This is stupid, Kyungsoo thinks as he watches Jongin put on his varsity letterman jacket for the ing dance team. Since when did dance become a varsity sport for high schoolers? He rolls his eyes as Jongin and another teammate (or what should be a dance-mate) Sehun admire their jackets that they’ve had for a while now. Kyungsoo didn’t understand. They both have had these jackets since freshmen year, and yet they still act this way in front of Kyungsoo.

 

“Do I look good in this Kyungsoo?” Jongin teases, fully aware at how pissed Kyungsoo is. He thinks that Kyungsoo’s jealous of the jacket.

 

He’s really not.

 

“It’s perfect.” He sneers.

 

Jongin bats his eyelashes, and Kyungsoo could only gag, “I knew you would say that.”

 

“Don’t be jealous Kyungsoo,” Sehun laughs, “I’m sure the chess team will get their own varsity jackets too! You guys just have a couple more months before the school ends!”

 

“Oh, shut up both of you.” He really isn’t into the lettermen jackets he swears.

 

He’s really only into Jongin.

 

The two dancers laugh a bit more before they all realize the time. “, we gotta go Kyungsoo,” Sehun says, “Dance practice is going to start in five, and Luhan will be a complete if we’re not there on time.”

 

“Can’t you just stick your rod in him already? We all know you both want it.” Jongin asks crudely.

 

The shade of red that paints Sehun’s face is enough of an answer for both Kyungsoo and Jongin to double in laughter. “Shut the up guys.” The two of them did not seem to stop. “ you guys. I’m ditching you Jongin.”

 

Sehun leaves the two doubling over with laughter before they even realize that he’s gone.

 

Jongin whips out his phone and groans, “Aww, . I’m late.”

 

“I’ll meet you here?” Kyungsoo says, but it’s more of a question, he notices, as he is unsure if his best friend will actually end up meeting him back in the cafeteria.

 

“You know I will!” Jongin sings as he sprints towards the gymnasium where dance practice is usually held.

 

Kyungsoo waits until he cannot see his best friend anymore before making his way to his own chess club meeting, which he will be late too yet again. But instead of hurrying, Kyungsoo slowly walks his way to the classroom which it’s normally held in. He tries to stop the swelling of his heart as he thinks about Jongin, ing Jongin, the loser that he calls his best friend.

 

He cannot recall the exact day in which these feelings occurred. The feelings are just so stupid! How cliché can one get by falling for your best friend thus realizing, uh hello, you’re gay? Kyungsoo sighs. He hates the way he feels towards his best friend. They’re only eighteen and dumb and way too immature to even comprehend what actually liking someone is like.

 

Kyungsoo finds himself at the door of the classroom and opens the door slowly. Immediately, Joonmyun, the proud president of the chess club, badgers him with his persistent questions of why he’s late and how much time he’s wasted.

 

Kyungsoo over time has learned to ignore the older as he’s naturally like that. 

 

 

---

 

Jongin and Kyungsoo had met in their first year of high school due to unfortunate circumstances. The older accidentally slipped on the stairs, clumsily stumbling into Jongin causing both of them to tumble down the flight of stairs together. They ended up hobbling to the nurse’s office with everyone laughing at the two poor freshmen, and both were too embarrassed to even look at each other or anyone else. But from then on, Kyungsoo could only look at Jongin, and he always wondered if Jongin saw the same.

 

Throughout the years, they found their own personal interests. Jongin was definitely a dancer, and Kyungsoo thought of himself of a decent singer. Jongin eventually blossomed into a performer while Kyungsoo instead only shrunk himself into a typical high school student, drowned in college applications. Jongin always insisted he could do more with his voice, but he was more realistic. His voice was nothing special, honestly.

 

But Jongin. Oh, Jongin as a performer. Kyungsoo could go on hours and hours relentlessly praising the way Jongin moves his body. Everything was just so captivating and mesmerizing, it always kept Kyungsoo awed that that was his best friend on stage. Jongin wasn’t a senior in high school anymore, he was a top-notch performer, completely ready to take the stage by storm.

 

Kyungsoo thinks how Jongin genuinely does deserve that varsity jacket, as he snaps out of his reverie. The chess club is coming to a close, and he’s anxious to leave. He likes the chess club, of course, but it’s just something to past time. But if Kyungsoo were to be truthful, it was just so that he and Jongin would be able to go home at the same time. Chess was the only club that didn’t require him to do much, and he was already decent at.

