Fights don't mean that your relationship is about to end. It just gives you a new chance to start again and find a way how to do it better.’ That what I was supposed to say when both of you were falling apart…but all I did is being the one who ruined it all, taking a place in between your broken relationship…I’m the pathetic one here. So, Hoseok-ah…stop pretending that you don’t love her anymore when you clearly still have such strong feeling towards Jihye, you still cared about her…all of us did wrong, I realized that she didn’t actually loved me…she never did. She was just confused with her own feelings…you’re the one that she needs, not me! It was you! You.”

“No!! You’re being ridiculous, Seokjin hyung! Ridiculous! Stop with all the bull!” Hoseok yelled, covering his ears with his palm; refusing to hear any single word that came from Seokjin’s mouth anymore.

It was morning. Some of the sky was yellow, some the softest blue and a bright sunlight that shone between the slightly opened balcony’s glass doors woke her up. Outside the open glass door, the morning air is crisp, as if it wasn’t raining last night. Jihye’s hair was sticking out in about fifteen directions, and her eyes were small and puffy from crying her heart out all night. Jihye tried to wake up, but her head hurt so much and she could hardly remember what had happened last night. Ignoring the pain, Jihye walked down from the bed and headed out of the room before her eyes caught a broken picture frame at the balcony.

The broken glass was shattered all around the floor...and between those broken glasses she could clearly see a picture of Hoseok and her. Only at that moment, she began to understand the meaning behind the broken frame and barely remember what had just happened actually, what had brought her to Hoseok’s house last night. Seokjin and her decided to end their relationship last night after Seokjin suggested to start moving on without each other, she thought after breaking up with Hoseok she’d found true happiness with Seokjin but she didn’t.

Jihye realized that she was actually confused with her own feelings and Seokjin was just there right in time when she needed someone. That was what made Jihye think that she was actually fell for Seokjin. Seokjin was too nice for her, and Jihye knew that he truly loved her; just like Hoseok...and probably more than Hoseok, but the more she says she loves Seokjin the more she found herself trying to keep her honestly above the water. She couldn't lie to herself any longer. Bringing the broken frame out of the room Jihye glanced around the house; looking for Hoseok when she found the main door suddenly being opened from outside. It was Hoseok. Both stood still, stunned, as their eyes locked on each other, but it’s only lasted for a few second when Hoseok looked away; refusing to look at her anymore.

“Seokjin hyung will come and send you home later…” Hoseok froze.

“I don’t want to…”

“…I’ll send you home-” He replied; walking away from her but a sudden back-hugged stopped him from doing so.

“Please…don’t do this to me…” Jihye whispered, tightening her shaking hands around his waist. After breaking up with Seokjin last night, she didn’t headed back to her house, she couldn’t even think straight and all she did was wandered around in the rain. And how she had ended up being in front of his house was when she realized... she needed him, only him.

“I hate myself for being such an idiot for breaking up with you…” Jihye whispered, already shedding her cold tears.

“Please..." It's one word, but the way he said it meant so much more. Please don’t say anything. Please don’t look at him. Please don’t hurt him. Please just stay away. Please.

“I want to take it back, to the day when we first met. If I could, I would start all over again…”

Silence; Hoseok didn’t even say a word as a response to her. His face showed no emotion. Hoseok grabbed Jihye’s hand with a thought of sending her home as soon as possible. If she stayed any longer, Hoseok was afraid that his true emotions and feeling would explode and that what he was trying to prevent from happening since the moment he saw Jihye last night would happen.

“Please don’t push me out of your life…I’m sorry, I’m truly sorry…I know it was completely my mistake and I know I am at fault, but…Why can’t you give me another chance to fix it…? Is it really impossible for us to get back to where we used to be?” Jihye stiffens her body; insisting on following Hoseok’s forced steps. She thought she knew what love was….she had this vision of it; flowers and walks holding hands, and smiling, and being happy. But now she truly understood what it really was. Love was a poison…And the only antidote was him. Without him, she’d die.

Hoseok let her hand go, furiously looking at her straight in the eyes.

“Why is it that I finally convince my mind that I am over you, then I see you and my heart takes over and screws everything up? Why do you have that power over me if we cannot be together?!” Hoseok yelled; he finally exploded.

“….I’m still in love with you…I know you’re feeling the same…even if you try to deny it, I know you still do-”

“Loving you is no more a beautiful memory, but now just a pain, I cry and weep every time I walk down the memory lane, your love always completed me in every sense as a whole. But now it’s just emptiness and sorrow in my heart that drains, of all the people in the world, you choose me to be hurt, of all the hearts in the world, you choose mine to break…Why did you leave me… I ask myself every morning and dawn…Why my love was incomplete… tell me why you were gone? A silence surrounds my heart and fills it again with despair, this pain is just too much, and the damage beyond repair… and for a short while, I thought I had mattered to someone. I guess I was wrong. I mattered to no one…especially you... I don’t hate you, I never will. I just act like I do, because it’s easier than admitting that I miss you...” Hoseok interrupted, letting go all of his hidden feelings. He couldn’t hold it back anymore; it was too hard and painful.

“I’m sorry for everything…You are my first best friend, my first crush, my first kiss, my first dance partner, and my first love, and my first…heartbreak. I want you to remain as my first everything.  Please, don’t let it be too late. Please, let me love you because I don’t think I can stop even if you tell me too...”

“…I’m the one who should say sorry…I can’t seem to give you special place in my heart anymore... It’s easy to give that place but it hurts more when you don’t know the value of that place. It is a perfect deception when you can lie to yourself and believe it. You cannot love two people the same. One will always fall by the shadows…even if that one is you…”

Hoseok really wished that he'd bring himself to give another chance for them to rebuild their broken relationship. But his heart didn't seem ready for a second heartbreak, he was broken enough. Even though his love for her was still there, it wasn’t strong enough to bring them back together. He didn't want to hurt her for she looked like she was in pain. Yet he couldn't bring himself to override the fact that his own heart was also in pain. What was different between their pains was that while Jihye were sorrowful, filled with tears and remorse, his own pain was agonizing; agonizing in a way that simple word could not describe. If reckless love was something young people dreamed about, then his dreams were surely to be nightmares. 

“When my heart was breaking, how could you act like you never ever cared? How could you hurt me like this? All I ever did was love you more than anything in this world. Now I know I made a mistake...I try to think back to where it all went wrong, and now I remember it was when I first saw you and thought you could be the one…I admit that I never stopped loving you, I just stopped letting it show. Now, let’s stop all these things. We’re just torturing our own hearts, our own feelings if we continue. Please leave…and never come back to my side ever….again…” Hoseok added in whisper, hoping that she would vanish from his sight in the blink of an eye.

Jihye stared at him with watery eyes, hoping that he’d change his mind, but Hoseok just walked away; refusing to look at her and locking himself in his bedroom. She cried so hard she that her already weak body was convulsing. Jihye had never felt such raw emotions in her life. She felt like someone had ripped her heart out of her chest and tore it to pieces. With each step Hoseok took, his figure became more distant and harder to see. Jihye felt a twisted sickness in her heart, her immature heart that had caused all the problems in the first place.

That moment, Jihye realized that they’d never get back to how they used to be anymore. She could never go back to Seokjin and that a second chance was something impossible for Hoseok and her.  A new start, new love, second chance and a sense of forgiveness; it was already too late for everything.

Author's note: The end! Never expect for happy ending especially from me, lol. Don't forget to drop your comments. Thank you for reading! :)