Taehyung couldn’t believe that he was really going to see his friends for the first time in ages. He had been worried for a while there that after moving he would run into Namjoon, Yoongi and Jimin a lot more, since the three worked closely with Jungkook and their studio.

His worries had been correct because the other day, he ran into Jimin at the grocery store. At first Jimin didn’t realize that it was him. Probably because Taehyung looked like death itself. He hadn’t really been sleeping well at all this past year and he was sure it showed on his face.

Taehyung had tried to sneak out of the store without Jimin noticing him but the boy saw him anyway. Those damn cardboard cutouts of idols! Taehyung just had to go and trip on the cutout and fall flat on his face right in front of Jimin.

Jimin had been hysterical upon seeing Taehyung again. He hugged Taehyung for a total of ten minutes then demanded that he come to his and Yoongi’s apartment for dinner so that everyone could catch up. Taehyung really didn’t want to but this was Jimin and they were his friends. He couldn’t say no.

So there he was, knocking on the door to Yoongi and Jimin’s apartment. The person who answered the door however was not who Taehyung had expected. Jin stood there with the most happy face Taehyung had seen in a long time. The next thing he knew he was being pulled into a bear hug.

“Oh my gosh, Taehyung, it’s so good to see you again!” Jin cooed into hair. Taehyung had to admit that he did miss Jin’s hugs. The boy was almost like a mother to him.

“Hi, Taehyung,” Namjoon called out to him from over Jin’s shoulder. Taehyung, who was no longer in Jin’s tight embrace, looked over to see that the tall blonde man was sitting at the table with Jimin right next to him.

The later stood and ran over to him. Jimin patted him on the back and gestured him forward.

“Come in, come in,” Jimin said, “Jin and Yoongi were just in the kitchen cooking dinner.”

“Since when does Yoongi cook?” Taehyung was surprised that he actually found it in himself to joke, but it must have been funny because everyone at the table started laughing, including Yoongi who had just waltzed in from the kitchen wailing about he is a boss at everything so this shouldn’t come as a surprise to him.

Taehyung let himself smile at the exchange. He found himself grateful to Yoongi for treating him like normal upon their first meeting in a long time. Whereas Jimin and Jin had been practically on the verge of tears since seeing Taehyung and Namjoon seemed to be skirting around him, Yoongi was the only one not looking at him with pity in his eyes.

The five of them sat around the table like old friends for a while, chatting about work and about the songs Namjoon and Yoongi had been working on. Jimin and Jin told him about how they had been helping the other two out with providing vocals. Taehyung asked Jimin if he was still dancing, Jimin and Jungkook had been partners, and Jimin answered him with a cautious ‘yes’.

“The food’s ready!” Jin calls from the kitchen.

“What’d you make?” Taehyung asks.

“Bulgogi,” Jin answered, “do you want some?”

Taehyung nodded his head vigorously. Jin started to put some on his plate before moving on to the others. Taehyung frowned at his plate.

“Something wrong?” Namjoon asks.

“Yeah, actually, can I have a bit more Jin-hyung?” Taehyung asks.

“More?” Jin arches an eyebrow, “I guess you must really be hungry huh?”

“Nah, not really,” is the only answer Taehyung gives before he starts to shove almost half of the food on his plate to the side. Only a fourth of what was served to him was actually eaten.

“Why aren’t you eating?” Jimin asks, glancing at the large portion of food on his plate that was untouched.

“I’m going to take this to Kookie once I leave,” Taehyung answers simply, “he really likes bulgogi.”

The room is silent. Taehyung can tell they weren’t expecting his answer but he honestly didn’t care. Taehyung hadn’t had any time to go visit Jungkook today so after he was done catching up with everyone, he was going to go over.

“You still visiting him every day?” Jin asks, his voice wavering.

“Yeah,” Taehyung answers with a confused expression on his face, “How’d you know?”

“I, uh,” Jin coughs, “I saw you...once or twice, when I was walking down the street. I saw you talking to his gravestone. I didn’t want to go in because you were talking so intimately.”

Taehyung flinches but nevertheless breathes in to answer Jin, “Yeah, that was probably me.”

“Don’t you think that’s a little bit too much?” Jin questions. Taehyung puts his fork down slowly. He was not liking where this conversation was going. Not one bit.

“Think what’s a bit too much?” Taehyung asks him, using the same words.

“Talking to his grave every day,” Jin starts, “I see how much pain that causes you, even just now when you said you were going to bring food to him, I saw how your eyes watered at just mentioning his name.”

Taehyung blinks his eyes hard as he glances from side to side. He can feel the knot forming in his throat, a sure sign that he was going to start crying at any second now if they didn’t get off this topic and soon.

