Dear , 

Have I ever told you how annoying you can be— singing You Are My Sunshine every morning into my ears, off key, only because you want breakfast. 

Kyungsoo closes his eyes and wraps the blanket tighter around his head, expecting the onslaught as soon as he hears the bathroom door close. 

"Oh Kyungsoo ~" 

Five more minutes, lord, five more minutes of peace, he thinks. 

"Wakey-wakey! Make eggs for Baekkie~" 

"Go away Baekhyun," he groans. There's obviously zero compliance to his request as Baekhyun flops down on his bed and clears his throat.

"I'm never leaving, because," he beings. "YOU ARE MY SQUISHEEEEE, MY ONLY SQUISHY. YOU MAKE ME BREAKFAST— mmmfff!!!" Kyungsoo bolts up and puts the atrocious vocalist in a chokehold.

"Have Cheerios dammit!" He hisses.

"We're out," Baekhyun wheezes while slapping the arm around his neck. Kyungsoo removes his arm and pushes Baekhyun off his bed. He whimpers on the floor like a kicked puppy.

"Why the hell did I agree to getting an apartment with you?!" Mutters Kyungsoo, running his hand through his hair. Baekhyun rests his chin at the edge off the bed, and pouts up his roommate. 

"Because I'm cute and irresistible?" He receives a blanket over his head and Kyungsoo drags himself to the kitchen.

"." 

Also because you yap too much. Is there an off button? Is it a manufacturing defect? 

"Dude these sandwiches are killer!" 

"I wish I was a killer," Kyungsoo mutters, looking out the window into the lawn. Baekhyun hums and then stops suddenly.

"Hey! Jongin! Sehun! Over here!" 

Kyungsoo stops himself from rolling his eyes as Baekhyun waves over their juniors like an over excited poodle. Jongin makes a motion to sit opposite Kyungsoo but is halted by Baekhyun who drags him to the spot next to his bemused friend before seating himself beside Sehun. 

"Haven't I made your day Jongin?" He grins. "Sitting next to Kyungsoo sunbae during lunch." The sunbae in question smacks the top of his head across the table. Jongin flushes a deep red over his tan skin.

"Don't pay attention to him. He doesn't have a filter between his brain and his mouth so he'll say just about anything." He smiles at the junior who turns even redder. "So I hear you're dancing at the fund raiser this weekend?" 

"Yeah! It's a contemporary thing and I don't know if it's good or whatever but I mean it'd be great it if you could come to watch." Jongin draws a sharp breath after letting it out without breathing in between. Baekhyun breaks into laughter. 

"Ohmygod, he's so cute! Date him Kyungsoo!" This earns him another smack cross his head. Jongin starts blubbering protests. 

"Filter your damn thoughts and don't eat like a kid." Kyungsoo misses the sudden narrowing of Jongin's eyes and the widening ones of Baekhyun as he swipes his thumb over the corner of the latter's lips.

You're so random— sometimes I wonder what goes on inside your head; at other times I don't want to find out. 

"Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo-Kyungsoo-Kyung—" 

"What?" Kyungsoo hisses back, without removing his eyes from the blackboard. While he's quite alright with English, he's not so alright with Shakespearian English and he doesn't want to fail this semester because of the Bard. 

"Kkaebsong ~" 

"Wha—" Kyungsoo turns to meet a grinning Baekhyun with his tongue sticking out to which he receives a kick under the bench. 

"Why do you wound me, sir, when I am but a gentle soul?" 

"What utter rubbish," Kyungsoo whispers. "What do you want Baek?" 

"You." 

Kyungsoo starts, and whips  his eyes away from the blackboard a little quicker than he would admit to. 

"Say what—" 

"Mr. Do would you care to read from Lysander's dialogue?" 

It's only after class that he gets to turn to Baekhyun with raised eyebrows. Somehow Baekhyun seems to know what he's getting at and leans back in his chair with a lazy smile. 

"I kinda need you to make me breakfast forever and ever." He leans over and pinches the other's cheeks. "I'll call you squishy and your shall be mine!" Kyungsoo rolls his eyes and wrestles Baekhyun away from him. 

"Go join cooking class ." 

At times I wonder why I put up with your drunken ramblings. 

"Kyungsoo~ Oh Kyungsoo ~" 

Sober, Byun Baekhyun is the very definition of handful. He's loud, sassy, almost obnoxious sometimes. Drunk, Byun Baekhyun makes Do Kyungsoo want to stab someone. Mostly himself. So that he doesn't have to drag his drunk roommate home. 

"Why can't you ever let me drink in peace idiot," he complains to Baekhyun, whose right arm is slung over Kyungsoo's shoulder and the left is attempting a failed version of jazz hands while humming a strange version of You Are My Sunshine. "No, you have to come along and you have to get drunk and then I have to drag your dead weight home. Stop eating so much junk, you're getting fat." He glowers, readjusting the other's arm across his shoulders. 

