Thank you and Goodbye
Deathbed LettersThe hospital is quiet, well, except for Lee Seunghyun's room. After visits from tearful relatives had prayed at his bedside, the other members of BIGBANG had finally visited. And they acted like there wasn't anything wrong, acted like Seungri was dying on the bed they all gathered around to tell stupid jokes and laugh a bit too loudly. They all avoided the elephant in the room so well.
Seungri was expected to have a few more days left in this world, they had found a rare brain condition in that big head of his a couple weeks prior. He shouted at the world for the unfairness of it all when he had found out he only had a few more weeks to live, that his days and dreams were now limited. Telling the public was hard, telling the people surrounding him was harder.
Jiyong cursed the stars,
Youngbae was pissed at Seungri,
Daesung locked himself away,
And Seunghyun remained silent.
His family was wrecked, and his friends and members weren't much better. After a week of mourning over a very much alive Seungri, everyone had accepted what was about to happen and simply spent the rest of the week desperately trying to keep Seungri happy. Seungri wouldn't say it annoyed him, how acting falsely kind only made him more nervous about the passing time. He would let his family and friends deal with it in their own way.
The members were different though, they had acted as if nothing happened after they accepted it. They were always visiting, ignoring the flashing cameras outside of the hospital entrance. Seungri appreciated it more than he would ever say.
Though Seungri's body was becoming weak, his heart remained strong. Stronger than theirs, stronger than everyone's. The strongest. When the realization hit him, he found it ironic how he was the one dying yet he was the one holding back tears the best.
"Seungri, you okay? Hello?"
The sound of Daesung's voice pulled him from his thoughts, a grin automatically returning to his face as his eyes met his. A happy sigh escaped his lips. "Yeah, I'm just fine. I'm perfect."
The next night, after a day full of nervous grins and awkward jokes, Seungri stares at the ceiling of the dark room. The moonlight seeping in through the white curtains, a peaceful atmosphere surrounding him.
"This room will be empty soon. Tomorrow or the day after tomorrow is supposed to be my last, supposedly. I'm scared." He says out loud, he is the only one in the room. "I'm not ready to die."
The night passes by sleeplessly as Seungri stares at the ceiling with millions of phrases, melodies, scenarios, and people running through his mind. It seems as though he's so alive on his death bed, more alive than he's ever been.
Before visiting hours begin, he is jotting down letters and letters for anyone he thinks could care about his last words to them. His fingers hurt but he doesn't stop until there's a knock at his door. Shoving the letters underneath the blanket, he waits until the nurse enters with a few of his family meme ears shortly following behind.
And the day passes like this, passes with a some sad grins and a few struggled words of something in between goodbye and "see you tomorrow."
It's night again, Seungri's room is dark, his heart has never been so loud. Ink somehow manages to get on some of his fingers as he messily writes some words down. Finally, he finishes his letters. He thinks he's done a pretty good job and his mind rests easy. He shuts his eyes and drifts off to sleep at 1 AM.
Lee Seunghyun passed away that morning on his hospital bed at 5 AM. His letters are found on his bedside table.
"Hyungs, I'm not going to write you individual letters because that takes too damn long and I only have so much time on my hands. Kidding! It's too hard and my hands are shaking while I write this, so me writing five of these things for you guys isn't a good idea and will only lead to messy writing. I just wanted you guys to know that I'm thankful. And honestly, I'm terrified. I'm so scared, but I'm not blessed with a choice this time so I'm forced into accepting this. Also....
The doctors couldn't save me, so I don't know why you guys thought you could. Don't hope for my tomorrow, I can feel my end nearing and....I'm fine, and I'm watching you all from a distance. No now! Kekekekeke, joking!
I know you're all mad at me for leaving so early, but...I'd still do the last 9 years over again in a heartbeat. I'd do it all over again, beginning to end. If I were given the option to live any other life that had a different ending, I'd choose this one. Because only in this life I was able to live so happily in the short amount of time I was given. Because only in this life was I able to achieve my dreams with the help of you guys, only in this life was I able to be so loved. And I'm so grateful. So don't cry for me, know that I lived well and you all were amazing. Don't forget me. I wish you all a happy and prosperous journey. This ending is worth this life, I hope you feel the same. Thank you and goodbye."
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