Let me get you some bacground info of my drama-like scene from yesterday.

So... For me, it is hard to have a crush. I had one in the elementary school for sure, but that wasn't really a crush. I realized it only awhile ago.

I did have my first love though. And it lasted for few years, six or so, until he kissed another girl because I was a coward and I didn't have the nerve to do anything. I just basicallly stared at him, but that was it. Okay, I got to admit; I did try once. On a Valentine's day, I had baked a muffin and made a card that said 'Happy Valentine's day!'. I had checked his address. But in the end I got lost in the dark. And I was unable to give it to him.

I felt so sad. Of course he didn't know I tried at some point. And I'm pretty sure we shared the same feelings at one point.

But now to my new, surprising crush. Actually.. I never expected this. But now I feel a giddy, happy, weird and all. I didn't even know when I started to notice him. I guess I had always been unconsiously aware of his presence.

And then we have shared smiles. When we see each other, we smile. Well, at least I smile widely and all happily. Maybe he is just polite?

Anyway... We share this same dance course in our high school. But he isn't my partner... But once we had to sit down on the floor for a discussion, and we sat next to each other. And my leg touched his for whole 45 minutes. And I was happy. And I tried to stick close to him all the time. I don't know if he has noticed, but yeah... At least I'm doing something unlike with my first love.

So... The drama scene. This made me fee like a character in a teenagae tv-show. Seriously.

To the end of our half semester, we have a tradition to go in a night church (held at 23:00 a.k.a 11 p.m.) and after that our Christmas holiday begins.

Since it's a long way from my home, my brother gave me a ride. Also, my buses wouldn't be going at that time I guess. And my mom said there was a bear walking nearby, no way she'd let me go alone 2 km to the bus station.

And after the church had ended, I spotted him and we smiled again. And then I turned around again, and we smiled yet again. And then he went on... So, I caught up with my brother (23), and we walked to our car. He was just complaining how boring the church was and told him it was hard to sleep, when one of the teachers sat next to him.

And I laughed. And at the same time, a red car passed us. Guess who sat there, staring me with no words as he passed by? Ding Dong! That is correct, my crush! 

You should've seen his face. I immediately thought of a scene where someone tells a secret and someone hears it behind the corner or something. Seriously, his face right there, staring at me and my brother keeps replaying in my head over and over again.... I'm dying T.T 

What if he thinks I have a boyfriend? What if he is all broken hearted for his holiday? What if... He gives up on me? Heck, I don't even know if he has a gilrfriend. Or if he has a crush on me as well. Doubt it, no one usually has a crush on me, but on my friends.

And I feel all panicked and I laugh at this absurd situation, and jump up and down because I feel so helpless. So long since the last time I felt like this, and I surely haven't missed it.

What should I do? T^T

P.s. He has never seen my family. Any of them. He doesn't even know I have a brother.