Leave your lover

Pairing: KyuHyuk (unrequited), Haehyuk (Mentioned)

Disclaimer: None of the characters are mine, maybe for a few I made up (mostly they are just villains, and bad people) and the plot, the plot is entirely mine. 

Rating: PG

Category:​ Sad, angst, broken hearted

Summary: KyuHyun thoughts about EunHyuk his unrequited love.

Notes: For prompt 17^th, random songfic. This song, which is "Leave your Lover" By Sam Smith just sort of hit me, so this oneshot was born. First time I have written something so sad like this.

I don't have much to give, but I don't care for gold
What use is money, when you need someone to hold?
Don't have direction, I'm just rolling down this road
Waiting for you to bring me in from out the cold

The uneasy feeling dripped past him as he walked of the stage, eyes looking at his hyung's hand that was intertwined with other person on their stage. Even though it was their show, their show together then why was him sitting here backstage and they were over there on stage together? Was it because  EunHae was the designated couple or was it because DongHae hyung met EunHyuk hyung before him or that they were older than him? The answer was simple really, it was all of them. He watched DongHae hyung with envy, he wanted to be with EunHyuk, he wanted to be the one who could casually hug his hyung anytime he wanted and didn’t have to put up the façade of being the evil makngae. KyuHyun often wondered if he was older, if he had joined SM earlier would thing be different? He didn’t care for the EunHae status, because he knew the title didn’t matter if the two were only friends. But the youngest knew, it was never just best friends. There always the secrets hand holdings, there always stolen kisses behind the dressing room door, or the hug that lingered a tad too long in the elevator. Nobody was supposed to see it, nobody was supposed to know about it, but KyuHyun did.

He would be lying if it didn’t hurt him knowing that he have this overwhelming sadness which drown his heart in so much pain, so much that not even the strongest alcohol could help him forget it, even for a while. The overwhelming sadness of knowing that he would never had a chance to be with EunHyuk. It wasn’t that KyuHyun gave up just because he knew that they were lovers, it was because he knew that they had been lovers for the past fifteen years. There absolutely no chances or even a fraction of time that KyuHyun could enter the bond that stronger than love itself. KyuHyun all of sudden didn’t know how he should feel anymore, fame and money they had become meaningless. What was the meaning of those fortunes if he didn’t have the person he loved the most? Like a child, wandering down the labyrinth of his own making. Like the mythology Minotaur, he was forever stuck in this on-going maze of no way out. Pathetically waiting for him to come down and lead KyuHyun out, from cold walls that were closing in on him.

You'll never know the endless nights, the rhyming of the rain,
Or how it feels to fall behind and watch you call his name

DongHae didn’t deserve EunHyuk, not even a little bit was what KyuHyun believe. EunHyuk was a benevolent with a beautiful yet delicate soul and clearly deserved better. KyuHyun admired DongHae. He admired his kind hearted and sweet hyung but at the same time despised his nonchalant attitude toward EunHyuk at times. It was almost as if DongHae was a bipolar person, one minute he would be extremely closed and nice toward EunHyuk and the next completely ignored EunHyuk and ran toward Siwon instead. KyuHyun saw everything, witnessed EunHyuk over growing insecurity each day. He saw the quiet stares EunHyuk had when DongHae deliberately left his side and went with Yesung or Siwon instead. He saw the disappointed look on EunHyuk’s face when DongHae left America first leaving EunHyuk behind, or how DongHae would refuse to go see a movie with EunHyuk and the older male would end up going with his manager instead. Those moments KyuHyun blamed his schedule for not letting him be with EunHyuk, so that the raven head would at least have someone with him. The raven head didn’t know it but every night KyuHyun would curl up in his room crying himself to sleep. EunHyuk didn’t know, through the thin walls, his seeming silent cries mumbling for DongHae was heard by Super Junior youngest member. EunHyuk didn’t know that on the 11^th floor there would be two cries, two pains, beating and breaking at the same time however because of different person. 

We sit in bars and raise our drinks to growing old
Oh, I'm in love with you and you will never know,
But if I can't have you I want this life alone
Spare you the rising storms and let the rivers flow

They would go out, drinking EunHyuk would drink away his sorrow, and KyuHyun would try to ease the older male’s pain. EunHyuk wasn’t very much of a drinker, he had a vow of not drinking, he used to just drink coke. But all of that was completely thrown out the window on his hyung 27^th birthday. That day EunHyuk waited the entire day in the city of love for a birthday wish that never came. That day EunHyuk drank to his heart content, he drank to the point where he didn’t know what was what any more. He drank till his mind wasn’t a sound one, he drank till he became a mad person that would yell for everybody to stop the car in the middle of the night in Paris just to take a photo in front of Arc de Tromphe with KyuHyun and ShinDong. That night, KyuHyun could only blame himself for not send a punch straight to DongHae’s face.

