"Will you stop the time if this moment passes?

I'm afraid that you'll forget me and act like nothing happened. I'm afraid, I'm afraid.."

- Butterfly.

He looked around the library before his gaze landed on his watch. It was already 5:00 pm. Waiting no more, he stood up, putting all his reference books inside his shoulder bag and gently patted the older guy who was still immersed with his books in front of him.

“Seokjin hyung…” He called with a lower tone, almost like a whisper. Hearing his name was called, Seokjin looked up, meeting his anxious eyes. He raised his eyebrows, hinting him to explain the reasons why he called him all of a sudden.

“I’ve got to go now, hyung.”

“Already?! Yah, Jung Hoseok…didn’t you say earlier that you didn't have to do that part-time job today? Don’t you think you’re overdoing it?”

“I did, but it seems like I really do need to leave…I can’t waste my time anymore. I only have 2 weeks to do it. Hyung…you know what I mean right?” Hoseok asked, hoping that Seokjin would understand his current state. He never thought that he was pushing himself too much. He was doing all these things for her; his beloved one. So why would he feel forced when he’s the one who’s willing to do it?

“Does  Jihye know about this? She might misunderstand if you don’t explain this to her first. You’ve been neglecting her too much lately. Even if you’re doing this for her, you still should meet her. She must be thinking that you no longer care about her. To be honest, she’s been saying it a lot lately, about how disappointed and lonely she is when she couldn’t meet you.” Seokjin muttered, feeling slightly uneasy with Hoseok and Jihye’s relationship lately, and he’s the one who always stuck in between.

“I know…that’s why I’m asking you to take care of her on my behalf, at least for 2 weeks. I love her with all my heart, there’s no way I don’t care about her. Hyung…” Hoseok sat back on his seat, facing Seokjin with stern gaze. Letting out a heavy sigh, he looked down afterwards, ruffling his hair miserably. Hoseok never thought that his pure intention to make her happy and pleased would turn into a misunderstanding.

"Hoseok-ah...let's stop this..."

"Hyung!"

"Let's stop these entire thing before one of us gets hurt, especially Jihye!"

"No, no one will get hurt, I promise that! Please take care of her…” Jihye pleaded as Seokjin finally nodded helplessly. That was what he had been doing since a few weeks ago; taking care of someone else’s girlfriend more than he should be. Seokjin was too afraid; he was afraid and losing control of his emotions. If his emotions exploded, Jihye... Jihye would be the most affected. The relationship that was going smoothly, or so he thought, would be ruined in one small wrong outburst. If that really happened, he’d be nothing more than a pathetic traitor. More than pathetic. He couldn't do that to them. They were innocent lovers and he, Seokjin, had no place in their relationship. Slowly, Hoseok stood up as he was getting ready to leave when a sudden gentle voice was heard.

“Jung Hoseok.” Hearing his name was mentioned; Hoseok tilted his head, trying to verify the voice’s owner. So did Seokjin.

“Oh, Jihye-ah!” Hoseok froze; glancing at Seokjin to see what he would do before his gaze returned to Jihye who seemed clueless with the awkward atmosphere. Hoseok tried to find an excuse so that he could walk away as soon as possible, but he was worried that Jihye might find his suspicious behaviour as a reason to doubt him.

“Jihye-ah, I’ve got to go now…I’ll call you tonight!” Hoseok spoke, planting a gentle kiss on her forehead before he frantically grabbed his belongings and left the library.

“But, Hoseok wait-” Jihye sighed, feeling slightly hurt and disappointed with Hoseok's cold behaviour.

“We’re slowly growing apart from each other, unknowingly. He always said he would be there, that he would never leave me. Well, now I need him more than anything and all he does is push me away. He hates me, doesn’t he?” Jihye asked in disappointment, looking straight into Seokjin's eyes with sorrowful expression. 

Upon hearing that, Seokjin stepped closer towards her as he held her shoulder. He really wanted to tell her that Hoseok truly loves her. He really wanted to tell Jihye what is really going on but he couldn’t since Seokjin already made a promise with Hoseok. Every time he saw her gloomy and heartbroken expression, he really wanted to run to her, wrap her in his arms, and protect her. But it was Hoseok’s place to do those things, not his. Not his. He hardly admitted that. It hurts too much whenever Seokjin saw her cry, letting out her disappointment when Hoseok leaves her for no explainable reason.

