The baby was due in a couple of months and I was amazing.

Okay, so I'm not amazing, but I'm good.

I'm fine.

No I'm not.

What the hell did I get myself into?

I looked at Haru who was playing on the floor, and I wondered why I was freaking out. I'm already a mom aren't I? Having another baby wasn't that big of a deal. We made Haru and she's awesome. I'm sure this one will be just like her. After all they both come from us how different can they be.

"Umma?" Haru's voice reigned my thoughts back in.

"Yes, sweetie?"

"I'm hungry." I looked over at the clock and saw that is was almost dinner time.

"You are huh? I guess we better fix that." I say while standing up and moving slowly towards the kitchen. I swear that my pregnant body was trying to slowly kill me through back and feet pain. Once I reached the kitchen, I got to work making something Haru would agree to eat. Once I finished making Haru's plate, I sat her down in her chair gave her the food. A buzzing noise went off, so I pulled out my phone and checked my texts. There was one from Jongin.

Hey, Jagi, I'm sorry, but I'm not going to be home until late tonight. Call me if you need me. ~<3

I let out a sigh and put my phone down. It sometimes feels like I never see him again. I know his job is demanding, but recently it feels like he's never home. I put my phone in my pocket and try to ignore the nagging feeling in my gut. When I look up, I see Haru hasn't even touched her food.

"Haru, aren't you hungry?" I ask. "I made macaroni and cheese. It's your favorite."

"I don't like macaroni and cheese." She's declares defiantly.

"Since when?" I ask incredulously. "Come on, Haru, you're being ridiculous. Eat your food."

"No!" She yells while throwing her cup on the ground.

