She stood at the side of the curtain, her hand gripped on the microphone with ease. She curled a stray section of blonde wisps behind her ear, exercising her jaw.

            “I. Ee. Eo. A. O. Oo.” The more she talked, the less her nerves drummed in her ears. Again and again, she did this and paced back and forth the space, stomping towards the edge of the curtain, and with a twist of her heels her boots clacked to the other end of the black fabric. She had little room to venture, but she used it well in her favourite spot, nearest the stage, just by the edge of the mass of white light centred for the audience to see.

            “We’re starting in ten!” Beside her, an employee shouted to the mass of workers, a headset worn under the head. He wore a plain black shirt with STAFF written in white blocks on the back. He was hunched over the sound system on the corner going over another round of checks through his gadget.

            “Are you nervous?” Spoke another voice.

            The girl stopped walking and faced her fellow band mate, a man sporting black locks of hair down to his chin. “Well, aren’t you, Jae?”

            Jae rotated his shoulders, flexing his exposed biceps in the process of stretching his muscle tee. She allowed a small smile to streak her face, feeling the layers of peach smack together on her lips.

            “Once we go out, we’ll be either casted or judged. There’s no in between.”

            Jae pulled out his pair of drumsticks, spinning them easily around his fingers. “It’s just another small gig.”

            “An important one,” she added.

            “But really just another performance to give our best shot,” Jae fired back. He lightly laughed at his friend’s stricken look, tucked his instruments together in one hand and dragged her closer by the shoulder. “Look, no matter what happens after this, we’ll take it fine. We play to express, not to impress. The reason why we’re even here is because of you, Tae.” He eyed her, pressing her shoulder.

            “Not me.” She shook her head. She had a calmer aura now. She raised her chin and said, “This is the work of our hand. Good Goodbye couldn’t have happened without you, or Min or Shin. You’re all equally important.”

            The corner of Jae’s lips curved upward. He looked down, shaking his head. “I guess you’re right.”

            “I am.”

            “You’re right.”

            “Five minutes!”

            “And still nervous,” she added, hearing the shout. “B-But I’ll manage! I’m Taeyeon. I’m calm. Taeyeon. Calm. Taeyeon…”

            “And I’m Jae.” He continued playing with his drum sticks.

            “Yes.” Taeyeon nodded. “Yes, you’re Jae. And he’s Shin, and there’s—where’s Min?!”

            “You called me?” A dark skinned blond boy popped his head from the door. He joined the mass inside the dark area, standing tall and mighty at six foot six. “Is it time?”

            Two yards to his right was Min huddled on the phone; Shin pulled the midget over to the other band mates at the edge of the curtain. The lights had brightened to a mess of neon lights on the stage, and there was a good basic rhythm streaming on the speakers, exciting the crowd. Taeyeon could hear the chatter of people over the music.

            “That’s a lot of people right there. Whoa!” Shin craned his neck, peeking out from his spot. “This is bigger than most of our crowd!” He swayed his arms like a kid, flapping his vests to and fro. His every word had an action, mostly a small chinking sound made by the chain wrapped around his waist. “Who’s watching tonight again?”

            “Some agency and maybe several scouts I forced to advertise,” Min explained. He pushed up his silver circular glasses with his middle finger. “More coverage for us.” He shrugged.

            “You’re the best, man.” Shin patted Min on the back, oblivious to his blow that pushed him forward. Min huffed, used to his physical contact.

            “So,” Jae started.

            Taeyeon echoed, “So?”

            “You still nervous?”

            Taeyeon took a deep breath, looking at the set on the stage. “Not anymore.” Her eyes settled on the microphone stand. “I’m fine.”

            “Good,” Jae said. The lights dimmed while the crowd buzzed, a few already screaming. “We have to go out now either way anyway.”

            The four band mates took their place in the dark, easing their hands around the familiar strings and snares and stand. The next thing they knew, Shin plucked the strings on his guitar, Jae rattled out a shaky tempo, and the beat eased the rhythm they set. The crowd screamed when the lights sparkled around the stage; they bobbed their hands and head at the familiar beats the band had been doing. Taeyeon took a deep breath, captured the microphone she fixed on the stand, and as if changing her demeanour, she gazed long and hard at the crowd.

            And then she sang.

“Cheers!”

            The clanking of glasses echoed inside the small sound-proof room.

            “To the band!” Shin shouted, holding his shot glass. He downed the drink in one go, seething at the fire building in his throat.

