Stay.

Is what my heart tells me to do.

Leave.

Is what my brain tells me to do.

Argh. Which one do I listen to. This was so much easier in my head.  

“Waah!”

Is what finally gets the torment that is going on in my head to stop. Jessica just wont stop crying. She been like this since we left the villa that Sehun had kept us in. It seems like she doesn’t want to leave either. Like she trying to delay everything as much as possible. As if she waiting for something or someone to show up.

He isn’t coming. He is getting married today. The simple idea of that makes me want to break out into tears myself. It should be me that he’s saying his vows to. I sigh and look at Jessica, who is still balling out his eyes. Argh! If only you knew. You would be leaving to.

I look at with her pleading eyes. Hoping, just wishing for her to calm down. Instead she does the opposite. She fuses around even more. Crying harder and swinging her arms and legs all over around.

More and more of the passengers sitting next to me starts giving me stares, some glares, the other just glances my way. I tried to shush her. Really tried. but she just wouldn’t stop.

I know. Maybe she is hungry.

I reach for her bottle of milk that I prepared several of this morning.  “Hush little baby, don’t say a word. Daddy going to buy you a mockingbird.”

I continued singing to her. Depressingly reeling her to clam down. My voice always seems to sued her. Even when I was pregnant with her and she decided to not let me sleep at night. I remember a special someone singing to her. Hoping she let mommy sleep. Ever since than, it was what I did. She deserves a little something of him, I believe. Just as I predicted. That song always put her to sleep. I wipe the smear of the milk that was left hanging form her lips, I reflect on my decision.

It been a whole year since I saw him. A whole year since the accident. A whole year since Sehun saved me. us, form death.  A whole year since…

 No! Bad Kai! Don’t you dare!

You had your chance. And even with all the help in the world, it still wasn’t enough. Tao still got him in the end. Just like he always would. And I knew. It was just too good to be true. This like these only happen in fantasy. In dreams.

Dreams, where you can bend and change them to your will. It doesn’t matter how badly they turn to a nightmare. You will always have to power to change them. But this isn’t a dream. This isn’t a nightmare that can be changed with a twirl of a wand. This was a nightmare. But it was my reality. Whether I wanted it or not. I have to live it.

My train of thought was suddenly disturbed when someone taps my shoulder gently.

“Mister Kai. Are you alright? I let out a small sigh. It was only Luhan. He is one of the many gauds Sehun put to protect me. More like watch after me. He believes Tao knew I wasn’t dead. That he was trying to finish the job. Probably still do.
 

“Yes!” I squeal, trying to sound my beating heart. “I-I mean, I’m fine. Thank you for asking.” I say with a little bit more confidence. “would you like some water, sir?”

This guy always knew what I need for some reason. Without even having to ask him. It was like he could read minds. That, or my face totally gave it away. I let out another sigh. “Yes, please. Actually, if you don’t mind, would watch after Jessica while I run to the bathroom.”

I didn’t even have the time to finish what I had to say. He quickly sat down next to me. He gave me a stern look without even questioning my statement. He said

“Sir, you know I must have my eyes on you at all times. If something were to happen to you while…”

“Nothing is going to happen! For heaven sakes. Its the bathroom.” He kept looking gat him. His expression didn’t change at all. It not like I didn’t know what his job was. I know he has to protect me. But I just wanted some peace. A little time, away form everything. I didn’t want to think about what I was about to do.

I didn’t want to think about leaving Japan. I wanted to. To escape. Just for once. But it seems you can’t escape your reality. Not even in your dreams.

I sighed again for the hundredth time it seemed. And for a second, just a second, I think I saw pity on Luhan face. He released a breath that I didn’t notices he was holding.

“You have five minutes. Nothing more. If you are not back in time, I swear I will call the airport securities for you and…” I jumped and hugged, while thanking him. I didn’t even hear the rest of his sentence, for I was already up and out of my chair. I needed a few minutes away form Jessica. Don’t get me wrong. I love my child. But with everything, I just wanted a break.

I quickly make my way to the bathroom, happy that there an empty stall. Without I much thought I enter it than do my business. Until, I someone enter the bathroom.

“Where is he? I swear, I saw him walk in here?” The person sighs and I tense. What in the world is he doing here? Shouldn’t he be married by now with…with. I snap out of my phase when I hear him hitting the door.

“Excuse me sir, I really don’t want to brother you, but I am looking for someone. I’m just wondering if you seen him. He is a small brunette, with big brown puppy dog eyes and the cutest heart-shaped lips that you ever seen.” I stay quiet. I can’t answer him. If I do he will know it’s me instantly. So say nothing.

“sir?”

“he had a baby in his hand?” I say in a deeper voice, hoping that is doesn’t recognise my voice. “Yes! A boy?” He sounds eager. Happy even, If I must say so myself. But I continued lying.

“N-no, he had a girl. Sh-she was crying real l-loud. It was hard not t-to notice him with all the noise she was making.” While I tried lying. I wasn’t so good at it. Still not good at it.

“A girl? It was a girl?” He says with curiosity. Yes, Kris, a girl. You have a baby girl. One you will never know. And she will never know you.

