i. did time stop again?

he remembers the first time he heard sunggyu sing.

he didn’t know it was sunggyu—no, he was sitting in the corner cubicle playing on his phone when he heard it. nell’s stay. it was the hollow of a note that resounded off the bathroom walls; a bit sketchy, bit rough, but it was beautiful. he remembers the mingling echoes of desperation and the sharp intake of breath when the bathroom door slammed open, stopping the melody. he casted glances at the door in front of him, not really wanting to show himself just yet, and counted the seconds it took for it to be quiet again. when the footsteps faded, he expected the singing to start again, but he only heard the bathroom door swinging open then closed. he mulled it over for the next few days, loitering with other trainees to search for the voice, but his pursuit yielded no results. his disappointment lasted for the next two weeks and eventually dissolved into 'the guy with the beautiful voice' to keep for his memories.

come a meeting with the boss and the apparent members of a new group he thought it was another chance to put a face to that voice because he didn’t personally know most of them. but it was all paperwork and basic introductions— it was a five-member group, with two vocals, two rappers and dancers, and a visual. the group dynamics was nicely balanced, he could give the director that, but they didn’t take into account the possibility of members simply not liking each other, for example kim sunggyu and nam woohyun. he thought it was common knowledge among the trainees that they just didn’t get along, but apparently the supervisors saw otherwise. he recognised sunggyu, but other than him the faces were unfamiliar. the others were standing quite awkwardly to one side, glancing at each other except for a guy with thick rimmed glasses and sunggyu. he wanted to say something or even just introduce himself to break the atmosphere but the director ushered them off to a practice room to start their group training and meet their new trainers.

introductions instead came between breaks, the first one being jang dongwoo who approached him after they tested a dance routine on them and kim myungsoo who acknowledged him by tilting his head while walking to the practice room. that left the glasses guy and sunggyu, who he really didn’t need introduced, but he wanted everyone’s name from themselves. sunggyu and the guy with glasses- his name was lee howon wasn’t it, he was never going to get his name from his mouth if sunggyu kept being around him- huddled on the benches after going through a mini competition between themselves using the days’ practice. he heard laughter and he saw howon dramatically falling to the floor and sunggyu dramatically fussing over him. he glanced over at myungsoo and raised an eyebrow in question but he shrugged, as if already used to their antics, and continued swiping off his sweat. he looked over again, and he decided if this group were to ever continue they had to be civil, and he threw in the towel.

he befriended howon just as fast as the others, and also sunggyu to a certain extent, but he kept a careful distance and he didn’t give it much thought. the boss was satisfied with the training, but they were also searching for something that had the five restless and tense, as if the next morning they would be put back into the trainee group again.

nine months later they debuted with two additional members, a lee sungyeol and a lee sungjong, whom sunggyu took to almost immediately, with a whirlwind of emotions.

ii. because i left you alone,

he remembers the first time it started— in the practice room, with Heat, Music, and Pain.

frankly it had started way before that; way before the shared secrets, bad jokes. he remembers he had blamed the heat, and had also taken a few days off practice for a cool-down in bed. in reality he wasn't sick; he was bundled up snuggly on his bed with a distant look on his face. the injury on his calf only throbbed periodically and that night sunggyu shuffled in with an aspirin and soup after feeling his forehead and respraying his le