            “To our new home!” Min raised his own glass, spilling a few on his loose dress shirt. His hair was a mess, and there were few lipstick stains adorning his face.

            “To our future!” It was Jae who shouted this time, popping a bottle of champagne. He laughed as he poured the drink on four tall glasses, sliding a shot of glass of soju down inside the full drinks. “Drink up, you guys! My treat, haha!”

            Meanwhile, the only girl in the group was curled up on the couch, mumbling incoherent words to herself. Taeyeon’s face had a shade of pink for a while now. She played around her fingers, curling one for every good thing that happened to her today.

            One: they had a closed venue.

            Two: they were sponsored, thanks to Min.

            Three: they played for almost five hundred people.

            Four: Good Goodbye got a record deal.

            Five: she was a happy drunk.

            Taeyeon giggled at the last thought. That’s right, she’s happy and she’s drunk. Today was a good day to get wasted. (And definitely it was not a waste of time.)

            She had never felt more accomplished in her life. Say Goodbye to the egg shells and brawl fights. Say Goodbye to ramyeon and unhealthy fast food. She smiled sweetly at the thought of a beautiful girl smiling at her with love and care. Now she only wished for her Sunshine to come to her life.

            “Who ya tryin’ to kiss, Tae?” Shin slurred around his words, a hand still gripping an empty shot glass.

            Min lightly smacked his head and exclaimed, “Don’t you know?! She’s dreaming of her Sunshine!”

            “Sunshine?” Shin raised his voice to match Min’s. “She’s dreaming again?!”

            “Yah, yah, yah, just let her be.” Jae, unbelievably sober out of the four, defended her. “Let her kiss her girl, even if it’s just a dream. Let her loose this time ‘round, a’ight?”

            “Psh.” Shin bobbed his head. “She needs a real girl with real lips.”

            Taeyeon rolled her head back and laughed, her arms open wide. She had shut her eyes and kept puckering her lips in the air.

            “She’s dreaming and drunk.” Shin broadcasted the obvious. Jae and Min cackled in agreement. Shin smirked, jumping out of his seat. “You know what, let’s give her her Sunshine!” He sanded his hands together, walking to the door. “I’ll give her lots of Sunshine!”

            When Shin left, Min resorted to whispering on Jae’s side. “Bro, we don’t even know how Sunshine looks like.”

            “Who knows,” Jae shrugged, sipping on his rum. “maybe Sunshine’s just her ideal girl and not a real woman.”

           “Hm. True. I like how she’s openly gay, man. Taeyeon’s a strong woman to be so carefree about it.”

            “That’s why she’s our leader. Tae’s our pillar of strength, that’s what. You know what, we should definitely help her find her Sunshine!”

            Jae had gone over to the still kissing girl in the room. He grabbed a tissue from the table and a pen from his bag. “Yah, Taeyeon-ah.”

            Said girl paused smooching. “What?” Her forehead creased.

            Jae poised his pen. “What does Sunshine look like?”

            Taeyeon opened her crusty eyes. She had a faraway look and zoned out. “She’s pretty. She has long brown hair. With side bangs, I think. She’s cute when she puffs her cheeks out, plus her voice is warm and comforting. Don’t be mean though, because she seems cold on the outside, but really, she’s sweet and warm and loveable. I love taking care of her.”

            While Taeyeon droned, Jae wrote the keywords on the tissue, under-lining a few when the girl repeated it, and he smiled, nodding along at his love struck friend’s describing of her one true love.

            “...and you see, despite every relationship I’ve had, I don’t think anyone actually fits Sunshine. Sometimes I think Sunshine’s my ideal girl, that she’s someone I’ve been creating in my mind. There are times though, when I feel like I’ve actually seen her sometime in the past. Possibly, she’s a girl I’ll never come around to, now that I’m openly gay to the public.” Taeyeon paused, drowning in sadness.

            Jae looked up to his friend. “You don’t think she’s gay too?”

            Taeyeon slowly shook her head. “I-I don’t know. Although we were… friends, I’ve never been close enough to ask her something as private as this. We studied in all-girls school too.” She voluntarily cringed, desperate to wash away the memory with some vodka.

            Jae and Min exchanged looks of amazement. Taeyeon always kept mum about her background, much more of her Sunshine; thank god she was drunk enough to spill the beans today.

