Hwamin sat in the park on a bench with her hands folded over her lap. Kyungsoo sat beside her. They were enjoying the shade of a willow tree that stood beside them and shielded them from sunlight. Kyungsoo hadn’t reverted to his childlike state, but he wasn’t speaking. After suggesting that they’d take a moment to let the emotions sink in, Hwamin and Kyungsoo had both sat in silence.

Where could the talking even start, Hwamin wondered. The questions in her head were so great in number that she almost couldn’t finish one thought before another one popped up. Almost shyly she looked over at Kyungsoo. He smiled at her as he caught her stare. As he had in his less lucid states, Kyungsoo’s attention was on her. Hwamin felt her cheeks flush and averted her eyes again. Was he expecting anything? Suddenly she felt the warm pressure of his hand on hers and mustered the courage to look at him again.

“So..” She started weakly, taking a few seconds in case her voice would fail her, “where have you been all these years?” Immediately many other questions rushed to her mind, but she tried to press them away and glanced at Kyungsoo. He glanced down at her hand and Hwamin realized it was very tense. It seemed appropriate to turn her hand over and lace her fingers with his, but her hand kept shaking. The reality of the situation was still sinking on. Kyungsoo let out a sigh and squeezed her hand.

“I’m not really sure actually.. I suppose I should start at the beginning. Hwamin, as long as I can remember, I’ve always held you in my heart. I’m not sure how to explain it really..” He stopped and raised his head, looking at the sky. Hwamin noticed clouds drifting by and vaguely remembered that they were significant. She wasn’t sure why they were. That memory seemed to be stuck somewhere.

“But.. You’re real. Right? I mean.. I don’t think you aren’t but.. You were invisible back then..” It felt wrong to say things like that. Hwamin never meant to insinuate that her friend wasn’t real. It was inexplicably important that he was real. Kyungsoo noticed her inner turmoil and squeezed her hand softly. It sparked a series of memories of moments where he had done that before.

“Yes, I am real. I have always been real, Hwamin. The invisibility, though..” He laughed. Hwamin looked up at him in surprise. The sound was like music to her ears. Not just because the sound was warm and friendly and of great comfort, but also because there was a melodious tone in his laughter.

“I suppose that has something to do with what I am.” He paused shortly and frowned, “let’s leave that for another conversation. The matter is quite complicated. All you need to know for now is that I was and still am a real being, and that I do and always have cared for you with all of my might.” Hwamin wished she could be closer to him. As a child she’d always been able to be close to him. Why was that so different now? Her eyes wandered back to his hand, which she pulled just a bit closer to her.

“So where did you go? You broke a rule on our last day.. I remember.. You weren’t meant to touch other people.” Kyungsoo’s expression changed. His smile made place for a pained expression. Hwamin instinctively understood the feeling. That day held the most painful memories of her life. She wondered how she’d even managed to forget about something like that.

“That’s true. I was recalled because I broke that rule. Recalling is like being expelled in a way, it’s hard for us. You see, I’m only meant to be here for you. It isn’t right for me to interact with other people than you. To me being recalled was also like being grounded. I could still watch you at first..” He stopped, looking at Hwamin, “I hope you can forgive me. It hurt so much to see you like that, and it was my fault.”

Hwamin couldn’t stop herself from what she’d wanted to do since the memories of the fateful day she lost Kyungsoo came flooding back to her. When she saw the pain in her eyes, Hwamin let go off Kyungsoo’s hand and wrapped her arms around him. She could only barely repress a sob and took a deep breath before daring to let him go again. The overwhelming emotions were almost overpowering her and Hwamin felt her shoulders trembling. Kyungsoo smiled and, to Hwamin’s relief, didn’t make a remark about the embrace.

“I wasn’t sure how long the recalling would last, you can never be sure of that beforehand, but it ended up being ten years. It was quite hard. I don’t blame you at all for forgetting about me, first of all. Please don’t ever apologize for that. It’s a natural way to handle traumas, and I definitely left you with a trauma.”

