Still smiling to the camera, Yesung tried to swallow the lump in his throat and ignore the stinging in his eyes.

He knew that they were just playing around, messing with him because they thought he didn't mind, that he was okay with it.

And he couldn't let them find out how much it actually hurt him. He was supposed to be the weird one everyone always made fun of, the one that always failed at everything.

Ignoring the painful twist his heart made at a particularly mean comment from Heechul, he forced his laugh out, throwing his head backwards and just generally acting like it was one of the funniest things he had ever heard. Everyone else laughed too, slapping his back or thighs in the process. Yesung hid the bitter smile that tried to form on his lips. He was getting good at pretending.

Enduring even more "funny comments" in the car, he excused himself as soon as they reached the dorm, saying he had a headache and would just rest a little, before fleeing into the safety of his room and closing the door behind him.
 
He couldn't cry. He couldn't cry. He couldn't cry. Everyone was still there, and Ryeowook and Leeteuk would notice if he showed up at dinner with red eyes.

Biting his tongue, hard, he closed his eyes and tried to take deep breaths through his nose. He really couldn't cry. When the taste of blood entered his mouth, he finally relaxed his jaws and exhaled harshly. Safe for now.

Getting up from the bed, he walked out of his room and towards the bathroom.

Spitting the blood into the sink and leaning forward towards the mirror to asses the damage he'd done, he spun around when he heard a loud gasp.

Leeteuk stood in the doorway behind him, one hand halfway raised to knock at the door that had opened by itself, and stared at him. When Yesung clamped his mouth shut, wanting to hide the deep red line across his tongue, Leeteuk sprung forward and gripped his jaw, forcing it open again.
 
"Yesung! What happened to your tongue?" He asked concerned, turning Yesung's head to the left and right as he tried to get a better look at the wound. Yesung didn't say anything, for obvious reasons, until Leeteuk finally let go of his face.

Yesung quickly pulled back, feeling the sink hit his back, and stared at the floor. He knew not meeting his eyes would make Leeteuk suspicious, but he just couldn't look at the leader right now. He was, of course, right.

"Yesung? What happened to your tongue?" Leeteuk asked again, more calmly this time, but Yesung knew it was only a cover. He shook his head slightly. He couldn't tell Leeteuk.

"Nothing," he answered, tone light, and faked a smile. "I threw myself onto the bed earlier, but accidentally bit down on my tongue when I hit the pillow."

He looked up and met Leeteuk's eyes for a second, still keeping the smile plastered on his face. It was obvious that the leader wasn't convinced, but before he could say anything, they heard Ryeowook call that dinner was ready, and they headed towards the kitchen without saying anything else.

There was however no way Yesung could avoid noticing the glances Leeteuk sent him during dinner, but he pretended he didn't; trying his best to not flinch every time the hot soup hit his tongue and still talk 'happily' with Ryeowook and Kyuhyun at the same time.


------> ♥♥♥


When dinner was over, Yesung quickly excused himself and fled to his room.

He knew Leeteuk had schedules, and he relaxed into his bed when he heard Leeteuk yell that he and Eunhyuk would be back later.

Just as he closed his eyes and sighed relieved, his door opened and Leeteuk poked his head in, causing Yesung's sigh to get stuck in his throat, making him choke on it instead.

The leader was there in an instant, patting his back, brows creased. When Yesung finally stopped coughing and laid back down, breathing heavily, Leeteuk straightened up and stood next to the bed, staring down at him for at least a minute. They could both could hear Eunhyuk shouting for him, and the older male leaned slightly forward.

"You and I are going to have a talk soon, Yesung," he said, voice serious, and Yesung could feel himself shrinking into the mattress.

Leeteuk shot him one last look before he hurried out. When the door closed and the dorm turned silent, Yesung closed his eyes again, not feeling the slightest hint of relief this time.


------> ♥♥♥


Yesung didn't know what he had done to deserve such luck, but he thanked every god he could think of when it became clear during the following week that Leeteuk had forgotten about their need to have 'a talk'.

He could kind of understand it though. Their leader was busier than ever, just going from schedule to schedule, barely sleeping. Heechul had complained about it a few days ago, though that was his way of showing concern, but Leeteuk had just smiled and shook his head. He didn't mind, he’d said.
 
And now, they were on a show together again, he and Leeteuk, Heechul, Kyuhyun and Eunhyuk. He wasn't quite sure what he was doing here, because while Leeteuk and Eunhyuk and Heechul and Kyuhyun were kinda pairs, he was like the fifth wheel on the wagon.

