What do you do when you meet your ex-lover?

Do you smile? Do you say hi? Do you run? Or do you hide? There are so many things you can do, so many options, but for some unfathomable reason, I froze.  Not exactly the wisest thing mankind has ever done. But I’m not exactly the wisest man or woman to be exact in this planet.

“Hey,” you told me when we bumped into each other in the empty hallways.

It’s been so long since you last talked to me. Scratch that, it’s been so long since we last saw each other. How long has it even been? One year? Two years? Or maybe even three. I’m not sure. I lost count. It really had been so long.

“Hey,”

I told you after I broke away from my trance. I have more reasons to be shocked right now. Besides the fact that we haven’t seen nor talked to each other in who knows how long, this is the first time you actually initiated a conversation since we started working together again. You’ve been avoiding me like the plague for weeks.

If I could have it my way, we would have been talking since day one. But, who am I to have things my way? I’ve become nothing to you.

An even more awkward silence enveloped us after our awkward greeting.

“So, how’ve you been?”

How have I been? That’s a nice question. I guess I would also like to know. Wait, maybe you already know. I mean it was literally all over the news. Everything about me, maybe you knew. You always knew.

Should I tell you how I’m supposed to be so happy now? Or should I tell you how I ate ramyun all night after we broke up?

There are so many things running through my mind now that I’m standing here face to face with you. That’s why I stick with a simple and safe “I’m good” and you smile.

The air was suffocating to say the least but I had to keep this conversation going. I have no idea what for, maybe selfishness? The only thing I know is that I need this that’s why I ask “You?”

You looked at me and shifted. It was more that obvious how uncomfortable we both are, making me wonder.

What happened to us?

We used to be so comfortable, so carefree. We used to carelessly talk to each other and joke around. Everything was so honest. We blurted out things without thinking too much. Like the time when you told me through a show how you would think of me every night before going to sleep. That one surely became a hot topic. Or the times when you would hold my shoulders from my back just so you could greet me. I bitterly laugh to myself. We used to be more.

 “Fine I guess,” you tell me with a bitter smile on your face.

Do you perhaps feel the same way as I do?

What am I even thinking? I should be happy now. I should be and I feel guilt rushing down on me as I remember a smiley and greasy looking guy waiting for me. I should stop, but I don’t want to.

“That’s great then.”

Maybe it was the honesty and carelessness that brought us apart. We drifted and we have to move on. So I force myself to smile and say goodbye. I start to walk away when I hear you call my name.

“Taeyeon,”

Can you be any more unfair? It’s just so unfair how you can still have this effect on me as I turned my body around to face you, heart drumming wildly in my chest. It really had been so long.

“Yes?”

I smile as I look into your eyes, your eyes that I used to love so much.

“Are you happy?”

Am I happy? Am I really happy? I do have more work now and the girls and I are on top of our game, but was I happy? I have someone who would always be there by my side. Yet, was I happy? The answer to your question was screaming at me from deep deep down but I choose to ignore it. It would be the wrong answer so I give you a “Yes.”

“Then, I’m good.” You smile and I suddenly feel like crying. “Take care, okay? See you around,” you say as you walked away.

“Bye, Wooyoung.” I whisper as I suddenly feel hot liquid escape from my eyes.