Dear Kris,

I just want to tell you that I’m alright now. Four days ago, I was devastated when I read the news. I thought it was a hoax, hoping it was just a joke. It turned out that it was a fact, the truth, that you filed a lawsuit against SM Entertainment, that you would leave EXO.

I was in denial on Day 1. I searched on twitter, blogs, tumblr, anything, to find any update on you. I checked your Instagram, just in case you posted something. But all I could find was that you already submitted the lawsuit and the court already confirmed it. I had hoped that when I woke up, it was all a nightmare.

I cried my heart out on Day 2 because it was obvious that you were not coming back. Images of EXO without you on the stage flashed before my eyes and it hurt. It really hurts Kris, do you know how it feels? I bet you do. I bet you also cry like me and your 11 friends and your millions fans. I was beyond sad, beyond devastated, beyond broken hearted. It was more painful because you just vanished without saying goodbye.

On Day 3 I was angry, disappointed, I felt betrayed and I went ballistic. I vent my anger to you. I thought you were just a coward, a selfish brat, a self-centered idol, an opportunist, a traitor. I hate you! I hate you that it hurts me so much because I still love you. I hate you because you forget to understand what it feels to be abandoned. How could you just leave your friends like that when you were still their co-leader? I blamed you, I blamed SM, I blamed the situation. I shed tears because I had a high expectation from you guys but you, you alone, shattered our dream even before it bloomed.

Dear Kris,

Don’t worry. I’m alright now. And I hope you are too. Because after I managed to sit down and think, I realize that you must have had a reason, a very important one that triggered you to take such a drastic action. You were still smiling in Shanghai a day before. And although I joked with some friends that you and Suho seemed like a couple having marriage-life crisis, we failed to notice the signs.

None of us were prepared when you dropped the bomb. We were deadpanned, we were in shock. From all EXO members, I realize that you were the most vulnerable one but you were too clever to cover it up. People always worried about Sehun and Tao, the magnaes, but it was you since the beginning. It’s not that you are weak. No, please don’t get me wrong. It’s because you seemed so distant from the others. Yes, you showed your close relationship and brotherhood with the rest of the members but it was not a strong bond, the tie was too fragile that it could be easily broken.

I did blame you because you didn’t try to seek help from other members. But then I realize what can they do in such a situation but hold you back and tell you to stay, right? And that’s why you decided to just leave. It might be painful to bid farewell, but it will hurt more to force yourself to stay while your mind is already somewhere else.

Dear Kris,

Do you know what a kris is? It’s a dagger – you can find it in some Southeast Asian countries – which is often considered to possess magical powers, good or bad. Kris is a symbol of heroism martial prowess, power and authority. When SM created EXO and turned a simple Wu Yifan into Kris, they did not realize that their invention would stab them from behind in the future. It was what people think of you, Kris. You are a backstabber.

I want to shout to the world that it was not true. That you were just fighting for your freedom, for a better legal term with SM but perhaps you took the wrong steps. However, the evidence said otherwise. Now more people easily blame you and they do not expect you to come back.

I guess you have measured all your actions, you have calculated all the risks, including being hated by your ex-fans. It pains me to realize that people will eventually hate and forget you. It is a harsh world we have to live in and I really hope you are strong, as strong as Xiumin, Luhan, Suho, Lay, Baekhyun, Chen, Chanyeol, DO, Tao, Kai and Sehun. I smiled when I read your message on your Instagram account, wishing them good luck and you wish things would be better for them. I wish the same thing too for EXO and for you.

Dear Kris,

I still feel sad because although I am letting you go, a part of me still hope for a miracle that you will come back, that EXO will be 12 again, not 11. But life goes on and you have chosen your path and EXO moves on. The only thing I wish is that you have no regrets with your choice of life. You may still be looking for your galaxy – because you wanted to have a holiday there, remember? – and I hope you don’t get lost and eventually find it.

Pursue your happiness Kris, because if you are happy then you can make others happy too.

You said that if you were not with EXO, you would be EXO fans. Maybe one day, we stand next to each other in one of their concerts, waving our light sticks and dance crazily to their songs.

And as you always said on the stage: “Let’s shout out to the world for EXO. EXO Saranghaja!”

I guess this is the real moment to bid farewell. So, good bye Kris and good luck.

Hello Wu Yifan, I hope you have a great future ahead.

Forever yours

EXO fans/Kris admirer

@poktanju6686

PS: In case you’re in Jakarta, let’s have chivet coffee, the best in the world *wink*