The day started with a bloody depressing wind. It was namely the wind - rain used to be calming, sun - tearing and tiring, but the wind took all the will from the body.

It was man it the mind, it was boy in the mind, it always has been him. In such days especially as all the blocks faded away blown with the wind.

They were staying in a luxurious hotel. Too luxurious for life and not luxurious enough for "celebrity" personality. There was no mood, no life in veins, no desire in eyes, no craved intimacy, no soft smile behind, no words to die. Smile, Words - for years.

It was one kiss three years ago that drove you insane and took the feel of life away as it never happened again. You keep replaying this eternal moment numerous times in mind, for that seem to be your only reality for now, for years from now.

Soft lips, hot breath on your cheek, on your neck, chaotic arms on your waist and chest. Or there was nothing like that? You cannot even tell lie from truth now. Pathetic. Huh, motto for life.

The only thing you are still sure about is his desire - it was so physical, so rough and so focused on you... But it ended with a kiss and stayed locked up in that abandoned room since then.

Something bothered you in this boy recently more than usual - the acquired lightness of being around combined with playful style, witty notes, sharp quotes. Tenderness.

What is the point now? It became obvious that he has never meant to be serious. Jjong made it really clear that time. The time you made unforgivable miserable attempt to touch him that way. Even now you wouldn't have a gut to resist temptation - it was right before the shooting and he was rehearsing some stupid gag thing and you just could not help touching his lips and trying to approach them. But you saw fear in his eyes, detachment.

What has changed now?

Dreadful thought was the only answer - he is no longer aware of that incident. He met someone else who is able to comfort him. Kill me, please. This is a request.

As somehow it was you who have brought me to life three years ago. Who knew I was so deep down that kiss would become my obsession, my knit to life...Not even sure whether it is love or not.

...I'm seriously stalking you in my mind, sometimes gently, at times abusive. And now. This tenderness in your eyes is unbearable. It came out of ashes, it a knife into heart. You would say - 'deal with it. or not'. Shall I ask you for a ? Just in case... As a death wish. Huh, pathetic.

No. You will stop feeling. You will not react anymore. You will breath smoothly each time he looks at you. Yet, it is clear as day that the only moment you felt alive was three years ago. Is there a way out? He said after so much time spent together we are like family and he will do everything for you.

Will he kill if I ask? Without hesitation? If I ask...

The door opens quietly and you feel that it is your boy approaching from behind:

'Key! You look wrecked. What's wrong?'

'You wish me well - I'll kill myself.'

'You know, I wish you all the best. I always did...' .

.. you stare at him crying with your eyes, lips, heart...

'I wonder if you assassinate me gently...'

Demons in his eyes, they are armed with razors...

'Key, I mean it. And I'm going to deliver my wish with a deep assassinative kiss, so don't move.'

Tenderness. So warm...

*why lights? Why trembling?*

'... Hey! It's about time to get up and start moving. We should be on stage in 3 minutes.'

You wake up and meet tenderness in his eyes too close above.

'I've been looking for you everywhere, you, little sleepy princess . Get your ready for the show.'

I see. I see. Shall think about it tomorrow.