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As soon as the door closed behind Sehun’s back – behind his shirt which was obviously still wet and probably felt nasty to wear – I realised that the one who should’ve left was me rather than him. What bad did he do? I made it only worse.

Of course I had known for a long time that Sehun is my weak spot. And I would be lying if I said I had never thought of doing forbidden things to him. I would be lying if I denied I had never imagined wrapping my arms around him and drowning him with passionate kisses when he has been innocently sleeping in my bed without an idea of how dirty his hyung is. I had felt incredible guilt for thinking about such things, for even considering him like that, and I am not lying when I say I would’ve never done anything as bold as kissing him.

But I did. And it felt right even though it should’ve felt terribly wrong. I had seen him grow and I should not have been doing such things with him. When Taemin kissed me, I felt nothing else than empathy for him for being so bold with his feelings. When Sehun kissed me, I felt like my world would have collapsed but at the same time everything locked on their right places.

I realised that there was only one way this could’ve ended. We were growing way too close. We were becoming way too important to each other. I always tried to avoid from seeing him too much because I had been afraid something like this would happen. It had started to become painful to see him with anyone else.

When I knocked on the door of the Super Junior dorm where I had been living in only few years ago – the very same dorm where I had some of my both most painful and sweetest memories – Eunhyuk opened the door and looked like he wanted to stuck a knife in middle of my chest.

“What the hell, Donghae, its half past three at night – “

Eunhyuk saw my teary, swollen face and let me in without a question.

I lied myself down on the sofa, burying my face deep in the fabric that still smelled familiar to me. I listened how Eunhyuk kept on sighing and yawning, stretching on the sofa while trying to make it obvious that I was a burden and I should leave as soon as possible.

“Hyuk.”

“Yes?”

“I’m in a big, big trouble.”

Raising my head from the sofa, I glanced at my friend. He was sitting on the sofa opposite to me, his legs lazily spread in every direction and looking at me like there’d be nothing less interesting in the world than my problems.

“What have you done now? Made someone pregnant?”

“No. I think I’ve fallen in love with someone I should not.”

Eunhyuk rolled his eyes. He took the pillow and stuffed it in his own face. I sat up, massaging my face in exhaustion. Did Sehun get home safely? Did he even go to home? What was he thinking right now? I wanted to call him but I didn’t know what to say.

“Is it Sehun?”

Another voice talked out from somewhere. In confusion, I turned to see how Kyuhyun stepped into

the room wearing only a morning gown. He closed the door of Eunhyuk’s room. I glanced at Eunhyuk who grinned at me embarrassedly. It seemed like I had really interrupted something.

Kyuhyun sat down on the armrest of my sofa, smiling at me tiredly. I nodded quickly as to confirm his guess, hiding my face embarrassedly in my hands. It even sounded so wrong when he said it outloud. Me...falling in love...with Sehun.

“I think it was about the time for you to realise it. You’re both weak for each other.”

“I had no idea I even…I never let it show in any way, but when we were in my bed going to sleep and I was tickling him and we were both laughing and I was leaning over him and then he suddenly kissed me and I got so confused that I just made it worse and sent him away.”

Eunhyuk looked like he was about to choke from all the information I was giving him.

“You’ve been snogging with Sehun…oh my god…all those sleepovers…I don’t want to know…I always thought you were too good friends, it’s always suspicious when people have good friends, it’s…”

Kyuhyun gave him a glance that made him shut up. I stared at them in complete confusion. Half an hour back, I had felt Sehun’s lips on mine, he had did it first, he had did it just to give me a permission, did we both really know all the time that we both –

“Donghae.”

“Yes?”

“What’s the problem in here?”

I blinked a couple of times at Kyuhyun’s words. The problem…

“He’s eight years younger than me.”

“…and?”

“He’s eight years younger than me. He’s eighteen. He’s a teenager. I thought even thinking about being with him would be nasty, that’s what I told Taemin when he kissed me, but – “

“HOW MANY MAKNAES HAVE YOU BEEN KISSING WITH?”