It didn't take long for him to understand, though. When Heechul had made a comment about him three times, Leeteuk two and Kyuhyun one time in just fifteen minutes and his eyes were stinging, he knew he was just there to be the laughing stock. Again.

Plastering another smile on his face, he sat there for the next hour, taking every insult without saying anything, just smiling. No one noticed that the smile never reached his eyes.


------> ♥♥♥


When the PD finally decided it was time for a break, Yesung stood up, excused himself for a moment and rushed to the bathroom. He pushed the door open, noticing how was completely empty, before he chose the cubicle furthest from the door. He entered it, locked the door, closed the lid and sat down.

Squeezing his eyes shut, he drew several deep breaths and tried to force the tears away. Thank god the PD had decided to call a break when he did, because he wouldn't have been able to hold them in if they had continued for much longer.

Sniffing quietly, Yesung rested his head in his hands. He loved the four members, he really did, but when they were paired up like this, he sometimes started to wonder if he didn't hate them just a little.

Or if they hated him.

Heechul and Kyuhyun in particular. Had he done something to them? Made them angry at him for some reason?

Feeling a single tear force its way out of his closed eyes, he quickly wiped it away and straightened. He needed to pull himself together. He exhaled heavily, taking another deep breath before he unlocked the cubicle-door and walked over to the sinks.

The room was still empty, he noticed with relief.

Catching his reflection in one of the mirrors, he flinched. He hadn't cried, but his eyes were so bloodshot he might as well had been sitting in the cubicle bawling for hours. He stared at himself for a few seconds. He needed to find Haeun, fast.

Walking over to the door, he opened it only a few cm and peeked out. When a head suddenly popped up right in front of him, he jerked back and almost slammed the door shut in her face. The girl looked at him and pouted, while he leaned on the door frame and tried to calm his heart.

“Haeun! You almost scared me to death,” he breathed, shaking his head. Haeun looked up at him and smiled brightly, only to have it fade away a moment later when a frown took over her small face instead.

“They’re being mean to you again,” she stated, walking closer and peering up into his face. Yesung sighed.

“They’re not really being mean,” he defended, and she raised her brows at him.

“Oh really? Talking bad about you and insulting you aren’t being mean?” she shot back, and he blinked at her for a second.

“They’re not doing it on purpose?” he tried, but she shook her head.
 
“That only makes it worse,” she sighed, and Yesung didn’t know what else to say. Then something suddenly hit him, and he frowned.

“What were you doing outside the male’s restrooms anyway?” he asked, looking at her suspiciously. Haeun giggled and looked around, everyone was busy doing their own thing.

“I was waiting for you,” she chirped and spun around in a small circle. Then she turned serious. “I saw you practically running over here, and figured you might need for me something.”

She looked at his face again and started digging around in her bag.

“Which it turned out you did,” she said as she pulled out a small bottle and handed it to him.
“Remember only one drop in each eye, or it’ll stop being effective soon,” she warned, and Yesung nodded as he took the bottle from her and unscrew the lid.

He carefully let one drop fall into each of his eyes, and then blinked several times as the small stinging caused his eyes to water slightly. Haeun grabbed the bottle from him, and quickly dabbed a powder-cushion a few times under his eyes. Hearing the PD shout that the break was over, she took a step back and looked at him.

“Perfect!” she announced cheerily, and Yesung smiled at her.

“Thank you,” he whispered, then pecked her cheek before he hurried back towards the others.
Haeun giggled happily before she followed him, to be ready in case his make-up needed to be fixed during the rest of the recording.


------> ♥♥♥


They did it again at dinner. Sitting around the table with all of the members (except for Leeteuk who still had schedules), they were telling 'oh so funny' stories about him again, about something stupid he'd said on the show, something weird he'd asked during a break, and something strange he had done in the car on the way back to the dorm.
 
He didn't know what to do. Already having received his 'daily dose' of how weird he was earlier on the show that day, Yesung just sat there with his head bowed and ate in silence. He just wanted to finish eating as quickly as possible, so he could escape back to his room and be alone. He really couldn't take much more of it today.

Just as he put the last piece of food into his mouth, Ryeowook turned towards him.
"Yesung-hyung? Is everything okay, you're so quiet?" he asked, concerned. Yesung lifted his head and looked at the magnae, barely smiling.

"I'm fine, I just have a pretty bad headache," he lied. Ryeowook looked at him, worried, but didn't get to say anything else before Heechul interrupted them.

