The comforting feel my headphones gave me made me feel secure. With my trustee laptop on my well-lighted gaming table along by my side, the night felt well. My mind was ready to embark upon the world of online gaming with a brand new strategy I had planned. The long walks I had to do alone gave me great chances to sweep my mind off everything and place every aspects of my favourite online game. The virtual world called StarCraft wasn’t a foreign item in my mind. Nor was it to my parents who had the honour of giving me the source of battles I had till this night. Including the one table I had labelled as ‘Kyu’s gaming fortress’ with nothing filling every corner of it but my laptop and consoles.

I had to admit I was feeling slightly nervous that evening. Something was about to happen, I could feel it. But I was prepared. Even with such useless dwelling thoughts, I kept myself focused. My coffee thermos was prepared by my side, half empty since the past ten minutes I had brewed it. Aside from the light that served as a radiance in the ‘Gamekyu corner’ of my room, the window beside it was wide opened for the evening draft to give chills to my neck whenever it comes, cooling my gaming sweats away.

A few metres away in the same room in a different house however was a peer of mine, watching his own show on the built in television he had gotten for his tenth birthday. Possibly the worst birthday present out of his other birthdays. Really though, how could he had crave from a complete series of Batman to a television? His previous tastes had been different from mine, but I still respected them. Until the television came. Alas, we’re almost completing high school now. Since the present pattern changed, I didn’t know much of anything he had gotten on his Christmas and passing grades, let alone his birthday present. But it was never about the presents. The main source of the changes was because he himself had changed. Or so, that’s how I had seen it these past few years.

After my train of thoughts had finally gotten back on its right track, I felt it moving with more enthusiasm as I was finally ready to begin my game that evening. The air in South Korea felt cool that night, swaying around with a tinge of danger in the air. Although that might’ve been my mind being too caught up with the game I was about to start. Was I in denial? Possibly, but I couldn’t let anything disturb me for this. No, I’m sorry you mocking wind, I shall not drift my mind to you. Curse the –apparently- noisy Mother Nature for knowing my easily distracted mind, teasing with your wind playing huh?

Choo-choo!

The thick smoke gave me an adrenaline rush. I cracked my long fingers, looking prepared for a new game, possibly will be spending my time up to the wee hours of morning just facing my laptop screen.

Grab your weapons! Prepare your game battles! Polish your strategies! Get yourself a whole stack of diapers boy, you’ll pee your pants off with the battle you’ll encounter soon!

The calling I heard again and again that day came to me again as I took another long sip of my thermos of the liquid elixir of life that is coffee. Grunting slightly as I felt the last gulp go down my throat. I liked this part of my game preparation, when all I would do was examine every corner of my screen, just waiting for the right time to start the game. The feeling felt a little too vivid though. The little shouts and war cries in my head were as convincing as when a best friend promise was made in the days of sandboxes and playground climbing. Of course, it didn’t last.

My passion for the world of virtual battles had always made the whole shebang to come alive along with rushes in my veins and sweats. This night was different. But then again each rapid streams of adrenaline rush were different than the one before and after. They were special each time they enter me. Regardless attacking my bladder -leading me to a series of bathroom encounters- or even approaching through my mouth which the coffee would do the trick. The rush I’m getting right now was possibly the combination of both as I continued to sip my coffee and at times running to the bathroom.

An additional giddy feelin’ tonight, eyh Kyu-boy? Calm your down, it’s not like the North is finally plunging an attack, focus on your little game and ignore the real world for a while.

But why? What’s so special about tonight? Am I going to get a new competitor?

Coming back from my third bathroom break to drain my tanks, I sat back down. With a deep breath letting air into my lungs and breathing out through my nose, feeling the heat and bitterness of my drink, my eyes narrowed at my computer screen.

“Gamekyu game mode is on.”

With that I strapped myself securely onto my chair, adjusting my and feel them against my three quarter shorts, adapting to the well-known shape of my chair. Without lagging any longer, my hand moved around the gadget, clicking to begin the much anticipated night. Whoever is giving me these signals to prepare well for tonight, you better not make my expectations crush. The screen darkened itself for a second, signalling the starting of the game.

The sly smile I liked perched onto my face.

