Yongguk dreams of fire and violence, of death and destruction and the horror of the images renders him mute. The memories come in flashes.

At some point, the pictures begin to change. He sees more faces, more scenes of calm. People, friends and family.

When Yongguk is four, he says his first word.

A name.

*

He’d decided that in this life, at least, he would do what he wanted. It’s what he would have wanted, too.

He’s a pacifist, almost to a fault. At eighteen years of age he’s never gotten into a fight, never so much as thrown a punch.

It’s a point of pride.

*

Seeing Himchan again is like coming home.

Himchan puts school on hold to join Yongguk, to follow him into the industry, and to anyone else it might look reckless but the other boy has been looking, too. Himchan knows. Himchan greets him like the old friend he is, smiles at him and looks into his eyes with an age unseen on his face and says,

“Yongguk. I’ve been hoping.”

No one else had known. His parents, his siblings, the same faces, the same mannerisms, and not one of them had remembered. But here Himchan is, telling him he isn’t defective, he isn’t seeing things. If he was mad, then they were mad together.

Himchan’s face becomes somber for a moment then.

“Have you found him yet?”

Yongguk says no.

*

Jongup is next and their folie a deux becomes trois. His quirky nature is much more at home in this era. Yongguk watches him dance, movements free and joyful, his strength on display in a much different way.

Junhong and Youngjae come together, young faces round with innocence. This time, Yongguk knows Junhong will live to grow past him and Youngjae to school him with a wit he is still developing.

Each time, they ask him the same question.

Each time, Yongguk says no.

*

When management tells them they will debut in 2012 as a group of five, there is a collective sadness that falls over the group. It’s mistaken as nervousness and the staff begins walking through the preparations while Yongguk tries to quell the desperate and raw ache in his chest.

Later, Junhong squeezes his hand.

“He’s not here now, hyung. But he will be. I can feel it.”

*

“Hello,” the boy bows, “My name is Jung Daehyun, please take care of me.”

They are stunned into near silence. Looking at each other, incredulous expressions beginning to take over. Through it all, the boy looks nervously between them, slowly shrinking into himself.

Himchan, as always, is the first to understand.

“Ah, Daehyun-ssi must think we’re strange.  Please, forgive our rudeness.”

As Himchan introduces himself and the rest of them, it dawns on Yongguk.

Daehyun doesn’t remember.

*

“His last life was no picnic,” Himchan says later when they are alone, “Maybe the gods thought this a blessing.”

If this is the universe’s way of giving Daehyun an entirely new existence, one without even the memories of the hardships of his last, then Yongguk won’t disturb that plan. His greatest wish is still to see the younger happy. Full of life. Now, he has the chance to be a part of this new life, too. Perhaps that is his reward.

Still, it hurts a little to know the younger didn’t have any idea of the years already between them.

Himchan’s arm rests on his shoulder, a comforting weight that Yongguk remembers feeling centuries ago, too.

“Yongguk, he’s here. With us. With you. It’s something to celebrate.”

*

Daehyun must sense the gap between them, that he’s missing something.  He must wonder why Yongguk looks at him with such heaviness, why Youngjae is so quick to take him under his wing, why even the youngest of them seems to stand like a sentinel at his shoulder.

He is hesitant to slip into the spaces there, left for him with care, but when he does it happens seamlessly. He weaves into their collective fabric as though he’d been there form the start. And of course, he had been.

*

There is a tiny wisp of a boy by the village temple looking up at the large structure with awe, alone and dressed in rags. His eyes are wide and trusting, even as the blood on his body speaks of such things being broken.

Yongguk leaves his sweeping, approaching with caution. He has little in the way of possessions but he is healthy and happy, something this child is not and deserves to be. He doesn’t run when Yongguk approaches him and easily takes his only slightly larger hand.

“What’s your name?”

“Daehyunnie.”

*

“Daehyunnie?”

There is a crowd cheering behind the curtain. They wait, together. Yongguk resists the urge to reach out and link their hands together. There is time. The boy smiles, face still carrying that same sweetness though he stands taller and older.

“Yes, hyung?”

Finally, every part of him is alive.

Thanks for reading!