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- Donghae's POV - 

Being an idol, it is not easy to go out and have good time with your friends without interruptions. Tonight, however, we had been lucky: without being noticed by even one single fan we had sneaked out into a little restaurant with a colourful group of SM Artists to celebrate another successful concert behind of us.

“Long live Super Junior!”

Heechul raised his glass cheerily on the other side of the table. I stood up excitedly, and so did Eunhyuk. We knocked our glasses together without caring about the steady mumbles from the other artists around the table. Kyuhyun chuckled at us and knocked our glasses without bothering to stand up. I sat down with a smile just to see Changmin, who was sitting on the opposite side of me on the table, shaking his head and finally standing up alone with a victorious grin.

“Long live TVXQ!”

Everyone else in the table laughed and booed at him, including me.

“Long live EXO!”

Joonmyun stood up in the other end of the table and gave a theatrical high five to Sehun who was sitting next to me. They knocked their glasses together and sat down proudly.

“Not even a year from debut and already so full of themselves…” Changmin mocked the youngest artists quietly. I think I was the only one who heard his words: everyone else was already deep in their cheery conversation with each other. It was true, though: EXO had become immensely popular in an unbelievably short time. I think it was obvious for all of us older idols that one day they would overcome us in their popularity – well, they were all talented and extremely good-looking. But not yet.

I smiled quickly and tried to turn my attention to somewhere else. After all these years, still, as painful as it was to admit, I couldn’t look at Changmin without all those sore memories flowing into my mind. This was supposed to be a happy night out with friends, above all. So, I decided to playfully poke Sehun’s bony side.

The boy turned around and ignored his conversation with Joonmyun immediately, leaving his leader alone with a pout on his face. Sehun gave me a mischievous smile, straightening up like he was expecting me to have something important to say.

“Sehun-ah, give me your phone.”

I moaned quietly, my hand travelling to his pocket where I knew he kept his phone.

“Why would I?”

Sehun chuckled, taking his phone out of his pocket anyway. I grabbed the phone out of his fingers and swiped in his lock code. He knew that I knew it but seemed not to care enough to change it. We both chuckled when his background popped in: an artistic portrait of the Victoria’s Secret model Miranda Kerr.

“What do you want from my phone?”

Sehun moaned quietly back at me. I looked around us before opening the camera and attacking his face for a horrible close-up picture. Laughing like an idiot, I observed how Sehun grabbed his phone back and gave me an embarrassed smirk.

“Hyung…why do you never take good pictures of me? I can be attractive too.”

The boy said quietly, opening up the camera of his phone again and leaning out his hands for a selca. He set up the cheesiest smile he knew, ready to take a wonderful shot just to get it ruined by my silly photobombing. Anyway, Sehun’s finger made sure every moment got sealed to his camera roll.

Ever since the first day they I had met him as a little awkward trainee entering the SM building like it would be the scariest place in the world, I remember getting along with Sehun really well. He was really easy to be with: he was always ready for a good laugh, and never took anything too seriously even though I kept on teasing him about this and that. I had hard time believing he was actually an adult now and could join us on these kind of “nights out” – since when did that adorable teen with the spiking lisp I used to know become a y entertainer whose name was screamed by thousands of fangirls?

“Can I upload this one to Instagram, hyung?”

Sehun asked and showed a picture in which we both looked reasonably fine. I nodded and by chance, met eyes with Eunhyuk on the other side of the table. He was giving me an alarming look, a look that could mean only one thing and I knew exactly what he was up to. With a tired sigh, I drank up the last bits of my drink and prepared myself to leave the restaurant – I had no choice.

Soon Eunhyuk stood up and announced he was tired and leaving home. I stood up as well, mumbling something about something I should be doing in my apartment. Everyone looked disappointed.

We were soon sitting in the taxi: Eunhyuk, I and Sehun. Sehun had joined us after mumbling something as unclear as our excuses, and we lived in the same direction so could easily share the taxi. He was sitting quietly on the backseat next to Eunhyuk, scrolling through his phone while Eunhyuk was his brains out at me.