Knowing the screen would come back to greet me, I was shocked when it didn’t. In fact, the whole room was poured with a sudden blackness. Looking from one spot to another in my corner, none of them had a single source of light. I stood up and went nearer to my window. My neighbour’s room was dark as well, no longer did the television shone the room. So it’s not just my house?

My eyes scanned the whole street in my quaint neighbourhood, the air felt stiff and no draft accompanied me. The street was in the same condition as my house. Finally adapting the fact that the whole street –possibly neighbourhood- was having a blackout, I walked out of my room and grabbed my blue Lollipop flip phone and let the light lead me towards the entrance of my house, guiding me through the staircase and avoiding mother’s ceramics collection. I opened the coat cupboard to grab a coat and an emergency torchlight father had prepared in times of emergencies.

Losing StarCraft time is already an emergency enough as it is!

I switched it on and made my way towards the door, clicking it open and securing it with a lock again as I stepped out. I pondered around the night sky as I tied my shoelace, feeling amused by the slightly lighted sky. Never did I step out at this time of night until now. My gaze landed onto the house of my neighbour, again on that particular room at the back of the first storey level. The still apparent light the moon gave illuminated the house, casting a shadow of the man inside the room as he passed by the window. I found myself staring at him as I dropped my phone into my pocket and held onto the torchlight.

As I was in the process of getting up to stand on my feet, a sudden blow from a distant was heard. It happened fast, the light that came along with the noise beamed through the sky and my garden. The light contrast happened in a split second, hurting my eyes instantly. I had the thought of throwing my torchlight away but it fell on the ground with me, landing with the face showing, blinding me even more. I found myself needing it again as the burst of light faded, leaving a new scent to float around the air.

The sound of a car siren from a nearby house was heard. The plunging of the newcomer that came in contact with my ears didn’t serve me well. In fact the car was right beside my house, disturbing me more with its lights going on and off alternately. Trying to get out of the situation, my mind was still in a bit of a daze. The neighbourhood inhabitants had finally showed themselves with the help from the blow before. I ran to the nearest person I could reach, still with my sanity yet the weirdness of the situation was creeping through me fast.

He was a metre away from me when another one of the blow like earlier made its appearance again. The sound was more visible this time, the light that came with it was twice as brighter than before and the smell was almost unbearable. I could feel it invading my throat down to my lungs, spreading coarse textures inside of me the moment I inhaled it. The man I was approaching before had ran the opposite way by the time I stabilised myself again. I turned around, facing the source of the sound and light. It hit me when my thoughts were moving even faster than my usual final rounds of gaming; it’s an explosion. No doubt about it.

Fear was growing inside. The weirdness had turned to fear and I didn’t like it. Shaking my head, the first thing I did by subconscious commands was run straight to the house beside mine. The house where panelled on the wall of my old friend’s bedroom was a television. I ran and ran until my fist met the solid wood material of his front door, pounding on it as fast as my heart was pumping blood.

“Changmin! Shim Changmin! Open the door!”

Directly proportional to my growing fear, my senses became keener. I could hear the hard footsteps marching down the staircase of the house and running to the door. The moment the door was opened, I felt a small sigh of relief inside of me. Seeing his face with wide eyes and mouth gapping themselves made me feel glad to see a familiar face. I had forgotten how he was slightly taller than me though.

“Kyuhyun! What happened?! What were those sounds? I could’ve sworn I felt the ground shaking!”

“I have no idea, but from what I’ve seen we’re hit with a few explosions.”

“Wha-what?! We’re attacked?!”

“It seems so! The first one was probably a few kilometres away. The second one was nearer, but not too near to hit our street. Are your parents around?”

“No, they’re not! They’re at school for that teacher-parent dinner thing. Your parents are probably there as well!”

“Yes, yes they are. But-,”

“-Wait, you said the explosions were coming nearer?!”

“I’m assuming! Oh crap, we should get the heck out of here!”

My body jerked forward as another explosion was heard. The distance was slightly further from before; probably the enemy was targeting various premises and not just focusing on one spot. I looked forward towards the shocked eyes of Shim Changmin. The little boy in him that I grew up knowing was staring right at me, giving me a swing of nostalgia that came with a few seconds of pausing my stare at him.

“Kyuhyun, come on! We’ve got to move somewhere!”

