Chapter Seven - The End

        “JONGIN-AH!”  SEVENTEEN-year-old me called as I pushed into my apartment, “Jongin-ah, you need to get out right now.”

“Why?”  the teenaged boy was on my couch with his homework spread over the cushions and on the coffee table.  His uniform jacket and tie were thrown carelessly on the floor along with his backpack and several writing utensils.

“Do Hyun will be here in fifteen minutes, you need to go.”  I gathered his pens, pencils, backpack and clothes for him and shoved them into his arms.

“Yah, Seo Kyung we were supposed to study together today.  We have math and history tests next week and-”  Jongin was quieted when I closed and stacked up all of his books on the table.

“Get out.  Do you notice anyone else here?”

“They’re all at the concerto in Daegu, I don’t-”

“Jongin-ah,”  I hovered over him, “Do Hyun will be here in an hour I have to get ready.”

“Are you sure you want me to go?”  Jongin’s head tilted and his lips curved into a smirk and I moved away with an exasperated sigh, ignoring his suggestion.

“Yes, I do.”  I sighed, but he grabbed my hand and tried to pull me to him, “Jongin, that was cute when we were younger and we didn’t have raging hormones, but now it can be misconstrued into something it’s not.”

“Seo Kyung-ah,”  Jongin’s voice raised an octave as he attempted aegyo, “Just for ten minutes?  I missed it yesterday.”

“I have a boyfriend.”  I pulled my wrist from his grasp and started towards my room.

However, in one quick movement, Jongin grabbed my hand again and yanked.  His hands found my hips and guided me as I fell towards him.  Before I knew it, I was straddling him on the couch, my knees on either side of his hips, my arms keeping me up on the couch and our bodies painfully close.  He looked up at me with his brown eyes twinkling and his plump pink lips curved into the smirk that drove me crazy every single time.  His hands were on my hips, keeping our hips flush together.

“That never seemed to bother you before.”  Jongin leaned forward, his lips brushing my ear.

“It was just cuddling, Jongin,” I wriggled, trying to get off of him but he wasn’t about to let go, “It was innocently being together.  Nothing like this.”

“I think it should have always been like this.”  Jongin’s lips grazed my earlobe, nipping at it before moving towards my neck.

“Jongin!”  I exclaimed, pushing him away, “I get that you’re a teenager, but you can’t take it out on me.  You have plenty of girls at school who would love to-”

“I want you.”  Jongin looked me with his hooded gaze, meeting my wide eyes.  He smirked before pulling me closer with a hand on my back and pressing his lips against the sensitive skin behind my ear, nibbling and and eliciting gaps from me.

“Jongin.”  I sighed when his lips trailed down to the base of my neck, massaging the skin there with his soft lips.

“Seo Kyung-ah, call Do Hyun and tell him not to come.”  Jongin whispered against my shoulder.

“No, no, we can’t do this.  I can’t let you go any farther.”  I pushed him away again and he looked up at me with darkened eyes, “No.”

“Why not?  I need you right now.”  he kissed my collarbone softly.

“This is cheating.  I love Do Hyun, I can’t do this to him,”  I managed, arching into his touch.

“Call him.”  Jongin growled against my skin as I reached for my phone, “I won’t go too far.”

“Do Hyun oppa,”  I tried to keep my voice normal as Jongin nipped and and kissed my neck.

“Mm, Jagiya?”  my boyfriend spoke into my ear.

“I’m sorry, but I’m really not feeling well right now.  I don’t really think it’s a good idea for you to come over right now.” I had to hide my gasp when Jongin’s fingers inched under my shirt and undid the buttons slowly.

“Are you okay?  Do you need to go to the hospital?”  Do Hyun sounded worried and he was silent when he heard my gasp when Jongin’s mouth attached to the curve of my .

“I’m okay.  It’s just a cold.  I called my parents and Jongin is getting me-”  gasp, “cold medicine.”

“If you insist...”  he sounded doubtful, “Call me if you need anything.”