 

He finds himself helping Joonmyun put away the boards since he was late. Not that Kyungsoo minds, he’s almost always late anyway it might as well be his permanent job. He makes his way towards the cafeteria, and his feet are going a bit faster than normal.

 

Jongin is already there, sitting on one of the tables, playing on his cell phone, adorned with his varsity jacket. (Which is stupid, Kyungsoo might add, since they are still in the shelter of the school.)

 

“Hey!” Kyungsoo calls out, catching Jongin’s attention. The wave Jongin returns is enough for Kyungsoo to start blushing even though it’s a stupid gesture, and he’s still a couple of meters away.

 

“Hey,” Kyungsoo says once more when he’s near, “Were you waiting long?”

 

“I don’t mind if it’s you.” Jongin replies. Kyungsoo pretends to check his phone to avoid looking at Jongin, praying that the younger doesn’t see the redness in his cheeks. “Ready to go?”

 

Kyungsoo coughs awkwardly, “Yeah, l-let’s go.” Jongin swings an arm around his shoulders, and Kyungsoo has to do everything in his willpower to act normal. 

 

---

 

The walk home is surprisingly easy. Jongin ends up releasing Kyungsoo about halfway (but that still was torture, halfway) while they chat about the basics of classes. They’re not in all the same classes anymore, plus throwing in some gossip here and there, there’s enough to fill the void on the way home. It’s always easy going home with Jongin. 

 

“What did you think of the math test?” Jongin asks, kicking a rock in front of them.

 

Kyungsoo hums before replying, “It wasn’t bad.” He kicks the same rock.

 

“Aish, really? I thought it was hard…” Jongin groans. An unintentional game of kicking the rock begins.

 

“It’s not like you need to know math,” Kyungsoo laughs, “You’re going to be a performer anyway.”

 

Jongin laughs backs, “First a ballet dancer. A performer comes with exposure and practice-“

 

“Not for you,” Kyungsoo can’t help to interrupt, “It comes naturally for you.”

 

Jongin smiles embarrassed, scratching the back of his neck, “Don’t say that.”

 

Kyungsoo shrugs, “It’s true.”

 

There’s a bit of silence, just the noise of the rock scraping against the pavement before Jongin says, “I could say the same about you, you know.”

 

The older is taken aback, “What?”

 

“Your singing,” Jongin states, “You could easily become a performer with your-“

 

“Don’t be ridiculous Jongin,” Kyungsoo chortles at the thought, “You know I’m not that good.”

 

“But you are!” Jongin argues.

 

“Jongin, really-“

 

“Why can’t you see that?” Jongin asks earnestly. Kyungsoo is so surprised by the tone of voice that he misses the rock.

 

He gulps, “What?”

 

Jongin blushes, as if that wasn’t supposed to slip out of his mouth, “N-Never mind.”

 

The rest of the walk is engulfed by the breeze blowing in between them, making an imaginary boundary between the two of them. They reach his house before Kyungsoo can even realize it.

 

“Hey Soo,“ That was a nickname only Jongin gave him, and Kyungsoo found it a hard time saying no to whatever Jongin asked after. “Can I use your shower? I brought extra clothing.”

 

Kyungsoo shrugs, “Sure.” 

 

As soon as they remove their shoes, Jongin bolts straight to the bathroom, yelling something along the lines of, “just in case you need to !”

 

Kyungsoo can only roll his eyes as he notices Jongin’s book bag and jacket on the ground before him. He picks them up along with his own items and brings them to his room. As he settles them down, he then opens his laptop on his bed just to simply browse but something keeps catching his eye. He bites his lip and sets his electronic device aside. Tentatively, he makes his way towards Jongin’s jacket as it lies there, limp on the floor. He picks it up with his fingers at first, holding the fabric carefully. He eventually holds the jacket in both of his hands. It’s surprisingly still warm from Jongin’s body heat. Kyungsoo gnaws at his lip again, looking at his bedroom door. It’s closed and the water from the shower could still be heard. Kyungsoo finds his heart beating a tad bit faster than normal. Hesitantly, he brings the jacket up to his face, taking a small intake through his nose. His nostrils are instantly filled with a mixture of old leather, sunlight, and , Jongin.

 

He looks up to find himself in front of his full-length mirror. He can only gasp quietly. His face is tinted on obvious shade of red, and Jongin’s varsity jacket is being cradled in his hands. Kyungsoo holds is by the collar, watching it fully unfold in front of him. Kyungsoo remembers when Jongin had first received it.

