-NOW-

I stared at the vast expanse of the indigo night sky strewn with dazzling diamonds across me, and it reminded me of you.

I smiled though it’s painful.

I smiled though it hurt as bull, as hell.

It took me back to that night, that glorious night, with the same starry sky.

It brought me back to the hurtful yesterday, to the dreary past I’ve been avoiding for months—days—every hour, every minute, every second of each passing time. I am haunted by the horror, and the sorrow. Every breath I take brings me back to you. Oh, how I wish that this was just a dream. A nightmare, perhaps? I wish…

That everything would just go back to the way they were.

That this dreadful dream would end, and take me back to where I rightfully belong.

That in a blink of an eye, everything would be okay and I’ll have you back in my arms again. I am hurt. My arms is the place where you belong, and your heart is where I belong…

----

-THEN-

“Hyung,” he looked at me with those usual smolder-filled eyes and a sly grin painted across his face. I love it when he smiles that way. It’s reserved for me, and only me. I know. “You won’t leave me, right?”

My heart clenched with guilt and I tightly shut my eyes. Of course, I do, Sehun. Very, very, very much. This is the last time.

“Hyung, are you okay?” He asked me, his voice resounding inside my head. I fluttered my eyes open immediately, tried to blink the forming tears away, and forced my lips up into a smile that didn’t even reach my eyes, which I know isn’t anywhere near from being real.

“No. Never will I leave you.” I retorted anyway, and he pulled me for the sweetest and warmest hug. This is the last time.

“Promise?” He asked me again. He sure is irksome at times, but…

“Promise.” I gave him a smile as he hugged me even tighter. I can barely breathe, but I don’t care. I wish this moment could last longer—forever, perhaps.

“Ah, hyung…,” he mumbles, pulling away from the embrace to fish a small box out of the pocket of his grey trench coat. “This…,” he stuttered; cute—as he conjured an identical pair of bracelet out of the four corners of the container. “This is for us.” He then took my hand and slowly clasped the jewelry around my wrist. With a soft pat on the back of my hand, he let go of me and held his hands out to me, the other, containing the twin jewelry. The same exact thing. So, he wants me to…?

Ah. What a kid. I chuckled; nevertheless, I took his slightly calloused, yet velvety hand in mine as I take the bracelet from his other before doing the same, clasping it around his wrist. I looked up at him, and he smiled at me. It was the most beautiful smile I have ever seen in my whole life, and I swear to the galaxy, I could’ve cried right then and there, I could’ve melted. But I didn’t. Thankfully, I didn’t. I choked back a sob, and did my best to return the smile before I avert my gaze down to my wrist before he could notice my glazed-with-tears eyes.

“So, we’re gonna have these fancy… couple bracelets now, huh? I never knew you’re fond of these kinds of things.” I joked, obviously teasing as I rotated the jewelry around my bony wrist. Once again, he took my hand in his, and surprisingly intertwined his fingers around mine. It never fails to make my heart race. Honestly. We fit perfectly together… What regret…

He chuckled. “Geundae, hyung, this is not just any couple bracelet. This is a Cartier bracelet. As you can see…,” He made a brief pause, pondering as he gazed heavenwards and bit the corner of his lips just like how he does whenever he’s thinking. “Ah!” He exclaimed and snapped. Grinning, he turned the bracelet around my wrist then pointed at his own. “This Cartier bracelet we have here can only be locked and opened by a special vermeil screwdriver. Meaning, you can’t remove it without my consent and permission.” He nonchalantly shrugged at me, yet grinning victoriously as he hoisted himself up from the ground where we’re seated, wriggling his wrist and making the bracelet jiggle in its place. It really looks so precious. He looks so precious.

I laughed. He smiled.

In the back of my mind, I took a photograph of his unfathomable and nostalgic beauty. I treasured it inside my eternal memory. And maybe someday, when the time comes and I’m weary or missing my piece, I could wrack my brain and look back at this moment. Perhaps, it will make me feel less sad. I wish I could take him with me. I’ll put him in my pocket. Nobody will know.

It’s midnight. We bid goodbye to each other, and kissed each other good night, without the care of whatever might happen tomorrow, or the next day when we wake up to face another challenging, hectic day, because all that matters is now. This moment I’ll never forget.

For the last time, I flashed him a smile, and allowed myself to get drowned in the ocean of his eyes. Those dark chocolate orbs I’ll never get tired of looking at.

For the last time, he smiled back at me beautifully, filled with genuine joy and happiness that’s hard to disguise or hide. For a moment, I was lost. I thought I was going to break down anytime, but I kept my knees strong, as well as my heart. The organ behind my chest is pounding so hard, it’s almost painful. I deserve this, I think? For leaving. For lying. For being stupid. For being an . For being a jerk. What can a tired person do, but to have a rest? I’m just one of those people who are tired of every bull fed to me. For being ignored, and thrown back at the farthest end of the hall.

Sehun… He was my only strength, and happiness. He’s the one who brought a smile in my face every single passing day. He brought me joy. He’s the one who introduced me to a different, more wonderful world. Despite his physical, cold looks, he’s way more than how people perceive him to be, and how people see him as. He’s the warmest person in this world. For me, he’s my everything. And it is a privilege to have him love me back just how I love him. If it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t be as successful as I am now. If he wasn’t for him, I could’ve given up on the first week of vigorous training. He gave me the love I yearned for while I was far and away from my family. He treated me more than that of how I expected him to. I cannot fathom how much he had done for me, and to make me happy. With one touch of his hand, it takes the oxygen away from my lungs. With one smile, butterflies go wild in my stomach. His voice, his eyes, his smile, his hands, his touch… It will forever be emblazoned in my heart and my memory.

This is the last night.

This is the last time.

Being the fool I am always going to be, of all the things I’m ever gonna forget, I forgot to tell him how much I love and adore him.

Now, I’m going to live in regret.

----

-NOW-

          At the reverie I’m having, my gaze was automatically glued down to my wrist where the bracelet still is graced, forever signifying the insignia of his love, and my sadness.

Memories lie lifelessly in front of me, scattered around, and pasted up in the skies where the stars were my—our only spectators.

I maybe a thousand miles away from where you are—China and South Korea can’t be that far, can it? — Please feel my love all the way from here.

We may be apart, but we’re looking at the same starry night skies. I wish, on one of these bright balls of heat, that we could meet again…

But as they say, some stars are dead already. It’s only that, it takes billion light years before its light reaches the earth, so it appears so shiny, dreamy, and full of hope. The truth is, it had died a long time ago. Perhaps, my wish will never reach the cosmos, neither will it reach you.

This is the last time.

x

- thank you for spending time in reading this! Please do tell me what you thought about it! <3 

- dems x