Joohyun (Spring, 1995)

When they turned thirteen years old, things started to change. Joohyun had shredded her pink style throughout the years to wear more “cool” clothes, and started to go out more and more. She especially enjoyed skateboarding or bicycling around the neighborhood with some other girls, older girls. Joohyun liked being with them; they always did something exciting, something that broke the rules and it made her feel cool. She felt as if she belonged to them, despite her being two years younger, but the others didn’t seem to care. Sure, maybe they teased her, but that was normal, right? Joohyun was really different compared to before, and she didn’t really find it that odd because people always change.

Seulgi still looked like the same. Sure, she had grown a good amount since they met with a couple of inches. Seulgi was actually taller than her, although not by much, but still she was much lighter and a bit scrawny.  She wasn’t as chubby around her cheeks anymore, but her eyes were still slanted in a slight almond shape. The yellow dress she used to wear had been thrown out years ago, but she still wore dresses and she probably did have a yellow one somewhere.

Seulgi didn’t like Joohyun’s new friends; she thought they were a bad influence on her, and that hanging around girls like that only meant sticky situations and trouble. It didn’t surprise Joohyun one bit because Seulgi didn’t like taking chances or doing something that might get her in big trouble. Still, they hung out from time to time, because despite Joohyun wanting Seulgi to take more risks and have more fun, they do have a good time together.

Besides, there was something about Seulgi that was so calming, yet exciting at the same time. It was a weird type of sensation Joohyun couldn’t pinpoint, she didn’t know too much it seemed, but she knew enough to know that something wasn’t really right. Joohyun had never really thought she had been in love or even liked someone, because she thought it was a bit stupid. She never really had much experience when it came to that area anyway… she was only thirteen. The only thing she kind of understood was that she saw Seulgi a bit differently than the others. She didn’t really know why, because they were friends, but she didn’t feel the same around Hyojin or Junghwa when they were around.

Joohyun hadn’t thought much of it before in that moment, when they were sitting by a random grass field a while away from their homes, that she might have felt something else for Seulgi than what she thought. Her bike had been tossed by the curb, the coming hot summer being harsh on them as it had already made her feel a bit sweaty after riding a bike for a relatively short while. It didn’t really help that Seulgi had to sit on the back, not that she was heavy because she was as light as a feather, really, but either way she easily got tired.

They rest on the grass, underneath a large willow tree that was conveniently placed there, much to Joohyun’s relief. “What’s going on with you and Sehun?” Joohyun found herself asking, because she had heard some rumors about the two even if they sounded absurd to her. Not that she really wanted to care or believe it wasn’t true because she had no reason to; she really knew there wasn’t anything grand between them. At least she hoped so, but she didn’t know why.

There was a tentative answer that greeted Joohyun in that moment. “He offered to go to eat ice cream after school,” Seulgi replied, and Joohyun wasn’t sure if Seulgi’s cheeks were pink because it was hot outside, or because she was thinking about that person. It was a mystery she had to either ask about or just assume. She was looking over at Seulgi who was absentmindedly playing with the green strands as well. Her hands were still playing with the grass, a wondering expression lingering on her face, although there wasn’t an answer to it. “That was it, really,” she shrugged a bit, but Joohyun still saw the slight blush, and she got up to sit properly.

“Really? You didn’t even kiss him?” Joohyun asked then, her head tilted to the side, and she thought for a moment that she looked a bit stupid doing that. She didn’t bother doing anything about it though.

Seulgi looked a bit mortified by the question, as if she had asked if they did something way more intimate. Then again, she had always been a little bit shyer on subjects like that.  “No,” she said a bit fast, a little bit of red on the peak of her ears. It caused the other girl to laugh a bit by Seulgi’s reaction.