With that sentence, I started my running with Changmin right at my tail. All I hoped for was that he was wearing shoes. With all this panic and attacking, all I could think was using legs as the key in escaping whatever that would come my way –our way- and the tar road wouldn’t do well in contact to bare feet.

It wasn’t long after our escape from the row of houses when one of Gwangjin-gu’s policemen found us and gave instructions to where we should head to. The man in white shirt and black pants kept his shouts clear and simple, trying to give his message through the few explosions in our background. I nodded and gripped onto Changmin’s shoulder to make sure he was actually there. Regardless of the times he hadn’t been by my side, it’s now more than ever did I want to feel his presence.

“Go quickly you two! Authorities are there waiting, providing proper shelter!”

He gave us both pats of assurance before running the opposite direction, wanting to find more of the people in our area. My brain began to brainstorm the best roads and turns to reach our destination. Knowing Star City Mall wasn’t exactly the nearest place from our neighbourhood, we had to keep low and make our way as hidden as possible to assure safety making our way there. It wasn’t going to be a short journey but might as well make the best of it.

And I was determined to make it there alive.

“Let’s go, Changmin.”

“Are you sure about this?”

“Yes, yes I am. Be on my tail okay? I’m pretty sure about my route.”

“’Pretty sure’? Are you really sure about that?”

I shot a look at him. Not much of anger for lagging our move but more of worrisome. His eyebrows scrunched together with a sweat dropping down made me see the insecurity he had. At that moment I felt how dependent he was of me. He couldn’t even take my word, let alone to go by himself.

“Alright, Kyu. I trust you.”

My shortened name that I haven’t heard in so long coming from his mouth made me smile a little. He reflected it back with his mouth stretching sideways, the first smile he showed that night was the first one I’ve seen in years. His words made me plant in my head how he would try his best in following me, not having the need to explain to him of the path I’ve planned out for us.

I started towards a nearby back alley, trying to ignore another explosion from a far distance. My eyes were beginning to adapt to the occasional sudden burst of light in the sky. I kept my running constant with my eyes opened, trying to catch a glimpse of every corner of the dark area. Power supplies were cut everywhere; at times I didn’t know the barriers I had to dodge if it wasn’t for the help of my torchlight. I kept my light source on low level, guiding me through the way, shining only on the ground I was running on.

The sound of Changmin’s footsteps were not consistent. There were times I couldn’t hear him running at all but then his breathing was still there. I didn’t know of the capabilities of his figure, whether he was a sprinter or a man of stamina, all I knew was that he had to run with me. Suddenly stopping, I spotted a man walking around at a curb. I signalled Changmin to stop with me, crouching down and only peeking slightly to identify him. My eyes widened upon noticing he was no ordinary man, he was a man of the army. I knew the looks of him well, he wasn’t a citizen of South Korea.

The sound of his walkie-talkie buffered but I couldn’t make out the possible orders he was getting from the tiny black gadget. He turned around and ran off, gripping onto his weapon tight on his chest. I kept my eyes locked at his movements as he finally left the street. Another explosion made its appearance, making me jumpy and continued to run again. I looked behind me where Changmin was. He was panting and was at least three metres away from me. The distance between us made me feel insecure about picking up speed. The rest of the army men were probably scouting about somewhere, I couldn’t make out where but my cautious level went up fast when I saw the man before. Changmin looked at nowhere but the ground.

“Grab my hand.”

“Wha-what?”

“Just do it, it’ll help us synchronise our running.”

“Really?”

He looked at me with hopeful eyes, tired but still willing. Truthfully I thought if we were chained together, I’d be slowed down. Plus, he was taller than I was. But the more we were apart by running distance, the more focus I was losing.

He grabbed my hand, making me lose speed but his increased. Supposing we had hit equilibrium with our running speed combined. Feeling his sweaty palms against mine and locking it with his grip made my mind come back to where it was before. I drew out the rest of the route in my head, feeling sure of it, feeling secure. We struggled at first but then began running in ease, it felt like how we used to play around the neighbourhood.

Changmin had suddenly begun laughing. Hearing it made me smile, amused by the change in mood of the man.

“Don’t tell me you’re delighted that Kim Jong Il has finally launched an attack on us?!”

“Seriously?! The North?! The father of North Korea is behind this?”

“I saw one of his men. I think it’s them!”