“Okay, I love you.”  I rushed my last words and tossed the phone away.

I tangled my fingers in Jongin’s hair and sighed in satisfaction as his lips moved closer to mine.  He was leaving marks on me but I didn’t really care.  There were bruises on my neck, shoulder and and soon my jaw was littered with purple spots.  Not once did his lips meet mine, but they got close when he pushed me down on the couch and settled on top of me.  

“Jongin.”  I gasped when he pushed his hand up my shirt to touch my bra-covered , “What are you-”

“Just let me touch you.  Please.”  Jongin’s desperate voice reverberated in my ears, my skin vibrating where his lips were.

“Please do.”  I gasped, “Touch me.  Just for today, touch me anywhere.”

“God you’re beautiful.”  Jongin’s words shook me to the core.  He’d never called me beautiful before.

And he did, he touched me.  His hips grinded into mine, the three layers of fabric not doing much to stop the friction.  Jongin’s pants and underwear and my was all that was between us.  He pushed his pelvis against mine, thanking me for still wearing my school uniform.  I was a complete mess under him.  I craved his lips on my skin, I was desperate for his touch and when his hips would stop moving I would whimper with my need for him and he would kiss me harder.  Jongin’s lips never touched mine, but they kissed every inch of skin that he could see.  One of us spoke in a hushed whisper that just spurred the other on more.

“I love you.”

~!~!~!~!~!~

“Seo Kyung-ah,” Do Hyun stood in my apartment not two days later, staring at me in disbelief.  I was still covered in the purple bruises that Jongin had given me not two days before, but they were poorly concealed with makeup.  “I thought you were sick.”

“No... I wasn’t.”

“You were cheating on me.”  Do Hyun lifted his fingers to touch the bruise on my neck, but decided against it, “Who was it?”

“Oppa, I’m so sorry.”  tears glistened in my eyes, “There’s nothing I can say to you, except that it was a mistake.  We never kissed, we never went that far.”

“You know you’re guilty at least.”  Do Hyun scoffed, “Who was it?”

“Seo Kyung-ah!”  Jongin called from outside and he bounded into the apartment with a huge grin on his face, “I thought we could-  Oh.”

“It was him, wasn’t it?”  Do Hyun met my eyes and I looked down at my feet, “You’re not saying no.”

“No, I’m not.”  

“Seo Kyung...”  Jongin trailed off, “He found out?”

“How dare you.”  Do Hyun breathed.  His fists clenched into fists and he whipped around and landed a punch on Jongin’s jaw.  Jongin’s fell against the wall with a grunt.  I cried out and reached for Do Hyun’s arm so he couldn’t throw another punch.  

“Please don’t.”  Hot tears were streaming down my cheeks, desperation filling my voice.

“Seo Kyung-ah, how could you?  How could you let him get away with it?”  I started to speak but he cut me off, “Just... just forget it.  Don’t talk to me at school, or just at all.”  Do Hyun took my shocked silence as cue to leave my apartment, slamming the door behind him.

“Jongin, I told you no.”  I eyes closed and my fists clenched, “I told you not to do anything.  Now I’ve lost him and it’s all your fault.”

“You’re the one who kept me going.”  Jongin stood, his fingers dabbing at the spot on his lip that was bleeding, “You were the one begging me not to stop.”

“I never should have gone with it and you should have had enough self control to stop before you even started.”  I snapped, “Now I’ve lost Do Hyun.”

“Didn’t you even stop to think that was what I wanted?”  Jongin’s voice was low, threatening, “Didn’t you hear what I told you the other day?”

“Jongin, it doesn’t matter.  Do Hyun made me happy.  I love him, but don’t love you.  Not like that.”

“Seo Kyung, you make me happy.  I love you.  I want to be with you.  Please, I never meant to hurt you.”  He pleaded.

“You should have thought of that before you gave me these.”  I gestured wildly to the hickeys scattered on my skin, “It’s too late, Jongin.  God, how could I have been so stupid?  How could I do that to the man I love?”

