Hello again everyone! It's been quite a long time since I last blogged, so hello!

Basically, I was trying to do fanart today, but I failed terribly since I couldn't get the drawing right (I'm quite a perfectionist in these things, so I'm not easily pleased with what I do). I was really frustrated tbh, so I just splattered on the paper with my sketch and did what I like to call "spontaneous speed art" which is basically me + watercolors + water = wet paper that takes 3 hours to dry (I use a lot of water when using watercolors. Like legit more than the average person). It seriously took me like less than 20 minutes to finish, which is really annoying because it took me more than an hour to draw the fanart and fail multiple times (ahsahsdfsfsljfd). So, I wanna ask you guys for feedback ^^ (click here and see it in the glorifying HD I thank my scanner for because I used A4 paper and look how large it is. You can literally see proof of me using too much water because hte pores of the paper are like bleh). After my spontaneous-speed-art session I thought "Why don't I use this for the new fanfic I'm writing?" which I just posted a few minutes back (link) which is also why the featured song in the blog post is "This Isn't Right" by Taeyang (whom, if I do say so my self, did an amazing job on his Rise album). It's called "Year Long Rain" and like all most of my other fanfics, it's gonna be angst.

Pure.
Agonizing.
Angst.

I don't know why I always right angst. Truthfully, I didn't know.

Not until today when I really thought about it.

So, I know some really emotional people. And truth be told, I'm very emotional. I had a discussion with my bestfriend about this some time ago and I told her something along the lines of "people don't realize that I actually have very dark and deperessing thoughts" and she replied something along the lines of "i realize it. people can see it when you're blanking out and immersed in your own thougths" which really made me realize, that no matter how hard we try to hide our emotions, we can't. Our emotions define us just as much as our character does.

If you don't know me, most of all that you'll see and that I'll show you is my happy-go-lucky side that doesn't quite give a crap about anything. If you know me well enough, you'll find that I'm not that happy-go-lucky person I show to most people. I'm actually very affected by the things that happen around me. Another good friend of mine told me something that I really appreciate on a Skype conversation we had during the last days of school. It was something along the lines of "you're one of the few people who actually notice what's happening to other people and actually care, although you don't show it."

Truthfully, I care a lot about what's happening to the people around me. No matter how much I try to convince my self that I don't, a little room inside me is reserved for people in pain, both mentally and emotionally. There was a time when I really despised another friend of mine, but after a basketball match she hurt herself really bad and collapsed. I wasn't the only one around her at that time, but I was the first one who reacted. There wasn't even a decision to be made when that happened, it was a simple "you have to help her."

I'm really soft for people in pain. If you talk to me and I can sense that you're hurt, I actually try really hard to cheer you up and make you feel better. Another friend of mine (a guy this time) also recently said "people who don't know you think you're mean, but you actually listen really well." 

But my point for blogging today isn't to focus on that, it's to focus on all of you.

A lot of people often wonder how I hide my emotions and don't just pour it all out in one go. The reason behind that is because I'm not a cryer. I don't cry a lot. Instead, I write my emotions down. I write them and paint them out. This is why I have a tumblr blog dedicated to my poetry (misfitjournal.tumblr.com) and 2 (now three) on-going fanfics all centered around angst. My words are how I cry, and there's a little bit of me in every fanfic I write. It's how I release my emotions and simply let it all out. Like how some people sing and some exercise, I simply write.

In Broken Past, the part of me I express is my insecurity coming from fear that people wouldn't understand me. My thoughts are really unorthodox, and I have the fear that if I show others what's really inside my head they'll judge me and leave me.

In Empty Conscious, I show the same inscurity; fear of being judged. As the story will move along, it's goin to center a lot around the topic of insecurity, and I have a lot of those. Some people express their insecurities through tears, others through silence, I do through words.

In A Year Long Rain, there will be a lot of dark thoughts involved. Running away, neglect, loneliness, and possibly some trigger warning subjects. This is all how I let out the thoughts that have at least once crossed my mind.

Coming back to the subject of discussion, writing is how I express my thoughts. Writing and art.

It's different for every person. Some choose to sing, some choose to run, some choose to talk. If you ever feel sad or alone, find something you can use to express your thoughts. You can remain anonymous, like I do here, but make sure that what you're doing actually helps you, not bring you down. Remember that when you're feeling alone, there will always be at least one other person who will care to listen. Wether it be a parent, and elder, a friend, a junior, even your pet, somebody will always be there to listen to you express your thoughts.

If you don't like to share your inner thoughts to your peers, that's okay. You can start working on it, but you don't have to force yourself to. I choose to write because only my closest friends know about my work, if you don't want anyone to, then speak to a stranger who you think will help you and won't bring you down.

I might not be that stranger, but if you're willing to speak I'm more than willing to listen.

Again, I would really like to remind all of you, that you should always find a way to vent out your sadness or anger. Keeping it in is rarely ever the right choice.

Also, never antagonize someone. You might feel severe hatred for someone at one point in your life, but try your hardest to never antagonize that person. They're people, too, and perhaps the reason you hate them is caused by their own insecurities. Instead, be the more mature one and try your hardest to accept them for who they are. I've been betrayed once by one of my friends, and it wasn't a good experience. But I didn't antagonize her and didn't hate her, instead I just tried to become a better friend. I'm not saying that I'm saintly or a good person, no, I'm far from that, I just want to remind you all to try to be the best person you can be, if not for yourself then for others.

I guess that's it for today. This is my pre-school post because my school will be starting in two days. Remember, find someone willing to listen, and find a way to vent out your sadness instead of keeping it in. And when someone hurts you, don't antagonize them, because they might be going through just as much pain as you.

xx. Brokenhope

P.S. on a lighter note, please give me feedback and tell me if the poster is appropriate for an angst themed fanfic ^^