            To Taeyeon though, it was time to let loose some secrets to her friends. They’d been together for three years now, and she wanted to keep their friendship tight for a long time.

            Jae inched closer. “Tae, don’t you have a picture with your friends from high school?”

            Taeyeon wrapped his words around her head. She eventually pulled out her wallet, clasped it open and then what looked a tear at the side had been a hidden pocket where an old picture lain. She pulled it out, after so long, and took a long good look at the group picture. Jae and Min crowded around her to look at the small photograph. They recognized their leader who had the same face since back then, proving her ageless beauty. Six girls were clad in a summer school uniform. Their hairstyles were prim and proper, but their accessories called attention to late 2000’s; maybe 2008, more or less.

            “Noona’s friends are all pretty,” Min commented after a while.

            “You had a crush at one of your friends, hadn’t you?” Jae’s investigative statement lulled to Taeyeon’s ears.

            She hummed, just looking. “I… I don’t know.”

            “C’mon, Tae. Who’s Sunshine?”

            Her lips curled up. “She’s my girl crush!”

            “Who? Here?”

            “She’s everywhere! In my mind, heart and soul.”

            “But is she here?” Jae took hold of her hand to poke at the picture, but all Taeyeon did were giggle and smile. He released her hand and watched her curl up on the couch, mumbling Sunshine again and again.

            Taeyeon started humming a song perfectly for her girl, and then sang it softly to herself.

            You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.

            You make me happy when skies are grey.

            You never know, dear, how much I love you.

            Please don’t take my Sunshine away...

            Please don’t take my Sunshine away.

            As the lights dimmed around Taeyeon’s vision, she cradled the photo to her chest, the face of the girl on the edge of the shot, smiling with a V of her hands.

Taeyeon woke up the next morning to a bed of flowers. She had no recollection whatsoever to this; she only felt a dull ache in the head. There were no signs of vomiting, unlike her usual drunken nights. She was in her bedroom. Taeyeon tried to think back, but all she got was the smell of alcohol, smoke that stuck to her clothes, and the sweet scent of flowers.

            Right. Flowers.

            Where did these come from?

            Taeyeon scooped up a few broken petals to examine. They were white, with a yellow tip on the end. Each one spread out across her palm. She noticed most had a broken bud, and thin coat of moisture. Some flowers were wet. Right on time, she took note of the dried saliva on her chin. Taeyeon frowned at the late realization. didn’t smell of old beer. It smelt of flowers. An overwhelming need to throw up shook her body. She had no time to move as the scorching feeling bubbled from . Instead of vomiting yesterday’s dinner, Taeyeon belched a handful of white and sweet, wet possessions.

            She had vomited flowers.

            “Oh-”

            The second wave came, causing her to drown in a sea of them. Several tipped over the edge of the bed, but still she was covered with it. She was left hunched over, a new trace of saliva gracing her lips.

            , Taeyeon thought. What the is happening?

            A knock on the door called her attention

            “Tae?” It was Jae. “Are you alright?”

            Taeyeon took helpings of air before answering a hoarse “Fine!” She cleared , cradling it. “I’m alright!”

            “...Okay. Breakfast is on the table. Be ready at two, okay?” He walked away from her door.

            Inside her room, Taeyeon was still feeling sick. It was a different kind of sick, an overwhelming takeover of emotions kind of sick. Taeyeon cursed for the second time in her head, now aware of her situation. She never believed it was real; she only heard this from rumours and shady blogs, articles from the not-so normal kind.

            What was this called again?

            Before Taeyeon could form the term, she immediately thought of last night. She thought of the party, of her very drunken state. And then she thought of Sunshine. The horror washed her face white, whiter than her already pale skin.

            , she thought. I had it because of-

            Was it even possible to be in love with someone of so long ago?

            Taeyeon jolted from the bed. She brisk-walked to the door, went to the kitchen to grab a garbage bag while ignoring her roommates’ greetings, and skittered back to the room with a click. She grabbed handfuls of the mess, bewildered at the mass of nature in her room. She refused to think of anything other than cleaning, observing a few to think how it could come within herself, and back to gathering again. When she got everything, the bag was filled a fourth of the way. She tied it nonetheless, concealing every thought near it, near her.

            Taeyeon got dressed without eating breakfast. She didn’t think she could stomach anything at all. She went out of her room around noon, aware of her friends’ concern on her unusual behavior. She glanced across the square table. To her right was Min, sober and lipstick-free; to the left was Shin, the tall man couldn’t fit his legs under the table and settled on Indian-seating on his spot; and then there was Jae who had the fiercest knit of eyebrows, very much the most concerned out of them all.