"Oh, you did not just do that."
~~~~
After the tantrum of the century, I sit back tiredly while Haru finally eats her food. Eventually, I ignore the pain in my feet and hobble over to the fridge and get out leftovers for my dinner. A  horrifying shriek makes me turn around scared to see what happened. I feel relief wash over me, when I see Haru only spilt juice on herself. I grab a few paper towels and try to soak up the mess. She starts sobbing though and pulling at her clothes.

"My favorite shirt!" Haru wails.

"I thought your Olaf shirt was your favorite." I said mostly to myself, while moving her towards the bathroom. She starts sobbing loudly when I take her shirt off and start rinsing it in the sink and moving to pre-treat it.

"You have to save my shirt, Umma" she cries desperately. I simply strip her down and put her in the shower while I throw the shirt in the sink to deal with later. She starts crying even harder when the water hits her head.
"I don't want to take a shower! I want a bath."

"You're too sticky for a bath right now. Let's just clean you up and you can get a bath tomorrow." I try to calm her down. I rub my head, feeling a migraine coming on. I quickly wash Haru the best I can while she's crying and wiggling. When she's finally clean and wrapped in a towel, she quiets down. I walk her into her room while I throw her clothes into the washer and hope there isn't a stain.

"Let's get ready for bed." I say pulling out her night clothes and handing them to her. When she has pajamas on, she crawls into her bed and snuggles up to a teddy bear that Jongin gave her for her last birthday. I turn on her nightlight and when I'm about to turn off the light her small voice stops me.

"Why isn't Appa tucking me in?"

I forgot that it was technically Jongin's night to get her into bed. I sit down on the bed next to her. I look at her and see there are still tears prickling her eyes. It struck me, once again, how much her eyes look so much like Jongin's. With these pretty eyes, Jongin was going to have a hard time to beating off all the boys or girls chasing her after when she's older.

"Appa isn't going to be home till late tonight, so I'm tucking you in." I explain quietly. I move her bangs off her face and kiss her forehead. "Don't worry though, he'll be here when you wake up in the morning."
I almost expect her to start sobbing again, if tonight's pattern was anything to go by. She simply nods her head, pulls her teddy bear close, and let silent tears slip. It breaks my heart to see her so sad that she doesn't even make a sound.
"Do you want me to lay with you till you fall asleep?" I ask. She shakes her head no.
"It's okay to be sad about Appa being gone, you know that right?" I start off gently, knowing this is a sensitive subject for her. "It's okay if you need help."
She shakes her head again. "I'm not sad." She states while scrunching up her nose. "Well, not completely."
I look, at her confused. "Do you want to explain?"
Her face contorts while her mind thinks about how to explain how she feels. "It's the good kind of sad, like when I get a boo-boo, but you kiss it better. I'm sad because I miss Appa, but I also know he's working hard dancing and will make it better tomorrow. He always makes it better when he misses his turn on saying good night."
I look down at Jongin's and my little grown up girl."You know, that's a very mature and smart thing to say. I'm very proud of you." I lean down giving her one last kiss goodnight. "Goodnight."
"Goodnight, Umma."
I stand up and turn off the light. I close the door quietly and go into the kitchen. I let out a small sound of distress when I see the mess. I simply sigh, though, and start cleaning everything up. After I cleaned all the dishes, Wiped up all the counters, and cleaned up the rest of the spilt juice, I move on to sweeping the floor. I hear the door beep as it was opened. Quiet footsteps signal Jongin's coming into the kitchen. He walked up behind me and wraps his arms around me settling on my baby bump.
"I thought you weren't going to be home till at least midnight." I mumble while leaning back into his chest.
"I thought so too, but one of the assistances started fussing at the manager for making me stay so late when I have a pregnant wife. He lectured manager hyung pretty hard."
"Remind me to send him a thank you card."
He chuckles a little. "Will do."
He gently let's me go with a peck on the cheek. He looks at the counter and picked up the forgotten leftovers.
"What's this doing out?" He asked while shaking the container.
"I was going to heat it up for my dinner, but I got side tracked." I explain.
"Wait, what did you eat for dinner then?" He asks putting the food down.
I stay silent, knowing Jongin would be upset at the answer. Jongin stares at me upset.
"You haven't eaten yet have you?" Jongin sighs while leaning back against the counter. "You know that you need to be careful with the baby."
"I know. It's just hard to even think about eating when Haru is throwing a tantrum or is crying because she split juice all over her favorite shirt."
"That not an excuse." Jongin says sternly. "You can't just forget to eat when you are in your condition. You have a fetus inside of you. Our baby! Don't you care about them!"
"Of course I do!" I protest.
"Well, if you can't be bothered to just shove some food into your mouth how can you take care two kids."
"Let me explain what I have to go through everyday. I have to get Haru up everyday and force her to eat something that isn't just sugar. She throws fits at the smallest of things from showers to cleaning up her toys. Some days I take Haru to the park or over to her friends house because I don't want her to be alone with no her age even though I am in constant pain and I am always nauseated. While I'm there, I hear nothing but how other moms are so amazing and I can't help but think that I'm not doing this right. Every second I am terrified that I'm going to screw her up and now I'm going to have another one!" I take a breathe and look straight at Jongin.
"I may not have millions of fans to cheer me on everyday, but I work hard too."
Jongin steeped closer and pulled me into his chest.
"I never meant to make you feel like you're not doing a wonderful job. I'm just worried about your and the baby's health." Jongin tries to mend. "You don't need millions of fans because you have me."
I put my head in his chest and let out the most broken sob I've ever heard. I feel the stress from everything catch up with me. I let all the fear and anxiety finally come out from where I kept it all bottled up.
"There's something else bothering you." Jongin says softly into my ear. It wasn't a question. He leads us into the living room and settles us down on the couch with me in his lap. "Please, open up to me. I'm your husband. We are suppose to share our burdens together."
I lay my head on his shoulder while I try to calm my breathing enough to explain the anxiety I feel.
"I- I can't do it!" I manage to get out in between sobs. I start crying harder and repeating the sentence till the words ring in my ears.
He puts a soft kiss on my cheek. "What can't you do?"
I try to talk again but I start hiccupping from all the crying. Jongin soothingly rubs his hands over my back while making soft comforting noises in my ear. "Take your time."
"The second baby." I say while hiccuping. "I can't take care of them both. I can't even take care of Haru."
Jongin starts petting my hair trying anything to soothe how hysterical I've become. "Hey, listen. Listen to me. What makes you think you can't do this? You are the best mother I know."
I shake my head. "Haru kept on crying and throwing tantrums all day. She didn't want to eat, take a bath or anything. I - I just feel so tired and I get so scared when I think of taking care of Haru when she's like this and of a baby which will need my attention.
