I don't understand

Whether or not this sounds selfish, I can't tell. All I know is my siblings treat me as if I'm going through nothing. If anything, I know I have gone through more than them. (Education wise) I'm two years ahead of my math, I'm taking an AP class right now, (My brother never took one, my sister only took one but that was in her senior year, and it was art) So the fact they treat me as if I can just do everything and anything is such bull. I tell them, plead them even if I could just have this one night to stay up to use the internet because for christ's sake I haven't been able to use it the way I've wanted for almost a month now, and now that I ask it seems too much to them.

They yell at me, throw things around the house and make a big ing deal. Telling me to finish all AP projects tonight, all calculus homework etc by tonight so I can use it tomorrow. (I had told them if I could use it tonight because tomorrow would be my homework day since I came home from school at 9 pm from school today) And yet, they treat me like this? Like I'm some robot who can continuously work even after more than 12 hours spent at school. I don't know what to feel anymore. It pains me. Everything.

Do they not see me studying at home for more than 6 hours? Do they not see me get up 5:00 am in the morning for my sport? Or am I really just the one being selfish? I mean I just one night. Just one..

I probably sound ridiculous making a big deal out of this, but I'm being like this asianfanfics is my source of happiness. Where I can write, read, and express all the feelings that I can't in a simple manner of just sighing in frustration. Asianfanfics is where I can just express all of my pain, my struggles. And being away from it for one month is like not being able to smell the fresh air of oxygen. I don't know. Lol. I probably sound really ing stupid. Gosh, I'm selfish. It's so hard to tell. I don't know. They make me angry, they make me feel worthless. Like my hardwork doesn't deserve any even when I know I should get even a little. Just a little. Is that really too much?

I don't know.

Sorry for the ramble. (I was given one hour of internet..and this is what my heart wanted to do at least. It just couldn't breathe anymore from all the suffocated feelings deep inside.)

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Namri2min #1 Nov 8, 2014 14:54:45

I could feel the pain. I mean it's kinda same for me, too. Before I study, I sort of calculated everything in my mind to start from which time and what, etc. I do exactly like my schedules from my head but they don't know a thing yet yell at me for pausing my work. So, yeah. It's a pain in the . And I just wanna wish you, "Good luck". Hope they stop being like that.

TaeLovely #2 Nov 8, 2014 10:06:45

I'm so sorry bb ;; I understand how you feel. People think just cause you're smart and work hard, they should expect more and more from you. Everyone needs their R&R time. I hope things work out for you soon. Don't stress yourself too much! Look after your health. Make sure to take time for yourself.
Hwaiting~

bluemoonluvkpop0596 #3 Nov 8, 2014 03:35:17

Its ok for you to ramble, rather you release what you are feeling then keep it bottled inside
I don't see it being selfish at all for u to want some down time, use the Internet and go on asianfanfics seeing how much u work and do for school I think u deserve it
We are all here for u <3 just want to know that :) and wow u are smart doing an ap class (not sure what that is but it must be an advance class I assume)