            “We have a problem,” Taeyeon said, breaking the silent tension.

            “What is it?”

            “First day today?”

            “Are you pregnant?”

            All heads turned to Shin. He raised his hands and covertly laughed, “I’m joking.”

            “I’m sick,” she explained.

            “You’re dying?!”

            “No you can’t be! I don’t even have a suit noona!”

            “Min, Shin,” Jae pushed their heads down the table. Low grumbles of defeat made Taeyeon smile little.

            She shifted in her seat. She didn’t know how to explain it without vomiting something on their faces. She proceeded to slide a few petals to the center of the table. Jae seemed to have caught on, unlike the two who bickered in hissy fits.

            “What is this for?”

            “It’s really… wet. Ew.”

            “Wh…” Jae couldn’t complete his words, testing the water. “Sun… Sunshine?” He mouthed.

            Taeyeon’s face said it all. She cleared , feeling it already. “Guys…” Her voice trembled. “As of now, Good Goodbye is on a hiatus…or possibly, on the brink of disbandment.”

            “What?!”

            “Go to the appointment later without me. Tell them we’ll decline the offer—or better yet, continue on without me.” She felt restless as the protests grew in number against her. Jae and she were the quiet ones. It was a silent fight, and she wished she could explain, but it was overwhelming.

            Taeyeon got up on instinct and dashed to the bathroom. She hunched over the tiles, dumping a small dose of flowers this time. It had been a fast case, and smaller than the ones in the morning, but the pain was still the same. She needed to find Sunshine. She needed to realize Sunshine. The conclusion left her terrified. All this time, she never wanted to believe it was her, that she’s a real person. She masked her emotions layer by layer, seeing less of her face each time, but this sickness… her disease broke all barriers and Sunshine was all she saw. Sunshine was a person she loved. She cursed accepting it last night, cursed the loose lips that broke the door to her heart.

            Taeyeon stood up, hands gripped on the sink. Her reflection was haggard-looking and ghastly pale in her black shirt and blonde hair. She looked like she had a typical tired night, but she was sick. She was definitely sick.

            She’s sick and in love.

“I’m going to find Sooyeon.”

            “Sooyeon… is that Sunshine?”

            “...Yeah. She’s my friend back in high school.”

            “Mm.”

            “Jae.”

            “Yeah?”

            “I’m not dying, right? This disease, what’s it called again…”

            “Hanahaki Byou. I think that’s what the doctor said, although he was unsure of it, I guess.”

            “Right. There’s a chance I’ll die. If I don’t get to say it to her on time, I…”

            “Relax, Tae. You’ll find her. You contracted it this morning. It can’t be that fast.”

            “Well. I do hope I can find her…”

            “Don’t you keep in contact with your friends?”

            “I… S-Something happened. Involving Sooyeon, I mean.”

            “...”

            “She disappeared. I don’t know where or when, but, she… Sooyeon’s a mystery to me.”

            “...Taeyeon-ah, I could help you, you know?”

            “This is my battle. I’ll find her myself.”

            “I don’t mean to take over, okay? It’ll be faster with more people on the search-”

            “Jae. Please.”

            “...I understand.”

            “Thank you for everything.”

            “Keep in touch, okay? Good Goodbye is not disbanding. We’ll wait for you.”

            “I’ll… I’ll try. Goodbye for now.”

            “See you.”

            “...I hope so too.”

Taeyeon never thought her high school clique would ever separate. They all promised to make time for each other any time they could get, but what happened? Plans were postponed to give more time for term papers and org activities. The frequent chatting in social media dropped to silent nights of personal time and sleep-catching. Everyone understood everyone. College was hard; they needed to adjust. Until Taeyeon noticed, all communication stopped at the end of their first year. New cliques had been formed, relationships sprang up, and advertisements cluttered the news feed. The only time they checked up on the chat box was left for another space of promoting and surveying.

            No one really knew what happened to the other.

            It was all about college now.

            Taeyeon felt bitter at the fact that she didn’t even converse well with anybody else after graduation aside from Jae. Now that she had this disease, there was suddenly a need to jump right back to the past.

            It wasn’t to catch up; it was for Taeyeon to investigate about Sooyeon.

            She could feel bad after this, but now… she didn’t have time for regrets now.