"What if something goes wrong? What if I accidentally hurt Haru or the baby because I wasn't able to take care of both them at the same time? What if I end up having a favorite and neglecting the other? What if they both end up hating me? What if - What if - what if-"
I simply started sobbing again, not being able to finish my train of thought. I curl into Jongin and wish the thoughts plaguing my brain would leave me alone.
Jongin picks me up bridal style and carries me to our bedroom. (He pretends he isn't huffing due to the added weight) He sets me down gently before telling me to wait a second. He goes into our closet and pulls out a box. He sits down next to me against our head board; Jongin pulls me halfway into his lap. He opens the box and I see through my tears that they all our photo albums.
He gently opens the first one and I recognize this as the photo we had taken on our first date. It was nothing special, just a simple selfie in his car. Both of us look so young. How could have either of us have ever known that, that short date would have become this
"You were so beautiful that night, that I still remember the butterflies I felt every time you 'accidentally' brushed your hand on mine." Jongin whispers in my ear.
We look through a few more photos from different anniversaries. I stop at one in particular when Jongin had a shaved head and let out a soft smile. I didn't notice when I stopped crying, but by the time we reached our engagement photo my cheeks were already dry.
The engagement photo had me remembering that night. It was a warm night in summer, one of Jongin's favorite times. Nothing seemed off, but little did I know Jongin spent that whole date with his stomach in knots. He took me under the stars and held me close, when he suddenly got on one knee and pulled out a ring. I remember how I was so shocked that I couldn't even answer with words at first. Jongin's face turned ghostly pale while waiting for my answer. When I finally answered I thought he was going to pass out from relief.
"Honestly, the last thing I remember from that night was the sound of me almost losing my stomach while waiting for you to answer." Kai laughs at himself.
That was the last the photo in this album and I find myself reaching towards our wedding album out of instinct. I open up the album and start reliving that day in my head. It was in winter, because I always loved the cold and it was perfect. I look at the picture of Jongin's reaction when he saw me first walking down the aisle. It was one I specifically asked one of the photographers to take. His eyes shined with love and a few unshed tears. My dress was beautiful, but I like the Hanbok I wore for the reception even better.
"I never got to eat a bite of the cookies we had." I laminate sadly. Jongin laughs.
"Yeah, I'm still proud of how our first dance went though."
I laugh at the reminder. It started out normal, then we decided to mix it up by breaking into SHINee mid dance. It then somehow became a dance off between my bridesmaids and me with the groomsmen and Jogin. The groomsmen won only because they had both Jongin and Taemin(who was of course the best man).
Finally finished with that album, Jongin pulls out one more from the box. He opened it up and there was a picture of Jongin and I holding Haru the day she was born. Neither of us looking at the camera, but at each other. The smiles on our faces were tired and worn out, (mine a little more) but they held a love that I could never explain with words. A few pictures were after that. Some of Haru, some of Jongin and I, and some of all of us together. The book was only half full. Clearly meant to be filled more. At the very back of the book, there was a photo which hadn't been inserted yet. I took out the photo and stared at it. It was from a few months ago.
It was a selfie of me simply standing in front of the doctor's office with the tests papers saying I was pregnant in my hands. Jongin and Haru weren't there. Jongin stayed home with her because she was taking a nap. I looked at me smiling in the photo and I wondered what changed in these short few months.
"Nothing changed." Jongin says. I blush as I realize I said my thoughts aloud. I turn to look at Jongin for the first time since this whole thing started. He had a few tears running down his cheek as he looked at me. "You are still the same woman who gave birth to our daughter. You are the the same woman whom I married and dated. You are still the strong woman I fell in love with on that first day. Nothing has changed except our circumstances."
Jongin leaned forward and pressed a deep kiss on my lips. He pulled back and looked me in the eye.
"Do you want to know the common thing with all of our big moments?" His husky voice asked.
I nodded my head yes.
"That before every big change, I was scared and you were there beside me. You were holding onto me and being my rock." He breathed across my lips.
"What?" I ask confused
"When we were dating and things got hard you fought for us. When, our relationship became public you fought the netizens, the managers, and hell, even SM just so we could stay together. When I wanted to break up because I never saw you due to my schedule, you simply made time to visit me during practice even though you had a job.
"The night of my bachelor party I ended up at your door sobbing because I was so scared of that kind of commitment and responsibility. You simply took me in and we played video games till sunrise. The night before my wedding I was so scared, but you simply talked to me and held me till I fell asleep. You told me that I if I ever had second guesses I could call off the wedding and you would still love me and want to be in a relationship with me. You said you would never hold a grudge against me because of that.
"When we found you were pregnant, I was terrified of being a father. I knew how to take care of dogs, not children. Again, you were right there reassuring me that I wouldn't mess up and staying strong while I was so weak.
"You are one of the most amazing women that I know. You are strong and brave even when you are faced with some of the most terrifying things. You don't think about yourself, but others. You always make sure that Haru and I are taken care of."
He stops and let's out a sob before finishing.
"That is why I'm sure you will be amazing at taking care of not only Haru, but also this new baby as well. I don't know what to say to make you believe me and I'm sorry that I'm not good at this. The only thing I can say is that you won't be going through this alone. Even if everyone leaves, I would still be here with you. I would do anything you asked. If you need me to quit EXO I will. I'm sorry that I don't know what to do. All I can say is that I will never ever let you do this alone."
Jongin takes deep breathes as he finishes talking. He lays his head on my chest . I look down at him amazed. I thread my fingers threw his hair and turn his head to look up at me. I smile down at him as I feel all my anxieties float away.
"You said the perfect thing." I whisper. I know he heard me though as he smiled back up at me. He leans up to kiss me.
"I meant it too." He mumbles in between kisses. "I promise to never leave you."
"I know. Thank you." I say before pulling him closer and turning the kiss deeper. His hands start to travel up my shirt. Before I could move to take off any clothes, my stomach growled loud enough to make Jongin pull away. He smiles as he looks at my disheveled state. He pulls away and starts to get off the bed
"How about I make you some dinner and then maybe as a treat I'll let you have some dessert." He gives my a smack then goes to make me something to eat. I roll my eyes at him. Once he's gone though, I hurry and get up to see if I could hurry dinner along, so I could quickly get my 'dessert'.

A/N:If you had read this far, then May God bless your soul. Your comments are always loved and appreciated.