I walked down the street and looked up to see the dreaded building. I thought to myself, “You’ve been in here before. Stop chickening out.” But I knew I wasn’t prepared to see him. I should be up there seeing what he’s doing, but I can’t. I close my eyes and imagine the butterfly that I saw last time. It calmed me enough to go. “I’m coming Hoseok hyung.”

    The door to the dance studio was closed, but I could hear the music blaring. I walked through the door and saw my hyung. He looked so tired and weak that if I touched him, he’d just collapse. He’s dancing to all the songs that we produced. Hoseok was all sweaty, but he continued dancing.

    “Stop. Stop dancing. You can’t continue like this,” I whispered quietly. I looked at Hoseok more carefully and saw that he was dancing to keep his sadness away. I remembered that he danced to keep his anger and sadness away. He was always the happy one with me. Who will he be happy with? Not me… I shake my head and kept staring at Hoseok.

    “You can’t keep dancing, hyung. You’re going to collapse!” I saw him sway, so I rushed out to catch him, but he just slipped through my fingers. The thud of his body rang throughout the room. I stepped back from him because it hit me that I’ll never be able to help him anymore. I heard footsteps getting louder and louder until the door to the room opened.

    My eyes widened at the sight of him. The one who despised me so much. Park Jimin.

    “HYUNG! Are you okay?”

    “Shut up. You’re so loud.” Hoseok pushed Jimin away and just laid there. Jimin stood up and turned off the loud music and sat next to Hoseok.

“Hyung you’ve been dancing for 4 hours straight. You need to stop.”

“Can you not see that I can’t! I CAN’T STOP! If I stop, then…” The sounds Hoseok sobbing filled the whole room. “If I stop, this happens. I can’t let this happen!” Hoseok kept on crying. I was terrified of what I witnessed. Not only did I see Park Jimin, but I saw Hoseok hyung cry. My heart clenched up and my ribs seemed to restrain me from breathing.

“I understand-”

“How can you understand?! I actually cared for him!” Hoseok interrupted Jimin while sitting up.

“I UNDERSTAND! DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW HARD IT’S FOR ME?! EVER SINCE HE DIED, MY LIFE HAS BEEN ! YOU GUYS ALL HATE ME AND I REGRET EVERYTHING! I WANT HIM BACK, BUT HE’LL NEVER COME BACK! I FEEL LIKE FOR DOING THAT TO HIM AND I WANT HIM BACK, BUT HE’LL NEVER COME BACK! I JUST WANT TO SAY SORRY TO HIM AND TELL HIM IT WASN’T HIS FAULT! BUT I CAN’T! He’ll never come back…” Jimin started to bawl. Hoseok unleashed all the anger that he felt towards Jimin and wrapped his arms around the latter.

“I get it, I get it-”

“No you don’t. I should’ve died. I’m the one who should be underground-” Jimin was interrupted when Hoseok grabbed his shoulders.

“Never say that. Never say those words. I lost Taehyung, my beloved member and brother, to those words. I’m not losing another member. I’m not losing anyone to those words again.”

I staggered away from the two and was filled with a confusing mixture of sadness and regret. Jimin was angry at himself and wants to die? “No, no, no. It’s just supposed to be me. JUST ME! I’M SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD! NOT YOU OR ANYONE ELSE! JUST ME!” It seemed as if I couldn’t breathe which seemed odd because I’m just a ghost. Dead, not living. I can’t handle this. I needed to run out, but I couldn't seem to move it. Even though Jimin did make me feel miserable, he doesn't deserve this. I felt more suffocated as I saw them cry together. I inched closer until it was just the three of us together. All of us in a group hug.

“I miss you hyung. I miss you too, Jimin. I’m really sorry…” I gave them a last hug and ran out of the room. The atmosphere was so tense. I just couldn’t stay in there for any longer. I ran out to the streets to find the butterfly flying through the air. It got me relaxed again. It flew away and I chased it like if I was a child again. Before I knew it, I ran straight in front on this one man. Curious, I looked closely. My breath hitched. It was him. The member that truly cared and was worried about me. The one that I just couldn’t seem to face. Jeon Jungkook.