            The first up her list to search was her second closest friend. Tiffany—or Fany as Taeyeon liked to call her—was always active on social media. Taeyeon easily found her Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and that other art site living in a green community.

            Tiffany had a business page for her retail business, Pink Glow Co., running on Facebook and a separate site. Here, Taeyeon found out her American friend had been situated in California ever since she graduated from fashion school in New York.

            Taeyeon had to find a way to talk to her. Grumbling in defeat, she requested to be friends on Facebook, followed her on Instagram, and lastly wrote a simple email talking for them to catch up. She made another one that went straight to the chopping board, but the bluntness of the situation was too forward to her liking so she moved it to Trash. Later on, Taeyeon pulled it back up to her Drafts, and then she went to sleep while hoping for the best.

“Kim Taeyeon, was it? Nice to meet you, Taeyeon-ssi.”

“O-Oh. Hello. Same to you, Jung Sooyeon-ssi.”

“You’re friends with Tiffany, right?”

“Yes, she’s a close friend of mine, haha.”

“Well, I’m her best friend. Keep that in mind, pretty girl.”

“Um, sure? It’s cool. Sunny’s my best friend too.”

“I do hope we can be friends, Taeyeon-ssi.”

“I guess you could say we’re… mutuals?”

“Pft, we’ll be close in no time.”

“...”

“...”

“Anyway, see you?”

“U-Um, yeah. See you!”

            Tiffany hadn’t replied to her the next morning, nor had she accepted her friend request.

            Taeyeon decided to go out and visit her own best friend, rid of the tears that streaked her face when she woke up from her dream. She pushed the thought of Sooyeon at the edge of her mind, where it was easy to pull her to focus on when needed attention and consequently easy to push back to the darkness that graced her old memories and dark thoughts.

“Somebody told me there was a midget requesting an audience with queen SoonD?”

            Taeyeon haughtily laughed at the still small girl standing between the hall and the private room. “Yah, Soonkyu,” she cocked her head. “Aren’t you an elf yourself?”

            “Yah!” Sunny hissed. She peeked to their sides and lowered her voice. “Don’t call me that, Taengoo.”

            “Long time no see,” Taeyeon said.

            “Yeah, crappy morning to you too.” Sunny pushed the door open and walked back inside, Taeyeon hot on her trail. When they got to the booth itself, Sunny rummaged her bag for her materials. “So what’s up, friend? How’s the career going?”

            Taeyeon was rooted on her spot three steps away, eyeing the big cylindrical desk at the center. “Really peachy. You remember my thesis partner Jae?”

            Sunny hummed in response.

            “He’s in the band with my two other friends we both recruited after grad. I can safely say the crowd loves us,” Taeyeon dropped to the seat beside her, swinging it side by side. She watched Sunny close her bag and transfer a folder to the desk. “We got a contract just this week, isn’t that great?”

            Sunny stopped her organizing to give two thumbs up and a wink. “Nice. So what, you’re gonna train like those Kpop idols or ya gonna debut now?”

            “Psh, me? An idol?” Taeyeon lightly scoffed. She rested her chin on her hand on the table and continued, “Since when did idols debut at 26? I think we’ll be negotiating or something. I’m definitely not fit to be an idol, I’m just a singer.”

            “Oh Taengoo, you can still pass for a teenager. I bet you still fit in the kiddie crew-”

            “And you don’t? Haha!”

            “Oh hush, you! Anyway, I am glad you’re doing fine. I got surprised to see your name ringing my phone after so long.”

            Taeyeon glanced at her cartoonish manicure glittering in the well-lit room. “Speaking of… hey, Sunny… do you still keep in touch with our other friends?”

            Sunny settled down on the office chair beside Taeyeon. She focused her full attention to her friend now. “You mean Tiffany and the gang?” She raised a well-groomed eyebrow. “Hm, Hyo and I went to the same uni, but we still didn’t see each other much. I remember Soo, that junior? She was also in MassComm, but you know, studies and papers and whatnot...poof.” She opened her closed fist much like an atomic bomb reenactment.

            Taeyeon couldn’t bring herself to look in her friend’s eyes. “This is really random but… you remember Sooyeon?”

            A flicker of emotion passed by Sunny’s eyes. Her friend had a different tone when she spoke, “...what about her?”

            “Don’t you think it was fishy how she just… disappeared?” Taeyeon realized Sunny was cautiously guarding herself; she internally winced.