That was true. Hwamin tried not to recall those memories, but she didn’t have a choice in the matter. The weeks after Kyungsoo had disappeared had been hard on her. But she was sure that Kyungsoo had his own troubles with that matter. Curiously waiting for affirmation and information she gave him an expecting glance. Kyungsoo continued with an almost morose smile.

“However, because you forgot me, I ended up being stuck between existence and non-existence. I was lucky you never truly erased me from your mind. If our dearest one forgets us completely, we disappear. At first I had more of you to hold on to. There were all the moments we shared, the things you liked, disliked, your friends, your family, but those things started to slip away from me. Eventually I was only left with your name.” Kyungsoo sighed and stopped. Talking about it seemed to put a strain on him as well. Hwamin shifted slightly but felt too shy to move closer. Kyungsoo noticed and instead moved closer to her.

“I’m sorry.” Hwamin whispered. Kyungsoo shook his head and brushed his index finger over her cheek affectionately. It was hard to believe for Hwamin. This man, the best way to describe him she had at this moment, had gone through a lot of things because of her. Still it seemed that he had nothing but warm feelings for her.

“I told you not to apologize. Your name kept me aware, and therefore I survived for a long time. Because there was nothing else and I couldn’t see you anymore, I ended up losing my mind. Your name was starting to slip away too. I would have died but I didn’t. Instead I fell. And that’s when we met again. But because you didn’t remember, I didn’t remember either. So I just held on to your presence. The rest you know.” Kyungsoo finished. Hwamin tried to process the information. It all still seemed quite foreign to her. There definitely wasn’t more information that she could take in right now, she decided.

Kyungsoo seemed to understand her without even having to hear her explain, and got up, holding his hand out to her. Hwamin smiled and took his hand. Kyungsoo turned and started walking. The park was beautiful. It was the specific kind of green that plants are when it’s rained for the first time in a while. Hwamin let her eyes wander around, taking it all in, but never let go of Kyungsoo’s hand.

Eventually the questions did start to come back, but slower. Hwamin did her best to prioritize the questions so they could give her the most important puzzle pieces. This didn’t feel like a puzzle that could be solved in a short period of time, but that didn’t stop her curiousity. Instead of the overcrowded feeling the questions pointed themselves along the lines of Hwamin’s innermost feelings. It was all directed at Kyungsoo. She’d missed him dearly and she wanted to understand him.

Kyungsoo stopped walking eventually when it started to drizzle once more. Hwamin wasn’t sure where they’d ended up. The park was quite big and they were now somewhere she’d never been before. She was quite confident that Kyungsoo wouldn’t revert back to his childlike, confused state, but she was still quite wary of the situation. If Kyungsoo somehow did revert, after all she didn’t have all of her memories back and those two things did seem connected, she’d have to get the both of them home.

And then there was another thing. Now that Kyungsoo was like this, how was living together going to function? It was easy when Kyungsoo had a young state of mind. He was, mostly, docile to live with. Now that he was acting like a completely mature person, Hwamin weren’t sure if her one person apartment was big enough for the two of them.

“Thank you for taking care of me when I couldn’t do that myself.” Kyungsoo spoke as if guessing your thoughts. She smiled at him. He’d done the same for you in the past. This was like returning the favor, wasn’t it?

“You were cute. Just being near you, no matter what you’re like, makes me feel happy. I feel complete when I’m with you.” Hwamin replied. Kyungsoo raised an eyebrow.

“I never thought I’d be cute, but I’m glad you enjoyed it.. You know I feel the same way, right?” Hwamin knew that all too well. Kyungsoo reached to touch her face but stopped, seeming a bit conflicted. “It’s so strange.. You’re still Hwamin, the Hwamin I know, but you’re different.”

“Yes, I aged..” She glanced away. Did that change things? Was she not as good now that she wasn’t a child anymore? Kyungsoo’s gaze convinced her otherwise.

“Your hand used to be smaller, you used to be shorter. There are so many things I wish I could have done with you whilst you grew up.. I guess I’m sad I missed those moments.” He smiled, “but I’m also glad to meet you as an adult. As long as I can love you.”