I warily glance at the piece of paper in my hands. Should I really do it? I suddenly hear one of the teachers announcing the start of the graduation ceremony. I quickly slip the letter into the thin opening of the locker and walk towards the school hall. Not only am I now nervous about the graduation but the letter that is now enclosed in his locker. 

Dear Chanyeol,

I know you're probably anticipating on leaving the high school premises now that we've just graduated and I hate to make you stay at your locker reading a letter that will probably mean nothing to you but as one last wish before you leave for college, I just want you to read a few things that I can't say to you face to face.

I ambiguously remember the first few days of second grade where at the time, my life was extremely dull with no shades of colour as I had no siblings nor any friends but a deceased mother. I would sit alone, staring at other girls with the desire to join them yet like today, I had no confidence. A tiny speck of colour entered my life when you, the little boy with the big ears that others made fun of, asked if I wanted to play. Your smile was infectious that I couldn't help but smile myself. I'm not sure why you wanted to become friends with me but I'm forever grateful that you did. 

At the age of 10, we became best friends. Although I had never had a friend before, I knew that you were someone I could call a best friend. We knew each other's deepest and daunting secrets, especially your secret of your so called perfect family. Back then we never realized what your parent's endless arguements were about, we only thought solely like who got the last piece of cake. Little did we know that they were seperating, forever. The pain of witnessing your empty eyes and the infectious smile disappearing from your face broke my heart, as it still does today. Our souls were still innocent, concealed from the real world. I promised that we'd never seperate. 

During the next two years, your mother started seeing someone. You hated him as he ignored us, only focusing on your mother. I sadly remember that one lifeless night when we had your house all to ourselves, or at least we thought. He came home at 1 am, ushering an aura of alcohol and blood. Our hearts beat rapidly as we heard the deafening sounds of glass shattering and yelling of awful profanities. The man was an alcoholic. We promised to forget that night however I can never seem to neglect such a traumatizing mermory. 

All of a sudden, he attempted to impress you in the hope that you would be able to accept his and your mother's marriage. Although your father's presence could never be replaced, you unwillingly accepted after seeing the happiness in your mother's eyes when she was with him. Your selflessness and love for your mother made me see the light in the world again. He officially became your stepfather and I was your platonic date. Seeing you in your suit made butterflies seem small as I had intense dragonflies fluttering in my stomach. However I ignored it because you were simply my best friend. 

At the age of 14, puberty hit you. Like a truck infact. You gradually grew taller and your angelic features became more prominent, almost as if they were perfectly structured onto your face. Even your ears looked perfect on you regardless of the size. We were still close thankfully. I remember when you asked me to visit the music rooms after school. It was at that day when you revealed your hidden passion, music. You effortlessly played the guitar, fingers skillfully transporting from one fret to another as your other hand stummed harmoniously. It was when I first heard your deep voice singing in a smooth and mellifluous tone that I knew I liked you. I know 14 sounds like an oblivious age to know what liking someone truly is but somehow I just knew it, I felt it linger in my heart. 

Life hadn't been great for us both so I wished something would change for us as we entered a new schooling life. However, looks like life was only in favour of you as you embodied the perfect image at high school while I was the opposite. You started to become popular as you became a man, a handsome one. We were still close but not as close as before as you made new friends, 11 brothers to be specific. Together you guys were practically royalty as school while I was a peasant, apparently 'not worthy' of your attention. Nevertheless, you never neglected me as you still acted like a best friend. Although I wondered if being your best friend was the only title I wanted to be called. 

I finally felt the worst feeling in the world when I saw you holding hands with the girl that made my life a living hell in the hallways: bitter jealously. I needed a motherly figure in my life to help and advise me on what to do concerning the topic of love but I had no one. I guess thats why I just followed my instinct to do what I most regretted: ignoring you. Just seeing you contended with her made me miserable and sick. You weren't even the one making me suffer, it was myself as I allowed myself to block you out. Back then I woud have been disgusted with all your 'load of ' but now that I think about it, I'm sorry for acting so immature. And I'm sincerly sorry for breaking my promise. 