            Whether Sunny felt down or not, she had a strong indifferent front. “Why are you suddenly asking about her, Taeyeon-ah?” She was whispering.

           Taeyeon wondered if everything would change if she just dropped a nonchalant “Oh I don’t know, I just found out I love her and that I, uh, have a sickness now because of this one-sided love.” She cleared and replied, “I’m just curious.”

            “After seven years?” Sunny exhaled a shaky breath. She looked like she was about to laugh—or cry. “Taeyeon, what I do know is that, Sooyeon is a good friend. She’s a good girl. When I first heard that she was missing, I couldn’t stop thinking our last conversation. We were laughing, saying good morning and then she was just… gone.”

            Taeyeon could feel her own memories surfacing. She remembered doing the same to Sooyeon and closing the door of the cabin and then…

            “No one really knows what happened to her. Everyone was asleep. Maybe she got stuck in something, maybe she… got a call, I-I don’t know. But I don’t believe she did what those officers said.”

            Taeyeon skidded closer to Sunny. She tried patting her on the back, unsure on what to do. “Sorry for bringing this up, Kyu.”

            “I-I’m fine, just… I suddenly miss her, you know? Tch, Taengoo, you .”

            Taeyeon knew she wasn’t fine. No one was. She felt the bubbling in ; she had to act fast.

            “Anyway,” Sunny sniffed. “You have to go. It’s almost my shift, I-I… have to, you know, yeah.”

            Taeyeon was grateful Sunny pulled away from her. The first pop of white already came to her fisted mouth. “Mm.” She twisted around and jumped from her seat, waving a frantic hand as she walked out the booth.

“You know, I’ve always wondered what happens after death. Is there really heaven and hell? Do we respawn back to being babies and live another clean slate to taint? Or do we just… live in darkness six feet under sleeping for eternity?”

“Respawn? Is this a game? Haha-”

“Keep it down, Tiff is sleeping.”

“You’re the one who dragged me in your tent, tch...you’re being awfully philosophical tonight, Sooyeon-ah.”

“Huh. It’s not the first time I’ve had these thoughts, Tae. I used to sleep thinking about it when I was a kid. Aish.”

“Hm. Are you afraid of dying?”

“Aren’t you?”

“Yeah. But I don’t let it get to me. I think of it as my reward in the end, a deadline to meet so that I can push myself to live my dreams.”

“Ha, I wish. Dad would never attest to me being a singer.”

“Well, he’s just one against the thousands that will love you. I’m sure of it.”

“...I love you, Taeyeon. You have a way with words that comforts me, I just—I’m glad to have you by my side.”

“Huh. Me too. I love you too.”

            When Taeyeon got to the hallway, her fist was full of flowers. She thanked her lucky stars she had something to contain it. With a huff, Taeyeon dumped them in her old moleskin notebook, pressed them down and slid it back in her string bag. She raked moist fingers through her hair, opening an app on her phone.

            Tiffany was still unreachable. Sunny hadn’t said much of use to her. She went through her list of friends, dismissing a few to deal with later on.

            Kim Hyoyeon was her next (hopefully) informant.

            Taeyeon massaged the throbbing in her head. Something in Sunny’s words somehow ringed in her mind. She wasn’t sure what it was….

            She had to think back more to her past.

She had known barging in the middle of a session was rude, but it fell short off Taeyeon’s ears as she arrived inside a luxurious building. If she got it right, Hyoyeon should be working somewhere in a room as a choreographer of SM entertainment. Her only problem was where the dancer worked out of the many rooms and halls of the entire office.

            Maybe she hadn’t thought this through very well. Just her luck, a familiar voice coming from somewhere in the first floor caught her attention. Taeyeon met her friend’s brown eyes. Both skittered down to each other’s outfits, Taeyeon alone on one end and Hyoyeon surrounded by colleagues who joined the staring.

            “Do you know her, Hyo?”

            “She’s new. Must be another trainee.”

            “Or maybe another sasaeng, tch. Yah-”

            “Jongin,” Hyoyeon warned.

            Taeyeon awkwardly shifted her weight to her other foot.

            “You guys go ahead, I’ll take care of this.”

            When Taeyeon was sure the others went away, she saw a pair of white sports shoes stop across her navy blue chucks. Taeyeon looked up.

            “Yo.” Hyoyeon brought her fist to her shoulders. “Taeyeon, right?”

