♪ ♪ The sunlight hurts, this street I walked with you hurts

The song that passes my ears hurts

Without knowing, I keep shedding tears as I walk. ♫ ♫

"Listening to that song again, huh?" I opened my eyes. I saw her leaning on the wall of our/my room. My lovely airhead ex-roommate. I silently sighed in my mind.

"Well, it happened to be my favorite song" I said with a slight annoyed tone. Don't get me wrong, I always love seeing her around, simply talking like what we always do every night. I've always been waiting, and here she is again, if it was for me I would be happy to have her inside my room again. "What's up? What are you doing here?"

"Well, I happened to miss my best friend" She says, mocking me.

Here you go again. Saying things like that. Please stop.

"Unnie. Seriously?" I say. "You don't have to force yourself. I understand"

"No. Wheein-ah" She says and sat beside me. "I... I want to say sorry"

"It's really fine, unnie" I said although I'm wishing my voice was convincing. "Does she know you're here?"

"No"

"Then you should go by now" I say, she was about to say something but I cut her off. "She will surely hate it if she knows you're here"

She has these worry eyes that wants to tell me, everything will be okay. She waited for me to say something but I didn't. Then she nods and left.

Left... me.

Once again. I am alone in my room. I smiled bitterly.

"Wheein-ah, good morning~" She has this widest grin plastered on her face. I laugh, because her two big cute teeth in front were asking for a punch. I mean, I told her to go to dentist and let it be fix.

"Hey! These teeth's my asset" She whines and I laugh. She completes my day.

Moon Byulyi. My first and probably be my last love. I met her during the darkest time of my life. When I got reject in my first audition as a singer. It was painful for a girl whose dream was to be an idol someday. And although she wasn't in any help with giving advice, she's there to share my sorrow.

"Unnie" I sobbed on her shoulder. "Was it really bad? My performance... wh-why?"

"Wheein-ah, believe me" She cups my cheeks. "I'd never wished to miss your voice. I'm your number one and loyal fan" She makes me happy.

How I wish I could turn back time, like having a time machine. I probably won't mind the rejection at all. I'd never wished to miss your voice. I'm your number one and loyal fan. And surely won't get tired hearing those words all over again.

♪ ♪ If only I loved you more

If only I opened my heart more

Would we be different now? ♫ ♫

I heard my favorite song as it plays in my mp3 player, in the middle of reminiscing. I haven't said why this is my favorite song. Well, it happened to be related with our story.

Yes. I was the one who reject her. Two years ago, she says she loves me. But I said no.

Yes. I am stupid. For letting her go.

I guess the old saying, you don't know what you have until it's gone, is really true. Take it from me.

As I open the door of our room. Lights off. Candles light the floor and a combination of red and white colors of sweet peas. They smell so good. I could cry.

"Happy birthday, puppy~" She says behind. I turned around, she was holding a cake with candles lit on top. I laugh a little because she's wearing a birthday hat. She looks cute.

"Thank you, eager beaver unnie!" I wish before blowing the candle and hugged her. We were so happy I could not ask for more.

In the middle of our little date that night. She played something romantic while we're eating. We talked about what happened that day, because she's older we're not in the same class.

The Sunlight Hurts by Standing Egg played, my favorite song. Suddenly she stood up and held her right hand on me.

"Can I have a dance, puppy?" She asks with a slight nervous on her face. I beam a smile and that calm her, she also smiles at me before I take her hand.

"I'm all yours tonight" I said. I put my hands of her shoulder while she puts hers on my waist.

We dance until the second verse of the song.

"Do you know why I like this song so much?" She asks. Her eyes say everything.

"Why?" I ask.

"Because it hurts" She says. Confusion hits me.

"What hurts, unnie?"

"It hurts that I love you" Her eyes were twinkling, for a moment I thought it was because of the reflection of candle lights on her eyes. But then I realize it was forming tears.

"Unnie, you know I love you too" I says but she waves her hands off.

"No, Wheein-ah" She says. I'm becoming anxious. "I love you in a romantic way" And that leaves an O shaped on my mouth. I was so speechless I wanted to run away but she was expecting an answer.

