Review Delivery to LittlePetalBracelet
♪Beautiful Melody♪ [Status : Discontinuing Until Further Notice]
Story Title: The Package Trilogy: Bad Things Come in Small Packages
Author: LittlePetalBracelet
Work of Fiction URL- http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/97384/
Reviewer: JonghyunJessica @ AsianFanfics
Thread: Beautiful Melody
Chapters: 10 [Ongoing]
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Title (3/5)
Interesting, catches the reader's attention, relates to the story, and doesn't reveal too much of the story's plot (Doesn't give the plot away). A little long and weary. Might confuse the reader when first seen. (-2)
Appearance (3/5)
Eyecatching, somewhat matching, crystal cleaar, great font, decent size, related to story, and sets the mood well. Your poster however is a little dull looking (color). Other than that it is great from my point of view. The background is simple and attractive. Very bright colors don't match with the dull colored poster much. Trailers are nicely done. (-2)
Description/Foreword (7/10)
Characters are introduced and well explained. Storyline is also introduced. It doesn't give it away but it does explain it. It's all easy to understand not to simple but attractive. It makes reader want to read on since it isn't too long. And might grab attention from the reader. When explaining the character your words get wordy making the reader want to skim through it and not read it. (-3)
Characters (17/20)
They are introduced in the description. Their roles and looks are explained perfectly. For a so far 10 chapter story their feelings should have developed once or their third time; well done. They are explained and well done. Characters aren't left in the shawdow a lot. They are perfectly fit into the story's plot. (-3)
Writing Style (11/15)
Within the whole story you use different POV's, but within a chapter you use 1 - 2 point of views. Try to use more. Your a really good detailed author for a person that didn't learn English as their first language. Well done. It would be the POV's that are the problem then. (-4)
Flow (8/10)
Your flow was okay. It wasn't very noticable that it was too fast or too slow. But I know for sure the flow is a little slow. (-2)
Plot (10/15)
Your plot was well planned let's say. Kruhyun is a lively character making the story flow very well. This reminds me of the "You're Beautiful" drama. Well done. Just to let you know... I like Chapter 4 the best. The chapters are planned out well but are prety small. I can't say much about them though. (-5)
Basic Grammar/Spelling (11/15)
Your English is well done. Saying that English isn't your first language feels like a lie now. I'm American but an Asian and I make mistakes a times and I feel like someone just lied to me. Your English is very well done; but a lot of minor mistakes in the grammar error. But you could use a little advanced vocabulary for the reader to find out. (-4)
Enjoyment (16/20)
Very enjoyable and lively story something I would not recommend this but only for someone who is pissed off or mad. Your title are long and the description was long. I honestly don't like long titles they confuse the reader a lot but I guess it was okay. The description however was very weary. A lot of wordings; when introducing the characters try to keep it short. Your chapters are pretty short too. (-4)
Total: (86/115)
B) 75 - 89
Comments -
I would recommend you to try and shorten the description, especially the part when explaining the characters. That area was very wordy. Try to use different POV's in all your chapters and keep your chapters longer with more details. That's all. Chapter 4 was very cute! "MAI NAIEM IJJUH TAEIL" x2... cracked me up!
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