“Then go after him.”  Jongin spoke in a whisper, meeting my eyes, “Go.”

“Jongin-”  He cut me off with the daggers in his eyes.

“I can’t make you love me, I know that now.  If you walk out that door right now then I have wasted twelve years on loving you, but I’m not going to stop you.  I love you, Seo Kyung-ah and if you love him then go.  However, if you go then don’t expect me to still be here when you get back.  I don’t know if I can still do this, I don’t know if I can handle the pain any longer.  I don’t have the energy to do this anymore, I don’t have the energy to fight.  So, if you walk out that door then you’ve lost me.”  Jongin spoke slowly, carefully, so I could hear every word he said.  His eyes hardened and his jaw was set in an angry scowl.

At the time, it wasn’t even a choice.  I hesitated for only a moment, apologizing to Jongin with my eyes before running out the door without a second thought.  I left my best friend behind to run after my first love.  I passed the elevator by completely and dashed down the stairs as quickly as possible.  When I paused at a landing to look outside Do Hyun was barely halfway to the bus stop, which urged me to run faster.  As soon as I was out of my apartment building I was calling his name.  I practically screamed it but he didn’t turn around or slow his pace.  

The bus was just pulling up when Do Hyun reached the stop and Do Hyun paused to pull his bus pass from his wallet.  I called his name again, but he didn’t hear me.  Or he just didn’t care.  Either way, I was only spurred on and I sped up.  The few seconds he paused was enough time for me to catch up to him and grab his arm before he got on the bus   He looked me up and down with wide eyes, taking in my frazzled form.  

“Getting on?”  the bus driver called from in the bus.

“Yes,”  Do Hyun called back, “Just give me thirty seconds.”

“I love you.”  I blurted, “I’m sorry, it won’t happen again.  I know what I’ve done wrong and it makes me sick to even think about.  I want to be with you, you’re my first love.  I know you may never trust me again but please, I’m begging you.  Give me another chance.  Please, Oppa, please.”

“Seo Kyung-ah.”  Do Hyun sighed, “You and I both know that it was only a matter of time before you and Jongin got together.  I was lucky just to get to you before he did.  Seo Kyung, I love you, too.  I can’t compete with him.”

“There’s no competition.  Please.”

“I... I can’t, Seo Kyung-ah.  I love you, but not as much as he does.  You two deserve each other.”  

The breath was knocked right out of me.  I gasped as the air left my lungs.  I vaguely remembered Do Hyun turning and getting on the bus without saying another word.  Desperately, I gasped for air but panicked when there was none flowing into my lungs.  I was taking deep breaths but none of the oxygen was reaching my brain.  My vision was blurry and my face was sticky and wet.  The bus pulled away and I fell to my knees.  He was gone.  My first love.  And it was all his fault.

~!~!~!~!~!~

    “Jongin-ah, take responsibility!”  I cried outside his apartment door. “Please, don’t go.”

No response.  

“Are you really just going to ignore me?  You can’t do that, we’re best friends.  Jongin, come on, please.”  I texted him that evening.

He never read it.

“I came back to find you, stupid.  How could you just leave?  How could you leave me when you know I need you?  When Do Hyun left, I ran back to see if you were still here but you aren’t.”  I left him voicemails like this almost every day.

My calls were always ignored.

“Jongin, you don’t come to school anymore.  Is it really because of me?  I miss you.  I don’t know how to go on without me.  Please just call me once.  Text me once.  Let me know you’re alive.  I’m sorry.”  I wrote with a shaky hand on a piece of torn notebook paper to slip under his door.

“I’m alive.”  Came a text two weeks later from a number I didn’t recognize.  Nothing else came from it and my calls went unanswered, texts unread.  

Jongin was gone.

Somewhere in Seoul, the lights came up on stage and a young man named Kai moved forward and danced his heart out on his debut stage.  He danced with fire and charisma, egged on by a scar on his heart that would never heal.  As he danced and sang with his group and his new friends, Kai realized who he was.  The Jongin he once was was dead, and Kai was all that remained.