"Probably because his head is so big," He said sarcastically, and next to him, Kyuhyun snickered.

"Hyung!" Ryeowook exclaimed, shocked, but Yesung looked at him and just shook his head.

"It's okay, Wookie. I don't mind," he whispered, forcing another smile. Standing up, he kept his smile plastered in place as he went over to put his dishes in the dishwasher, as he thanked Ryeowook for the food, and even as he started walking towards his room. Feeling the first tear roll down his cheek as soon as he had his back towards the other members, he sunk his teeth into his lower lip, and tried to keep his breathing even. He couldn't cry, he couldn't cry.

He wouldn't cry.


------> ♥♥♥


Opening the front door silently, Leeteuk tiptoed into the dorm. Expecting everyone to be in bed already, he stopped when he noticed the weak light coming from the living-room.

Walking towards it as quietly as he could, Leeteuk paused at the entrance to the other room. Only illuminated by the flickering light from TV, it took him a few seconds to recognize who it was sitting in the couch His brows furrowed. What was Yesung doing up at this hour?

 He watched as the singer sat there, unmoving. His brows rose. Was it possible he had fallen asleep there, in front of the television?

Leeteuk took some steps into the room. Yesung didn't move.

He took a few more steps, and a few more, then stopped when he was about 2-3 meter from the younger man. What was that ...?

Leeteuk's eyes widened when he realized the singer was shaking. What was wrong? Holding his breath, he stepped closer. Once. Twice.

Then he heard it.

The uneven breathing, the occasional hitch and even a hiccup. His mind stopped functioning for a second before realization hit him.
 
"Yesung, are you crying?" He asked stunned. The other's back stiffened immediately and all sounds stopped. Leeteuk practically ran around the couch and dropped to his knees in front of the younger man.
 
"Yesung? Is everything okay?" He asked concerned, looking up at the singer. When he got no response, he scooted closer.     

"Yesung, look at me please," he pleaded, laying his hands on the other’s knees.


------> ♥♥♥


Yesung could feel his heart beating like crazy in his chest. His mind wasn’t working properly. Someone had found him. Someone was there. Why was someone there? What was he gonna do? He'd been caught. What was he gonna say?

"Yesung, look at me and tell me what's wrong," someone suddenly demanded, and he felt someone wrap their hands around his face and force it upwards. His heart stopped for a second. Leeteuk was staring up at him. It was Leeteuk. Leeteuk was the one that had found him. Leeteuk.

He was screwed.

Meeting the leader's worried gaze, there was suddenly only one thought in his head. He needed to get his mask back into place. He needed to pull himself together. He needed to pull himself together, and get away.

It wasn't possible to keep anything from Leeteuk that the leader wanted to know, but he couldn't know this. He couldn't know. He couldn't.

Finally snapping out of the shock, Yesung sprung up from the couch, tearing away Leeteuk's hands and backing up several steps.
 
"Yesung ..." Leeteuk warned. Yesung knew. There was no way Leeteuk was going let him go like this. But he had to. Leeteuk couldn't know.

Spinning around, Yesung dashed forward, almost sliding out into the hallway before he ran towards his room. He didn't want to wake anyone up this late, but he didn't slow down.
Bursting into his room, he closed the door and locked it behind him. A movement on his left caught his attention and he looked towards the other bed in the room.

"Hyung?" Ryeowook mumbled sleepily, rubbing his eyes and peering up from under the cover. Yesung leaned against the door, trying to get his heart to calm down and his eyes to get used to the dark at the same time.

"I just went to the bathroom, sorry for waking you Wookie," he whispered, keeping his voice as low and stable as possible. The magnae just nodded at him, not really awake, and snuggled deeper under the covers.

"Goodnight hyung" he breathed, and by the way his breathing evened out after that, Yesung knew the younger singer had fallen asleep again. Tiptoeing his way across the room he fumbled around in the darkness for several minutes before he’d managed to find and change into his pajamas, and slip under the covers of his own bed.

Relaxing into the pillow, he imagined Leeteuk still standing in the living-room staring after him, and squeezed his eyes shut. He didn't want to think about it. He had, in a very stupid way, gotten away right now, but he knew there was no way something like that would work again. He was practically screwed already. What was he going to do?


------> ♥♥♥


Leeteuk stared at the spot where the fleeing Yesung had disappeared around the corner. He blinked once, twice. Well, that had been ... unexpected. He had never thought he’d come home and find Yesung, Yesung, crying on the couch in the living room, but he would seriously never ever have believed that the singer would literally just turn and run away like he just had, if he hadn't seen it with his own eyes.

