I kind of feel like I lost myself. -- sort of. 
I mean, I feel like I found myself, but I also don't. Confusing stuff, ya know? 
I always talk about "back in August" but I guess that's when things changed and I don't even know how. Or what.
Back in August -heh- I was more outgoing. I trusted people. I opened up and I made friends. No, it wasn't just in August. It was last Janaury when I discovered that bizarre online radio with the super fast chat and all of those strange people. All of those people whom I came to love and cherish and ended up letting them in. (I miss you all, come at me guys. Storm needs some love, okay? I know I have some of you here. ♥) 
But I lost contact, I grew lazy -much like I am now- and I just didn't care anymore. Then January comes around again and I'm not the same Storm I was some-months ago. Things happened and I closed myself off. Yet those things -thing- didn't happen then. It happened years ago which shouldn't have been affecting me now. But that thing only caused a landslide of problems for not only me, but the people around me. It affected my mood and I ended up hurting a lot of people I cared about. Storm wasn't the fun-loving, easy-going, and lovable Storm from those odd months ago, but Storm became rude, mean, aggressive, frustrated, confused- everything negative that wanted to avoided. People were stupid. People couldn't be trusted. I ended up being diagnosed (stupid word) with an extreme social anxiety disorder. I feared people and in my mind people were to be feared.
Even now I struggle with that. My relationships aren't strong- even my roleplay friendships and love interests I'm afraid of. I don't want to be left, I don't want to be hurt and I don't want to do the same in return.
But-
Storm has grown. The negative that affected me just last month is still lingering like a dark cloud but I have found people that I have grown to love and they have learned to bring in the positive light. Those people...most of them I have only met in 2014, but they-- they have helped in ways I cannot even explain. I may be seperated from most of them by a border or even an ocean, but getting to talk to them every day, waiting for them to reply- it's what keeps the smile on my face.
I was lost. Completely lost. But I found my way. I may not be completely there, but I'm trying.
I have opened myself up and made myself vulnerable. I'm completely, 100% terrified of being left by every single one of those wonderful people but I just can't stay away.
I don't even know if any one of them would see this, but if they do they should know I love them. If you think it's about you- it probably is. I'm not close with just anyone.
 

....and I still miss my SFM family. Seriously guys, where you at? 3