 

---

 

They were only freshmen and only beginning to become best friends. It was during the winter time when there was an excited knocking on his bedroom door. He opened it to an overly hyped up Jongin bounding over to his bed, heeding no attention to the papers of homework on it.

 

“What is it Jongin?” Kyungsoo asked.

 

“Look!” Jongin held up a box excitedly.

 

“That is one ing interesting box.” Kyungsoo deadpanned.

 

Jongin rolled his eyes before opening the box to reveal its contents. Inside was a brand new varsity jacket. Jongin pulled it out carefully, and Kyungsoo could see the sparkle in the boy’s eyes.

 

“Doesn’t it look amazing?” Jongin asked out loud, staring at the jacket in awe.

 

Normally, Kyungsoo would have replied sarcastically but the admiration Jongin’s face shown caused him to bite his tongue, “It looks awesome Jongin… Have you tried it on?”

 

Jongin’s face looked so confused Kyungsoo couldn’t help but to laugh, “Oh, God Jongin. You do realize you can actually wear the thing, right?”

 

“Pfft, y-yeah I know!” Jongin answered back, flustered.

 

It was Kyungsoo’s turn to roll his eyes, “Get in front of the mirror.”

 

They looked awkward in front of the mirror as Kyungsoo helped Jongin put the jacket on. It seemed as if they weren’t supposed to do that. As if, that was breaking the boundary of friendship they were forming, but neither of them noticed. Jongin was too busy staring at the jacket even when it practically swallowed him. While Kyungsoo, he couldn’t stop staring at his friend.

 

---

 

Maybe that’s when it all started, Kyungsoo thinks. He’s still in front of his mirror. His arm somehow makes it into the correct sleeve and before Kyungsoo can even stop himself, he is now covered in the jacket, just as Jongin was four years ago. Kyungsoo blushes as he looks himself in the mirror. The jacket is obviously big on him since Jongin had gotten a medium in fear that he would grow out of it if he got a small (to which he was completely correct), but it also looks so right as if Jongin’s jacket was meant for him. It gives Kyungsoo a sense of warmth and security as his hands finds their ways to his nose once more. The sleeves are past his palms, allowing his fingers to only peak out. He inhales the jacket once more, relishing the scent that wafts his nose. The time he grabs the edge of the collar and brings the inside of the jacket to his face, allowing the jacket’s smell of old leather, sunlight, and Jongin completely overtake his nose. He feels his stomach doing weird somersaults and his heart beating faster than normal. The blush on his face doesn’t seem to be leaving any time soon. In fact, it only seems to be getting darker. And to make matters worse, he feels an uncomfortable tightness in his school slacks. Subconsciously, he begins to palm the front of his pants, getting by the smell of Jongin. He takes in a deeper breath, letting out a shuddering exhale that shivers throughout his whole body as the temptation to his zipper is clouding his mind.

 

He’s too busy in his own world that he doesn’t realize that the water of the shower had stopped a long time ago, and that the door of his room opened and closed about a minute ago. And what’s worse is that there’s a wet boy standing in a towel watching the sight in front of him intensely. Kyungsoo makes a small moan, and Jongin takes this moment to fake a cough. 

 

Kyungsoo’s body turns to ice as he dares himself to glance over where the cough had come from. He just barely sees Jongin practically , but that’s enough for him to rip the jacket off harshly and to fall to the ground, covering his face, not knowing what to do.

 

“I… Left my clothes in my book bag,” Jongin starts, “I was just going to get them.”

 

“Y-Your bag’s there.” Kyungsoo mumbles, pointing nowhere near the bag with his foot. God how he wishes he was nearer to his bed just to hide underneath the sheets. Or how he wishes the floor could swallow him up now.

 

“I-I see it,” Jongin gulps and then there’s a pause, “What was that hyung?”

 

“What was what?” Kyungsoo chokes out. This was all too embarrassing for Kyungsoo; tears already start to form in the ducts of his eyes.

 

“That.” Kyungsoo tenses up as he hears footsteps. “In front of the mirror.” The floor beneath them creaks. “With my jacket.” He feels his hot breath on his hands.

 

“Please leave.” Kyungsoo croaks out instead. 

 

“Kyung-“

 

“Just change and leave.” Kyungsoo bites back. He hiccups, a tall-tell sign that he’s going to start crying soon. 

 

“Kyung, don’t-“

 

“Jongin please!” Kyungsoo begs. He lets in a shaky inhale before the tears are now streaming down his cheeks. He doesn’t even know exactly why he’s crying. He thinks it’s a mixture of embarrassment and shame. He wasn’t planning on Jongin finding out about his — feelings, thoughts? — this way. Hell, Jongin isn’t supposed to know, period. 

