As much as Jaebum loves Jinyoung, it’s Youngjae he clings onto while they’re in bed. It’s Youngjae he wants to be with. It’s always Youngjae in the end.    He could be cuddly with Mark, ual with Jackson, touchy with the maknae line, but in the end - no matter what, it’s Youngjae.

Jaebum’s way of being touchy with the other members often caused arguments between Youngjae and him - but they always worked it out in the end. Always. Youngjae knew that Jaebum wanted him and no one else. That Jaebum only saw him. And it wasn’t like he wasn’t guilty of being a little touchy with the other members, either.

But this time, Jaebum went too far.

It’s no secret that the fans liked Jinyoung and Jaebum together, since they were the iconic “JJ Project.” Sometimes Youngjae felt a little jealous reading the youtube comments on their videos, seeing people “shipping” him and Jinyoung. They were best friends, that was it.

Fanservice was very common with the boys. And since Jinyoung and Jaebum were popular, sometimes, Jaebum would give the fans what they wanted. He knew Youngjae would get jealous, but as long as Youngjae knew that he was his - it was fine. He didn’t mean anything by it. It was just a joke. A gift for the fans. Fanservice.

But it was too far.

While they were at a fanmeet, Jaebum walked up towards Jinyoung and grabbed him by the waist, pulling him forward and closer to him. The squeals from the fans proved that he’d accomplished fanservice. And maybe he got too high in the moment, but he wanted to take it up a step further. Doing this not to mention, would definitely cause a controversy - and Jaebum couldn’t help but feel intrigued by that. Surprising Jinyoung, he grabbed the back of Jinyoung’s head and pulled it close to his, and this is the exact moment where Youngjae’s heart snapped into pieces.

Jaebum kissed Jinyoung.

Of course, it wasn’t a real kiss. It was just a peck, but it was still a kiss. On the lips. In front of tons of fans, who would take pictures. Who would scream.

Jaebum officially crossed the line.

Youngjae could handle the cuddles, the hand holds, the tickling, - he could handle all of that. The one thing he could not handle was seeing his boyfriend kissing another boy. And even worse, his best friend. His best friend that everyone thought he was dating. His best friend that Youngjae constantly felt jealous of. His best friend that he often suspected that Jaebum loved more than him.

And Jaebum knew he ed up when he looked over at Youngjae shortly after Jinyoung disgustedly escaped Jaebum’s grip, flustered and irritated - but laughing through it. Youngjae was staring at him. But it wasn’t an angry stare. It was a stare that showed hurt. It was a we’re done stare.

Once the fanmeeting was over, Jaebum tried to talk to Youngjae, but he was simply ignored. When they got back to the dorms, Youngjae immediately went to the bathroom.

“You’re an idiot, you know,” Jackson muttered, feeling for Youngjae whom he felt the need to protect. “You ed up.”

Jaebum already felt like . Jaebum already knew he messed up. And Jackson was not helping. The other boys didn’t have much to say about it, wanting to stay out of the drama. Jinyoung especially felt bad. Was Youngjae also mad at him? He cared about Youngjae. Everyone in the group did. He didn’t want Youngjae to be upset with him.

Jaebum waited in their room, ready - but scared - to talk it out with Youngjae. He prayed that he’d be forgiven. He can’t lose Youngjae. He loved him. He was in love with him. If he lost him, he wasn’t sure how he’d ever smile again.

After a while, Youngjae entered. His eyes weren’t bright like usual. His eyes showed nothing but hurt. Anger.

“I’m sorry,” Was the first thing Jaebum blurted out, needing Youngjae to forgive him.

But Youngjae didn’t say anything. Instead, he just got into his side of the bed, faced the wall, and put the blankets over him.

“I don’t want to talk to you tonight,” He admitted. “Just sleep.”

