this is nonlinear. also, this isn’t the Seulgi from red velvet. warning for (very minor) internalized homophobia and cheating

The first thing that Jongin noticed when he stepped onto his college campus was the girl with the chocolatey hair and plush pink lips unpacking her car a few spaces down from him.

Jongin’s eyes couldn’t help but follow her gait as she walked to and from her car, carrying books and bag and suitcases in her thin arms.

While Jongin wasn’t the most confident person, he knew what he had to do. He knew he couldn’t

Their first date was a disaster, but so perfect at the same time. Her eyes were like the sun and her hair smelled like home, and Jongin couldn’t help but fall in love when she got up on her toes to gently press her lips against the corner of his mouth.

The proposal came two years later. Standing on the edge of the world, with their toes slipping into the soft, while sand beneath them, Jongin all but begged Seulgi to marry him.

She said yes.

***

The first thing that Jongin noticed fluttering through the door were the whispers. They were gentle, caressing the air with their fragility, but lust-filled, breaking the calm wafts of stillness with their obscenity.

Deep groans and soft moans of , please, more and please, like that, oh my god drifted out of his bedroom in a voice that he knew all too well.

With his eyes focused on the floor and a calm heart in his chest, Jongin turned around and walked out of his apartment.

***

A few hours later, around the time that Jongin normally came home from work, he walked into an apartment surprisingly void of the stench of .

“Jongin!” he immediately heard her voice cutting through the frigid air he let in when he opened the door.

Jongin looked up from where he hung his coat on the rack behind the front door and smiled. “Seulgi,” he breathed, wrapping his arms around her little waist. He buried his face into her soft, mahogany colored hair. It smelled like cinnamon and home and love, and Jongin couldn’t help but release a happy sigh.

Stepping out of the hug, she looked up at her fiancé and smiled, “how was your day? I missed you.” Her eyes were bright and were curled up into little crescent moons.

Jongin sighed again and looked down at her. “Long. I’m lucky I got out of the studio on time today,” he lied. “This month is probably going to be a busy one for me. But I’ll try to get out on time, so we can spend some time together,” Jongin’s smile was soft and genuine.

Seulgi smiled back. “I’d like that.”

***

When Jongin walked into their bedroom and saw the sheets were different, his lips pursed.

“Did you change the sheets? I just changed them yesterday.” Jongin couldn’t help the question that fell off of the tip of his tongue.

Seulgi laughed nervously. “Yeah, I actually was feeling a little off today so I had breakfast in bed. I spilled some syrup on the bed, and made a huge sticky mess. I guess I learned my lesson, right?”

Jongin was slightly disappointed with the transparency of the lie, but nodded his head instead of pursuing it. “Makes sense. You’ve always been clumsy,” he joked.

Seulgi punched his arm gently and laughed, muttering a gentle shut up under her breath.

When Seulgi rolled over and fell asleep immediately after going to bed, Jongin breathed a sigh of relief. He didn’t think he could get it up for her right now, anyway.

***

Jongin wasn’t doing anything special that day, just walking around killing time after his final dance classes.

He knew that Seulgi is at home, but he couldn’t gather the confidence to walk into the apartment knowing what he’d find. He can’t do it to himself again.

So instead, Jongin trekked around the back of the apartment building and straight into the pub that just recently opened up…

And immediately noticed the person standing on the stage singing.

He was beautiful. His skin was milky, and his eyes were round. His voice was smooth like melted chocolate. He made Jongin want.

Jongin didn’t want to want. But he did, and the burning desire coursed through him, the flames of need at the edge of his vision and dizzying him and weakening his knees.

Before Jongin could even register anything beyond need, want, need, need, need, his feet were carrying him to the side of the stage, to where the source of the electricity running through his veins stood.

***

It was in an apartment just two stories beneath his own that Jongin got his first taste of deep, bone shattering satisfaction.

***

Jongin had never tasted a man before Kyungsoo. He had desired to, oh had he desired too, but then he met Seulgi. A woman whose eyes were so charming and whose scent was so enticing Jongin could forget.

He could forget about the nights that he spent with his hands down his pants, eyes focused on the hard lines of a man’s chest, his ears hanging onto the deep groans. He could forget about the shame that washed over him with every , he could forget about the tears.

He could forget about the way he went soft at the thought of a woman bouncing up and down on his lap. He forgot about it all with Seulgi.

***

After walking out of his shared apartment with Seulgi, Jongin took the elevator to a familiar room two stories below his own. His feet carried him without thought

While he was curled into Kyungsoo’s chest, he couldn’t help but think about Seulgi and her affair. He sighed, and began to wonder what went wrong. She was supposed to be the one. She was supposed to save him from this temptation, from falling into the arms of someone like Kyungsoo.

Someone who was a man.

***

Hours later, around the time that he normally got home from Kyungsoo’s apartment, around the time that Seulgi thought he came home from the studio, Jongin stepped into the elevator separating the two floors.

His face was calm, and his breathing was even. Jongin felt no remorse about this particular game of house. He could quench the desire for a few hours. He could replace Kyungsoo’s round eyes with Seulgi’s almond ones. He could ignore the lingering smell of spit on his . He could be straight for a few hours.

After all, they both had secrets, right?

a/n: So this went in a different direction than I originally had planned for. It also ended up being a lot less cohesive than I hoped, but meh. It's my first step back into writing, good enough for me. Anyway, while I do like this, I feel like it’s more like a skeleton of a story than anything. I just don’t know how to make the skin and stuff yet.