"Kyungsoo," whines Baekhyun. "Kyungsoo, do you think I'm pretty?" Or it sounds something like that because Baekhyun is sloshed beyond words. 

"No you're not, you moron. Why do you even drink?!" Baekhyun turns to Kyungsoo with watery eyes.

"I'm not? No one thinks I'm pretty? You mean I'm going to die alone?" Kyungsoo rolls his eyes. 

"No, I'm doomed to live with your ugly mug." 

"Nooooo! You're going to run away to Jongin, because he's prettier!" 

"Good lord Baekhyun. Fine," says Kyungsoo through gritted teeth as they reach their apartment. "You're the fairest of them all. Happy?" He stares in despair at the flight of steps leading up to their flat. Baekhyun goes back to humming, aptly pacified. "Dammit you lightweight, don't make me carry you up the stairs!"

But he does end up half dragging Baekhyun upstairs and then half carrying him indoors, mentally groaning at the thought of having carried Baekhyun over the threshold like newlyweds. So he throws him into bed with a little more force than required before softening, draping a blanket over his friend and climbing into his own bed. 

"Kyungsoo?"

"Yes Baek?" He sighs. 

"Did you know you're muscular now?" 

"Yes Baek." 

"Don't be. I won't be able to call you my squishy." 

"Alright Baek." 

Kyungsoo hears Baekhyun's breathing slow down and then closes his eyes. 

"Kyungsoo." 

The voice comes softer, almost asleep.

"Yes Baek?" 

"I love you." 

In spite of himself, Kyungsoo cracks a sleepy smile into the darkness. 

"You're drunk Baek. Go to sleep." 

"Okay...  Jongin can sleep with you... But come back in the morning… breakfast." 

Kyungsoo throws a pillow at his bed. 

"." 

Or your two am ones. 

"What are you doing here? It's past two." Kyungsoo shuts the balcony door behind him and looks at Baekhyun crouched in the corner with his chin on his knees, stating at the skies. 

"I can't sleep." 

"I can see that," he says drily but sits down, touching shoulders with the the other. 

"Do you know how many stars there are?" 

"Loads, I guess," shrugs Kyungsoo. He hears sighs, which Kyungsoo thinks is very unusual for the hyper-charged, overgrown child. 

"I feel so insignificant."

"Because there are too many stars to count?" 

"No," Baekhyun sighs again and Kyungsoo begins to worry. "I'm twenty one and I haven't even begun to achieve anything or make a difference. I had grand plans, you know." 

"Did they involve become a pop star because dude," Kyungsoo purses his lips. Baekhyun doesn't respond to the jibe. Kyungsoo nudges him with his shoulder.

"Hey, you're not seriously upset, are you?" He doesn't get a response. "You're destined for good things Byun Baekhyun. Not great because you need to install that filter in your mouth first." He quirks his lips to a still unresponsive Baekhyun. Kyungsoo drapes an arm over his shoulder and pats the side of his face. 

"What if I never amount to anything?" Baekhyun asks, resting his head between Kyungsoo's neck and shoulder. He stares at the starless city sky, a little teary eyed for reasons unknown. 

"Then I'll cook breakfast for you until you do." 

"You won't ditch me?" 

"Never. I can't promise not to kill you, but I'm not ditching you." 

"I love you squishy."

"Don't be hormonal, ." 

Probably because you put up with mine.

"Fun fact, owls are nocturnal creatures. I'm glad to see that you've finally accepted your heritage." 

Kyungsoo looks up from the kitchen island, utterly unamused at Baekhyun who emerges from the bedroom, while rubbing his eyes. 

"What do you want Baekhyun?"

"Relax, I'm here to make tea, and to talk if you want to." 

For a while, there's some sort of silence as Baekhyun clinks cups and saucepans with spoons and it slows down to the monotony of the sound of boiling water. 

"I don't know if I'm making the right choice." 

"Hmm?" 

"Dropping English after university for Culinary school…. What if I never make it? What if I'm never good enough?" 

"You're joking right? You? Not good enough? Do you even eat your own food?! People would have to have dead taste buds to dislike it! Seriously!" Kyungsoo can't help but crack a smile at Baekhyun waving his arms around in exasperation. Still, his worries weigh heavily on his mind and the smile drops. 

"It's a tough world out there and there's always someone better." 

"Okay." Baekhyun sets a mug of tea down before Kyungsoo. "One, no one is better than my squishy. Two, even if you're not the best, you'll still be amazing. I don't see why you can't see that." 

"Sometimes I forget you're the older one," Kyungsoo says before taking a sip.  Baekhyun preens.