“Couldn’t you see how icy it was like? Like…I wasn’t even sitting anywhere close to him but I could feel how he was poisoning me from there, there was no way I could’ve kept on…Donghae, tell me, how long is this going to go on?”

I rolled my eyes and apologised the driver with a smile for the drunk man’s pathetic . Eunhyuk was obviously talking about Kyuhyun. These two were the worst on-and-off couple I knew and to be honest my most sincere dating advice for them would’ve been to move far away from each other and never see again. But it wasn’t that easy, taking into account they were doomed to sing and dance in the same group for the rest of their lives. And in-group romances never worked. I knew it from personal experience.

“Why did you come here tonight if you knew he is going to be here?”

I asked, turning to glance at Eunhyuk who was sitting his hands crossed and looking like he was starting to cry soon. He rolled his eyes like my comment would’ve been completely absurd and ridiculous.

“It’s not that easy.”

“Well, what would I know?”

I sighed, knowing that no one would catch up the irony in my words. Thoughtfully, I glanced out the car window to the nightly city. It seemed like Eunhyuk always forgot that I had been once in the exactly same situation. I had gone through the exactly same pain six years ago and I still remember it like it happened yesterday. Not many knew what the reason for Kibum’s sudden leave from Super Junior was, but the truth was more painful than many would even dare to guess. It was all because of me.

“Donghae.”

“Yes?”

I felt how Eunhyuk had put his jaw on the headrest of my seat. From the tune of his voice, I knew what he was up to – again. I had learned to know him too well during these years.

“I think it’s time for us both to move on.”

He stated firmly. I rolled my eyes. Here we went again.

“It’s not that easy…”

“Let’s both try someone new… Someone completely new. Let’s abandon the past.”

“I’ve tried, Hyuk, but it doesn’t work.”

Eunhyuk sighed and patted my shoulder before leaning back to his seat.

“I see it is not working. I saw how you looked at Changmin.”

“I can’t help it! Every time I see him, all I can remember is the day he told me…”

Suddenly something in the car made us remember that there was still the driver, who was peeking on our conversation semi-interestedly. After all, we were idols and he most probably knew exactly our identities and histories. And most of all, there was still Sehun who was awkwardly staring at his phone in the corner pretending he didn’t hear a word we were saying.

I wasn’t proud of my situation. I wasn’t proud that I still wasn’t over it. I wasn’t proud that I could not move on. I gave Eunhyuk a meaningful glance that we should shut up.

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One day we were at the practice room, rehearsing our duo performance with Eunhyuk. It was one of those days we didn’t really feel like doing anything productive and ended up playing around instead. Every time a manager or another important person popped in we pulled on our serious masks and pretended we were having a productive discussion of some part of the choreography.

Some of our focus was also stolen by the fact we were not alone. Young dance machines Taemin and Jongin were using the mirror on the other side of the room, and to be honest me and Eunhyuk found it rather competitive to have them there. Time after time we just stopped and stared at the two flexible figures though the mirror. They were talented, there was no doubt. And they were young and good-looking.

“It’s the hip.”

Eunhyuk leaned closer to me while we again found ourselves hypnotised by Taemin and Kai’s dance break. I chuckled and paid attention to their hips.

“What about the hip?”

“The hip s. See? If we want to be as y as them we have to add a bit hip to the choreography.”

I glanced Eunhyuk to see whether he was being serious. It was hard to say: he was smiling but sometimes he took competitive situations so seriously it was ridiculous.

“Hyuk, I think we have enough hip s already. Remember that most of our audience is underage.”

“Hae, Hae! Look! Now!”

I was turning around, already dancing my part but Eunhyuk turned me back. He seemed to be not able to get his eyes off the two attractive figures on the other side of the room.

“Look at Jongin. The way he uses that hip. It’s like…”

 “Hyungs, I hope you know that we can hear everything you say.”

