i know i haven't been updating lately, i'm sorry. i really am.
but i really haven't been in the writing mood at all, specially now that news broke out that luhan is leaving exo.

i haven't even gotten over the whole kris leaving, nd now this.
it hurts, it really does. but i can't say i was surprised that it came down to this.
we all saw how tired he was, how he teared up, how swollen his eyes were.
i'm just sad that he had to endure all that just to finish their concerts.
i don't need any anti-kris stans to come up to me nd start tellin me shytt.
yes, it situation is different. but in another sense, is it really?
look at it this way.. yes, kris left before the whole concert thing.
now luhan is leaving, after the concert ends.
but did you consider that maybe it was a good thing that kris left before?
look at it as him paving the way for luhan to be able to get out of that whole situation with sm.
he's endured enough. he really has. he's been through too much shytt. he's even had to endure it.
luhan had to endure the pain, now he is free to go back home and actually have rest. to take care of his family as well.

i'm mostly pissed about how sm handled this, saying they didn't know. 
like, really? how the fk do you not know this was going to happen?
exo-l's knew this was going to happen with how luhans health kept deteriorating in front of our eyes.
it was a fkin lawsuit waiting to happen. plus, he gave you guys time to make a decision to change.
what was the result? fkin nothing. that's why it had to come down to the fkin lawsuit.

plz don't hate me for saying these things. these are just the thoughts i've been having, reading the things said on twitter.
new information on the whys. honestly, in a way.. i'm glad he's leaving. sm in general work their artists really hard.
they knew fully well how his condition was, but what was done? nothing. he still had to continue, there were no real treatments.
there was no real progress in him getting better. we've seen the evidence, we've seen it. don't pretend you haven't.

sm, seriously. get your shytt together and treat your artists right. especially your foreign members.
have you rlly not learned? first hangeng, then kris nd now luhan. who's next?
also, reading about the unfair treatment to chinese members compared to korean members.
it's really disappointing yknow? the lack of treatment they give to the foreign members as to the korean members.
when the korean members get injured, they get treatment. proper treatment.
whereas the foreign members don't get the same treatment, still having to fly back and forth.

this whole thing wasn't thought out properly, it's just my random thoughts. it's a rant.
you really don't have to agree with me. i rlly don't care whether you do or not.
i've cried a lot when kris left. i've cried a little when news broke out about luhan.
i've only cried a little because, it wasn't exactly a surprise. we(me and my friend) knew it was going to happen.
we just didn't know it was going to be this fast. after crying though, i'm just numb.
like, i don't even want to feel anything. because when i do, it's a mix of everything.
either way, i will always support luhan and whatever his decisions are, same with yifan.

which finally comes down to why i even wrote this whole thing.
as it isn't obvious enough, i'll be on hiatus. but i wil still write luhan and yifan fics in the future.
i might write when i feel like i'm up to it, but as of late, there won't be any updates.
i'm honestly so fkin done with sm. i really am. it's just realy tiring.
i'm almost to the point where i'm done with exo. 2 of my 3 reasons have already left.
don't fkin throw the whole 'you aren't a true fan' crap at me because no. stfu.
the reason i even started liking exo was because of luhan.
i may have jumped over to yixing after kcon2012 but luhan was my reason.
what other reason do i have to still torture myself over exo when he left?
i'm just numb. i rlly can't take this.

i know i might lose subbies because of this post, but i don't care. i really don't.
if you're unfollowing me because you have a different opinion than mine. go for it.
if you're unfollowing me because i'm at the point where i don't want to stan exo anymore. go for it.
but let me just tell you. i won't fully give up exo, even if i only have 1 last and final hope in there.(yes, i'm talking about yixing.)
i will still luv exo and support them. but it won't be in the same sense. they'll still have that little space in my heart.
but everything will just be a distant memory. i'm just glad i got to see exom at kmf before everything fell apart.

this post is a hot mess, my thoughts are all over the place.
sorry everybody. i'm sorry for making you wait for my updates.
i'm sorry. i really am. but once i get over this funk, i will be back writing again. trust me.
as for now, i just need some time. time to get this all out of my system. time for all this to cool down.
as for the people that might unfollow me because of this post. thank you.
thank you for taking enough interest in my fics to consider subbing to me.
i'm also sorry for letting you down as well.

if anything, i might update my got7 fics. because jackson is giving me life right now. he seriously is.
jackson is my happy place. got7 is my happy place. i need this. i need jackson. i need got7.
they will be the reason i'll be out of this funk. i just need time. time for this whole thing to blow over.
time for things to settle. time for my thoughts to calm as well. i just don't want to hurt anymore.
so wait for me, my loyal subbies(for exo fics). i'll be back. i promise.

when i do come back, i will write like normal. i will still write about yifan. i will still write about luhan.
i won't take them out of my fics just because they aren't in exo anymore. they will always be apart of exo to me.
also because, i still wrote abot yifan after he left. i won't change. i won't change to fit other peoples tastes.
imma do me. imma keep doing me.

i will always support yifan. i will always support luhan.
i will always support exo. i will always, support the members.
we are one. we will always, be one.
 

i'll shut up now. kbye.