Pairing(s): Baekhyun x Reader

Rating: PG-13

Warning(s): None

 

Story:

 

You were fine now. You were happy. You were okay. Everything could still function without him.

The freezing sea breeze stings your eyes as it whips your dark hair into your face. It reminds you of how he used to laugh(throaty yet gentle), comment "You look silly!", and reach over to tenderly push your hair behind your ear. Looking out to the endless horizon, you realise that the once spectacular burst of colours that painted the sky is nothing more than a stain; a stubborn stain that couldn't be removed even if you rubbed your knuckles raw. You hug your knees tightly to your chest and try your best to ignore the fact that the shivering doesn't stop.

"I'm okay." you whisper, almost inaudibly, against the suddenly deafening wind.

You're unsure if the tears rolling down your numb cheeks were caused by the dry wind or the hollow feeling in your chest, so you decide to pretend that they aren't there; just like that how you pretend that the space to your left has always been vacant.

By the time your brother finds you, you're almost convinced that you can let everything go and just forget. But, of course, seeing Kyungsoo just reminds you of those nasty words that caused a lump to form in your throat-"I-well...I thought this was important for you to know. Baekhyun... Baekhyun got a girlfriend. Her name is Taeyeon." He even showed you a photo that Baekhyun had sent him. (only because you had practically begged for one)

Your eyes were immediately greedy to see his face. But the sight of her slim arms wrapped around his torso sparked something in you. It left a nasty taste in the back of your throat and your eyes shot to her smiling face; their shining faces were burned into the back of your eyelids. You stalked off bitterly because your initial thought was, "If she isn't pretty, it'll be fine."

You scoffed and thought, "She's flipping flawless. Perfect face shape, doll eyes, pink lips, slim figure and just the right frame. Forget me."

But if you weren't so blinded by your own insecurities, you would've wondered why you couldn't tell whether Baekhyun looked happy or not.

Baekhyun got a girlfriend. Baekhyun has moved on. Baekhyun doesn't need you. Baekhyun is gone.

You think you can't cry anymore, and that all your energy has been depleted, but the moment Kyungsoo settles down on your right and wraps his warm arm around your shoulders, your fácade crumbles. You bury your face into Kyungsoo's welcoming chest and sob, breaths laboured and sharp. You know, by the tightening of your older brother's arms, that you're hysterical. And you realise that you've never been so thankful to have Kyungsoo, the brother who always lent you a shoulder to cry on, the brother who could take one look at you and know exactly what you needed, the brother who loves you.

Kyungsoo stays by your side, arms securing you away from the harsh winds, until even your shadows disappear and your fingers turn numb.

 

"Do you remember,

the sun that shone on

us?"

 

A week later, you're sitting in your room. You're sitting in your favourite spot, on the velvet ottoman which gives you the perfect view of the crashing waves and sparkling sand. You let Kyungsoo's words ring in your head. "I know what you're doing. You should stop. Letting this drag you down is only going to lead to you getting drowned. Don't push everyone who cares about you away, you don't deserve that."

Maybe you had been a little more apathetic towards others. Maybe you had come off as uncaring, or even mean. Maybe you had stopped hanging out with your friends. But it didn't matter. You could do what you want with your life. Kyungsoo just didn't understand the anger that shot straight to your gut everytime someone in school sent you a pitying look, the fear that gripped your heart whenever any of those people came up to you asking "Are you ok?", the pure emptiness that overwhelmed you after that. It wasn't your fault that you just wanted everyone to leave you alone and stop thinking that you were weak and lonely; that you had just been ditched by your best friend.

All you know is that you feel like you've been running around in a blistering hot desert in a desperate search for water, but you just end up running into mirage after mirage. Even when you do finally see the shimmer of water in the distance, a sandstorm rages over and hard bits of sand bite into your delicate skin and momentarily blind you. As soon as you barely escape the brutal attack, you look up and everything you wished for has turned into endless dunes of sand again; intense waves of heat send you toppling over into a bottomless pit of darkness.

You're frightened.

Your eyelids fly open, and you aren't sure when you had shut them. The sun glares down at you, but you have to fight the urge to shiver. Running your fingers across the cool glass window, you wonder when was the last time your heart smiled. You think back again to Kyungsoo's words and realise that his voice had broken. You aren't the only one who was suffering. The least you can do now is to pick up all the less broken pieces, and put them together one by one, in hopes that it will be enough to clean up the mess. You owe your brother that.

 

"In those memories

where time has

stopped"

 

As you learned to pick yourself up again, you came to notice that those people, who were once your friends, had left you too. You didn't mind though. Now, being alone seemed like one of the most precious things to you. Kyungsoo said that "For someone who used to be so people-oriented, you sure have changed. But I'm glad you're happy." Honestly, you aren't sure what would have happened if you didn't have Kyungsoo in your life, being your only emotional support. Yes, your parents were caring, but it wasn't like you wanted to stress them out even more. They hardly had any time to rest nowadays, with the restaurant getting more popular.

Heck, Kyungsoo was probably your physical support too, judging by the way he juggled his university studies with helping out at the restaurant while still nagging at you to focus more on your own studies and to stop worrying about the restaurant.

But days like those just gave you more time to think. Thinking just made your chest ache. Because all that could flood your mind was Baekhyun's pretty hands, Baekhyun's brown eyes, Baekhyun's smooth hair, Baekhyun's secure arms and the way he still had a height advantage over you and loved to tuck your head under his chin. If you just hold yourself under the warm sunlight and close your eyes, it would feel as if you were in his arms again. That was the worst part about being the one who was left behind. The memories, that were etched into every nook and cranny of your very own house, still latch onto you. You have no escape; from his melodious laughter, his boisterous greetings whenever he caught sight of you, his smile, so soft that you could almost melt along with it.

But what you really want to escape are the fights; the shouting and the accusations that were along the lines of "Oh, now you want to spend time with me! Now you care!", the loud crash of ceramic being flung to the ground, the pained look of regret that stained his usually worry-free face, the too-late apologies which went unheard as you dashed madly for the door.

You should have known that even Baekhyun, the carefree boy, had his limits.

The next day, when you returned to knock on his door, his mother had greeted you with sad eyes and sagging shoulders.

"I'm sorry, dear."

Images of him flickered rapidly through your head. Him tearing into his wardrobe while struggling to wipe his hot tears away, pleading with his lone mother, lugging his suitcase behind him, almost tripping over the uneven ramp at the entrance of the island's airport and settling down in his window seat with a sudden fear of leaving.

Everything feels like a dream- no, a nightmare. But the presence of his pre-owned pullovers, which still carries his scent, makes that hard t