Eunhyuk screamed, about to raise furiously from his sofa but Kyuhyun kept him down with a patient smile. I sighed pathetically, leaning backwards on the sofa and letting my head hang from it. How did it come to this? To be honest, I didn’t care even if he was eighteen, I didn’t care if I was twenty-six, I just wanted to be the reason for his smile in every way I could. I wanted to love him, let him in my heart, to let he become more to me than being friends would ever allow. But…

“He thinks I’m too old, right?”

“NO!”

Eunhyuk and Kyuhyun shouted at the same time. They glanced at each other in an annoying way couples do, from where I can see they think about the same thing but I have no clue what it is. Could I believe them? What did they know about love? Well…

It came to me that I was perhaps Sehun’s first love, his first crush he would never forget. Like flashbacks, all the things that I had ever done or said bumped into my mind and I realised that I must’ve been hurting him not just sometimes, but almost every time I was with him. Suddenly I

understood him completely. I remembered what it was like with Kibum, and how all the small things mattered the most. I remembered what it had felt being rejected by a person who was my everything.

I would never let my Sehun experience such things.

I was about to open my mouth but Eunhyuk had stood up, walked to me, and grabbed my arm. He was pulling me up, looking me straight in the eyes with a serious face.

“Now, listen to me. You go now out of that door, you go to his dorm and you apologise him for being the blindest idiot ever and having the sensitivity level of a worm! Go, he’s waiting for you somewhere!”

“But…what if…”

“Go!”

They both shouted. I ran as fast as I could.

On the way to EXO dorm I realised I had never been there and it was four o’clock at night and Sehun probably didn’t want to see me and I had probably hurt him in the worst way possible but I was already running and there was nothing I could do.

Feeling like the romantic main character from every movie I had ever seen, I knocked on the white door ready to do anything. I felt like my body was on fire – so determined was I to finally do what I had wanted to do for longer than I dare to admit. Baekhyun opened the door, wearing night pyjamas and looking at me like he didn’t realise it was actually me.

“D-Donghae hyung…it’s…”

“Where’s Sehun?”

“He just came home, he’s…”

I rushed in without listening to his words. I was too impatient. It was enough to know he was here, safely home.

There was light coming only from one room and something told me he would be there. Almost about to tear up from the dramatic situation, I opened the door and saw people gathered around on the sofas, watching TV or sleeping. Sehun was sitting on the sofa on the opposite side of the room, chatting quietly with someone, sitting on the edge like he’d been just about to leave.

For a second, I thought of my options. I must do something that makes him immediately realise that I freaking worship him and regret everything I’ve ever done. I no longer wanted him to live in doubt.

Our eyes met over the room. All the people awake turned to look at me. Sehun gulped when he saw me. Even in the pale light coming from the TV screen I could see the traces of tears on his face. Tears caused by me.

Not anymore, I told myself and started walking pass the room without breaking eye contact with him. After taking only a few steps, I think he realized what was going on because his lower lip started shivering up and down, like it always did when he was confused.

I walked through the room, leaned down on him, placed my hand under his jaw and kissed him. I kissed him like I had kissed him before in my apartment, but now with strong determination and full will to do so. Other people in the room gave amused shouts and yells at us, and I could feel Sehun blushing against my skin. Before I even broke our lips apart, I already grabbed his hand and started

dragging him out of the room. Sehun hid his face from his hyungs and followed me.

The door closed behind us: we were in the quiet corridor with the only light coming from the living room and the window facing the city. I didn’t let go of his hand: I took his fingers in mine with both hands and enjoyed the feeling of crossing my own fingers with his long ones. I sighed. I should’ve probably said something. I looked up to him embarrassedly, feeling myself blush like a girl. Luckily I wasn’t the only one.

“I was a fool to let you go.”

I whispered, gulping and realising my hands were shaking again. Sehun nodded and sighed quietly. I gulped again, feeling how the words got stuck in my throat and how I found myself unable to say anything meaningful.

“Sehun-ah. I think I should say something. I-I…I might actually lov– “

“You don’t have to say anything.”

Sehun said quietly with a smile, pulling me from my hands while he leant against the wall, leaning his head down so that I could kiss him again.

And I did. With a happy smile.

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A/N: Hope you liked it :3 Donghae finally understood something he should've understood a long, long time ago :') there will be one more part coming, stay tuned <3