Taehyung stands up suddenly, pushing the chair he was sitting on back with his calves, causing it to scrap with a loud jarring noise.

“I’m going to go put this in a to-go container,” Taehyung rushes out as he runs into the kitchen as fast as he can.

He tries to ignore the words he hears spoken by the others. He instead tries to focus on packing up Jungkook’s food, but he can’t help but hear what is whispered.

“Jin, you can’t just say things like that to him,” Namjoon scolds the older, “he’s not ready for that.”

“But it’s hurting him,” Jin argues, “he’s never going to be able to live if he keeps going back to the gravesite every day.”

“Jin--” Yoongi tries to interrupt but Jimin’s voice breaks in.

“I agree with Jin-hyung. Taehyung shouldn’t be going over there every day. He can’t keep on with this downward spiral of depression. He needs to move on sometime or he’s going to live his entire life hung up on Jungkook.”

Taehyung freezes. He couldn’t process what he was hearing at all at this moment. He felt so betrayed. These were his friends, they were supposed to be on his side, yet they were just like everyone else. All they wanted was for Taehyung to forget Jungkook and move on.  Taehyung wanted to throw up. The thought of not being able to see Jungkook every day made him nauseous.

“How can you say that, Jimin? You of all people!” Yoongi questions rather loudly, shocked that the younger had actually said that. Suddenly Taehyung is back standing in front of them. Yoongi looks up and their eyes meet. For the first time, Taehyung sees pity and guilt in his eyes. There it was, the moment had finally come. All of his friends were against him.

“I’m leaving,” Taehyung announces, grabbing his jacket off the chair at the table and heading towards the door.

“Wait, Taehyung, come back--” Yoongi tries to stop him, but Taehyung stops at the door. With his back still facing his friends, he breathes in a shaky angry breath.

“I’ll come back when I’ve moved on,” Taehyung breathes out, his voice laced with resentment.

And with that, he runs out of the apartment, ignoring the calls and protests coming from his friends. He runs and runs until finally he is back at the cemetery once again. It isn’t closed yet but it’s about to. Taehyung quickly sneaks in and hides behind the tree near Jungkook’s stone until the owner locks the gates and and turns out the lights.

That is when Taehyung finally emerges out from behind the tree. He walks back over to the stone and places the container of bulgogi on top of it.

“Bulgogi today,” Taehyung wheezes, trying not to let his emotions overcome him. At least, not yet.

He sits back down on the same concrete bench as usual and stares out over the mass of land the cemetery covered. It was a sea of white and black headstones that went on forever. The sight makes Taehyung dizzy and he has to steer his eyes back to the headstone in front of him.

“So I saw our friends today,” Taehyung starts. He wrings his hands, his ring yet again. Somehow touching it always made him feel better. Feeling it in his grasp almost always relieved all the tension in his shoulders. It filled him with the memory of love.

“They said…” Taehyung chokes and can’t bring himself to finish the sentence. He has to let out an awkward cough before he can continue, “They said some things to me. Jin said that I just shouldn’t speak to you.”

Taehyung pauses as he stares at Jungkook’s headstone, as if waiting for a response.

“I know, right?” Taehyung chuckles darkly, “As if I would ever stop talking to you. You would probably beat me half to death!”

Taehyung laughs lightly to himself. The laughter trails off after a few moments.

“Jimin said that I should just move on,” Taehyung mumbles out, his voice breaking and his eyes rapidly filling with liquid.

“But…” Taehyung feels his face contort with pain as he stares at Jungkook, “...I can’t, Kookie.”

A series of tears fall down Taehyung’s face.

“I just can’t move on from you,” Taehyung hangs his head and lets the rest of his tears fall. He had promised himself that he wouldn’t cry in front of Jungkook. He had promised that he wouldn’t show Jungkook his weak side. He had promised that he would wait until he was out of the cemetery and away before he broke down. But here he was, breaking his promise.

Taehyung wraps his arms around his torso, trying to comfort himself but it wasn’t working. His own arms weren’t a replacement for the warmth Jungkook’s arms provided him when he held Taehyung all throughout the night.

“You oughta see the way these people look at me, Kookie. Everybody thinks I’ve lost my mind,” Taehyung sobs, gesturing wildly at Jungkook like that would somehow cause a reaction, “They think I’m insane for sitting around here talking to a stone!”

Taehyung shakes his head, letting more desperate tears fall as pulls his knees up to his chest.

“Why?” Taehyung calls out to him, “WHY?!”

