Hello~

How has your year gone this far? Great, I assume. If not, my sincere apologies of your bad day.

As the title says, I'm updating on what has happened with me and my crush since the school started. I bet you're all very curious how did I deal with the problem in the end, right? Well, first of all, I want to thank you all for such great ideas and plans of confession. I got many good advices and I really intended to do most of them, maybe combining them all. But confessing... Not yet. I'm still picking up my courage.

Ehem, the result. In the end.....

Aigoo, I'm blushing as I'm writing! *^^*

..... I had no time or the guts to do any of them. It just went as it went. I did upload a photo online with my brothers, if that comforts you at all. I guess it only makes me feel better as my brother is clearly visible in that. How did he react? Did he even see it? I think you want to know that. And since he is my friend over facebook now.....

Yes, he did!

He even liked the photo! I just... hope he regocnizes my brother in it. I mean, no misunderstandings, please! So, yeah? Problem solved, all clear now. Nothing else to say, we are aaaaallll clear. Hopefully.

Thanks to vy, even though you might not be able to read it since you are so busy, I sent him a message at the Christmas Eve. I actually had the guts to send him Merry Christmas! And he did answer! Well, a day or two later. I had enough time to feel completely embarrased and wish I hadn't sent it in the first place.

But I was so glad he answered back! It was like a huge burden lifted of my shoulders, a tsunami wave of relief. And I must say, I grinned like an idiot.

Vy, I know you tried to get me to continue chatting with him, you even used caps lock and exclamation marks XDD But I wasn't ready yet. Sorry... But thanks for your effort, friend! I appreciate it, really. Don't hate me for being a coward, okay? I love you! ;)

But was that seriously all I was going to say? Nuh-uh! I got more, bigger and greater things on the storage, waiting to be revealed. Let's let the skeletons from the closet loose!

Okay, that might sound like I got something awesome to tell, but it's your decision if it's worth reading. I'm just a girl in love, no sense in my head now! XD

Warning! Long story filled with possible not so important stuff in it. Read if you are truly interested.

1st day of school, 7.1.15 here in Finland, 8:15 am

The dance class. To be clear, I like dancing. A lot. I have always liked it, and I think I always will. Unless I have to perform to other people, that is. Which is something I have to do at the end of the class..... Yippee...

Well, at least I'll be wearing a fancy, fancy handmade dress my aunt makes for me. If you want to see it then, you might ask me or then ask my Instragam account where I most likely will share it. In February. Yikes, sharing a picture of me? Sounds horrible.

Anyway, I was almost running late that day, and not so surprisingly, I was running to the class. First time in years. Jeez, that felt horrible. I was all hyped up already ever since I woke up, and the fear of being late just made it even more visible. And horrible. So, I saw him as I entered the gym. Sitting with our mutual friends, talking and laughing with them while looking like he was almost asleep. I almost panicked. I was like 'oh my God, what do I do now?'

But since the class started, I had no time to do anything. Yeah, our first meeting after Christmas went like that. I walked towards my friend, a girl since I have no partner, and we danced together. Like every time we had the dance class. And we always had soooo much fun. Like seriously, we are propably the most noisiest ones there. Others are there all serious and stuff, trying to impress the boys, and we fool around yet we learned the fastest. I guess I am a goofy person.

And we made our friends nearby laugh at us. It's a win-win situation, right?

Okay, so... Today, a boy suddenly came to us and asked if one of us could dance with him. I guess his pertner was sick or something. Since I am a pretty fair friend, I let my friend to go with him. She did, and so I was left alone. No worries, I got another girl whose partner was sick. Tsk, at least she got a partner while mine just turned his back to me. We have been in same classes before, but I didn't really know her. So, I tried to make friends with her.

And the kind me offered to be the boy as I really didn't care did I pretend to be the boy or not. With my original girl partner, we switched every other hour, but I decided to let her be the girl so she'd be more comfortable with me. The clock kept ticking, and the class was almost over soon. Sadly, I did not enjoy the class as much as I usually did. Such a shame.

All because of that girl, who kept ignoring me and talking only to her friends. It was almost like I wasn't visible to her eyes. And.......

I could have had the chance to dance with my crush, if I would've been dancing the girl's part. When I realized that, I was so sad! I could've- no, I WOULD have danced with him as the girls were moving from partner to partner in one dance. We were all standing in a big, big circle and he wasn't that far from me. The girls that went by me, since I was a boy, passed me at least two times. Two dance times with him? Hallelujah!

And I had to be a boy... That added to that thing that happened before Christmas.... I felt hopeless, okay?

It could have been a great opportunity to get close to him, but I had wasted it. Well, how could I have known that beforehand? Besides, I was being nice, right? Right? .....

Anyway... The class was over after that dance, sigh, and it was time to learn some Swedish. Yes, Swedish. And guess who is in it with me? ^^

Yes! He is!

So, where were we before I started jumping in glee? Oh, right! We even sat in the same table with our friends, waiting for the class to start. Everyone was talking about presents, what they had done and all funny stories of course. Sharing is caring, right? Maybe not in this case... XD

I was enthusiastically talking to two of our friends, both extremely artistic like he is. Why is everyone I know so good in art? Am I a magnet for people like that, or what? Moving on, there was like four different conversations going around, and he was listening the other ones and then reading a book he had to read for his literature class. At one point, I was complaining about something that got me very tired, and I think he listened to me.