Despite our little chat, our running was smooth as ever. I actually felt a sudden shoot of amusement hearing my steps in unison with his. Changmin continued smiling, laughing silently into the dark corners of the alley. The man was either losing his mind due to the sticky situation we were in or he had entered the portal of nostalgia like I was slipping into.

“Doesn’t this take you back?”

The voice came from my right. I turned to look at him finally catching up and running in line with me instead of having my as his running view. He waited for my response, turning back to the front with his usual smile, showing his top row of teeth and just a small line of pink above it, his gums. The smile triggered a chuckle from me, spreading warmth inside my body as I did so.

It was usually the earlier part of the evenings when we used to meet each other at the small hill near the bungalows behind our neighbourhood. It was a few minutes walking distance and we would reach there with a pool of sweat on our backs but the intention was worth it. Piling our weekly income of the week, we would lay out the number of firecrackers we bought with our spare pocket money. He had his source and I had mine but one thing was the same; the amount of money we used. He had eaten food with the same values during school hours and saved the rest for our Friday night excitements. Lighting them up in one go and running our little legs off to watch in a safe distant never failed to bring us laughter. The run towards the nearest telephone booth was anticipation in the making, boosting it up until we finally reached it and watch the firecrackers wake up the dogs nearby. The scolds we had gotten were messed up by the eighth time we did it, but we didn’t have any regrets. We were seven after all.

Changmin picked up his pace and I followed, making sure I was still leading since the map was in my head.

“How do you know the inner parts around here so well?”

“I walked a lot since we stopped going around with your car. Well, since Istopped.”

The friend of mine had changed the version of his smile and said nothing. I slowed down, suggesting we catch our breath before crossing a big road that had nothing to shield us from the eyes of the enemies. I could hear Changmin’s heartbeat close to my ears as his panting was getting calmer.

“How far away are we, Kyu?”

“Well… I’d say around half a kilometre away. Aint that bad so far!”

“Can we make it?”

“Definitely.”

I gulped down a ball of saliva, deepening my breaths before I wanted to run again. I looked at Changmin, making sure he was still in good condition to speed our way to Star City Mall. I could hear the mall’s theme song in my head with its cheery lights hanged around to add the festivity. I was craving to pour some water down my throat, the dry air and the rate of perspiration I was doing were deadly combos to my mouth.

I clicked my torchlight off, nudging Changmin’s hand slightly. We looked left and right, preparing to cross the road, praying to not get caught. It was roughly a seven seconds sprint across. But even with that short seven seconds, they could be as long as an hour for our enemy to even shoot a bullet or some sort of weapon to terminate us. The heart rate that had slowed down was increasing again. Not wanting to dwell around any longer, I made sure Changmin gave me an ‘ok’ sign before we ran as fast as lightning across.

The view of the back alley was getting bigger and so was my smile. Almost there, almost there, almost there! And not an enemy in sight! As my feet jumped over a small drain separating the alley from the main road, I mentally cheered myself and gripping tighter than ever to Changmin’s hand. Another explosion was heard. I watched the white layer of the night sky fade away. Much to my surprise, I felt weight on my right hand, going down like that layer of white, pulling me along with it until my knees touched the floor.

“Changmin!”

My voice was a whisper yet the mental shout I gave out was louder than any of the explosions combined. His hand was still tight on mine, I couldn’t see him in the darkness but I was far too afraid to click on my torchlight. The silence of the attack had occurred at the same time the explosion happened. I had guessed it was a gunshot. Both that and Changmin’s possible scream from it were probably no match with the sound of the previous booming explosion. I dragged him as gently as possible behind a dumpster nearby and gave light to him as soon as I thought the coast was clear. My torchlight shone at his thigh, the brown colour of it was soaked with a liquid that made the material even darker than before. I gasped upon noticing the hole in it with his blood oozing out.

“Hold on, Changmin, hold on.”

I opened my jacket and stripped my gaming shirt off. The limited edition Volfied t-shirt remained as beautiful as ever to me. In one swift motion with strength spilled around it, I tore the t-shirt, trying to make it a long cloth. The sound of the cotton ripping mocked me in my subconscious, reminding me how hard it was to get my hands on the clothing but the sound of Changmin had made the thought disappear deep in my head. I pressed it against his wound, wrapping it around his thigh to stop the bleeding.

