One thing that really frustrates me is my inability to get over anything. I am never satisfied, I always want better or perfect, and if I can't get ot achieve that, it will be on my mind for weeks as I struggle with it. It because I'm doing it to myself, and I wish I could just let go and forget about it. Be happy with what you have, right?

Today, tickets went up for the free kpop concert in LA. I got crappy tickets, and my brother got slightly better ones, so he's letting me have one of his. I should be happy that I even get to go and live close to LA. I know so many fans haven't gone to a single concert and that it is physically impossible, and I know that I'm so lucky. I have okay tickets, and I'm not too far back, yet I am still unsatisfied. My friends ended up with better tickets - and although the process of buying tickets is pretty much just a game of luck, I feel so frustrated that, somehow, I am always personally unlucky. I am never the one that gets the best things, the one that ends up with pit tickets, and you know? that shouldn't bother me. I should be so grateful. I had originally thought I couldn't even make it, so this is already a huge improvement.

But for some reason, I'm incredible angry that I don't have better seats. Why? I don't know. It's extremely selfish and self-centered and I'm wasting time mulling over it and quietly simmering when I should just be happy. I am never happy, and whatever I get for anything, I am never satisfied.

I wish these things didn't matter to me, because I feel like such a terrible person for wanting so much. I hate myself for being like this. It's just that somehow, I can't get over it. And I hate that even more.