Ride of My Life

[Key’s P.O.V.]

               Where I’m from, same marriage isn’t allowed. Even gay couples were frowned upon by society. Every time I held hands with Jonghyun, I could feel people glaring at me. I wondered, what was different about gay relationships compared to normal relationships between a male and a female?

               The concept people have is that in a gay relationship between two men, one of them are more feminine, or that both of them are feminine. Yes, it’s true that I’m interested in fashion and care immensely about what I wear, but that doesn’t make me feminine. Jonghyun is always the one who people think is manlier, but that doesn’t mean that I’m weaker than him.

                There is no such thing as ‘the man’ in our relationship, because we both wear the pants. When I’m afraid, all I need is him to calm me down and hold me. When he cries, I just want to hold him and let him cry into my chest. I want to protect him, and I love it when he protects me. We didn’t need to discuss our roles in our relationship; we both just fitted each other the way we are.

               When a man proposes to a woman, he gets down on one knee and asks her. Both Jonghyun and I knew that wouldn’t work out for us. Imagine my surprise when he took me to the amusement park and dragged me onto a rollercoaster even though he knew I hated heights. I wasn’t exactly acrophobic, but he knew it for a fact that I prefer to feel my feet planted firmly on the ground.

               I was about to ask him when he said, “Just trust me.”

               I got on the ride with him. There was a safety bar keeping me in place, but what made me feel safe was knowing that he was beside me. I took a deep breath as I felt the rollercoaster start to move. Jonghyun slipped his hand into mine and I smiled.

               The rollercoaster slowly moved upwards, and I prepared myself for the fall waiting for me. It was like the calm before the storm, the hope before the disappointment. I was slightly freaked out, and Jonghyun could tell, so he squeezed my hand lightly. “Key..?” “Yeah..?” My voice came out as a whisper.

               We were nearing the top. Jonghyun kissed my lightly on the cheek, trying to calm me down. I closed my eyes and imagined that we were at home, relaxing on the couch. I felt the rollercoaster speed up as it accelerated downwards. “MARRY ME!” I heard it come from somewhere, but I still had my eyes closed. Did I just imagine that? I smiled. Well, for once, I wasn’t screaming. I opened my eyes and blinked. We were still on the ride, but I didn’t feel afraid. I practically forgot where the hell I was when I had realized that it was Jonghyun asking me to marry him.

               I turned my head to the side and saw him looking at me. He probably didn’t realize, but he was showing me his puppy eyes. I wondered again if I had imagined him asking me to marry him, but I saw the look in his eyes and I knew for sure that I hadn’t. A thousand thoughts flashed through my mind and I thought about how we were actually going to get married. It wasn’t allowed in our country. What would our parents think?

               It must’ve shown on my face that I was thinking hard because Jonghyun raised his finger to my cheek, asking me what’s wrong. The rollercoaster rose and fell but I don’t think either of us noticed. “It’s okay if you don’t say yes...” Jonghyun started saying.

               What was I thinking, letting other people decide my fate with the one person I absolutely cannot live without? I smiled and pushed whatever thoughts I had in my mind and pulled Jonghyun in for a kiss. Every time we kissed, it felt like I was on a rollercoaster ride. It feels like I’m on top of the world, it feels like I can fly, it feels like I’m in this orb, just kissing him, and nobody could ever harm me. I felt him smile into the kiss and I heard people behind us complaining. I didn’t care. I pulled him closer and kissed him harder.

               Even the longest of rides come to an end and we got off. The rollercoaster ride was over, but the ride of my life was far from over. And I’m going to enjoy it while it lasts.

-One year later-

[Jonghyun’s P.O.V]

               It was one year after I proposed. We still weren’t married. I know Key said yes by kissing me that day, and we both were happy. We still are. In fact, we’re cuddling on the bed right now and its bliss to hold him in my arms.

               We weren’t officially married, but both of us feel like we are. I reached for his hand and held it in mine. I stared at the ring on his finger. I had one with the same design, except that mine was carved with ‘Key’ and his was carved with ‘Jonghyun’. I smiled, remembering the rollercoaster ride. It was the ride of our lives.

               I looked at Key. His beautiful jaw line, his perfectly plump lips that are shaped just to fit mine, his feline eyes that were looking into mine. He was mine and that was all that mattered. I have the feeling of kissing him on that rollercoaster ride etched in my brain and on my heart. It was my invisible tattoo, my wings so I can fly.

               Key got on top of me and pressed his lips against mine gently. Before I met him, everything was violent to me. I was violent. If it wasn’t for Key, I would still be violent. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever hurt him like I hurt the others, but in moments like this, I knew that I couldn’t. I simply couldn’t. He believed in me when I didn’t believe in myself. He wasn’t my missing puzzle piece, he was my whole completed puzzle.

               He rested his lips against mine. We both closed our eyes and stayed like that. We didn’t go for something more, we didn’t start making out. My heart was already beating fast just feeling his lips against mine. I pulled his hand and rested it on my chest. My heartbeats were ringing in my ears and I couldn’t hear anything else, not even the music we had playing in our apartment. He did the same with my hand and I felt his heart beating. I see the world behind my closed eyelids and felt the fireworks explode within me. No matter how many times we did this, the feeling hardly changes. I never got bored of him, I never will.

               The familiarity of his body is like an old song. I’m calm, I’m floating, I’m flying. I’m crashing, I’m burning, I’m happy. I run my fingers through his hair, and then caress the other side of his head where he had shaven his hair. He pulled away and rested his head on my chest. I know he loved the muscular feeling of it. I run my hand up his shirt and felt his abs. Not many people would believe that he has abs, but I’ve seen it. Our friends treat him like their umma, but he’s one of the manliest guys I know.

               I didn’t have a ring when I proposed to him. We went and chose them together. We didn’t have a ceremony, we just celebrated it ourselves. We went for our honeymoon and I remember running along the beach with him, leaving footprints in the sand behind us. The beach resort, the photos we took, his laugher, it was all etched in my memory.

               He adjusted his head so that he could hear my heartbeat, steady and beating only for him. I was suddenly reminded of that day on our honeymoon where I had rented a piano and ordered for it to be set on the beach. I asked him to put on his favorite tuxedo and meet me there. I remember the look on his face when he saw me singing for him and only him. That evening we just sat there, taking turns to play the piano, singing endless duets. I loved how our voices fit perfectly all the notes, melodies, and lyrics, although they had me wondering what I did to deserve someone like him.

               Now on the bed, holding him was the best feeling in the world. When Minho asked me that day what was my favorite place because he wanted to bring Taemin on a holiday and needed some recommendations, I knew that my favorite place in the world will always be Key. But I couldn’t recommend that to Minho, could I?

               I flipped Key over so that I was on top of him. He was surprised, but smiled. I looked at him and I didn’t even realize how long I just took in his features, memorizing every part of his face.

               “Jagiya? What are you staring at?” Key finally asked.

               “My beautiful husband.” I answered.

               He smiled and I made a silent vow to keep that smile on his face. One way or other, I was going to make sure he was happy. I won’t let anything hurt him if I could help it. Why? Simply because he’s my everything. And loving him is the ride of my life that I never want to get off of.