            Taeyeon showed a friendly smile, clearing . “Do you have some time to spare, Hyoyeon-ssi?”

            Said girl inwardly laughed; she smiled. “Dude, relax. No need to go back to formalities, Tae. It’s cool. Just had to remember your name again which is… not so cool, but anyway.”

            Taeyeon allowed a sigh of relief, chuckling in a heartbeat. “It’s fine. I didn’t say I was coming here beforehand, sorry about that Hyo.”

            “It’s fine. Sooyoung does it all the time,” Hyoyeon assured her, swinging her arm around Taeyeon’s neck. She led her out of the entrance right to the coffee shop right across the street. “Do you still remember Soo?”

            Taeyeon nodded, deep in thought. Her bangs flew from her forehead as they entered the place. “She’s that tall kid that’s part of the Dance club, right?”

            The two lined up, ordered a Frappe and Latte, courtesy of Hyoyeon, and went to the counter at the side to wait.

            “Yeah, that girl. Apparently her sister’s an actress in SM so she comes by every once in awhile to drop at my room. Oh.” Hyoyeon snapped her fingers, turning to Taeyeon. “Guess what’s her job now?”

            Taeyeon fiddled around the sachets of condiments sitting inside wooden boxes on the counter. “Food extraordinaire? Wait, did she go pro in her dancing career too?” She stopped and looked around. Her eyes settled on the washroom sign at their side.

            Hyoyeon collected their drinks and straws, pushing Taeyeon to an L-shaped couch in the shop. She answered after resting on the seat, “She’s a Church activist. Part-time teacher at the orphanage near the parish in their subdivision, I heard.”

            Taeyeon would have laughed if she heard that in high school. Hearing it now made her nod in understanding. “Ah. She did say she wanted to serve people one time in the club. Nice to hear she followed her dreams.”

            Hyoyeon agreed by slurping and nodding repeatedly. “Yup. It really is nice to know everyone’s doing so well. Sunny’s a DJ, Soo as a teacher—hm, what’s Fany again? Fashion designer right?”

            Taeyeon nodded, sipping on her latte.

            “Right, and then there’s Yul as a gym trainer,” Hyoyeon paused to laugh at her statement, “ha, gym trainer. Makes it look like she’s a Pokemon character.”

            Taeyeon snorted at that. She replaced her cup on the table. “I think the term you’re looking for is health fitness instructor.”

            “Mm!” Hyoyeon was smiling in the midst of her drinking. She chuckled after, “Anyway,” she pronounced e-he-ni-we-hey, “we all know Yoong’s a rising actress. How about you, Tae? Good Goodbye, was it?”

            Taeyeon was dabbing tissue on her lips, rubbing a few stuck on it. “Yeah, haha. We’re still going strong.” At least, she thought, we should be after I find Sooyeon.

            Hyoyeon slouched back on her seat, playing the tip of her straw. “This is nice. Us talking, I mean. I miss this.”

            “...I miss this too.” As much as Taeyeon wanted to catch up some more, she had her priorities on-hand. “Hey, Hyo.”

            “Mm.”

            “What do you think Sooyeon is doing right now?”

            Hyoyeon took some time to think, humming a bit to herself. “Well, I think… she’d be a singer. Like you too.”

            It made sense. They were both in the choir team, Taeyeon remembered.

            “She wouldn’t want much attention to herself, so maybe… a voice instructor? If she followed her dreams, and not her father’s wish list. She could also be Fany’s business partner with her own fashion line.”

            “Hm. True.”

            “But with her out of the radar,” Hyoyeon maintained eye contact with Taeyeon as she spoke, “who knows.”

            Taeyeon used her drink to warm her hands. She dropped her gaze in reflex. “I wish I know where she is right now. I’d definitely hug her, for old friends’ sake, and then scold her for disappearing on us for so long.” She could feel the sting in her eyes, but she knew she wasn’t crying. “And then I’ll guide her right back to her friends, to Fany, to Sunny, to you, Yuri… to everyone.”

            It really wasn’t the same without her, the two girls thought. More thoughts piled up in Taeyeon’s mind, fuelling up the fire of emotions she was desperate to conceal. I’ll go and kiss her. I’ll say I love her—not as a friend—and wish she feels the same.

            Taeyeon stood up out of reflex.

            “Are you okay-”

            Taeyeon went straight to the comfort room, already in agony. She locked herself in a cubicle, vomiting the flowers in the toilet. A few got swept by the wind caused