Idk if people know much about MBTI in a Cognitive Jungian way but just for context: I'm an INTJ (NiTeFiSe), basically first two in my stack are NiTe making me a problem solver and overthinker to the core. But also, my FiSe are bottom two, making me quite clumsy but with rigid principles.

Though my descriptions are very very short therefore less nuanced I just want to establish that feeling things aren't a priority to me. Though, I find my feelings and my principles very important and personal to me (therefore private) I am quite... slow in realizing them.

As a thinker (xxTx), I don't really... take my precious time to just feel my emotions and just bask in... whatever feelings I have. But I must say, they are very present and very inconvenient. It's like a thing I have to take care for but has been thrown my way, therefore it is not my responsibility, I didnt want it but here I am forced to take care of it.

But I still feel things. I actually feel for things and people so deeply that I find it to be so baselessly passionate. It feels unstable, fleeting, and because I don't pay as much attention to it than I should, I am often left with regret because I realize them too late.

But then again, my brain doesn't often care. I'm just enjoying my time solving the next problem, improving more and more.

My friend knew this and she sat me down, asked me about my tendencies to undermine myself and obsess over improvement. She worries that I don't stop at the present and treat myself for improving or give myself a pat on the back for solving a problem. She said it in the littlest emotive language (basically how I actually talk) and man I just paused for so long.

All she asked me after she established her worries:

"Where are you going?" (Sounds dumb in english but the point is, where am I rushing towards why do I keep needing to climb up the improvement ladder)

I had no answer. All I said was thank you. Because she didn't need my answer. All she wanted is to trigger that part of me that loves self reflection and when I looked at my monthly calendar of goals (dont judge me lol) I crossed out and editted it, giving myself that boundary and self respect to chill for a bit and appreciate how great I am (im not that self-satisfied).

Basically, all I'm saying is thinkers have feelings but often times don't really take the time to feel them and process that part of ourselves. If my friend didnt sit me down, I would have gone back into going in circles and concluding that my feelings are the problem. When they are not, they're a part of me that I just... left at the bus stop in a cold winter morning.

I swear, I can be very intimidating to meet irl but when the topic is emotions i might as well have a bib with how lackluster i am with them... i mean Im already bad at knowing MY FEELINGS, what more of other people?

Now that, is a story for another day. Or maybe, instead of a blog page rant that I'm sure no one reads... I make a oneshot of it? That'd be fun... i wonder when I'll get the time to do it...