"Yes, so you should listen to me." He received a snort in response.

"Oh please you're only a few months older and we're in the same class." 

"That's only because your smart decided to skip a year of middle school." 

"That's only because your dumb didn't." 

Baekhyun breaks into a smile at Kyungsoo's cocky smirk. 

"Besides, if you can't make it big, I'll hire you as my chef." The younger of the two rolls his eyes, but this time his smile stays on. 

"Please learn to cook. Or find someone else. That Park Chanyeol guy from Economics keeps making googly eyes at you." 

"Nah, he makes them at you. Everyone makes googly eyes at you."

"So everyone's in love with me," scoffs Kyungsoo, resting his chin on his palm and smirking at the other. 

"Duh, but I was first okay. You're mine. At the very least you can only cook for me. Don't cook for Jongin!" Baekhyun makes a heart in his direction to which Kyungsoo drops his head into his hands. 

"Go sleep ." 

But seriously, how does one person manage to drive me over the edge single handedly?

"Just shut up and give your ideas when they're worth something okay? The rest of us are trying to work." 

There is an oppressive silence that drops over the class as Baekhyun backs away from the table where everyone was gathered for a group presentation. Kyungsoo silently fumes, instantly regretting his onslaught but too angry and pressured to apologize. 

"Fine." 

Kyungsoo tries to focus. But in the absence of his best friend he only hastily hands out the workload to the others before rushing out into the corridor where he finds Baekhyun sitting on a windowsill, chewing on his lower lip. 

"Baekhyun…?" 

"What?" It's only when he hears the unnatural sharpness in Baekhyun's voice that Kyungsoo knows he's messed up bad. 

"I'm sorry." 

"What for?"

"For being an to you. I was mad but I shouldn't have. Your ideas matter…"

Baekhyun raises an eyebrow.

"Oh so they suddenly matter now?" Kyungsoo flinches, unable to meet eyes anymore as he feels a helpless need to throw his arms around the other and hug him until he was forgiven. 

"I'm sorry," he says instead, in the smallest of voices that startles Baekhyun.

"It's okay. I know I was being an . You were an to me but I was asking for it." Kyungsoo looks up with a small grin. 

"We're cool?" 

"Yeah…. We're cool." 

Baekhyun is surprised when Kyungsoo closes the gap between them in less than two steps, tightly wrapping his frame in a bone-crushing hug but he smiles brightly at the opposite wall and returns the hug. 

Don't even get me started on the constant claims of "I'm never letting you go." 

"Here, don't keep it for too long. It'll spoil." Baekhyun nods at the box in his hands. "There's loads so don't be miserly and share with Joonmyun and Yixing hyung."

"Fine!" Pouts Baekhyun. "I'll share! Meanie…" He grumbles. Kyungsoo ruffles his hair with a laugh. 

"Have fun camping. Give me a call when you reach." Baekhyun gives him a thumbs up.

"Don't I get a kiss?" 

"What?"

"You packed me lunch. Now don't I get a kiss before I leave?" All he gets it a light rap on his head. 

"Just go dummy, and don't leave the food out in the sun." 

"So eager to see me go," sniffles Baekhyun as he wears his shoes. "But don't worry! You're not getting rid of me that easily! I'm never letting you leave! I'll irritate you forever and you'll cook for me forever. Mwahahaha!" Kyungsoo pokes his cheeks.

"I'm not leaving, but you need to if you want to get to the others before they leave." 

Baekhyun runs downstairs and then Kyungsoo watches as he pauses beneath their window. 

"Miss me loads!!" He calls out, before blowing kisses and running off towards the waiting cab. Kyungsoo nods, laughing silently at the receding figure across the street. 

You liar.

Three days later, it strikes Kyungsoo as odd when he opens the door to find a shaken Joonmyun and Yixing, instead of a wildly ecstatic Baekhyun bursting to the rim with camping tales.

"Kyungsoo-yah…" 

Kyungsoo stares, wide-eyed from one to the other. 

"Baekhyunnie…?" He offers timidly, but his chest contracts at the sight of their shifting gazes.

"Baekhyun…." Yixing begins with a quiver in his voice. "We lost him last morning after he went off on a walk.… we did find him… but he's been hurt bad. They think he fell off the cliff and he's lost a lot of blood. He's at the hospital now… if you want to come?" 

"Oh." Kyungsoo isn't sure if it's the appropriate word for the situation but it's the only word he's capable of uttering. 

You bloody liar.

Baekhyun, if not for his blue lips, would have looked like he was asleep. Kyungsoo thinks as much when his feet lead him beside the other, sidestepping the tubes and wiring that led to a dead monitor. Only it wasn't the monitor that was lifeless. Kyungsoo gingerly brushes his index finger against Baekhyun's cheek. 