Joohyun knew she was telling the truth, that wasn’t the problem; it was just funny to see how embarrassed she got over one simple question. “Well, it would be weird if you had your first kiss before me,” Joohyun began with a shrug. In general, if she wasn’t with Joohyun, she was very cautious and introverted. Especially when it came to boys. It was probably hormones or something like that, she didn’t know to be quite honest. Things went a bit silent after that, and for a moment as Joohyun lied down on the grass again, she wanted to doze off in the cool shadow underneath the tree. However, as Seulgi followed to do the same, she didn’t feel so sleepy anymore but rather… giddy.

She didn’t know why; they weren’t even that close to each other. However, their fingers were close enough to touch, with only one simple move, and Joohyun could almost feel it even if they weren’t touching. It made her stomach feel a bit odd, but in a weird-good kind of way, yet she couldn’t explain why she felt like that. “You want to listen?” Seulgi asked after a moment of silence, holding one of black earbud to Joohyun. “I bought it just yesterday,” she continued to share as she gestured to one of those new portable cd-players. Joohyun had always wanted one, but never got around to buying one herself.

“You should lend it to me sometime,” Joohyun said shortly after a while. “I have too many cd’s I can’t listen to because my player broke down,” she continued, a bitter taste after she couldn’t listen to her favorite songs anymore. She took the offered earpiece however, placing it securely to make sure it wouldn’t fall off, as she heard the soft click of Seulgi pressing the play button. Again, it was a bit silent, except for the calming breeze fluttering the leaves above them, and the soft spinning of the CD before it began to play a relatively slow ballad.

“For a thousand days, I had believed that our love would last forever,
I had been foolishly putting it that way.

Though I thought I could stand you telling us to break up,
I didn’t know if I really could.”

Joohyun wondered for a moment why anyone would listen to something so sappy and boring, but when she let her gaze wander from the sky and over to the soft singing of the girl beside her, she had a feeling that it made sense. Seulgi wouldn’t really admit it, but she was a great singer. It was something so soothing, yet powerful and characteristic about her voice that made her want to listen to her singing every single time. She never sang in front of a crowd, not even in front of Joohyun, but she had heard her singing for herself sometimes when she thought no one was listening. “You’re such a sad sap,” Joohyun said wittingly, to earn a light hit on her arm by Seulgi. “Who sings this song anyway?”

Seulgi was still softly singing along, but stopped to answer, her eyes closed as if in a light slumber. Answering with the name of the song, apparently called “A Thousand Days”, Joohyun could only shrug. “Doesn’t sound familiar to me,” Joohyun admitted then, but she only saw Seulgi slightly chuckling.

“That’s because you only listen to American bands now,” she replied knowingly, her small hands trying to scare away a small bug that landed on her nose.  Joohyun could, from the small distance, almost make out the small blemishes on her face. They weren’t anything big though, and in a way, it almost made her feel more real. Her eyelashes were slightly painted up in mascara, not that she really needed anything if you asked Joohyun, but that was nothing she was going to say out loud.

“For those thousand days, did you know?
That I had laughed a lot, and cried a lot too?
That I had always watched over you…”

She turned around after a while to face Joohyun, her eyelids still closed, but her lips parting to ask softly; “Why are you staring at me?” The dark-haired girl in front of her sounded a bit shy, and it didn’t surprise Joohyun because it’s always awkward for both parts to be caught staring.  Joohyun had planned on a witty remark, but as Seulgi’s eyelids slightly fluttered open, she couldn’t concentrate anymore.  There was something about the way she looked over at her, soft yet searching, a small twinkle by the edges as if her eyes were bound to sparkle. Joohyun didn’t know why, but it made her feel a bit breathless, as if she forgot to breath. It was an intense feeling, to say the least, her lips unable to form a coherent answer.

“That I had laughed a lot…”

Seulgi patiently waited for her to answer, like she always did because she was the type to wait, whereas Joohyun was as patient as a kid on Christmas Eve. She didn’t say anything, even after a good couple of seconds, before Joohyun just thought to say something intelligent. “You still look like my teddy bear,” escaped her lips. That was not what Joohyun intended to say at all, and she felt a bit stupid for doing so, because that was probably one of the oddest things she had ever said.

