“Do you believe in god, Seunghyun?”

“What?  Where is this coming from?”

“I don’t know.  In all the time we’ve known each other, it’s something we’ve never really talked about.  You’ve never come to church with me, which is okay, I’m not judging.  I guess I just realized that I don’t know if you’re “spiritual” as they say these days.  Do you even believe that a god exists or are you an atheist?”

“Hmm, we’ll come back to why you’re asking this all of a sudden.  But, I guess I’m agnostic?  I don’t think about it often, to be honest, but I do feel there is a thing guiding the universe.  I don’t know if it’s a person, an energy, or a system of checks and balances, but there’s something.”

“Is your family religious at all?  Like, did you go to church or temple when you were growing up?”

“We didn’t really go to church, but we’re Christian.  I think my grandparents probably attended church but neither of my parents seemed to be too involved in anything specific.  Maybe because they were moving around when they first met, I’m not really sure.”

“You said you felt there was something guiding the universe.  What made you feel that way?”

“Well, I guess it’s because I think things can’t be explained just by chance.  There’s too much coincidence in this world.  Plus, too much good has happened to me for it to be my actions alone.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Just.  I knew I grew up in Seoul, so I had a leg up automatically from a lot of kids out there.  But, why me?  Why did I become friends with Jiyong and somehow get a chance to audition with Hyung?  And, then somehow actually make the cut?  And, all of our success?  I know we worked hard for it, but so do so many other people – and I’m not even saying as idols.  There’s got to be something that we’ve become so loved and so popular.  It can’t be just pieces of a puzzle fitting together somehow.  All the people I’ve met, all the things I’ve gotten to do, all the good in my life – it’s definitely not just because of me.”

“Wow.”

“What?”

“No.  Nothing.  It’s just a lot to think about.”

“Yeah, which is why I don’t do it often.”

“Hyung.  Be serious.”

“I am being serious.  It’s too much to think about.  It’s why I just want to be thankful for everything I have and try to live a good life.”

“Do you pray?”

“Hmm, not in the traditional sense I guess.  I do hope for things to get better when I feel the need, but not quite like you do.”

“Gotcha.”

“Daesung.”

“Hmm?”

“Is this an issue for you?”

“What?”

“My not being religious.  Or Christian.  I’m a little worried here.”

“Hmm, well, I don’t know.  I’d always pictured myself with a nice Christian girl when I was growing up, but we all know how one part of that equation turned out.”

“Now who’s not being serious.”

“Sorry.  It’s just I guess I didn’t think about a lot when I knew it was you, Seunghyun.  It just was.  Nothing else mattered.”

“I love you too.”

“I know.”

“Thanks, I guess?”

“Stop.  I just meant that I know you do.  As sure as the fact that a new day will come tomorrow, I know you love me.  You show me all the time, it’s written across your face in so many different ways.”

“Daesung…”

“Stop, I’m already embarrassed enough.”

“No, let me just say it.  I told you earlier about the good things in my life that are evidence of a god.  You’re the best one of those.  I’m thankful every day that I met you, that we became friends and that somehow you returned my feelings.  It’s proof enough for me – I know my luck couldn’t be that good.”

“Seunghyun, I don’t know what to say.”

“I’m just telling you the truth.”

“You’re killing me.  But since I’m already overwhelmed, I’ll tell you why I asked you the question in the first place.  Like I said, I see it in your face.  How do I describe it?  You sometimes have the tendency to look at me… religiously?  I don’t know how to describe it, but it’s intense at times…”

“Religiously?”

“Yeah, not constant, though you do that too…. Ummm, like adoration and amazement?  Hey!  Shouldn’t you be telling me this?”

“Hahaha, I was wondering when you’d notice.  I liked hearing it though, thank you.  Lets me know you know what I’m feeling.  Because adoration and amazement is just the tip of the iceberg, love.  I’m not surprised you saw me looking at you like that, it’d be pretty hard not to see!  I’m actually surprised no one else has noticed.”

“Ha, no one has noticed?  Anyone with one eye has seen it, hyung.  You are horrible at hiding it.”

“Hiding it? Why would I ever do that?  But if others have noticed, why hasn’t anyone said anything?”

“I don’t know… maybe they’re embarrassed or amused?”

“Well, always happy to entertain.”

“We know.”

“Don’t like the sound of that.  Do you not like it?  I’ll stop if you don’t.  Well, at least I’ll try.”

“No!  Don’t stop.  I… I like it.  It’s just a little unnerving at times.  Ok, don’t look at me like that, you just love embarrassing me.  To be on the receiving end, it’s great, I can’t help doubting if I’m worthy.”

“Daesung…”

“Hyung.  I’m just telling you how I feel.  I know how you feel about this.”

“Okay.  Then, all I’ll say is that you are.  No doubts in my mind.  Never have been.”

“I love you Seunghyun… more than I can ever show you.”

“I know.”