"When is he waking up?" He asks with a voice cracked from disuse. Yixing and Joonmyun look at each other.

"He's… he's not… Kyungsoo he lost too much blood and developed an infection. They couldn't help him…" Joonmyun gently places a hand on his shoulder. 

"No, don't worry," Kyungsoo continues blankly. "Baekhyun is a heavy sleeper, but he always wakes up to wake me up for breakfast. Right, Baek? Baekhyun? Baekhyunnie?" 

How dare you? 

"I'm sorry sir, we're going to have to remove the body—" 

"He's not a body. He's going to wake up." 

"Kyungsoo…" 

Outside he hears violent sobs outside. It's probably Baekhyun's parents, he realizes somewhere in the back of his mind as his fingers close around Baekhyun's cold ones. 

"You'd better be up soon," he whispers. "You've got so much to tell me, haven't you?" It's strange to see Baekhyun so still. He tucks a stray strand of hair behind the other's ear and pats his cheeks. Kyungsoo somewhat knows that he should be crying too but all he feels is a dull ache in his chest as they wheel the bed away and Baekhyun's fingers slips through his own. He knows he's about to pass out from the swaying and breathlessness he's experiencing but all he can do is stare at Baekhyun being taken away before his vision turns black. 

Do you know how long it's taken for me to realize that you're really and truly gone?

Kyungsoo stares at the ceiling. He hasn't been able to turn the lights out completely since Baekhyun— how long has it been? Three days? Four? He hasn't slept properly is just as long a while. He removes his phone from his night stand and opens up his chat box with Baekhyun. 

Wednesday 01:23 am

Byun Baek! When are you coming home?

Thursday 12:03 am

Byun Baek! I made too much food aren't you going to eat it?

Thursday 12:34 am

I couldn't sleep last night. 

Friday 04:20 am

There's a cat in the balcony. Thought you should know.

Friday 3:30 pm

Class is so boring. No one disturbs me anymore. 

Friday 3:36 pm

Aren't you going to disturb me anymore?

Friday 6:45 pm

Aren't you coming for dinner? I made your favorite spaghetti.

Friday 11:08 pm

Baekhyun-ah….?

He sighs, keying in a new message.

Today 02:18 am

When are you coming back? I miss you. 

The room sounds quiet at night when I hold my breath and can't hear yours. It's empty when no one wakes me up with that god-awful rendition of You Are My Sunshine. Everything around me feels so large and vacant. 

Kyungsoo makes his way through the supermarket because he does remember to eat. With or without Baekhyun, the college finals will take place and with Kyungsoo in it. So he has to survive somehow. The Kyungsoo that walks down the aisles off food is a blank, zombified Kyungsoo whose mind and spirit have been beaten into numbness. His hand automatically reaches out towards the sweetened energy bars that he's so used to chiding Baekhyun for and freezes for a second before placing it in his basket. 

How long before I stop expecting your stupid grin at the start of each day? How long before I stop seeing that same grin in my dreams and waking up in tears? How long before I laugh without feeling guilty? How long before people stop looking at me like I might break any second? How long before every damn thing stops reminding me of you? How long before my world stops revolving around the memories I have of you? 

Kyungsoo places a rose on Baekhyun's side table and sits down on the strange bed. He s collar and stares at the ceiling. It had been a nice funeral. Baekhyun would have loved that everyone made an effort to be happy at his funeral. He would have also hated that Kyungsoo only sat there and stared at the coffin.

Your side of the room is still a mess. I haven't been able to clean it. Your pillow still smells of that disgusting strawberry shampoo. I know because I've clung onto it ever since you left. 

Kyungsoo opens the drawer in Baekhyun's dresser, not expecting to find much but still looking for something that is the other's. It's unimpressive at best— scraps of paper, newspaper, pencils and pencil shavings, erasers, pens without lids— basically junk. But separated from that junk is a white polaroid, pristinely preserved towards one slide. Kyungsoo realizes it was probably taken during a party in their first year; with Kyungsoo looking done with life and Baekhyun too full of it. Their cheeks are pressed together, and Baekhyun's dazzling smile makes up for whatever Kyungsoo's small smirk lacks. 

Can't you come back for a bit?

On the other side are the words "My Squishy Soo!!" and a giant pink heart that is so obnoxious— and so, so Baekhyun— that Kyungsoo can't help the harsh laugh that escapes him, only to be turned into a pained wail. He curls up on the bed, holding the picture, and Baekhyun's pillow, to his chest as the pent up sorrow of several days finally weighs down upon him. All he can do is desperately call Baekhyun's name over and over and over until he doesn't have the voice to do so anymore. 

Can't you come back for a bit so I can tell you that I'm in love with you? 

Do Kyungsoo.