Have been quite a few years since I popped my nose into this place. I can't say I don't miss it but I don't have as much of a need and inspiration in said fandoms at the time of writing this.

I honestly came online thinking I would delete my account only to realize all the lovely creators that are still around, all the people that are still waiting for uppdates; I don't want to let anyone down. Not a single one of you all.

So here I am writing a blog to explain my life situation a few years on since last and why no uppdates will be coming for at least quite a while if ever. 

I have since 2009 been suffering from severe depression witch escalated into selfharm and suicide attempts. I didn't get any help whatsoever before 2013 when I was hospitalised. It was during those years I found an escape in a fantasy world filled with all of my role models; all my oppas and doesaengs.

Through those years I have seen several doctors and psychiatrists to try and get some clarity in my depression witch has been on the back burner basically my whole life more or less. I went through medication after medication. Relapsed into selfharm and lost my will to live several times. 

2014 I finally found a true friend one that has helped me work with my depression, social anxiety, eating disorders and otherwise ed up things. Someone I still to this day call my best friend. Someone that watched as one after another my relationships turned vile. Cheating partners, suicide threats, murder threaths; the list goes on. 

I have found most of my relief from depression in pc games. Hence why the few updates there was wasn't the fastest. I found somewhere where I could relax and not worry about my depression taking over and having hour long complete mental breakdowns.

I can't to this day say I'm cured. What I can say is: I'm getting better. 

2015 a new face was introduced to my tight group of gaming friends. A face I'd start to see more often. Someone I grew to love. Today I'm happy to say I'm not suicidal anymore since I have someone to live for; My selfharm tendencies haven't caused any harm for over a year and a half; and that familiar face has been my man for 2 years today; engaged to be married.

I still don't have an education. I don't have a full time job. I don't know if my depression will get worse. I don't know how long I'll have this man by my side. All I can say is that for now,

everything is actually okay.

However I'm still collecting and trying to come to terms with everything that has happened over the past few years. I may one day still come back and write some more but for now, it's for the best of my health to take a hiatus for an undecided amount of time.

Thank you for everything through all of these years

Dara (zankkabella)