“No, he doesn’t hate you. He loves you…you know that right?” Seokjin replied softly, trying hard to make Jihye felt better. Jihye froze; she knew he only tried to comfort her by saying that. She only nodded at his answer, pretending to be alright when she was actually broken inside and began to doubt the truth about Hoseok’s feeling towards her. Only after a few seconds passed that Jihye looked up, meeting a pair of Seokjin’s sparkling eyes.

Jihye’s hands were suddenly trembling, but only because of whom he was, not because she was scared of him. She oddly felt calmed by his presence, he was always there to comfort her, telling her that everything was alright whenever she was hurt and needed someone to talk to. He smiled as he placed his hands in the pockets of his charcoal gray pants. He was finely dressed in a black button up shirt that was ed at the top low enough to see where his chest began. It clung to him, accenting every muscular detail. Jihye shook her head. She had to stop evaluating him, her heart commanded sternly.

“Is everything okay?” Seokjin asked, tilting his head to the side, trying to read her unusual expression.

“Huh… Oh, yeah, fine.” Jihye stammered as she looked away, avoiding his gaze awkwardly. He smiled with his eyes still fixed on her as his heart began to whisper unknowingly in guilt, when he knew that he was wrong to be feeling that way.

‘Even if I'm like a toy to you, a toy that someone has promised you; maybe not your favourite, but my heart is still yours, I couldn't deny it... Could you really love two different people at once? Could you split your heart in half…? Why am I afraid to lose you when you're not even mine...Please, please...tell me you do not feel as I do and I will leave you so you may be with Hoseok…’

It was such a shiny and heart-warming day, and so was his heart. With the most painful yet tiresome two weeks passing, Hoseok was relieved because what he had planned before was going smoothly. Everything was under his control and what supposed to be done was already accomplished. The only thing that was left was meeting Jihye, whom he hadn’t met for two weeks already. He missed her to the point where his beating heart was only pumping blood so that his brain could conjure up memories of Jihye, and he couldn’t wait to pour all his fluttering feelings towards her any longer.

Hoseok looked at a beautifully made silver necklace placed in the jewellery box for the fourth time before closing the box carefully. He couldn’t hide his excitement any longer. He grinned from ear to ear. He had been working as a part-time waiter at a café for almost three weeks so that he could buy the necklace for her birthday with his own effort. He could remember clearly when he told Seokjin about his plan on working part-time but Seokjin opposed, offering Hoseok some money to lend instead. Of course Hoseok didn’t agree, he preferred looking for some money all by himself so that the present would be more meaningful.  Even though he had to be apart from Jihye for quite a long time, because of his love towards her, he needed to be strong and patient.

Waiting no more, Hoseok took a quick step out from the jewellery shop after purchasing the necklace, Hoseok headed straight to Jihye’s house but only to see something that crushed his heart into thousand pieces. His legs were trembling as he grabbed the jewellery box in his hand firmly while his glittery eyes were fix on the entrance of Jihye’s house. He didn’t see it wrong, did he? With only a piece of determination left, Hoseok forced himself to walk closer to the house with such a heavy steps. He needed to clarify what he just saw. He really wished he was wrong when a familiar voice ruined it in no time.

“Ho-Hoseok?!” Jihye exclaimed in shock as she pulled her hand away from Seokjin’s grasps. Hearing that, Seokjin turned his body over, facing Hoseok with a mountain of guilt. Not knowing what to do and how to react, Seokjin, Jihye, and Hoseok only stiffly stared at each other before Jihye finally spoke, proving that all Hoseok’s thought was completely right.

“...I..I'm...I’m sorry.” Jihye looked down, didn’t have any courage to look at him straight in the eyes.  That’s all that Jihye could say at that time as Hoseok leaves without saying anything. There’s no need for him to ask any further when Jihye’s apology was already enough to break his heart. Hoseok really wished that Jihye would explain that everything he just saw was wrong and was a misunderstanding instead. But all she could say was an apology, and it completely made Hoseok’s heart shattered.

Hoseok looked upon the evening sky as his lips formed a bitter smile, the sky was reddish and fascinating, but it wasn’t mesmerizing enough to fix his broken heart. Only after a few seconds later, he turned around, facing her with glittery and sorrowful eyes. Only after a week, he finally regained his strength to meet her and clear all the mess. Everything needed to be cleared up, whether in a good way or vice versa; he was ready no matter how it would end.

“Those captivating evening sky never fail to make my heart flutter, and those evening skies had also been our unspoken witnesses when I confessed to you a year ago. But now, it was just merely a memory for both of us…and maybe a memory that you wish to vanish from your mind as soon as possible…”

Jihye looked down with watery eyes. Even a thousand words couldn’t portray her regrets. She knew she was wrong for doubting his love and even falling for Seokjin when her relationship with Hoseok seemed to be broken in no time. But it was too late for regrets and there was no way to turn back.