KyuHyun wondered why loved this oblivious man so much, he wondered why did he let EunHyuk occupied every thought in his mind, to the point that his mind would probably be the most boring or heartsick mind since every thoughts from the first thing he woke up till the last when he close his eye for bed was all about a certain raven head. Perhaps it started when EunHyuk crawled to his side that day, when that dreadful accident happened. Perhaps it started when at that moment all  KyuHyun could hear was EunHyuk sobbing threats telling him not to die, EunHyuk’s cries for him and EunHyuk tearful prays. They should have sounded agonising and appalling and yet to KyuHyun it was sweet and serene. Those days afterward when EunHyuk was always by his side completely sunk him in blissfulness. But KyuHyun knew, good things never last. He knew it, because when he was discharged, he was back on stage with the rest of Super Junior was when he saw EunHyuk went back the raven male belonged, by DongHae’s side. Even if KyuHyun believed with all his heart that DongHae didn’t deserve EunHyuk not even a little bit, he knew that DongHae loved EunHyuk and genuinely cared for EunHyuk although his action said otherwise.

Even now, as KyuHyun opened the door to his hyung’s room. He saw EunHyuk lying on the bed sleeping, his eyes were puffy, dry tears stained on the male cheek. He didn’t need to be detective to know why, EunHyuk was crying because of DongHae again. EunHyuk probably saw the article that about DongHae going out drinking with SeoHyun and those small speculations.  His hands made its way to EunHyuk soft locks, gently ruffled it. He place a light kiss on the male’s temple, a kiss that was as light as a touch of a butterfly upon a delicate petals, before settling him down next to EunHyuk’s bed. He pulled himself closer, crouching his knees up, making himself as small as possible. The room was cold but KyuHyun’s heart was colder, hot tears streaming down his cheek. He bit his lips to block out the quiet sobs.

Pack up and leave everything,
Don't you see what I can bring
Can't keep this beating heart at bay
Set my midnight sorrow free,
I will give you all of me
Just leave your lover, leave him for me
Leave your lover, leave him for me.

“I love you, always have and always will”

***

“Look it’s not healthy, you need to let out.” _Changmin, KyuHyun’s best friend grumbled, his eyes stared at the game on the computer screen. ‘Starcraft’ their tradition every week, remained on the computer paused and un-played. It somehow metaphorically conveyed KyuHyun’s situation completely. He couldn’t erase his feeling nor he could restart it. KyuHyun could only paused it and leave it there like a bottomless hole in his heart. Of which once in a while he would try and threw something into it, in hope that it would fill up the hole only to be met with endless silence.

“Don’t I already have you for it?” _KyuHyun mustered out a dry and bitter laugh in attempt to make a joke. It only created a deeper frown onto Changmin’s face. The taller male understood KyuHyun’s feeling, he willing to lend his best friend a shoulder, because that what friend were for. But what would happen when Yunho came back from military services and TVXQ would have their tours and concert busying Changmin? What would KyuHyun do then?

Seeing his best friend tormented look, Changmin sighed. He reached for a small A5 leather bounded journal in his drawer. This was where Changmin stored his unspoken thoughts that were used as song writing material. However there was an unfinished thought that Changmin didn’t manage to finish simply because the feeling for him to complete it was gone. Was it an ironic or satirical turn of event that this fragmented thought describe KyuHyun perfectly? He handed the journal to KyuHyun after opened it to the specific page, who eyed him with queries as if the journal was something alien. _”What?” _Changmin shrugged. _”A notebook.” _KyuHyun rolled his eyes but took the journal from his best friend hand, he still didn’t forget to question it again. _“I Know that, what I ask is what is the purpose of this?” _Changmin smiled emphatically before giving him a pen. _“You still need one more song to complete your solo album right? Here write it out, I’ll help you. Pour everything into it.” _KyuHyun stared at his best friend in an hesitance manner, his eyes glued to the pen that was hovering in the air like an offer, a bridge, a staircase wondering if he should take it. Different thoughts rushed through his minds, images of Eunhyuk appeared obscure yet luminous. He stared back his friend, who looked at him with encouragement in his eyes and KyuHyun took the pen. Black lines continued from the previous ones, filling up the white pages. His raw feeling emerge opaquely in the small blank spaces between the words as he wrote them out. He saw Changmin looked at the words forming on the pages, adding on to it, fixing it, polishing it. The male read through everything, before taking the pen from KyuHyun’s hand. Changmin tapped the tip of the pen onto the top of the first page _“What are you going to name it as?” _KyuHyun closed his eyes, he thoughts about how all of his thought, his feelings, his dreams how they were possibly nothing more than an ambiguous reminiscence to EunHyuk.

Set my midnight sorrow free,
I will give you all of me
Just leave your lover, leave him for me
Leave your lover, leave him for me.
Leave your lover, leave him for me.

“My thoughts, Your Memories.”

End.