“Mr. Scruffy?” Seulgi asked with a laugh, causing Joohyun to feel even more stupid. “I thought you put him in the attic a couple of years ago?”

Joohyun nodded then, because it was true and she hadn’t seen the teddy bear since, but for some reason Seulgi’s wide eyes in curiousness made her think of her adorable and favorite stuffed animal. “He was a weird little thing, to be honest,” Seulgi began.

Joohyun only gave her a slight appalled look. “He was not! He was super cute and fluffy,” she exclaimed in reply, embarrassedly offended for the teasing of her childhood teddy.

“Yeah, he probably was until you crushed him to pieces with all that excessive hugging,” Seulgi retorted, the song they were listening to coming to an end as she clicked the pause button. She seemed to be done discussing the matter, but Joohyun wasn’t really. They were bickering for a while more, and somehow it ended up becoming a small play fight, where tickling and rolling around the wide grass was involved. Competing over the upper hand, they rolled around and if one had the power, the other was quick to take it away and so it went.

A small distance away from where they originally lied, they ended up somewhere halfway between the sun and the shadow. Joohyun was on top this time, straddling Seulgi while her hands were harshly tickling her ribs, because she knew that was her weak spot. The girl underneath couldn’t control her laughter, her face almost red by the lack of oxygen after shouting for mercy. It was all in good nature, and soon enough even Joohyun was laughing so much that she felt herself slow down on her actions.  Soon enough, her head had landed somewhere on Seulgi’s shoulder, her stomach aching through the giggles as her hand moved to hold onto it. The resounding sound of Seulgi’s chuckles echoed through her ears as she was much closer now, close enough to feel the vibrations from her laugh and voice, and the warmth of her skin.

Although after a while, as their laughing calmed down, Joohyun slowly lifted her head up. Mostly, she was planning on getting off from Seulgi, because she might have felt a bit uncomfortable with someone sitting on top of her. She stopped on her tracks however, when she unconsciously moved her gaze to meet the almond shaped, calming gaze to Seulgi which even then sent a slight woozy feeling through her veins.

Joohyun didn’t plan for it to happen, but as she could only let her eyes trace the outline of Seulgi’s flushed cheeks, to her pale nose and all the way down to her slightly rosy lips; she couldn’t really tear her gaze away. Neither could she tame the slight urge as the distance between them was so short and almost nonexistent the closer she got to her. Before Joohyun, or probably Seulgi for that matter, could even fully understand it… It happened.

It took Joohyun by surprise; the accelerating heartbeat, the surge throughout her chest and the light-headed feeling that made her almost want to combust. It was a bit clumsy, not really well-thought of because she almost missed the softness of Seulgi’s lips by some millimeters.  She didn’t even fully realize that their lips had met, that they were actually kissing, before the soft warmth of Seulgi’s lips suddenly disappeared from her own.

Her lips almost felt a bit cold by the sudden disappearance, but the look of surprise and utter shock in Seulgi’s eyes made her forget that thought as the reality just dawned upon her as well. She just had her first kiss, with Seulgi. Not with the boy she thought was handsome that worked in the convenience store, or the one who was a year older that had girls swooning after him already.

Bae Joohyun kissed Kang Seulgi and she could not remain calm on the inside.

Then, without comprehension or reason, Seulgi just laughed.

She laughed as if Joohyun had told her a good joke or if she was still tickling her. It was as if something utterly humorous had happened, but Joohyun didn’t understand the punchline or even what was so funny to begin with. Joohyun could understand the surprise, the embarrassment and even disgust to be quite honest because she wasn’t even sure herself over what she felt about it. However, she didn’t really understand what was so funny about it. “Get off me, you’re heavy,” Seulgi said with a light chuckle, as if they were still playing around and joking to each other. She said stuff like that all the time, and her action of pushing Joohyun away was also very common for her to do yet it hurt. It hurt because, it felt as if it was a joke, and even if it should have been one, Joohyun didn’t want to see it like that.

For her it felt as if it meant something, even if she probably didn’t fully understand exactly what it meant to her.