Hi everyone

 

I thought I'd let you all know what's happening since I haven't updated my stories in ages and have been on a hiatus as well.

The hiatus will still continue for a while......hopefully not much more though.

 

WARNING!! what I'll write between the hearts (♡♡♡) will not be a pretty story.....but a part of my life. So if you can't handle.....angst stuff I'd say you should stay away from it. May need a trigger warning.

 

This will probably not be that long since i am using my tablet atm. (But who knows....)

 

Anyways

 

A while back.....A year or so I think.....or 2.....I got into a major writer's block. It's the same one that is still partly going although it's getting better. There are stories that I've lost all my inspiration for so most likely I won't continue 'give me a chanse'. At least not for a long while. If someone wants to re write it/Co author on it/take over it just tell me. As for my one/two shots......I am working on them but the traces of my writers block is still present when writing these. 

 

♡♡♡

 

I was almost out of my writer's block already.....In the early stages of it. Then my parents got divorced. As the only child who still lived at home at the time (my sister is 8 years older so she hadn't lived there for a long time) I ended up in the crossfire. Due to that I am one who always blames myself for everything, I got really depressed. This was the point when it all started to go down for me.

I didn't really write or draw (I love to draw ^-^) during these days......and it went on for a long time. I tried to get out of my depression by writing. However it didn't help for  long. 

I started high school half a year after my parents got divorced. I Was there for barely a year. My grades getting lower and lower. I ended up leaving get the school with 2 months left before the graduation ceremony (not mine.....but don't know what else to call it ). I had a job for summer and although it was hard and stressful, I stayed there even after the summer. In the end it became too much for me though.

I couldn't sleep at all in the nights and lived on coffee to get through the days. I barely ate anything and was, more than once, about to collapse during the days. Having the personality I have, I blamed myself for everything as usual and given that I had way too much work to handle I found myself skipping out on lunch and breaks. However if I did something wrong I felt bad and started to punish myself. A habit that I had left from my parents divorce.

I started to cut myself again although much more than ever before . I managed to hide it for a long time but realized when i started to plan my own suicide that i needed help (yes....I actually searched for help). I ended up in a local hospital for weeks on medication and treatment. During this time I started a hidden fanfic. One that I'll try to someday write, that is kind of based on my own story, only, in my eyes, worse.

After I came home from the hospital in march this year I managed to stop my cutting habits and started to try to fix my life. I quit the job I had and am searching for a new one. 

 

♡♡♡

 

So to put everything back in its place I am currently moving to my own apartment and got the Internet fixed today (still don't have my computer here though) and will try to take up my stories again as soon as everything is sorted out.

 

AND to get over my writers block I have challenged myself in many areas. One of them that I'll try to start posting here soon. An exo every couple Challange kind of thing. This will give me the opportunity to write according to whatever I feel too so.... :3 

I'll make a master post for it when I'll start it where I'll link all the chapters / stories as well as I'll post the stories separately to get all the tags right :3 I have planned and am currently writing on 4 of them so I hope I'll have the first 2-3 done by the end of this summer if I don't get any nasty surprises. So look out for it. 

 

 

So this is me. A 18 yo girl from Finland with currently green hair, 161 cm tall and here, asking for your understanding in the current happenings. 

 

Feel free to talk to me about anything and everything :3 

(Have instagram, twitter and loads of different chats/chatt apps so if you want any of them just ask ♥ ) 

 

~zankkabella

 

......wow.....that was more than I planned......xD