Here’s the thing. I love a guy but he’s so far away from me. Literally, more than 5,000 miles away. Ironically, he’s an idol. All my life I never loved a guy like him. I admit he’s not the first idol that I stan like this but he’s the first one whom I had this feeling. He makes me happy in no particular reason. When he smiles, I smile. He cries, I cry. He laughs, I laugh. He’s just so into me. People saying this is just an infatuation, admiring a person because he’s a star but actually no. I know myself more than them and I know it’s not like that. There are times that I always cry by just looking at his picture on my screen its just shows how big his impact is to my life. I love him so much that it hurts. He can’t be with me and I can’t be with him. We are not meant for each other. Though I love him that much if I would be given a chance to marry him I would say no. Why? He deserves more than me. He deserves a girl who is hundred times worth than me. And it hurts badly but I need to accept it. There was a time when he dated someone and I cried so hard because of that. I went to school with puffy eyes that looks like I broke up with my boyfriend and my classmates asked me why and I just said, the guy that I really love loves someone else. So my one guy classmate said to me that he’s not worth of my tears then I remember what I said to myself, I’m going to find a guy who will love me more than I will love him but when it comes to him I don’t care if I gave too much love or he doesn’t love me back as long as I love him it’s okay. I’m okay. So the thing that came to my mind when my classmate said that to me is no, every part of me is gonna be worth it when it comes to him and I will not regret giving all myself just for him. I want to make him happy so at the end I accepted it. There will be a time when I’m going to wake up and that day he already found someone else again or a day that he already has his own family. I don’t know how it’s going to be hard for me to see that but I want to look at him personally smiling having it. I want to see him grow old; I want to see him with his white hair; I want to see him on his wheel chair or bed. I know it’s crazy but I really want to and if that moment came I will walk nearer to him unlike the old times when I can’t go near to him because of the large barricade between us and probably for the first time I’m going to thank him how much he saved me. I will tell him how much I love him though it’s too late. I promised myself as years passed I’m going to find him and check if he’s truly okay so I really want that moment to come. I just hope its okay with him. But now, I still have a lot of time and I’m going to spend it by bringing him more happiness. That maybe is just a little percent or point percent of his overall happiness but I want to be on it. I’m not going to ask him to love me back because I don’t want to. All I want is to love him eternally and that’s the only thing I’m going to ask for and again I just hope its okay with him. I just hope its okay with you, Myungsoo shi…