Jaebum, however, couldn’t. He hated Youngjae being so close to his body, but feeling so far away. He wanted to wrap his arms around him like he normally did. He wanted to pull him close, breathe in the smell of his hair, that always smelled like mangos because of his shampoo. He wanted to hear Youngjae’s quiet giggle and the half-asleep “mhm” when he would whisper in his ear. Jaebum cherished these moments, where he had Youngjae completely to himself. He couldn’t help but love night time. To have Youngjae in his embrace. Every night, Youngjae just looked so beautiful. And every night, Jaebum fell a little harder for him.

It was Youngjae. No matter how much he loved the other boys, no matter how much fanservice he provided, it was Youngjae he wanted. It was Youngjae he wanted next to him when it was midnight and he felt lonely. It was Youngjae he wanted next to him when he was feeling stressed out. Seeing his smile could cheer him up right away. No matter what situation, no matter what mood, it was Youngjae he wanted by his side. It was Youngjae he was in love with it.

The next morning when Jaebum woke up, he expected Youngjae to still be sleeping. But, he was awake. He’d gotten out of bed early this morning. Was it because he didn’t want to be by him for any longer?

He walked into the kitchen, meeting eyes with Youngjae, who instantly looked away.

“Good morning.”

“Mhm,” Youngjae simply replied, putting his bowl of cereal into the sink and leaving the room.

Youngjae was hurting. He was hopelessly in love with Jaebum, and he betrayed him. Right now, he didn’t want to talk to him. He didn’t want to forgive him like Jaebum would make him. Right now, he was letting himself be angry. He was letting Jaebum realize his mistake. He was letting Jaebum know that he crossed the line, and that he really ed it up this time.

“Youngjae, I’m sorry,”

But Youngjae ignored his pleading.

The day went smoothly, other than the fact that Youngjae ignored Jaebum the entire day, and by the end of the day, Jaebum was on the verge of tears. How could he fix this if Youngjae wouldn’t talk to him? Was it over? Was Youngjae finally giving up on him?

The internet had gone crazy over the JJ Project kiss. Just like Jaebum wanted, he created a controversy. Unfortunately, this only meant Youngjae not being able to escape seeing it when he went on his phone. Went on the internet. And every time he saw Jaebum kissing Jinyoung, it only fueled his anger, and gave him the strength to continue to ignore him.

Jaebum waited for Youngjae to enter their room again that night, too. When Youngjae entered, Jaebum could tell he had no intention of staying. He walked to his side of the bed and grabbed his pillow. No. Not this, please. Don’t take away this. Don’t leave me.

Maybe it was foolish, really. But throughout all of their fights, throughout everything, they’d always share this bed. And not once, unless it was too hot or uncomfortable in the room - would Youngjae leave. He knew Jaebum cherished this moment the most, where they could be together alone, away from the crowds of people who criticised them and the fans that wouldn’t allow them to have privacy.

Doing this, in Jaebum’s eyes, was Youngjae’s way of ending things. Of giving up on them - on him. Of leaving. And Jaebum couldn’t handle that. Hell, he wouldn’t. So, before Youngjae could leave, Jaebum grabbed him by the wrist, tears in his eyes.

“Don’t go,” He breathed out, shaky, “Please. Stay with me.”

Youngjae didn’t turn back to look at Jaebum, but he could tell he was crying. Jaebum was desperate, now.

“Even if it’s just for one last night. Please. Stay with me. I love you. I need you.”

“I’m sorry,” Youngjae whispered. It sounded a lot like goodbye. It sounded a lot like, “we’re over.”

As much as it hurt Youngjae to do this, he couldn’t find it in him right now to forgive Jaebum. So, twisting his wrist to get out of Jaebum’s grip, he left the room, abandoning a on the verge of breaking Jaebum.

Jaebum didn’t have any words anymore. He was speechless. Youngjae had just left him.

Slowly falling back on the bed, he stared at the ceiling, trying to hold back the tears.

Jaebum had just lost Youngjae.

And this time, he thinks it’s for good.