I helped him up, attempted at continuing our journey.Our move much slower than before. We couldn’t even jog let alone sprinting like we did before. I kept my balance, making sure he wouldn’t trip or fall with his wounded left leg. My breathing was faster than before, all I could think of was looking forward and making sure Changmin stayed with me. I didn’t register in my head how he was heavier than me, how he was taller than me, how he couldn’t even walk properly and depended a lot on me to take us to safety. After a slow hundred metres, Changmin stopped me. He rested his body against a wall designed with a badly made graffiti.

“Kyu… go ahead, leave me here.”

“Heck no! Come on, we’re not that far!”

“No. Please don’t. You’re doing so well, I really can’t go on knowing how I’m dragging you behind in this pickle we’re in.”

“Chang-,”

“-Kyuhyun. I can’t walk. Not without a crutch, I can’t. The pain I’m feeling makes me want to scream my head off. Even with this gunshot wound, the fear I have makes me want to chew your hand off mine just to make it go away. We’re moving really slow and who knows how many of the enemy are up ahead.”

He slipped down and finally sat on the ground, still leaning against the wall and squinted his eyes tightly. I came closer to him and sat down, staring deep into his face, my head was starting the process of remembering that moment. How he looked like right then, how he was looking up at me with eyes wet and lips shivering. What was that for? To remember him when he was giving up the chance of escaping from the enemy of our country and leaving me alone? No way, this is not going to be those final moments, not on my watch.

“Kyu, can you smile for me?”

“What?”

“The sky looks pretty. The explosions. You. Me. Everything is making me remember when we were playing firecrackers when we were seven. Do you remember those times? I guess bomb explosions are at a whole other scale, but… firecrackers were a pretty big deal back then.”

I slapped him.

“Owww! Why did you do that?!”

“Shut up. You- you…”

“Let me remember back how we used to smile during those years. Smile for me, Kyuhyun. It might be a bit gay. But hey, you held my hand when we were running.”

He was grinning, laughing even. By a natural pull, I was smiling, obedient to his request.

“I didn’t ask for you to cry, don’t cry.”

I felt a weak punch to my arm with his smile still intact. My heart was weakening, I didn’t dare to blink my eyes that would make my tears fall. I held it in, thinking the next time I closed them, my view of Changmin would go away. I shook my head vigorously, escaping those thoughts.

“NO! Shim Changmin, you’re not dying! You’re not hit at any vital points! You’re still speaking! You’re freaking joking around with me even! That leg of yours is just a tiny obstacle! We’ve ran for more than two kilometres, and this last small one is nothing. NOTHING I SAY! Lookie here, you may want to leave me, but I’m being stubborn right now and I need you to be with me when we get to safety. Call me selfish if you want to but don’t you dare call me the person who leaves his friend bleeding in the back alley of God knows where we are.”

I searched through his pockets, feeling around for his handkerchief. I took it out and helped him up again. He let out a small grunt, feeling the sting from his wound.

“Use my support as your crutches. And as for that screaming and wanting to bite my hand, bite onto this instead,”

I made a ball out of his handkerchief and held it out in front of his face. Changmin looked at me in disbelief. He gripped onto my shoulder tighter and gave me a smile. It was small but I could see it at the corner of his lips. He grabbed the handkerchief and stuffed it into his mouth. Within two seconds, he jerked it out again.

“Oh, dude, not too deep. You’ll feel like throwing up.”

Changmin prepared himself, looking confidently sheltered within my arms. The moment I began to walk, he started his biting. Expressing his pain towards an innocent handkerchief and restraining his groaning. Every step I took, he tightens his grip on my shoulder, pressing it down even more. As though the pain was worse as we proceeded. I was grateful his wound wasn’t anywhere critical like his neck or his chest.

After a couple of blocks, I was completely positive we were only a block away from Star City Mall. Changmin had begun to sniff slowly, either from the coldness he was feeling or he was crying. I didn’t want to look at his face, it might crash my spirit in putting him through so much pain. I stopped for a few seconds. Without noticing he was practically hugging me from my side, embracing my body against his. His sniffs were now sobs, without a doubt he was crying on my shoulder. Pressing his head against my face, I felt his black coloured hair against my cheeks, softly rubbing as his body was shaking from the crying he was doing. I kept my left arm tight on the left side of his hip and my other arm still holding tight on his right arm around my shoulders. His sobs shook my body as a whole, as though transferring the suffering he felt around my clothes, giving goose bumps to my skin.

