Hi. 9th February 2015. Already. 

I slept in tears and woke up in a dazed. It has been more constant as I just sit down and burst in tears after receiving those emails and msgs or phone calls that nearly triggered me to smash my phone to the floor. The fact that I don't want to regret later holds me back. I assure you and myself this has nothing to do with hormone or my pre period breakdowns. It had passed that timing. I'm just officially pissed, tired and irritated. If I kept going on with this face of mine in the office I might just get fired. I think they are fed up with me too. That will be good. Get fired. At least I don't have to think that much. 

Too much energy felt like it had been out of me. I feel like an empty shell. Laughters and smile are only temporary for that particular moment and my face dropped when I'm alone. 

I'm lost. For sure. Lost in life. Lost in myself. And scared. Very. Terrified to be exact. What have I become?

How do they expect me to manage others when I can't even manage myself?

Vacations that apparently were supposed to get a person to start of new and afresh instead got me plummeted into a deeper level of darkness before it even comes to an end. 

I even dread next week's CNY because my mind had already imagined the day I'm supposed to come back here. At the end of my so called holiday that definitely will pass by in a flash. I don't even want to start on my last exam results. From first sem Dean's List to that. I'm sure awesome to be able to pull of such 'achievement'. 

My smiles are getting more fake day by day. Or they are just a facade to the storm taking place inside of me.