“I’m sorry. I know that sorry isn’t enough to fix everything back to normal, but I can’t lie anymore. It seems like… I don’t love you... like I used to love you... yesterday.”

“...Stop saying that you're sorry. And am I supposed to say I’m okay…? Is that what you really want me to say?”  Even if it was such a bitter phrase to hear, Hoseok still smiled helplessly because that was the only thing that he can do to hide his feelings. He said he was okay. He said he was fine, but underneath that smile was a broken heart; a broken heart that was bleeding tears of anguish and sorrow. Realizing it would probably be their last chance to meet each other, Hoseok moved his hand towards her lovely face, cherishing it with love and her hair gently.

“We can't force love, I realize that. It's there or it isn't. If it's not there, we've got to be able to admit it. If it is there, we've got to do whatever it takes to protect the ones we love. Every time I say, "I love you…" I’m really trying to say so much more than those three little words. I’m trying to say you mean more to me than anyone else in the world. I’m trying to let you know that I adore you and that I cherish the time we spend together. I’m trying to explain that I want you and that I need you and that I get lost in wonderful thoughts every time I think about you. And each time I whisper "I love you", I’m trying to remind you that you’re the best thing that ever happened to me…but I guess, I didn’t show it enough…” Hoseok could remember clearly when he saw Jihye with Seokjin a week ago, he could see how happy she was, how sweet her smile was, and  how glowing her face was... On that moment, he realized it never happened when they were together, not even once. That was when he finally makes a decision, a very painful decision.

“I heard what you said, I could feel all your love towards me but I’m not the silly romantic you think. I don’t want the heavens or the shooting stars. I don’t want gemstones or gold. I have those things already. I want…a steady hand. A kind soul. I want to fall asleep and wake up knowing that my heart is safe. I want to love, and be loved. Each time you ignore me, I regret every text message that I've ever sent to you… Each time you left me, Seokjin is the one who's always there for me. Of all the men, and sadly, that includes you, Kim Seokjin was the one who I felt in my core, as though I only existed as an extension of him. I wanted to fall just so he could catch me…I shouldn’t have felt that way, I know…but I can’t stop it either….”

“Some people say… absence makes the heart grow fonder. But, I was wrong because it’ll never work well for our relationship; it only makes us fall apart. I should’ve treated you better, but I can't seem to have you with only my heart…” Hoseok turned away, trying to hide his tears that were already flowed over. No matter how much he tried to pretend to be strong, he still couldn’t accept it willingly, because he loved her too much until the love finally turned into a cruel kind of self destruction to him.

“I’m really sorry…” Jihye repeated for a second time in tears; secretly blaming herself for everything. She tried to cover her face with her palm but Hoseok removed it, wiping her cold tears gently.

“If I knew 'falling' in love would hurt this much, I would have rather 'fallen' into a ditch and maybe I would be healed by now. I didn't mean to fall in love with you, but I did. And you didn't mean to hurt me, but you did…” Hoseok paused, as he took something out from his shoulder bag and handed it to Jihye hesitantly.

“It’s supposed to be your birthday present but now it turned into a farewell present. It's supposed to be yours so...please keep it with you or just throw it away... If Seokjin hyung is the only one that can make you happy, I’m willing to let you go. But I want you to know that I will always love you with all that I have even if you are no longer mine, not because I'm a fool.... It is simply because the love you gave me once still makes me smile.”

Jihye looked away, wiping away her tears with a mountain of guilt. She hated crying, and in public she hated it more but she couldn’t hold it back anymore. Tears had poured from her eyes without any change in her facial expression. It was pure pain and pure surrender when her soul cries without any fight from her body and that’s how Jihye knew she was deeply affected with Hoseok’s sincere confession.

“Please don't cry, because I'll never be by your side anymore to hold your hand…to wipe it away. It hurts me to see your tears... So, please don’t cry anymore.”

'How can I forget you when you’re always in my mind? How can I not want you when you’re all I want inside? How can I let you go when I can't see us apart? How can I not love you when you control my heart...? How can I...? How can I...'  His heart screamed miserably, as he tried to hold back his cold tears. He really didn't want to say those painful words but there's nothing else that he could do, he couldn't even hold her back either.

“I shouldn’t-” Jihye whispered soullessly when Hoseok suddenly interrupted, putting an end for everything that Hoseok, Jihye and Seokjin had started.

“…let’s…. break up.”

Author's note: Stay tuned for part 2! Comment, please? Thank you! :)