“Why did you have to leave me, Jungkook?” Taehyung screams, “Everything was just fine! We were happy.”

Taehyung’s voice cracks yet again and he has to gasp for breath.

“You shouldn’t have come to pick me up that day, Kookie,” Taehyung yells, “I told you, I don’t know how many times but I told you that I could walk myself home. But you just had to insist! You had to show every time ing time with your stupid ing umbrella and your stupid ing smiling face and look where it got you!”

Taehyung is now standing up, pacing back and forth wailing as loud as he ever had, as if Jungkook was actually standing right in front of him.

It was raining that day and the bus skidded off the road. Jungkook was right around the corner walking towards where Taehyung worked. He was at the wrong place at the wrong time. Taehyung remembered being so confused when he walked out of work out to the front and didn’t see that familiar face waiting for him. He waited for a few minutes but in the mean time decided to call Jungkook and start walking down the path they normally took to get home.

It was then that Taehyung saw all the flashing lights and heard the sirens. Jungkook’s voice mail started with the same message ‘we’re sorry, this person isn’t here to pick up the phone’. And they were right. Jungkook wasn’t there to pick up his phone and he never would be again. Taehyung had rushed to the scene to see what had happened but the cops wouldn’t let him through.

WIth nothing else he could do, Taehyung just asked them if anyone else besides the people on the bus got hurt. The police man nodded and Taehyung felt his heart drop.

“Some unfortunate guy was walking on the crosswalk right as the bus skidded out of control. Dead on arrival,” the police officer told him.

Taehyung couldn’t breath, his voice coming out shakily, “Did he have an umbrella with him? Do you know his name?!”

The police man thinks for a moment and checks a clipboard in his hands.

“His phone records say his name is Jeon Jungkook. We have to call his family and inform them as soon as we get him to the hospital.”

Taehyung’s entire world stopped in that moment and he lost all feeling in his body. He fainted and fell to the ground. The police escorted him to the hospital and after he woke up, the doctor informed him that he was needed to identify the body.

That was the last time Taehyung saw Jungkook.

Now the only way Taehyung could talk to Jungkook was to stand at his grave every day and talk and whisper words to him in the hopes that somehow he could hear him. Taehyung craved to be anywhere near Jungkook and the only way was to come to the gravesite.

Now Taehyung was back where he started, collapsed in front of Jungkook’s gravestone, crying his heart out and wishing the pain would just stop.

He cries for a good while, letting everything out before he finally stops and sits up. Taehyung runs his fingers down the cold metal plate with the words written on it. He traces every single letter with his thumb and forefinger.

He feels a warm pressure on his shoulder in the next instant and doesn’t have to look up to know who it is. He could feel the calm seeping in through his bones and spreading throughout his entire body. The angel laying its hand on Taehyung’s shoulder doesn’t remove it until Taehyung is no longer crying.

Taehyung sighs out once more, resigning himself.

“I’m so lucky to have met you Jeon Jungkook,” Taehyung finally says, having calmed down completely, “You gave me the chance to love and be loved. Gave me an opportunity I’m not sure I’ll ever get again.”

Taehyung stands up, his eyes still lingering on Jungkook’s gravestone.

“I’ll see you again,” Taehyung says at last as he finally turns and walks away.

*********************

“Hey, Kookie,” Taehyung says as he sits down on the familiar cold bench. It’s been a week since Taehyung last came to visit Jungkook’s grave. He wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing but after his last visit, he finally felt like he could last through the day without caving and rushing to see Jungkook.

He knew Jungkook’s spirit had touched his shoulder that night and finally bestowed upon him the strength to press onward with his life. He had seen his friends since then, having made up with Jimin and Jin. Yoongi told him that he was proud of him, and Taehyung could see it reflecting clearly in his eyes. All was right with the world except for one thing.

“So I got a date a week from friday with the Jung’s son,” Taehyung says with a disbelieving laugh, “I can’t believe he actually agreed to it.”

“It’s funny,” Taehyung continues, “as much as people had been telling me he was crazy, they had been telling him almost ten times as much worse things about me!”

The wind blows through his hair once again as Taehyung sits on the bench. The sun is out again today and the warm beams trickle down from the sky and caress his face.

“I don’t know, Kookie,” Taehyung sighs, “should I go out with him if everybody says I’m crazy?”

Nobody answers and that was as much as Taehyung expected. Instead Taehyung listens to the birds chirp in the tree above him and watches the grass sway in the wind. Taehyung smiles at the new flowers that had started growing around Jungkook’s headstone. They were red and white around the black stone. It was perfect. Taehyung smiles at the sight before him.

“Guess I’ll have to see.”