The start of Natcase's adventurrrrreeesss

Um. So hi?

This is like DAMN awkward cos this is the first time in 6 or 7 years I've written a blog. So. Hi. Let's start with basics first.

I am Natasha, fifteen years and five months old prodigy of Singapore. Joking yo, I'm the prodigy of merely my head. In Singapore, I've just ended secondary three and will be in secondary four next year (O LEVELS GALORE)! Basically also known as promoting to year ten next year :D ermmmm I have three brothers, three ex mans, and three crushes as of this moment I'm writing this YAYZ. Also, in my level incocuricular activity (OnO uniform group) I've been voted and speculated as Most Unlikely To Be Bi or Les, but... Well, I admit I've always loved playing around with peoples' heads.

Im not afraid to say that yes, I'm a very screwed up person. Like my twinnie SilverSonet, the pretty bae who I've never met in real life but I honestly would sacrifice my life for her, I'm admittedly a cutter. Most people cant tell because I wear long sleeves when I'm not in school uniform, but at school who the gives a flying about your life?? I don't do it deep though, cos I'm a firm believer of stopping only when the physical pain overrides emotional pain. My parents always complain about the kids these days "cutting as a trend" so I try not to attract their attention. So, cutting check. Now, mentality. I'm a kleptomaniac. In my case, I steal phones, but only from people I know and who are aware of my habits. I've gotten into many fights with my friends over this, but luckily they're the kind to forget about bad things. Still. I also am suspected of other things like being a psychopath, schizophrenic and bipolar I case. My parents don't really care what it is, because I'm a hormonal teenage girl with weird mood swings. "Not worth wasting limited money on something so trivial." I'll show you what's trivial another day.

im planning on going to Ngee Ann Polytechnic for their psychology course when I'm done with my O Levels. I'm sure I'll do fine in that course because it takes one to know one. So yeah. Also. I'm a masochist in emotions, sadist in physical and mental. Oh! And I think most people know that to me, my life has the least value among other lives.

I come from a kind of screwed up family history where secrets are well-guarded by insiders who will stop at nothing to keep meaway from my own truth. I learn the real from people outside... My 14yo cousin's a sicko who gets high, ed her friend's boyfriend, swore to save herself for marriage, let's her current boyfriend finger her every time they meet. And she steals, runs away and tends to trick me into giving her treats and money and money send money. My step fathers older sis and their mom hates me and my mom, cos I took the title of "oldest grandchild" and they birth preferred his previous wife... They tolerated me cos I scored pretty high (highest in their history) for our year 6 major exams, but the real blood related oldest grandchild just got her results back and she scored higher than me... So yeah, I'm doomed.

Im also very short (150cm) and quite fat (51kg). Everyone jokes with me about how I'm "short and chubby but my face looks disastrous". I can't help it, yknow. I used to cry a lot over it, binged till I reached 55kg, but yeah. My eating habits are , I can drop from 54 to 51 in a week without tryin. And when I try, I lose only half a kg in two weeks ew. I cried over that a lot, but now I've managed to stop feeling much . I think I'm good at faking emotions because nobody notices when I'm crying right beside them when we are doing my fav activities or when I'm smiling at gory accident pics. I'm... Well, I'm twisted

this is me, in my happy times (not kidding!) so yeah.

oh yeah my Instagram is @kairistao , it's not private ^^ tumblr is two-on-tao , yay

Please do talk to me, comment if you've read this. I want to know more people too! I may be emotionless but my feelings are genuine.

I intend to try blogging more cos I feel at peace this way. So cheers to more depressing and maybe, maybe, finally a glimpse at my real face? Promise, one day I'll post myself with no filters, no happy makeup. You can talk to me, I'm unfriendly as in real life but really good online!

^,~ cheers!

nat yay it's 4.44 am I should sleep soon..? Yeah nitezzz

Comments

You must be logged in to comment

AdoruZiall #1 Nov 24, 2014 02:48:47

But sometimes people think I'm quite odd because it's so hot I'm probably melting but I don't know, I just like long-sleeved shirts! Fun fact: I actually like horror films with a lot of gore and I laugh at gore-y (gory?) scenes, my friends think I'm really weird for not being grossed out. I like horror films in general but I recently watched annabelle and I was fine after the movie (my friends were scared to death) but when I went to sleep at night, I only slept for two hours. I really don't like jumpscares ;-;

AdoruZiall #2 Nov 24, 2014 02:47:14

Hi, I'm a Singaporean too and after reading this post I kind of feel like this proves my own theory that most of us Singaporeans of this generation are basically pretty effed up. I'm actually 14 and though I'm taller than you, I also weigh heavier and I really don't know how to feel about that. One of my friends actually asked everybody sitting at the table for their weight while we were having lunch and when i said 'oh I'm 55kg', her response was pretty... Negative? She was really shocked and said 'but you don't look like you're 55?!' And yeah I'm not overweight or anything but that made me feel really bad about myself. There are so many sec 4s and sec 5s that weigh so much less and look so much prettier than me and I just, I don't know, I guess I feel really insecure about my weight? My family situation right now is pretty okay, but it used to be so bad in the past. My relatives hated me, my parents wanted me to be someone else, and I had so many issues with my friends too.
I also know other people who appear to be so happy and content with life on the outside, but on the internet they reveal all their troubles and so many of them cut and are depressed... And it really gets me wondering, is our generation really just that sad or is it the environment? Why can't we be happy?
On another note, I actually envy you for being able to have the chance to graduate at sec 4 >< I'll have to wait until sec 5 and I honestly still don't know which poly to go to, and what courses to take. I actually think everybody has an inner masochistic and sadistic side even if they don't admit it :'D Blogging really lets me vent and I always feel happy when I've finished a post! Oh and I like wearing long sleeves regardless of the weather or occasion because I just feel safer somehow??