Eunhyuk’s mouth closed unbelievably quickly when Taemin turned around with a smile, winking at us while Jongin fell on the floor possessed by a fit of noiseless laughter. I cringed and turned around, pretending I was concentrating on a complicated leg movement. I followed through the mirror how Eunhyuk tried to save his skin by walking to the younger boys and congratulating them on their fierce dance styles.

Suddenly I felt someone touching my back.

“Donghae hyung… I honestly think you’re one of the best dancers we have in the house.”

It was Taemin. He had, all of a sudden, sneaked to me and was now standing there, smiling at me in his girlish way while observing my steps. I smiled and stopped, wiping some sweat to my sleeve. Taemin sighed and continued, taking some light dance steps while speaking.

“It would be nice to practice with you instead of just staring at each other through the opposite mirrors.”

I glanced at Taemin curiously from the corner of my eye. The boy was concentrating on his own mirror image and smiling in a self-confident way, aware of his attractiveness. If I didn’t know it was the sweet SHINee maknae, I would’ve thought he was flirting with me. And it wasn’t the first time I had got this feeling: lately it seemed the boy was everywhere I went and he had suddenly so many things to tell me, so many compliments to give me. It was unusual, since we had never known each other that well. 

“Sure, just join us! And teach us that hip that Eunhyuk dies to learn…”

I said jokingly, about to continue but turning around just to see through the mirror more people entering the practice room. Joonmyun, Chanyeol, Sehun…

“Sehun-ah!”

I found myself stating outloud, the mere sight of my dear dongsaeng in his loose practice pants making me happier. Sehun turned automatically to look at me after hearing his name and his evaluative glare turned into a happy smile. He abandoned his group mates without a second thought and tiptoed to me and was about to say something before he closed his mouth and looked at something on my left. I felt Taemin wrapping his arm around mine and starting to speak in a loud tone that was unusual for his shy image.

“Do you want me to teach you or not?”

He asked, smiling at me needily like my brief lost attention had been something unforgivable. I nodded, about to open my mouth but he already turned me around so that we were together facing the mirror. It was unbelievable how strong that skinny boy could actually be. Without a warning, he started telling me detailed instructions and I had no other choice than start being a good student. Through the mirror, I tried giving Sehun an apologising glance just to see he was already walking to the other direction, his wide shoulders disappointedly pressed onwards. I made a mental remark to call him later.

That day was not an exception. Ever since the conversation I had with Eunhyuk a few days earlier many thoughts had flown around my head. Everything he had said about moving on and finding someone new had been true and he was in all ways right – even though I had hard time believing words that came from a person who kept on keeping himself in a relationship that was doomed already years ago.

But as I said, it was not so easy.

As soon as I closed the front door of my apartment behind me I felt the wave of exhaustion – both mental and physical – hitting over me and the sight of my bed could have not seemed sweeter. I lied myself down on it, thinking of the sweet eight hours I had before I needed to leave again. Eight hours: it was an enormous amount of time. I could fit anything I want during it. I could sleep, play games, eat, listen to…

I turned around on the bed anxiously, staring at the dark blue sheets disappointed in myself. One way or another, I had again brought him to my mind. How could I not? How could I not when we had shared all of our interests, all the music, all the games, all the favourite foods? How could I not remember him from everything I did, from every breath I took?

Kibum had been my best friend, he had been more than that, he was my soul mate even before he became my lover. A long story put in short: we had a short, intense romance before he left me for another man. For a man who I still happened to know, a man who didn’t take my Kibum even though he gave his everything to him.

I smiled sadly, hiding my face in the pillow. It was ridiculous how still, after all this time, my heart had more bitterness for Changmin – the man I had been left for - than it had for Kibum who had actually hurt me the most.

“You’re so over him, Donghae, you are.”

I stated firmly outloud, turning again and staring at the ceiling instead. No part of me believed in those words. One would think six years would be enough to forget even the strongest one of loves but it definitely is not. I had not loved him in a long, long time but I still felt like my life was roughly divided into two parts: life before Kibum and life after Kibum. That’s about how important he still, on this very day, is to me.