Leeteuk thought back to the short glance he had gotten of Yesung’s face. There had to be something pretty big bothering the younger man, because that hadn’t been just a few tears of stress or too much work. Yesung’s eyes had been really red and puffy, and both his cheeks had been completely wet with tears.

Leeteuk furrowed his brows.

Yesung practically never cried, so that he had been sitting here like that crying his eyes out in the middle of the night really worried him. What could have caused Yesung to cry like that? And why hadn’t he told anyone about it? Or, why the hell had he run away when Leeteuk had tried to talk to him?


Snapping out of his thoughts by a big yawn, Leeteuk looked at the clock. He was going to have to figure this thing out with Yesung out later, right now he had to go sleep. He was supposed to be up again in about three hours, and he needed every minute of sleep he could get.


------> ♥♥♥


Yesung looked and almost almost completely normal the next morning, Leeteuk noted, except that his eyes were still a little red, and a lot puffier than normal. And that he avoided him like the plague.
Yesung was good though, Leetek would give gim that. He had managed to stay away from Leeteuk the whole morning without any of the others members noticing. They hadn't said a word to each other, Yesung hadn't looked at him once, and still not even Heechul had noticed that something was off. If it hadn't been driving him insane, Leeteuk would have been seriously impressed.


------> ♥♥♥


Still smiling, Leeteuk looked away from camera and across the room the moment someone shouted ‘break’. Yesung was seated several rows away from him, but he could still see the other's face clearly. There was something that bothered him about the way Yesung looked. It had caught his attention just 15 minutes into the show, but he still couldn't put his finger on it. Now, he watched as the singer talked to Ryeowook, drank some water and read through his script again. Then the PD returned, and the break was over. He needed to focus on his work.
The longer the show went on however, the more that something about Yesung grew, and Leeteuk kept peeking towards the younger man, not able to concentrate completely on the recording anymore.

It was pure luck that made Leeteuk glance over at the singer just in time to see something that made him furrow his brows. Forgetting that the camera was still rolling, Leeteuk swirled around in his chair and stared at Yesung.

Had his ...? There!

Leeteuk watched as Yesung's smile faltered for just a second, then he blinked and everything was back to normal. Except it wasn't really.

Focusing on the singer's face, Leeteuk noticed the fast blinking and the kind of shallow breathing. Turning his attention towards Heechul, who was talking, his brows furrowed even more when he finally registered what they were talking about.

"... and when I walked into his room once to ask if I could borrow something, he was talking to his turtle!" Heechul finished, the whole set roaring with laughter. Leeteuk turned towards Yesung again, and almost flinched at the fake smile the singer was wearing. Something suddenly switched off in his head, and he stood up abruptly. Screw recording and acting proffesional. Something was wrong with one of s, and he wasn't just gonna sit there and do nothing. Marching over to Yesung, Leeteuk grabbed the other's wrist and tugged him out of the chair.

"We're taking a break," he announced, dragging Yesung with him toward the dressing rooms, leaving the rest of the members and staff to gape after them.

Still too surprised by the 'abduction', Yesung didn't realize what was going on until Leeteuk practically threw him into the nearest dressing room and slammed the door behind them.

Standing awkwardly in the middle of the room, Yesung didn't look up as he heard Leeteuk approach him. Getting himself ready to refuse another "look at me" like last night, he didn't even get to finish his deep inhale before two hands closed around his face and he was staring into Leeteuk's worried eyes. He blinked confused.
 
"I knew it," Leeteuk whispered, taking in Yesung's red, bloodshot eyes. He carefully touched the corner of one eye, and his lips turned downwards when his fingertip came back wet.

"Yesung ..." he breathed, looking directly into the younger man's eyes. "Talk to me. I know you have problems with telling people how you feel, about freely showing your emotions. But don't hide. Not from me. You can trust me. You know that. You know me. Can't you please tell me what's bothering you? I want to help."

Leeteuk watched as Yesung turned his head away, eyes threatening to spill over and biting down his bottom lip. Standing as close as he was, Leeteuk could see other thin red lines on Yesung's lower lip, almost completely covered by the make-up. Puzzled by them, he gave it a thought (when did he normally see Yesung bite his lips?) and something suddenly hit him. The more he thought about it, the more it started to make sense, and he was almost startled when everything finally clicked into place in his head.

Looking at Yesung again, he suddenly understood, and the realization made his eyes widen for a second before they softened.