"U-unnie" I muttered. "Can you hear yourself? Do you know what you're talking about?" I retrieved my hands from her shoulder. It must have been obvious that I'm grossing her because she looks so hurt I want to slap myself.

"I n-never plan for this, Wheein-ah" She says and tried to hold my hands but I slap her hands away. I'm straight for God's sake. I mean, we can't be together.

"A girl will always be meant for boys" I said and that shut her up from explaining.

I was a stupid, in denial jerk. I can't believe myself. How could I not realize I loved her all along? It was too late before I did. She has her now. Her super idol before me. Her girl of her dreams. f(x)'s Jung Krystal. They met in a show event last year and they click as friends before turning into lovers.

Moonbyul unnie and I are in the same group called Mamamoo where she bested dancing and rapping while I'm a singer and dancing also. We were awkward after she confessed to me.

It was summer when f(x) releases their comeback song "Red Light" while we had our debut that time. We first showed up in M-Countdown. There we saw the f(x) group. They were intimidating sunbaes. But we managed to greet them and bowed. Reluctantly, they smile and good luck us.

There goes my heart died. Seeing her smiling widely after a very long time. Moonbyul unnie. She was smiling widely when she saw her. I thought I heard my heart shattered.

I've always been confident that I can bring back the bright Moonbyul after taking it away from her. But my poor heart says, "You can't do it anymore, no matter how many vita fresh aegyo you showed her. You can't do it anymore".

It was January this year, when she announced that she and Krystal are together. She parades their couple ring on us while we're eating inside the dorm. Yong Sun unnie and Hyejin was so happy for her, and I wasn't. But I managed to put a smile and congratulate her although I'm wishing I was convincing that moment.

Last week, December 22, 2015, Moonbyul unnie's birthday. All of us were so tired but I manage to order a cake for her. I can't take it anymore. I need to tell her although it was stupid she has Krystal now.

Everyone was sleeping but I know Moonbyul unnie is still awake, talking to Krystal. I exit my room, room that we shared before. I saw her giggling on the sofa in the living room. I tiptoed to the refrigerator and took out the cake I bought for her.

"Is that for me?" I jolted up almost spill the cake on the floor. I turned around and saw her.

"Y-yes" I say. "Happy Birthday, Moonbyul unnie"

She smiles enthusiastically, this time I know that was for me again.

"Gee" She says. "Thanks, pupp-... I mean, Wheein-ah"

How I wish she could call me puppy again.

"Make a wish and blow it" I say. After blowing the cake I get two plates for us and we sat on the dining table. I watched her enjoy eating the cake and I smile. I fetch my phone on my pocket and played it. The song she played on my birthday, the day she confesses her love to me. The Sunlight Hurts.

"Unnie, can I have a dance?" I held my right hand, just like what she did before. She hesitated for a second but took it.

We danced on the kitchen like what we did in our room before. She smiled her headphones in her ear. I smile at her too.

There it is. The second verse of the song. I need to say it. It's now or never.

"Unnie, do still you remember?"

"Wheein, I'm still talking to-"

"Please. Let me speak first" I said. I also know that she's still talking to Krystal on the phone. She looks nervous but allow me to speak.

"I know I'm stupid saying this to you now and obviously late" I held her hands and look straight into her eyes. My visions are becoming blurry and the pain throbbing on my chest are rising. It's now or never. I've got nothing to lose since I've lost her a long time ago.

"I love you, unnie" I finally said. "In a romantic way"

She dropped her cellphone and hugged me. There's a glimpse of hope that somehow she will leave Krystal for me but no.

"It must have been hard for you, Wheein-ah" She says while crying. "To bottle up the feeling you have inside. I know that because that's what I felt for you before"

Keyword: Before.

"But you know I have Krystal now" She says and that made my shattered heart numb. "And I love her"

A bitter smile is all I can give. I must have been look like an abandon puppy left by her master.

Waiting for her master to return again but never came back.

Moon Byulyi, my first and probably my last love. My first heartbreak. I never wished for her a sad life. I never wished to be an intruder. So I distance myself up to now, it's a miracle I'm still surviving up to now.

So if ever anyone of you who knows a great, smartest engineer, scientist or an inventor that could create a time machine. Could you refer me?

I'd be happy to have my first rejection in audition if it means turning back the time I'm still with her.