It was not like I had not tried others. I had dated a handful of persons during these years: some of them lead to something, some of them did not. During the past two years, I had given up completely.

A buzz of a phone interrupted my inner dialogue and with a yawn I grabbed it just to see that it was a message. I opened it uninterestedly, thoughts still wondering in the past.

Hyung, you never call me anymore :(

It was Sehun: I recognised the sender immediately from the little smiling picture next to his name. Even though I had thousands of horrible pictures of him in my phone, this picture was really fine and he looked as cute as a kitten in it. I sighed from my guilt when realising I really never called him after ditching him coldly in the practice room earlier the same day.

Without a doubt, I pressed the green button and smiled excitedly while trying to imagine how happy his face would turn when he sees I’m calling.

“Who says I never call you?”

I stated firmly as soon as he answered. I heard how he was chuckling by himself.

“No, but really. I checked and the last time hyung called me, it was ten days ago.”

“I’m sorry.”

“And hyung never sends me messages anymore.”

“I thought you were happy I didn’t bother you with my horrible selfies anymore.”

“They never bothered me.”

We continued talking, and after I succeeded in convincing him that I definitely hadn’t forgotten about him and still cared about him he started excitedly telling me about a movie he had seen. I guess it was the original reason he wanted me to call, and everything else was just an excuse.

Not like talking to Sehun would bother me. I couldn’t even name the reason but something in the mere way he talked made me a step happier. He was wonderful. Especially now, when I had been a bit down and thoughts in the past it felt refreshing to hear his excited babbling in my ear. Every time we were talking like this, I felt almost privileged: Sehun was in general a reserved boy and opened up for only few and chosen ones. I was happy to be one of them. I suddenly realised I had really missed him a lot.

“Sehun…we should meet soon.”

“Yes! Where? When?”

“Tomorrow? I have a free evening.”

I could clearly visualise how Sehun’s eyes would be turning into two happy half-moons, so delighted his hums against the phone sounded. I was smiling widely myself as well.

“We could go see that movie you talked about! It sounds awesome!”

“Yes! I’m sure hyung will love it!”

Fifteen minutes later, we finally ended the call. I sighed happily and lied myself down again on the bed. It felt heavenly warm and soft. I couldn’t find my sad mood again, and why should I - during the past half an hour I had remembered that there were so many good things happening in this life that there was no reason to fall into despair.

My phone buzzed again. I smiled because I thought it would be Sehun who just can’t get enough of me, but ended up frowning confusedly when seeing the message was from Taemin.

Had really fun time with you today. Should we meet up tomorrow again?

I shook my head disappointedly when seeing the text message had no emoji. As I had ranted together with Sehun for an endless amount of times, it was more than appropriate to decorate one’s messages with a large variety of smile faces and sad faces, hearts and other nice things: and it was almost straightforward rude not to use them. This was not the only reason I felt not so delighted. Somehow Taemin had started creeping me out with his over-clingy attitude. I should’ve been happy that someone as cool and sweet as him was trying to make friends with me, but somehow I felt myself concerned with his motives. Why…all of a sudden…me? What was he up to?

It was already typed up – a message with a direct no and a good explanation for it. But then I suddenly felt really bad for him. What if he just really liked me and wanted to hang out? After all, it was Taemin, the cute little maknae and everyone’s pet.

Sure :) I’m gonna go to movies with Sehun, you wanna join? :p

I sighed, wondering whether I should inform Sehun about this or not. I decided that I shouldn’t. One thing I liked about him the most was that he was not easily bothered by things. And anyway, he knew Taemin kind of well. He’d be surely delighted to show the movie to him also.  

Just when I had changed to more comfortable clothing, cuddled myself inside the blankets and switched off the lights, Taemin replied. I cringed for a long time after turning off my phone.

Anything as long as you are there.

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A/N: Yay so finally the first part is here! This fic will have a total of 6 parts and I’m gonna upload them all as soon as possible :) I wrote this entire thing some months ago when I was bored so this should be finished soon… :p I hope you will enjoy it! :3