They say you never know what you have until you've lost it, but recently I've seen, the truth is, you knew exactly what you had, you just never thought you'd lose it. And I feel like this describes what's happened to me perfectly. Nichkhun, I never thought he'd walk away from me, I never thought I'd lose him like I did. Though maybe I haven't exactly lost him, but it feels like it. I feel like I'm stuck, I'm stuck between

  “So let me make sure I understand.” I whisper looking down at my fists balled so tight my knuckles are white, “I can choose to stay but be miserable.” Without even looking I know my mother sends me a pointed look. “You can choose to stay and be well taken care of.” My mother’s voice portrays this like it’s likeable, preferable.

The average person doesn’t consider all the work that goes into making a movie or show, the angles, ideas, scripts, sounds, lighting, actors, music, camera work, props, money, assistants, and rejection. Well, all that is my life (hopefully not the rejection). I breathe it. To me the entertainment world is full of beauty, new wonders, and chances but at the same time it is filled with charlatans, jerks, handouts,