 

“Kyungsoo-“

 

“My God Jongin, what!?” Kyungsoo hisses out fiercely. He lets his hands fall from his face, and the face he puts on is enough for Jongin to stumble back in surprise. “What?! What do you want to know!?” Kyungsoo’s emotions were out of whack. Why does he sound so angry? He’s not angry.

 

“I just… Why were you…” Jongin trails off, not knowing how to even ask. He's not looking at Kyungsoo anymore.

 

Kyungsoo laughs bitterly, “What do you think?” He might as well give it up all now. Jongin doesn’t say anything, and Kyungsoo hiccups once more. Tears start to form again as the initial spitfire of rage quickly subsides just as it came. Kyungsoo’s now just a mixture of embarrassment and shame once more. He covers his face with his right arm, shielding his view from Jongin’s.

 

“I like you, okay?” Kyungsoo manages to let out. “I-I… Like you.” He whispers the last part before inhaling sharply. 

 

He hears Jongin gulp. “Why?”

 

“Oh, I don’t know,” Kyungsoo exasperates, huddling to himself now, head tucked into his arms which are now resting on his bent knees, “Do I have to ha-have a reason?”

 

Jongin breathes out, “No.”

 

There’s a heavy silence hanging above their heads. Kyungsoo is not crying anymore, the water is just spilling out of his eyes relentlessly. He’s quiet. Jongin’s staring at his best friend in a ball. The water droplets from his hair are falling onto his body, rolling down the bare skin.

 

“Can you go,” Kyungsoo asks with a muffled voice, “I think I-I’d like to be a-alone right now. Thanks.” He doesn’t bother looking up at Jongin. “You can change here. I won’t look.” He tries to sound reassuring, but he just ends up sounding hopelessly sad.

 

Suddenly, he feels a hand grab one arm — another grabs his other, and Kyungsoo looks up to see his best friend staring at him. He wants to look away, but there’s too strong of a connection between them to find himself to do so. 

 

“Tell me that again.” Jongin says. Normally a snarky or sarcastic comment would be made, but there’s such a deep command to his voice that Kyungsoo fights the norms.

 

“I like you.” Kyungsoo surrenders helplessly.

 

Within seconds, Jongin moves in, slowly closing the space between them. Kyungsoo doesn’t even have time to react before his best friend’s lips are on his. His immediate thought is to push away. He doesn’t want Jongin to pity him or to be seen as a joke, but he can’t help but to succumb to the spell that Jongin’s lips are trancing him to. Jongin deepens the kiss, cupping Kyungsoo’s face with his hands. The older’s hands grab onto Jongin’s wrists, more tears threatening to spill from his face if he doesn’t get a clear answer. 

 

Jongin moves his left hand from Kyungsoo’s face to his back, successfully pulling him in closer. He maneuvers them to the ground so that Kyungsoo’s lying down on his back, him on top, steadying himself with his arms and knees. He brings his hands up to Kyungsoo’s eyes, watching intently as the boy closes his eyes tighter. Jongin carefully wipes the tears away with his thumbs before swooping back down to the spit-stained lips. 

 

Kyungsoo gasps into the contact, hands once again gripping Jongin’s wrist. He’s so confused right now. This is all too much for him to process. He realizes he’s laying on top of the stupid varsity jacket that got him into this mess. He almost wishes Jongin never got one.

 

Jongin pulls back, and Kyungsoo is about to speak up, but the younger beats him to it, “You look amazing in my varsity jacket.”

 

Kyungsoo stays quiet, not knowing what to say.

 

“I’m so happy.” Jongin chuckles softly, his lips hovering Kyungsoo’s. He does sound happy. He sounds relaxed and relieved too. “I can’t believe it.”

 

“Can’t believe what?” Kyungsoo dares to ask, his gut feeling telling him to take the risk.

 

Jongin looks him in the eyes, and Kyungsoo’s memories flashes back to the reason why he started to fall. “I like you too Soo. I swear- I like you too.”

 

Kyungsoo doesn’t respond at first, but soon he finds himself smiling dumbly, eyes crinkling at their edges. Maybe Jongin’s varsity jacket wasn’t so bad after all, Kyungsoo thinks as Jongin mirrors the action, allowing the silence to once again overtake the room. They do not mind it though, as their lips moving against each other say enough.