He. Listened. To. Me. Okay? Fine, I'm not sure, but it surely felt ike it.

Either he looked right past me, or then he listened what I said, but his head was on my direction. I prefer the latter one, of course. And he was sitting right in the opposite side of me, so I guess he might have really listened to me. Also, when i turned to meet his eyes, he returned to his book. Suspicious, eh?

Yeah, so my heart went like thump thump and then I listened my own words of the experience I had just explained.

What to do?

I sounded like such a complainer! I hope he doesn't really see me like that!  I don't want to  be seen like that...

But yeah. That's all of the important information you need to know about that moment. Then let's skip to the lunch time. Ah, the lovely scene I can't forget even after all these days! Three to be exact.

Yes, so, I was going down the stairs, thinking of food, when I saw him and my friend that is very close to him. Yup, got to mention it every time. Anyway, I joined them in the line and soon another friend of ours (my new friend) joined us as well. SInce there was four of us, and we had to line up as couples (2 and 2), I somehow got moved next to him. Oh yeah~

And then something totally unexpected happened.

He. Asked. Me. how did my holiday go. With a small smile on his face, and I was sold. Before I managed to ask him anything, he asked me. By himself, because he wanted to. Not sure was this because he is so polite, but I sure as hell liked it! He was curious of my stuff! Well, I guess that is what friends do..

But we hit off and continued talking all kinds of stuff. And I found out he hated skating. And that he watches anime (not that I didn't know it before) and that he got two puppies as a present.

You are my destiny~~ (Lyn - My Destiny)

Guess what? I have two dogs! Two German shepherds! Coincidence? I like to think not, but you never know. And so I felt more bonded with him. He.... He did sort of space out in the middle of my sentence, but I let it go. Surely, I was a bit upset he stopped listening to me, but still. I like him, what can't I forgive? Kissing another girl.

Then, our friend behind us decided to suggest meeting up on this weekend. I had never like met those three people after school. I mean, never. And to think I'd meet him on the weekend sure did sound preeeetty awesome. So we called it a deal. Ah, what a wonderful day! Since I am very close to my mom, of course I texted about this to her. And she teased me, but I only laughed at it.

We had agreed on a almost date! WIth other sthough. And he didn't know it was a almost date. But yeah, for me it was like that.

2nd day of school, Thursday

I was in the cloud nine. I was still very excited of meeting him on Saturday, so I woke up in the most cheeriest mood ever. But since I did, I just knew I was going to have a migraine later that day. And how I hate to be right on things like this. It was Thursday, meaning it was time to have the dance class again. It also means meeting him again, hehehee~

That day, I got the boy my partner got last time. And I hoped for a miracle. A miracle, where I could get another chance to dance with my crush.

.

.

.

Not given. Oh, well. Nothing really happened that day. Let's skip to the end of it. I left earlier because of my throbbing head that gave me nothing but a sickly feeling. I had troubles seeing clearly and I felt dizzy as hell. I had no power to leave the school, yet I did.

Oh, and my mom joked, knowing my crush for him, that it would be good to get a boyfriend that would take care of me while I'd have a migraine in school. Aww... Thanks, mom!

Let's continue now.

On the way to the bus station, I bumped to my friend that is close to my crush. Yes, I keep calling her like that so you know when I am a bit reserved around her.

Just kidding, I love her. And she's my friend. If she really starts dating him... I'll give them my blessing. Not that I wouldn't be jealous.

And the jealousy striked within our happy converstaion. Also disappointment.

We were talking about our plans, when she told me that my crush wasn't going to come. No! He was the reason for me to come! Only he could drag me away from home! Naturally or not, she does not know I have a crush on him, no one in school does. But you guys do. And my mom. And the rest of my family.

But yeah, I was shocked, disappointed, sad... When I asked why, she explained that he was embarrased. I was like whaaaaaat? Was he embarrased to hang out with me or something? Since the others were close to each other, I thought it was because of me. But when I thought about it, he might be embarrased to do something childish.

Just like we were going to do XD

But that was not the point. I was still disappointed that he didn't wan't (kinda) act silly with me. Or, maybe it was because he likes me and he thought it would be too embarasing for him...? Points for my brains, but I doubt it.

And then that lovely yet too close to him friend said, "But I can manipulate him well. He isn't able to say no to me." Now, what is that supposed to mean?

Are they really dating? I was this close to ask her if they did. But I was too afraid to hear the answer. I was a coward, like always. Maybe they are good childhood friends that like to drink together. No kidding, what is wrong with the youth nowadays? Where the heck do they even get their alcohol?

After we parted on different directions, I went home, praying from all gods existing that he would come.

We didn't go. That friend I have mentioned gazillion times already, got sick. So... it was canceled. No almost date for me, no hanging out with friends. No, just cleaning up my dad's apartment for money. Yes, I agreed to do that and it was freaking annoying as he is a freaking perfectionist that nags about everything. I was so annoyed when I finally finished.

And I was so sad I couldn't meet up with him. Sniff.

So... What do you think? Silly daydream of love, something that never comes true, or, a possible love story?

It's too hard question, I know! No need to answer, I just teased you guys with it. No oe knows what could happen, let it be the worse or not. I should just try to grab any opportunities that gets in my way, right? And that is something I'll try to do. From the bottom of my heart, I promise this to you.

Have a nice day/night/evening/whatever you have there! :D

Thanks for reading my almost rant, just thought if you guys are interested what happened~

Adios!