“Come on, Changmin. Almost there. Just a little more…”

I whispered as tears were starting to leak out of me. Changmin cried even louder, tightens his lock on my shoulder, nodding slowly, still sobbing. My mouth opened slightly, letting in a tinge of the cold air. It tasted different with the many explosions that happened that night. I could taste the tears that came down from my cheeks, the salty liquid was the only water that had entered my mouth that evening aside from my gaming coffee. I gulped the tiny drop hard and bit my lip. I was wishing that I had a handkerchief of my own to bite away the suffering I was feeling right then.

One step forward, his sobs had increased tremendously. Another step, his fingers dug into my skin hard, applying pressure making me shut my eyes tight for a short while. It occurred to me that the longer the process of our one-block-walking, the more he would have to suffer. I paused again, trying to avoid tiresome I felt on my legs.

Think of his leg, man. He’s freaking shot there with blood lost. Yours is just a little sore, tiny tiny sore is all, get yours moving! You game addict, you’ve been proceeding well thanks to all those skills you’ve developed through the virtual world of wars, battle strategies and space aliens, just a little more! Move!

I opened my eyes, they were hurting. I looked forward, I could see the back door of our destination. At least, I was hoping it was. I began to move, slowly and slowly proceeding. I began to take up speed gradually. My ears were clearly opened to the further sobbing of Changmin, not escaping my ears and playing as motivation to increase speed. Then again a part of me was trying to block it from making myself breakdown from my aching body with his voice as a trigger. Faster and faster I moved, supporting his whole body along with me. The muffled groans were getting louder. Thank you again, you little handkerchief.

At one point I was speed walking, close to jogging. With every step I took I carried him with me, I felt his grip, I felt his heart rate. Regardless of everything, I was just glad that his heart was still moving.

“Ky- Kyu- Kyuhyu- Kyu!”

“Shhh, little more, just a little more. We’re only a minute away from the building. We can make it. Just bear with it a little longer. Please, Changmin, we’re just so damn near right now!”

He lowered his sobs and followed the flow of my speed. I stopped at a junction, luckily it was the back entrance of our destination, the road between the back alley and the back entrance wasn’t as far as the main entrance. It was another cross. I had two options; either go when there was an explosion so that my running won’t be heard. Or, go when there wasn’t any so that I won’t be seen. Both had their pros and cons, unless our enemy were either blind or deaf, the choice would’ve been so easy to make.

Changmin was starting to groan again. I couldn’t let the situation lag any longer. Another explosion came, I made a run for it. I couldn’t see any figures creeping about, I scanned only once though. I prayed for luck, for the blind spot of men to come to my advantage. I ran and ran, finally falling back into the darkness and shadows of the building. Panting hard and loud, I ignored all sores and all sounds and grabbed the back door of the Star City Mall.

You better not be locked, I’ll release all powers of Gamekyu on you and you won’t stand a chance!

The door clicked open, much to my relief. I limped inside, seeing a few dimly lighted corners of the mall. I didn’t see anyone else, my visions were blurred and my grip on Changmin was getting loose.

“I got a bleeder! Someone come, take the bullet out of him! Save him! Give him warmth! Give him water! Get him a freaking television for him to watch his stupid show! SOMEONE!”

I shouted, words thrown by my subconscious came out. I saw some paramedics coming towards us and taking Changmin away from me. I watched him being laid down with emergency kits around him. I collapsed immediately, laying down with eyes fit to burst. I absorbed the feeling of air making its way into my body and releasing it, feeling the pure ecstasy of it. Someone had come and gave me water. Checking on my body, feeling for wounds. I didn’t care, my eyes were on Changmin, laying right next to me a metre apart. Sounds around me blurred and all I could see was Changmin. He dropped his head to his side, meeting my eyes. A tear fell from his eye, he smiled at me, blinking with tiresome.

I smiled back at him. Through the crisis we had just faced, even though we were in trouble and he had slowed my way here, I didn’t care. I didn’t regret anything. I never do regret anything I do with him. Not then when we were little with fireworks and pocket money, and definitely not now even with explosions and a war breaking out.