"You're so weird," Leeteuk sighed and shook his head, while Yesung stiffened. "Couldn't you just have told us you didn't like it?"

Leeteuk almost chuckled when he saw a light blush form on the singer's cheeks, but then he turned serious.

"You should have talked to us if it bothers you this much Jongwoon," Leeteuk scolded. Then he caught Yesung still biting his lip, and reached over.

"And stop that! It's going to bleed." He drew his thumb over Yesung's lower lip, and Yesung automatically released the hold his teeth had on it. He looked at Leeteuk for a second, then awkwardly turned away when he couldn't get any words out. Leeteuk watched him for a few moments and sighed again.

"You don't like it when we make fun of you," he stated. Yesung stood frozen for a moment before he moved his head up and down in something that could just barely be despribed as a nod, even though it hadn't actually been a question.
.
"You don't like when we call you things or laugh at you when you fail," Leeteuk continued. Yesung moved his head some more, still looking at the floor.
 
"You dislike it so much that it actually makes you cry, but you never thought about just asking us to stop and be rid of the problem?"

Yesung started to nod again, before it changed into hanging his head when he realized what Leeteuk had said. He had never even considered that option.

"But I'm nothing without the weird-image," he mumbled after a second. Leeteuk heard it and his brows furrowed.

"What do you mean nothing?"

"You guys don't even talk to me unless I do or say something strange," Yesung blurted out, now finally looking at the leader. Leeteuk considered the statement for a second.
 
"We've been calling you weird without thinking about it because we thought that you didn't mind, but it would be more accurate to call you unique. You do things that most people don't do, you say things most people don't say. You think and act a little differently than most people. That doesn't make you weird however, it makes you different. It makes you special. We don't want you to change, or think it's something negative. You are you, and we like you the way you are, so just stay that way," Leeteuk smiled gently. Then he looked towards the door.

"Don't we?" He asked loudly and Yesung looked at him, confused. But before he could ask what Leeteuk was doing, the door opened and revealed the other members. Heechul was standing up front, with his arms crossed over his chest.

"If you knew we were listening, couldn't you have asked us to come in?" He huffed as he entered the room, but Leeteuk just smiled brightly at him. Yesung felt his breath hitch for a second when he realized that everyone else was looking at him. Then Heechul turned towards him too, and the color drained from his face. He unconciously took a step towards the leader, wanting to hide behind him. Nobody except Leeteuk noticed, but it hurt him that Yesung would feel threatened by his own members.
.
"Yah! If you didn't like us calling you weird, you should've just told us and we would've stopped," Heechul scowled, recapturing everyone's attention. Siwon stepped forward and put a hand on Heechul's shoulder.

"Being mean is Heechul-hyung's way of showing affection though, so you should pay attention when he’s being mean and calling you names," he added and grinned. Heechul spun around and smacked him on the arm. "Yah!"

"What? It's true!" Siwon defended himself, rubbing the sore spot. Heechul hit him again, then spun around to glare at Kyuhyun when the youngest member voiced his agreement with a snicker. Ryeowook stepped up to try and help the magnae and avoid World War III, while Shindong and Eunhyuk were laughing their asses off in the back. Donghae was staring at everyone with big eyes, mouth partly open, looking exactly like the swimming creature that had given him his nickname.

Not knowing what to say, Yesung stood there awkwardly and watched the other members fight while his cheeks slowly colored. Sungmin spotted it first.

"Naaaw, Yesung-hyung is blushing," he giggled, loudly. Everyone immediately turned to look at the singer, exited, and Yesung just turned an even brighter red. Leeteuk laughed and hugged him, and Yesung took the opportunity to hide his face in the leader's shoulder while silently cursing the pink-loving bunny.

A few other members joined the hug, and within 20 seconds it had turned into a big group-hug, Siwon dragging the sulking Heechul and Ryeowook forcing the reluctant Kyuhyun into it.

The hug only lasted until a furious PD came rushing into the room and started yelling at them, screaming about 'time-schedules' and 'other guests' and 'what were they thinking, just leaving during recording like that?!' After being scolded for several minutes, they walked back to their seats, ashamed (execp for Heechul), and finished the rest of the show without a hitch.

But the car-ride back to the dorm was another matter entirely, and Yesung was so embarrassed by all the teasing that when they finally reached the dorm he excused himself with a headache and rushed towards his room trying not to cry.

It didn't work though, as nine other people tumbled into the room after him, and after a few more minutes of 'loving teasing", as they called it, he gave up trying to hold it in. Luckily, Ryeowook didn't mind that his shirt got wet.