I ignored you for a solid year and I have to admit, it made me grow out of my foolish character to a responsible one as I became more focused on studies when I realized I needed to make my mother proud. We would pass each other in the hallways where I would hear girls call you oppa regardless of your girlfriend. During this time I made a friend who was in majority of my classes. However she never filled the empty void in my heart that was still occupied by you.                     

She asked me to accompany her to a party held by one of the seniors as she wanted to prove to some girls that she was able to attract a senior. Although it was a pathetic reason to go, I needed to do something beyond studying so I went. I instantly regretted going when I walked in on you kissing your girlfriend. At that exact moment I swear I heard a glass window shatter beside me.  However it wasn't the only thing that shattered as I remember the suffocating feeling in my heart.                                                                    

Before I could run out of the house, I felt a rough hand grab my waist, whispering the most petrifying words in my ear that I don't think I'd ever be able to tell you.  As the mysterious man started to drag me upstairs, I saw you run, pushing whoever was in the way until you reached us and punched the man in the jaw. You looked at me with eyes that showed equivalent fear. That look...it still haunts me today. You instantly covered my frail body with your enormous jacket and lead me outside to your car. It was when you pulled me into a warm embrace that I cried. I poured everything out; the loss of my mother, my vulnerability and the hate I had for myself by ignoring you who had done nothing wrong. We stayed like that for who knows, I thought it lasted a couple of hours before you drove me home. I wore your jacket as I slept. It kept me warm and secured throughout the night, just like your presence. 

A few weeks later, your break up with your girlfriend trended around the whole school. I remember that night when you randomly called me. My heart skipped a beat when I heard your broken voice "I need you right now" I ran all the way to your house. Seeing your anguished face was far worse than hearing your broken voice. I cilmbed onto your bed and hugged your large figure as you wept onto my shoulder, each tear and wail impaling my heart. I made a promise again to never ever leave you and this time, I would definitely keep it. 

17 was the age we both saw each other cry out hearts out. The age where we were the most vulnerable. 

I sustained my promise as I stood by you. However we weren't as close as we were before. We grew up or maybe just you. You moved on so why couldn't I?

I guess this note basically retold our 10 years together as we made one hell of a journey. I like to think our relationship is like a rollercoaster. While there were times we reached the peak of the ride with our positive memories, we eventually had to descend where our bad experiences awaited. You've done so much for me and I don't think I'd ever be able to pay you back. 

By reminiscing, it made me realize one thing, I love you. You may not return the same feeling but it just feels nice for me to write what I've been hiding for so long.     

I love you Park Chanyeol. 

Ps. don't forget me when you go to college! 

I stride through the main hallway for one last time. This place exposed so many memories both good and bad. I hear the distant cheers of my classmates at the school field. I never once felt a sense of belonging among them so I decided to farewell high school on my own.

I stop infront of his locker. Has he read the letter yet? Did he even notice a piece of paper inside his locker? I let out a defeated sigh before turning around. However my breath was cut short when I laid my eyes on the tall figure now in front of me. My eyes trail around his face before landing on his right hand, a white piece of paper poking out. My face instantly grows 10 degrees hotter as I look away. He's read it, what does he think of me now?  

I suddenly feel his fingertips carefully lift my chin up to centre my eyes on his. He opens his mouth and my attention diverts to what he has to say.

"I love you too" My eyes widen. "I love you too Kim Minah" My whole world stops at those 6 words. Is this even possible? 

He suddenly smiles and my smile gradually follows. Your smile was and still is infectious. His hands reach for my ears to lower my head. I close my eyes at the soft touch of his lips as it makes contact on the top of my forehead. So this is what heaven feels like.

I mutter a soft "I love you" feeling a sense of contentment that I could actually say it to him now.

All of a sudden, he wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me off the floor and spins me around, laughing like an idiot. My graduation cap falls to the ground but I couldn't care less. Why would I care about that when life finally did something good for me? 

"10 years Minah. 10 years to finally make you mine" he says as he stares into my eyes. He's always felt the same way? 

"10 years and I'm more than just your best friend" I reply.

He offers his hand out and I interwine mine with his. We walk towards the front entrance of the building hand in hand, exiting the high school experience and embarking a new life, together.

Life can throw whatever it wants our way. If we've gone through 10 years together, we could surely take on the world.