I choke down the sob that started to bubble up. No, Kai! You must be strong it what us best for you. For you and the baby. I tried telling myself. I wanted to open the door. Tell him that I’m right here. That I haven’t left him yet. That I still loved him. that I will always love him. But I didn’t. I couldn’t. I didn’t belong to me. Not anymore. Even if I knew I will always be his.

“Y-yeah. I… It was girl.” I saw with a shaken voice.

“Do you know where they went? Please, tell me, I have to find them before…before its too late.” He whispered the last part. I barely caught it myself. I can’t tell them that they left. That they already boarded. Cause we haven’t. Luhan is in the waiting section with Jessica. and here I am, stuck in a stall with Kris on the other side.

I sighed. What do I do? What is there to do other than lie. “They boarded a plane. Heading to India I think. I not so sure, but...” “Oh, thank you! Really you have no idea,”

He replied quickly and left the bathroom. But he sounds he made, it seems he almost fell. That is right Kris. Run, Kris, run. Cause you will never find me.

Well that is it for this chapter. Kind of short for 1332 words but eh… I tired. Well not really but, look I want to end it here so take what you get okaii….

Nah, I’m just messing with you guys. The cliff-hanger I much worst than that. Which means there is more. Yay! See I can be nice. For now.

I wipe the dust off of my clothes. My legs gave out after Kris left. I just couldn’t hold on anymore. Not when he had been so close. All I had to do was open the door and…

“KAI! Where the is you?”

I hear Luhan’s voice ringing in the bathroom. I yelped because he scared me so much. Not just me too, even the guy almost s his pants. Well technically I wasn’t wearing any pants but…Argh, you guys understand what I mean.  “Get out of here, right now!

I slowly open the stall door and poked out my head. I saw a fuming Luhan a crying Jessica. of she was awake. I finally open the door completely and stepped out. Reaching for my darling little monster. Yes, I said monster. What she can be one at sometimes.

I shush her trying to get her to clam down, again. Well it was fun, for what it last. Peeping threw my eyelashes I still see a mad Luhan looking down at me. “I know what you are going to say. You gave me a time limit a I didn’t respect that. and for that I am sorry. But it wasn’t my fault.”

Now a made a sound, waiting for me to continue on with my explanation. “What was so important? what could you have possibly been doing to take you all this…” I cut him off when I said. “Kris was here. And he was looking for me.”

He gave me a shocked look. It didn’t make sense. I didn’t tell anyone I was leaving. Most likely cause everyone thought I was dead. So how did he know? Unless…

“Give me your phone?”

“Here.” He said without getting much of an explanation. “Who are you calling, anyway?”

“The only other person who knew where I could be.”

“Sehun?”

“The one and only.”

It ringed three times before he finally picked up. “Did Kris found Kai yet?”  he questioned. He probably though I was Luhan because I was using his phone.

“No, Sehun, Kai didn’t find me. I wonder how in hell did he knew where I was?”

“Kai! Hi! How are you?”

“Sempai! How dare do this to me? You know how my feeling for him are, yet you still went out and did- did this!”

“What? I was trying to help you. I know very well that you don’t want to leave.”

“Of course I don’t!” I yelled at him over the phone. “But you know I can’t. It is not safe for me here.”

I can make it safe. We can make it safe. Me and Kris, together. We can-” I sighed. “You know very well it is not enough. Not when Taozi still loves Kris. Not when there is still a chance for him to hurt Jessica.”

“I will take care of Tao. You don’t need to worry about him. Just-”

“STOP! I screamed as a I choke on my sobs. “Just stop. I can’t do this Sehun, not mow. Not when I’m so close, to leaving”

I heard him sighed in defeat. “I saw Kris.”

“Wha-what do you mean you saw him?”

“He saw me enter the bathroom. But he wasn’t sure if it was me. I was in a stall when he came in.”

“Then why the is you still leaving?”

“He didn’t see me. I was behind a stall door. I didn’t even know he was here in till I heard his voice!”

“Then where is he? Why aren’t you the hell with him?!”

“I couldn’t…I just couldn’t. It would have been so easy too. To just back to the way things were before. But it isn’t just me anymore. I have to think about Jessica as well. I- I have to do it. Not for me but for her.”

“I understand. I really to just help out. I enjoyed having you around the past year. Maybe I can visit you when you are all settle in?”

“I don’t think it a good idea. At least not for a while.”

He sighed again. This time Jessica started to fuss because she was in an uncomfortable position. “I guess your right. Not until everything…”

“Calling all passengers heading to America. I repeat. Calling all passengers heading for America. This is your last warning. The plane will take off in 20 minutes. Please be ready and on board by than. Plane entry is section B. I repeat Section B.” we hear some personnel announce on the intercom.

I sighed, once again. I seem to be doing that a lot later. It is getting quiet annoying if I must say so myself.

“Its time for you to board Kai.” I hear Sehun whisper to me just say we leave the toilet room. “I really wish you would reconsider. But I know you wont.” He grunted. “Honestly, sometimes you are just as stubborn as Kris.” I sent answer him. I just nod, knowing he can’t see it.

I smile when I see the Section B.  Almost there. Almost…

“Kai!”