Forever and Always

[Jonghyun P.O.V.]

                    I looked at the doctor in disbelief. Did I hear wrong? I feel my world crash down on me and I know life would never be the same again. The first thing I thought about was Key. He was the only thing on my mind right now and I don’t know how to face this without him. But I won’t cause him any pain. I couldn’t and I wouldn’t.

                    I ran home, back to our apartment. The news from the doctor still made my head spin. How was I going to face Key? I can’t hurt him, but I don’t know if I’ll be brave enough to face this without him.

                    I should just let him go. It’s better and easier for everyone this way. Everyone except for me, but I’ll do anything just to make sure that he doesn’t get hurt. At least make sure that he’ll get hurt as little as possible. I want to protect him from pain, from danger, from anything that might harm him. But right now, I’m the one who is going to hurt him.

                    I walked into the apartment to find Key relaxing on the couch, watching tv. He stood up and met me at the door. He could tell something was wrong by the look on my face. That’s how we were. He knew me too well.

                    “Jonghyun, what’s wrong?” I could hear the concern in his voice and I could see it in his eyes. I looked down, but he cupped my face and forced me to look him in the eyes.

                    “I… I… cheated on you with Se Kyung.” I blurted out. I didn’t know where that came from, but I needed to tell him something to push him away. I need him to get away from me because right now, I’m the thing that will hurt him.

                    “What? I don’t understand. What do you mean?” Key looked at me in confusion. Why didn’t he believe what I said? Did he trust me that much to believe that I would never cheat on him? Wait. What am I saying? Of course I wouldn’t cheat on him.

                    “Kibum, I slept with Se Kyung. I cheated on you.” I told him. I tried to make my tone colder, but I don’t know if I succeeded.

                    “Jonghyun, look at me. Look me in the eye and say that again.” Key tipped my chin up to look at him.

                    “K-kibum, I s-slept with S-se Kyung.” I couldn’t help but stutter.

                    “Do you want to break up with me?” Key asked. I couldn’t tell if he believed me or not. It felt like part of him believed me and part of him didn’t. I somehow wished that he would stop believing that I’m such an angel that wouldn’t hurt him. Because I will, if he didn’t stay away from me.

                     “Yes! I want you to get the hell away from me.” I tried to raise my voice, but all that came out of my mouth was a whisper. Jonghyun, stay strong. You have to do this for Key.

                     “Do you still love me?” Key asked. His voice held no emotion, and I still couldn’t determine whether or not he believed my white lie.

                     “No, Kibum. I don’t love you anymore. I love Se Kyung.” I said it, looking down at the floor. I knew the game was up if I looked him in the eye.

                     Key didn’t say anything. He gently steered me to the couch and made me sit down. I didn’t know what he was doing. I couldn’t read his actions and I couldn’t figure out what he was thinking. I didn’t dare look at him.

                     I felt his arms snake around me and pull me close to him. I know I should’ve pushed him away, but I didn’t. I pulled him closer and cried softly into his chest. I love him, I love him so much.

                     He my hair and let me cry, all the while whispering sweet nothings into my ear. I was letting my tears wet the shirt he was wearing. My shirt. I gently pushed him away and wiped my tears.

                     He held my hands still and wiped my tears for me. He kissed my forehead and told me everything was going to be alright. If anyone had told me that, I would’ve thought that they were just lying to me, but hearing Key say that gave me just that little bit of hope.

                    “Honey, what’s wrong? And don’t give me that Se Kyung crap because I can tell when you’re lying.” Key my cheek, urging me to tell him. Should I tell him? I feel like I’ve failed at protecting him. But I couldn’t lie to him; he wouldn’t believe me anyway.

                    “I just came back from the hospital, and… and the doctor told me I have leukemia.” I broke down and started crying again. I snuggled into his chest and tried to find comfort in his warmth. This time though, I could feel his chest heaving. I could tell that he was crying too.

                    “I’m sorry, Kibummie. I wanted to protect you. I didn’t want you to suffer with me. Its okay, I’ll understand if you leave me. I don’t want you to get hurt.” I told him, my voice muffled, but I knew that he would understand anyway.

                    “Kim Jonghyun, you listen up, okay? I am not going anywhere. If you’re suffering, then I’m suffering with you. Don’t you push me away when I know that this is the time when you need me the most.” His voice shook a little, but I knew that he meant what he said. How did I get so lucky to have someone like him love me?

[Key’s P.O.V.]

                    It has been a while now since he told me the news that shook my world. Every time he looked like he was going to give up, I tried to motivate him. I knew that it hurt him and I can see him fading away every day. But I’m not going to let go. He was fighting this illness only for me, and I was going to fight with him every step of the way.

                    I was at the hospital waiting room, waiting for him to finish his chemotherapy. This isn’t the first session and I can see how much the sessions hurt him. He tried to hide it from me. He put on a strong front in front of me, but at night, I hear him cry. Sometimes I roll over on our bed and put my arm around him, holding him while he cried. Sometimes, I knew that he just wanted to cry alone so I let him. He’s breaking my heart day by day, but I’m staying strong. Just for him, I’m staying strong.

                    His beautiful hair. It used to be soft. I remembered the days where I could run his hair through my fingers. Now it’s all gone, but so is my hair. I shaved it after a couple of days when he started losing his hair. I knew he wouldn’t want me to do it, so I did it as a surprise. I told him I was going out to buy some groceries but I went and shaved off all my hair instead. He cried when he saw what I had done with my hair, but it was all I could do for him.

                    To see him in pain every day, yet knowing that there was nothing I can do… that hurt the most. If I had the chance, I would reverse the roles and be the one in pain instead. I would take on twice of what he’s feeling now if it meant that he would be okay. It hurt me physically to see him in pain.

                    I know that one day, he might leave me. And when he does, there’s nothing I can do to hold him back. I would just have to let him go and accept the reality of it. Until then, I’m holding on. I won’t let go until he’s ripped away from me. Even then, my heart won’t let go.

                    He came out of the doctor’s office and I stood up. I went over to him and gave him a peck on the lips. He smiled at me. I gazed at his smile. I would give anything to see it for a lifetime.

                    “Thank you.” He told me, and I didn’t have to ask to know what he was thanking me for. But I didn’t need him to thank me for staying with him. There was only one reason that I’m still here. And that reason will keep me here forever.

                    “Shut up, Kim Jonghyun. I love you. Forever and always.”

Author's note :-

Sorry, I don't know much about leukimia D;

I didn't base this on any scientific facts, so..

Hahah. Anyways let me know what you think! Leave a comment <3

P/S. In the foreword, I talked about my inspiration, right? Well I kinda changed this to a happier story though :P heheh.

Should I write one with a sad ending?

Let me know!