Naeun's Pov:

Eunji...

She was a lost soul, a depressed lost soul.

She felt as if there was nothing left for her in this world.

Like she didn't belong, and for that, she was lost.

I see the way she's always searching. How she's always looking into people, or wondering what they see when they look back at her. Her eyes. It's all in her eyes, all the sadness, the loneliness, the despair. It's all there in her eyes. And her eyes shouted, screamed, to end her pain. To end her life.

Suicide. A sideways word, a word that people whisper and mutter. A word that must be squeezed out behind cupped palms or murmured behind closed doors. A word I hear too offen here, a word I heard escaped Eunji's lips more than once. She doesn't know I hear, she doesn't know I see, she doesn't know I care.

I could hardly bear to look at her, it's like staring into the brightness and warmth of the sun, knowing that it's burning you while understanding that it makes your whole life possible.

She's made a lot of things possible for me, and she doesn't even know it.

"Ms Son, it's time to take your medication." Oh great, it's that time of the day again. Where these people drug you just so where they don't have to worry or care for you like their supposed to. "DId you eat your meal?" My care taker eyes the closed tray on the table as she hands me my medication. If she were to simply pick up the lid she would see for herself, but she could careless if I was actually doing what I'm here for, which is apparently to get better, to eat.

"Yes." I've learned to get really good at this, saying I did one thing when I actually did another, act like I'm listening when I'm not, pretend to be calm and happy when I'm really freaking out. It's one of the skills you perfect while being in this place.

"Good job." After she's done watching me put the pills in my mouth and taking the tray she finally leaves. I immediately spit out the pills, crushing them in my hands then washing off the pouder it leaves behind. I always did this, and I always got away with it. It's not like they care if I took my medication or not. It doesn't even help me, nothing in this rehabilitation center helps me.

Except for one thing.

Except for one person.

Eunji.

She's my life support in a way, and I'd hoped I'm hers as well.

When I first got here, (I was only here for my parents were tired of dealing with me and just dumped me here) Eunji was the only person who would talk to me. She was a listing ear, and would give better advice then the actual therapists ever could.

I offen said countless of times, "I just want to be normal, like everybody else."

And the thing she replyed with still leaves me astonished. "Are you sure that being like everybody else will make you happy?" That was Eunji, she was caring, helpful, loving.

Until everything got worse. Her depression, her suicidal thoughts, everything. It all happend so fast, one minute she was laughing then the other she was... She was trying to cut herself, hurt herself, ki-

"You didn't eat again today I see." Eunji walks into my room, the one thing somewhat cool about this place was you could freely walk around, go into other patients roons. But those things don't matter right now, what does matter is the idea, the fact of it, the fact that she even noticed and thought about me for more than one second, is huge and overwhelming, makes my legs go tingly and my hands feel numb. She hadn't done that for some time now, it made me feel like things were going back to the way they were, that she was getting better. But I knew, I knew that was hopless wishing.

"The food here is crap anyways." I grumbled. Eunji says nothing and just steps away from the doorway and lays down on my bed, she pats the spot beside her, I get up from the little table I was sitting at and lay down with her. We just stare at the ceiling, doing nothing, it wasn't always like this of couse, it was more lively, cheerful, she'd smile and so would I, she'd laugh and I'd laugh along with her, she'd cry... She cried more then she smiled, she cried more then she laughed, all she does is cry. All the screaming she doesn't think I hear from down the hall when she's begging the care takers to just let her hurt herself. I hear, see, and feel it all, I feel her pain and I want nothing more then to take it away. I want to make her happy, even if only for a second, I want to see her smile again, I want to hear her laugh again, I wanted to end her pain like she had mine.

"There's only one more week until you leave." She says. Her voice is hardly audible, so low it’s barely a whisper. "Seven days. Seven days until you leave." She states, there was no need for her to though, for in my head I'm counting. Seven days. Seven days until I'm free and away from these people who were meant (paid) to help us, all they do is drug us and tell us 'it'll get better' I'll be happy to get away from their sliding superficial lives. But there was one thing I wouldn't be happy about leaving. 

Eunji.

"I can't leave..." I feel an overwhelming rush of sadness as I spoke. It's like it just hit me how time was passing by so quickly, rushing forward. My time spent with Eunji, it went by too fast. I can't leave simply because of Eunji, I can't leave her here.

I need her.

"This is only the beginning."She speaks in such a way that sounded like she knew something I didn't. I look at her, examining her face closely and thoroughly, hoping there would be some type of emotion to her dull and unexpressive eyes. But there was none. 

I didn't want to leave her, I was worried for her, I worry about her all the time, and that worry wouldn't go away even with me leaving. I was scared to leave her, what if she finally got away with hurting herself? What if she was successful doing the thing she wants to do most? I wouldn't be here to stop her, stop her from killing herself. It tore me to pieces just thinking about it.

I look at her and our eyes meet. My words are a whisper. "If not for yourself, Eunji, stay alive for me." For the first time in months, she shows emotion. She's crying.

"I can't make any promises." She says, wiping tears from her cheeks, going back to looking up at the ceiling. "This is only the beginning for you Naeun." My stomach gets that hollowed out feeling. It's amazing how words can do that, just shred your insides apart. Nothing has ever been so painful as being so close to her and being unable to do anything about it, being unable to tell her, tell her how much I need her, tell her how much...

I love her.

2 Years Later

I know somewhere, somehow, Eunji and I had our chance.

"It's good to see you doing so much, better." My old care taker says with a small smile and a pat on my back. We're standing in Eunji's old room. Seeing all her things still here and untouched, I felt all types of emotions running through me, one of them for sure was sadness. 

I wanted nothing more then to be with her those 2 years. I thought about her all the time, I always called and checked up on her, my old care taker was nice enough to tell me little things about Eunji, how her day went and if she was doing any better. I always got the same answer whenever I asked how her progress was. "No changes." If I could have I would have went and visit her, but there were rules, 'no visitation allowed.' One of the reasons why everyone so was miserable here, they weren't allowed to see their loved ones. It's not like my family cared enough for me so it didn't matter much to me, but for Eunji. She had no family, and that's the reason why I'm standing in her room right now. To collect her belongings since no one has picked them up. This place was just going to throw her things away if I wasn't informed. I wanted to keep Eunji's things, so I could still have some part of her with me.

"I'm truly sorry I wasn't able to, help her..." My old care taker expressed her regret at Eunji's... Death... With her penitent expression she gives me one last pat on my back then leaves the room, leaving me in my remorse and sorrow. I was slumped in deep dejection, taking everything in, it was all too much. 

Looking around her room, I wanted nothing more then to go back in time and relive every moment with her. One more secret tear, one more shared laugh. One more electric smile. Finding her was like finding someone I didn't know I was searching for. She’d came into my life too late, and left too soon. 

I remembered her telling me, 'This was only the beginning,' I didn't realize that meant starting a new chapter without her as part of my story.

                                                                                                        We had our chance.